Tag Archives: changed

Lead By Example

“It’s hard being a girl. There are a lot of body image issues that come up and I think the best thing we can do for our kids is lead by example.”
– Cheryl Hines

Some of you may remember me mentioning a while back that I am now helping coach a new Girls on the Run team in our area. If you’re not familiar with Girls on the Run, we are basically what the name implies…girls on the run! We have a team of 3rd – 5th grade girls and we meet twice a week…not only to run, but also to talk about the qualities and values we need to have to be the best ladies we can be out here in this big ole world. And believe me, I’m learning just as much as the girls are. No doubt about it.

Which brings me to the topic of today’s blog.

One of the things the other two coaches and I have discussed is the importance of participating in both the physical activities (running, warmups, etc.) and the mental activities (lessons about our character, etc.) right along with the girls. It’s one thing to tell people what they should do, but it becomes a whole different lesson when you show them. It means more. For instance, if we expect the girls to do 20 laps, then we get out there and do 20 laps with them. If we are teaching a lesson about the importance of not gossiping, we have to make sure we don’t find ourselves in situations where we, as adults, are doing just that. You catch my drift?

We have to not only lead these girls, but lead them by example.

Now, I thought I was doing a pretty job of this whole concept. I mean, after all, I’m currently training for a marathon…surely I’m leading by example as far as running is concerned, right? And when we have our lessons about character traits, I’ve been willing to share personal info from my own life (including the parts I admittedly need to work on myself…I mean, who knew that listening was actually a part of the process when I’m arguing with my fiancé, Richard? Hey…you learn something new every day, right?) But earlier this week, something caught me slightly off guard. My “lead by example” strategy got challenged.

One of our girls was talking to me during our laps, and she mentioned how much trouble she has with her “crazy hair.” Now, this wasn’t the first time this girl has mentioned her hair, so I know it is somewhat of a sore spot with her. Like me, she has been “blessed” with a head full of curly hair. And, as we all know, the straight-haired girls want the curls and the curly-haired girls want to give them to them. I understood this girl’s dilemma quite well. Taming the mane does not come easy.

So, we had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Her: I have so much trouble with my crazy hair!
Me: Why do you call it crazy hair? You have great hair!
Her: You don’t understand. It’s curly and frizzy and everywhere all the time.
Me: Oh, I definitely understand, silly. Mine is exactly the same.
Her: *quizzical look* No, it’s not.
Me: Well, sure it is.
Her: I can’t tell. You always wear it back.
Me: Well…

And here’s where I had to actually stop myself from saying what was on the tip of my tongue. Because you know what almost came out? What almost spilled out of my face was, “Well, that’s because my hair is horrible and I can’t do anything with it.”

Whooops.

Didn’t I just finish telling her that we had the same hair? If I said that, what would I be telling her about her own hair?

I can’t remember exactly how I finished the conversation. I think I told her something about how as you get older, you find more ways to fix your hair and different products that make you learn to like it better, etc. Which is true. But you know what I usually do with my crazy curls? Straighten them. And when I don’t have time for that, I pile them in a ponytail or in a bun. I hide them.

Here’s where I need to learn to lead by example.

If I tell this little girl to embrace her curls and learn to love them…all while mine are hidden from view, is she going to hear me? Is she going to learn to accept herself for who she is and not try to “fix” what she perceives as an error to make herself more “acceptable” to her peers? *sigh* I’m guessing not.

Time to lead by example.

So, today, my crazy curls are flapping around for all the world to see. When I get to practice in a few hours, that little girl is going to see that she and her coach have a little something in common…curly, “crazy” hair that we are learning to accept and appreciate. Together, we are going to show each other that this thing that makes us unique, somehow also makes us the same. And we are going to learn to be proud of that fact…not try to hide it.

So, thank you my little Girls on the Run student for showing this old gal a little thing or two.

Are you leading by example in your life? Something to think about, isn’t it? The little people are watching…don’t forget that.

***

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
– Mahatma Gandhi

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, changed, character, character traits, children, coach, curly, example, exercise, flaws, friendship, girls, girls on the run, hair, influence, inspiration, inspire, kids, lead by example, leader, leaders, marathon, motivate, motivation, photos, problems, Quotes, run, runner, running, sharing, students, training, traits, writing. Leave a comment

Jun. ’14

…You Lose Some

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”
– Robert Green Ingersoll

I’m a Loser.

That’s right. Capital “L” and all. La-hooooo-za-heeer. (Said in my best Jim Carrey/Ace Ventura voice.)

I often blog about my writing successes on here. Last year, I wrote about winning first place in the essay category at the Chautauqua Festival Creative Writing Competition. Then, I went on to tell you about my first published work appearing in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, and now I have a second story appearing in another Chicken Soup for the Soul book, which will be available in August of this year. Pretty awesome stuff, huh?

But you know what I don’t often blog about? All the other submissions I’ve sent in. Or better yet, all the rejections I’ve received. And trust me, there are PLENTY of them.

Yesterday, in fact, I received two rejections in one day. That contest I won first place in last year? Didn’t even place this year. The next Chicken Soup for the Soul book that’s coming out after the one in August? My story wasn’t chosen. These are just two loser-ish examples (did I mention they happened in ONE DAY?) but there are many more where those came from. I sent my boyfriend Richard a message yesterday saying “Okay, I’ve received two writing rejections in one day. Tell me I’m pretty.” (Yeah, I probably won’t be winning any awards for my sense of humor anytime soon either…)

Why am I telling you this? Well, after my rejection-filled day yesterday, something dawned on me. I had some pretty good luck straight out of the gate last year. Now, mind you, I’ve written all my life – as early as I can remember I was giving poems to people as Christmas gifts (did I mention that I’m also cheap?…) But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started sharing my writing publicly- starting with this very blog site you’re looking at now. After the positive feedback I received on my blog posts, I decided to take a chance at submissions. Lo and behold, I won that essay contest (my first submission EVER!) and then it was shortly followed by a call from Chicken Soup asking to print the story I submitted to them. Whoa! Talk about your beginner’s luck! But soon after those first boosts to the ego, the rejections started coming in. Magazines didn’t want my essays. I didn’t place in other local writing contests. My blog stats started dropping. And for a brief moment, I sort of felt like giving up. But you know what?

I didn’t.

And why didn’t I? Well, I was one of the lucky ones who had been blessed with the feeling of winning. I knew that just because I “lost” a few times, that doesn’t mean that my stuff wasn’t “good.” It just didn’t get chosen this time.

I kind of have this theory. I think every life is filled with a certain pre-destined number of wins and losses. And I’m not just talking about writing submissions here. I’m talking about all that life has to offer – in your professional life, your creative life, your personal life – all of it. They’re not all going to be losses, but they’re not all going to be wins either. As far as this writing thing is concerned, I was honored with a few of those wins upfront. But in other aspects of my life? Those wins took a little while longer. I had to go through quite a few defeats before I got to the winning portion. In fact, I’m in the middle of a few defeats now. But you know what gives me hope?

I know that my time to shine is coming. I just haven’t gotten to the winning portion yet.

You get it? You buying what I’m selling here?

We don’t always get the wins up front. But that doesn’t mean they’re not coming. It’s so tempting to give up, isn’t it? It’s so hard to believe that the good stuff really is out there somewhere. But it is.

It is.

A few years ago, after my second divorce, I had pretty much decided that a “win” in the love department wasn’t possible. And then, out of the blue, I met Richard. And you know what? That wasn’t a “win” either. Oh, it is now, don’t get me wrong. But at first? Phew. Let’s just say ours isn’t your typical “their eyes met and it was love at first sight” story. (Well, it was for one of us…but I won’t get into that right now…) I could’ve given up on this too. And trust me, I wanted to. But somewhere deep down, I had a feeling that a win was coming. And you know what?

I was right.

Richard and I have what I’ve only dreamed about in the past. I honestly had no idea that a relationship could be this good. This sweet. This tender. This supportive. (WINNING!) But believe me when I tell you this – it was NOT easy. I had to take the losses before the win. Sometimes that’s just how these things work.

I’m so very glad I didn’t give up. Look at all the love I’d have missed.

Are you going through a loser phase right now? Hang in there, my friend. I have a feeling a win may be just around the corner. Just don’t give up before it gets here.

***

“Defeat doesn’t finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he’s defeated. He’s finished when he quits.”
– Richard M. Nixon

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, changed, chicken soup for the soul, dating, defeat, giving up, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loser, loss, love, motivation, motivational, passion, persevere, photos, rejection, relationships, wins, writer, writing. Leave a comment

Apr. ’14

To the Girl at the Bar

“He’s not your prince charming if he doesn’t make sure you know that you’re his princess.”
― Demi Lovato

Dear Girl from the Bar,

I’m sure you don’t remember me. But I certainly remember you. In fact, I don’t think a day has gone by since I saw you over a month ago that you haven’t crossed my mind.

“Saw you?” Hmmm. That’s probably not the right term. “Stalked you” might be more like it. I could not stop watching you. You commanded my attention and it has taken me weeks to figure out why that is. That’s why I’m writing you this letter today.

I’m sure you didn’t notice me. I was the girl sitting with the other wives/girlfriends of the band. We weren’t typical attendees of this particular bar, so we sort of grouped together in our little corner – just there to watch the guys in our lives do what they love. But I couldn’t help but notice you. I’m not sure at what point it was that you caught my attention exactly. I just know that at some time during the night, I started watching you paying an awful lot of attention to some guy.

Now, see, I’m a people watcher. When I first noticed this attention you were giving this guy, I assumed you were a couple. Why wouldn’t I? You were draped across him, rubbing his back, standing right next to him…things like that. But the more I watched, the more I started to see that my initial assumption was incorrect.

This guy just flat out didn’t like you.

I know that may sound harsh, but I have to call it like I see it. The more you touched him, the more he pulled away. The more you asked him to dance, the more he seemed to not want to. You would practically barge your way into his line of sight, and he would physically turn his body so that he wasn’t looking at you.

Now, I know that sometimes it’s easier to see things when you’re “out of the box” so to speak. I know that maybe my vantage point called for a better view than yours, but surely you couldn’t have been entirely immune to this treatment. Could you?

I even saw you kiss him at one point, for Heaven’s sake. The guy was completely taken aback. By this point, you had become a laughing stock among he and his friends. Once you turned your back to him, he made a show of wiping the kiss off of his face and laughing with the guys about it. I don’t know how else to tell you this, other than to just come out and say it…

You made an absolute fool of yourself.

Now, why have you stayed on my mind? Why have I thought of you almost daily since that night? Why did your embarrassing scenario strike such a chord with me?

Oh, I know why.

Lord, honey, I’ve been there. I’ve soooo been there.

Now, granted, I’ve never planted a kiss on a stranger at a bar, per se. And I suppose I’ve never exactly thrown myself at a guy I barely know. But you know what I have done?

Stayed somewhere I wasn’t wanted.

I have hung around in relationships way past their expiration date. And why? Because I was idiot. Like you. (No offense.) I thought if I just tried a little harder, maybe he’d finally see me. You know? If I just did this a little better, or that a little better, maybe then he’d finally realize I was worthy of his attention. Of his affection. But you know what?

It never worked. Not once.

I wonder what happened when you got home. Did you cry? Did you wonder what you did wrong? Did you wonder what’s wrong with you? Oh yeah, been there. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror with such confusion and hatred before that it was scary. I’ve picked myself apart…my fuzzy curly hair, my flawed complexion, my crooked teeth. I’ve yelled at myself for being too outspoken, too demanding, too talkative. Too this. Too that. I’ve been more mean to me than anyone else ever has. And why did I do that?

Because some guy didn’t like me.

Some stupid, inconsequential guy. I let a stranger’s value of me replace my own value of myself. I adopted their view of me and replaced it for my own.

What an idiot I was. What an idiot you are.

Anyway. I know you won’t see this. I know you don’t remember me. But again, I just wanted to let you know that you’re on my mind. I wanted to let you know that for a moment, our lives crossed, and I saw myself in your defeat. You reminded me of how I never want to feel again. You reminded me of how ridiculous it is to place my worth in someone else’s hands.

You reminded me that when I’m loved, I’ll know it. I won’t have to chase it. It will chase me.

And better yet, you reminded me that the real love I should be worried about – is the love I have for myself.

Thank you for crossing my path. I hope you learn to love yourself one day too.

Love,

One Who Gets It

[P.S. You are waaaaay too good for that guy. He was a dork.]

***

“When your self-worth goes up, your net worth goes up with it.”
– Mark Victor Hansen

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: bar, blog, change, changed, dating, defeat, flaws, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, lonliness, loss, motivational, Quotes, rejection, relationships, sadness, sharing, writer, writing. 4 Comments

Apr. ’14

I’m Sorry (Well, sort of.) (Ok, not really.)

“I can’t tell you the key to success; but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.”
– Ed Sheeran

Let me tell you about the kind of person I used to be…

Oh, wait. Never mind! I found an old picture of myself. Maybe that will be enough of an explanation.

I’m serious, people, I was the biggest doormat you’d ever meet in your life. I would bend and bend and bend until I felt broken. The word “no” was not in my vocabulary. If someone wanted/needed something, I was there (regardless of whatever personal sacrifice had to be made in order to do so). If plans were made and I wasn’t involved in the planning or it wasn’t convenient to participate, you’d still see me trotting along with everyone else anyway. Going with the flow – making sure no toes were stepped on. (Except my own, of course.)

Well, to be perfectly honest, not a whole lot has changed. But as I get older, there does seem to be a slight shift. Now, here’s how it generally plays out.

Someone asks if I’ll do something (or in some cases informs me that I’m already signed up to do it without my knowledge), and what do I do? I throw a hissy fit. Oh yeah, gone are the “oh sure, no problem” days of my past. I gripe, I complain, I shout all the reasons why I’m certainly not going to do it and stand my ground. And then what happens after that?

*Sigh.*

I do it.

And what happens after that? I apologize for the way I acted when I said I wasn’t going to do it because I’m so afraid that I may have hurt someone’s feelings or made them uncomfortable.

But you know what? I’m not really sorry. Rather than just trusting my instinct – trusting my gut -I fall back into my old ways and just do what is expected of me to try to not rock the boat. The only difference is that I’m a little more verbal than I used to be about why I don’t really want to be doing it. In other words, I’m still a doormat, I’m just a bitchy doormat now.

And that’s not cool.

Riding the fence like this is not going to get me anywhere. Nobody likes a bitchy doormat.

So, here’s what needs to happen. I have two choices. I need to:

A) Go back to the way I was. Be the girl who keeps her mouth shut, goes with the flow and does what is expected of her regardless of personal sacrifice or gut instinct, and yet have bunches and bunches of “friends” because of it.

-Or-

B) Cut the balancing act and just slip full force into sticking to my guns. Sure, I may lose friends (which I think I probably already have by being in bitchy doormat mode, so that’s nothing entirely new), but I will stop sacrificing the friendship that actually matters – the friendship with myself.

Well, guess what? I think I may be just a little too far over the edge of the fence to be able to turn around and go back at this point. I’m thinking it’s going to be choice “B” for me for now on. (And you can let that capital “B” stand for whatever you’d like…)

Let me go ahead and issue my public service announcement:

I have a feeling that disclaimer is necessary. But while others are reading that disclaimer, let me just go ahead and give myself a little reminder as well:

I’m tired of saying no to myself in order to say yes to everyone else. I deserve the same respect that I have been giving to others, don’t I?

Don’t you?

Just a thought.

***

“No more bitchy doormat-ism.”
– Melissa Edmondson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, changed, doormat, health, individuality, motivation, passion, people-pleasing, problems, Quotes, relationships, saying no, writer, writing. 3 Comments

Apr. ’14

Weed ‘Em and Reap

“Don’t water your weeds.”
– Proverb

Now, let me just start this blog out by letting you know that I know nothing – and I mean NOTHING – about gardening. Or even about keeping a plant alive. Case in point, the poor little plant you see here to the right.

*sigh*

This picture is the reason I’ve never had plants. THIS is what happens to them.

Now, in my defense, this poor little fella got left behind in a major move. My boyfriend Richard’s family did a little house swapping and then I followed close behind by moving into the home with Richard. In the midst of all the moves, this plant was left sitting on a shelf by a window. Neglected. Once we got moved in and settled, I finally noticed the poor little fella and went to work on trying to save it. I diligently remembered to keep it watered and turn it towards the sunlight, etc. etc. And what happened?

Um, well, nothing.

The plant looked exactly the way it looks in the picture for months. And yet – somehow the parts that were alive (or at least I assume they were – they were still green), just kept going amidst all the dead stuff. So, finally, it dawned on me that maybe I should treat the plant like you do gardens. Get rid of the weeds to make room for the stuff that is still alive to be able to grow.

Hmmmm.

Eh, I didn’t know if it would work, but I figured it would at least make things look a little better, right? So, I went to work. After a full morning of picking and prodding and trying my best to efficiently differentiate between green and brown, I was left with…well…a much smaller plant.

Bless its heart.

(And hey, I didn’t even though that little fern-looking thingy was even in there! How about that!?)

So, yeah, the little fella was looking a little pruned, so to speak, but I still had to admit he looked a heck of a lot better. Right?

And that’s when that writer’s brain of mine kicked in. Suddenly, all of those “weeding” quotes I’ve always heard began to make sense to me. Looking at this little plant in front of me made me realize something important.

This is what it takes to change your life.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably faced some moments in your life when you realized that something just wasn’t ‘right.’ You know what I mean? No matter how much you tried – no matter how many things you crammed into your life to try to fulfill some void that you were certain would top off that internal happiness meter – nothing seemed to work. You tried this, you tried that, you packed your life with so many places and people and things just trying and trying to find that “thing” that would make your life perfect…and still. Nothing.

And then, suddenly, when you realize that you can’t fit a single thing else in your life, it dawns on you. There’s just no more room. None. You’re spreading yourself thin by trying to take care of all the things on your plate (or “in your pot” so to speak) that there’s just no more energy (or “water”) left. And then, when you look even closer, you start to realize how useless some of these things are to begin with. You’re putting precious energy into things that aren’t even serving you anymore, and maybe never even were to begin with. And sometimes those ‘things’ are actually ‘people.’

In other words, you’ve been watering the weeds.

Kinda stupid, huh? Sound familiar? No? Hmmm.

Think maybe it needs to?

I don’t know – maybe the way I am is unique. Maybe I’m the only one who has crammed their life full of crap to no avail. But if the responses I’ve gotten from many of my blogs in the past tell me anything, I’m thinking I’m probably not unique at all. I think we are a whole lot more alike than we may realize. All of us. And I’m betting someone out there probably needed to hear this today. Was it you?

Get rid of the weeds, people. You might feel a little empty to start with. A little bare, maybe. But what’s left will be worth taking care of. And you’ll actually have the energy (“water”) to do it. And before you know it, you’re going to have nothing but a pot full of life.

Doesn’t that sound kinda awesome?

***

“We’re like a gardener with a hose and our attention is water – we can water flowers or we can water weeds.”
– Josh Radnor

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blogging, change, changed, death, family, friendship, gardening, inspiration, inspirational, love, motivation, motivational, problems, Quotes, weeds, writer, writing. 1 Comment

Mar. ’14

Ripples

“When you drop a pebble into a pond, ripples spread out, changing all the water in the pool. The ripples hit the shore and rebound, bumping into one another, breaking each other apart. In some small way, the pond is never the same again.”
― Neal Shusterman

Ripples in the Pond

So, I’ve been told that I have a wide reach with this blog. More than once, I’ve had a person mention something to me about how a particular entry really affected them – and I was shocked because I didn’t even know the person was a reader at all. It makes me proud when that kind of thing happens. It’s like the quote I posted above, you know? No matter how small you think your little pebble is, the ripples will spread out in a way you may have never even imagined. How cool is that?

Well, guess what? Now, it’s your turn to drop your pebble.

I’ve decided that I’m going to bank on that ‘wide reach’ thing being true, and use my blog for something that I think is extremely important.

Photo courtesy of Jay’s Facebook page

I want to tell you about my friend Jay Erwin. Up until August of 2013, Jay was a runner. And an awesome runner at that. In fact, he was a co-founder of the Boone Running Club – a club whose Facebook group has provided invaluable information and race info to me ever since I became a runner. In fact, it was the basis for the Ashe Running Club page that I and a friend recently started for our area as well. (Talk about your ripples, right?) Jay reached out to me many times on Facebook to encourage me as a beginner runner and was very instrumental in working with me to continue moving forward to reach my running goals. And I am just one voice in the pond, so to speak. I know there are many, many others who would tell you the same thing.

Well, now, it’s time to repay Jay.

In August of 2013, Jay was involved in an accident. Here’s a portion of the story in Jay’s words:

” I had an accident on 8/24/13….I was cutting a tree down and it fell on me. My son who never had CPR training saw that I had no pulse or heartbeat and he gave me CPR. I believe the hand of God helped him. I was revived by my son and soon after that I was flown by helicopter to a Trauma unit in Johnson City, TN. I died two additional times on the helicopter, but came back. Surgery was administered to my spine and left shoulder. My left shoulder was completely smashed, but corrected and I had two rods inserted to stabilize my spine. I started coming around after 16 days. I was in Johnson City for 18 days and then I was transferred to the Shepherd Center in Atlanta, GA. At the Shepherd Center I rehabbed and learned how to live again….I was at Shepherd for about 100 days and I got to come home just before Christmas…”

Wow. Once a runner, and now Jay will never even walk again. Can you imagine? I mean, really. Can you?

I’m guessing probably not. But you know what you can do? What we can all do?

Help.

Jay and his lovely wife, Lisa

Now, obviously, none of us can turn back time. We can’t go back and take away this accident. We can’t give Jay his running legs back. But what we can do is reach out to help him in this time of need. How can we do that?

A company called Mobility Solutions is sponsoring a contest. Three lucky winners will be chosen to receive a wheelchair-accessible van that will aid Jay and his family tremendously. As you can imagine, their whole world has changed drastically. Getting Jay from point A to point B requires great effort. This van would change his life in ways that those of us who just hop in our cars to go from here to there could never even begin to imagine. And how does he win it? Simple.

He just needs votes.

All you do is click on this link. Register (you can register with your Facebook account if you’d like) and vote. Vote, vote, vote. Vote every day. That’s all it takes!

Simple, huh?

And if you want to help even further, join Jay’s Facebook group and get tips on answering the daily “extra vote” question to gain not one, but TWO votes per day. Jay is not in the lead, but I think that with our help, he can be. Surely taking a few seconds out of each day to vote for this well-deserving man is something that you can do, right?

Time to toss your pebbles. These ripples are going to mean more than you can even imagine. In fact, let’s start a wave, people. Shall we?

Please, please vote. Our friend needs our help.

***
“It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings, Running. Tags: blog, change, changed, disability, friendship, health, help, humanity, inspiration, inspirational, Jay Erwin, Mobility Solutions, motivation, motivational, Quotes, runner, running, van, vote, wheelchair, win, writing. Leave a comment

Feb. ’14

Story about a Dog

“We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.”
– Christian Nestell Bovee

I want to tell you a story about a dog.

And it’s not just any dog, mind you. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend Richard’s sweet little german shepherd, Lucy. Isn’t she the cutest little booger? So incredibly sweet. So lovable. So happy. And so…*ahhem*…um, how shall I say this?…unintelligent? Heh. Bless her sweet little heart, she’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the box. But she sure makes up for it in sweetness though, that’s for sure. Well, I have a story about one of Lucy’s recent…let’s just say mental lapses…that I thought was pretty interesting.

Now Lucy is a little over a year old and, all her life, has been taught that she is NOT to come in the house. She’s an outside dog, and that’s always been perfectly fine with her. Well….now here we are faced with this awful winter we’ve been having, so we decided to try to bend the rules a little. With sub-zero temps and wind chills to boot, it was time to let Lucy in the house.

Heh. WRONG.

Lucy was having NONE of that. You don’t teach a dog not to come in the house and then invite them in. No way, not Miss Lucy. Her daddy said a long time ago that she wasn’t supposed to be in the house and that was that, by gosh. We cajoled, we pushed, we pulled, we begged…but she wasn’t budging.

So, on to Plan B.

Richard, being the sweetheart that he is, decided that he couldn’t bear knowing that all she was going to have as shelter would be a drafty garage. Yes, it would block the worst of the wind, but it still wasn’t all that toasty in there. So, he rigged up a little space heater for her right next to her dog bed. That way, she would at least feel the heat from it as long as she stayed in her bed for the night. Problem solved. We’re going on a few months of this space heater warmth for Lucy on these cold winter nights and all has been working just fine, thank you.

Until yesterday, that is.

*sigh*

Now, I mentioned that Lucy is a sweet little thing right? Sooooo sweet. Smart? Eh. Notsomuch.

I left early in the morning for work and Richard was close behind. We both had very long days yesterday, consisting of real estate work here and there and followed up by rehearsal (for me) and sound work (for him) at the theatre until late in the evening. And then, after topping the night off with a quick bite to eat and a glass of wine or two at our favorite restaurant, we finally made our way back home. And what did we find when we got there?

Lucy. In the garage.

Stuck.

And by “stuck,” let me explain. This space heater that I described to you is a long, low-to-the-ground type. It resembles a baseboard heater somewhat. Before Richard had left for the day, he went into the garage through the open door (on the opposite side of the heater) and Lucy had followed him in. As he was leaving, he shut the garage door behind him with Lucy still inside, knowing that it was ok to do so since Lucy could easily go out the side door that we always keep open for her. Well, what he didn’t realize, was that the heater (which was not on, by the way) had been pushed to the side just slightly and was now…um…”blocking” Lucy’s path to the side door.

Now, I mentioned this heater is low to the ground, right? And by low to the ground, I mean probably 6 inches. Tops. So this 6-inch tall non-functioning space heater stood between Lucy and the side door of freedom.

It took us a minute to realize what the problem was once we got home. I was the first to arrive and was shocked that Lucy didn’t come flying to me with her tail flapping as she always does. I heard her whining in the garage, but she wouldn’t come to me. I walked a little further in and saw that she was just standing there. That’s it. Just standing there looking at me. (And crying, the poor little thing.)

So, I called to her. “Come here, Lucy. Come here, girl.”

Still. Nothing.

That’s when I realized that she was refusing to step across the little heater. I walked over and simply pushed the heater a few inches to the side, and let me tell you – you would not believe the happiness that burst forth from that sweet little dog. She bolted out of that garage, went straight to the yard to ‘take care of some overdue business,’ and then came bounding back to me for her “Hello, I’m glad you’re home, I love you, I love you, I love you” kisses.

When Richard got home, we laughed about that silly dog being “stuck” in the garage, all because she refused to step across the heater. But then the more we talked about it, the more we realized that, although the heater wasn’t hot at the moment, Lucy must have learned (the hard way, I’m guessing) that that heater could be hot. So, she figured it was best to play it safe. Even if it meant imprisonment.

Now, you guys realize I’m a writer right? And one thing I’ve noticed about we writers…we simply cannot see a situation in only a literal sense. Oh no – there is always a deeper meaning to just about everything. This time was no exception.

I thought about poor sweet Lucy and wondered how many times I’ve done that myself. How many times have I chosen imprisonment and sacrificed my freedom, simply because I was afraid to attempt something that may have hurt me in the past? And how many times was that thing that I thought was going to hurt me, simply just there for my benefit and not going to hurt me at all? And how many times have I, due to being ignorant to the harmlessness of the obstacle (simply because I was not willing to test it out), therefore remained in the tiny, lonely, confined space of my own making?

And while we’re on the subject – how many times have you done that?

Pretty dumb, isn’t it?

So, yes, maybe this was just one instance of a not-so-smart doggy getting stuck in a garage behind a heater. Or…

Or.

Maybe this was one of those lessons that life puts in front of you all of the time…if you’ll just take a moment to stop and notice it.

I don’t know about you, but I sure do know that Lucy was pretty darn happy to be free. Maybe you should give freedom a try yourself.

***

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.”
– Marilyn Ferguson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, changed, confinement, dog, dog lessons, fear, heartbreak, imprisonment, inspiration, inspirational, lonliness, love, motivation, motivational, photos, Quotes, relationships, writer, writing. 3 Comments

Feb. ’14

God’s Will?

Ok, so since my Jesus post from a few weeks ago didn’t get me stoned, I’m gonna try this one out and see what happens.

I have a friend on Facebook who recently posted about the fact that he has battled and defeated many addictions throughout the course of his life, ranging from alcohol to food. He made a blanket statement about how he was surprised at the fact that he had gotten through those trials, because he doesn’t feel like he has very much willpower. So, as is par for the course with Facebook, the comments started rolling in. And amid many of the well-intentioned comments, there seemed to exist the same theme.

“That’s because it wasn’t you, it was God’s work.”

“It was God’s will that you made it through.”

“God did it.”

*sigh*

Ok. Get your stones ready.

Every single time I see comments like this, I shudder a little. I’ve never really understood why that is. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m not the most religious person on the planet. But I do believe there’s a God. I do. So, why does it bother me when I hear stuff like that? Shouldn’t it make me feel good? Strengthen my belief in the God that I believe in?

Well, this particular instance got me to thinking about this very thing. I dug a little deeper into why those statements bother me so much, and this blog is about what I came up with. Will you agree with me? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, really. When it comes to religion, politics, and all that other good controversial stuff, it’s rare to find two people who truly see eye-to-eye on it all. And that’s ok. But I’m going to share my viewpoint with you anyway.

I started this blog with a picture/quote by J. G. Holland that says “God gives every bird its food, but he does not throw it into its nest.” (And I can’t even begin to tell you how long it took to find one with the correct usage of its/it’s. Phew! I finally gave up and made my own. Sheesh! But, hey, that’s a blog for another day. Back to the story….) To be quite honest with you, I think that quote stands alone and says about all that I need to say. Thank you, Mr. Holland. But let me elaborate a little more anyway, because that’s what I do.

To me, what this quote is saying is that yes, the answers to our problems are out there. They’re available to us. God’s not gonna leave us hanging. Like He says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you…” I firmly believe that the God I believe in is not one who is going to toss some bad things our way and watch us suffer with no way out. In fact, I don’t believe He is the one who throws bad things our way at all. Life does that. But regardless, there is going to be a way out of them.

But, see, here’s the thing. It’s not going to happen until we get off our butts and do something to make it happen. It’s not going to magically appear.

So, when people make such comments as “It was God’s will,” or “God did it,” I just can’t bring myself to believe that. God may be the one who provided the answer (i.e. the “food for the birds”), but I don’t believe He is the one who made it happen (i.e. “dropped it in its mouth”). In the case of my Facebook friend here, God did not stick down his big hand and physically turn my friend away from those addictions. My friend did that. He made the choice to turn away from those addictions and do the legwork that it took to break those bad habits. And does he deserve the credit? You bet he does.

I compare this to when my own child got the chance to play the lead role in our local production of Annie. Was I proud of her? Holy crap, you bet I was. But did I take the credit for her performance? Of course not. I may have helped her along the way. I may have advised her, encouraged her, and supported her. But did I do it for her? Of course, I didn’t. And if someone claimed as much, I’d probably be offended that they were focused on me and not giving her the credit she deserved.

I don’t think God feels much differently about His children as I do about mine. Do you?

Why are we so scared of being proud of ourselves? Or of allowing someone else to feel the pride that they deserve to feel?

I know we’ve all heard the saying “Pride goeth before a fall.” Maybe that’s where this unfounded fear comes from. But what you probably didn’t know is that this term is actually a shortened version of the verse found in Proverbs 16:18 that says: “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” When you look at that term in its entirety, as it is fully stated in the proverb, the “pride” it’s referring to is not the pride that comes from feeling as if you’ve done something good. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines “pride” in two ways:

Pride: a feeling that you are more important and better than other people; and
Pride: a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc.

That first definition is what that verse is referring to. Not the second. Pride is a feeling of happiness. Don’t you think God wants us to be happy? There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself. Nothing. And, on that same token, there’s nothing wrong with encouraging people to feel that pride in themselves. They worked hard; they deserve it. And the crazy thing is that the more pride you feel in yourself, the more likely you’ll be to keep going. Whether it’s fighting an addiction, working to better yourself physically, or maybe even…oh, I don’t know…writing? When someone recognizes your abilities and your talents, it really is ok to accept that recognition and bask in the glow of a job well done. Besides, you never know who you might be inspiring in the process.

So, hey. Maybe that might be something for you to think about the next time you innocently tell someone that it was God’s will when something good happens. Don’t negate what they have done by telling them that they didn’t do it. And don’t make the others out there who haven’t had such good fortune wonder why God isn’t on their side too. It’s just silly. Recognize them for the good that they have done, and congratulate them for it. They worked hard for it, whether they realize it or not, and they deserve to feel pride in themselves for what they’ve accomplished. And if you’re one of those people who deflect the compliments in that same manner? Maybe you should work on not doing that anymore. Yes, maybe God provided support and encouragement along the way, much like I did for my daughter as she found her way to playing the role of Annie, but I certainly didn’t pick her up and place her on that stage. Recognize your own efforts and applaud them.

And you know what? I’d be willing to bet that God is pretty darn proud of you, too.

***

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”
– Channing Pollock

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: ability, addiction, blog, change, changed, fear, flaws, God, God's will, heartbreak, humility, inspiration, inspirational, love, motivation, motivational, overcoming, pride, Quotes, religion, self-confidence, talents, theatre, writing. 4 Comments

Jan. ’14

Jesus

Yep. That’s the one. You did, in fact, read that title right. This blog is about Jesus.

Now, don’t worry. If you’re not religious, I’m not going to preach at ya here. Believe me, I’m the last one to do that. I’m not sure I fall in the ‘religious’ category myself (whatever that word means…). To be honest, I’m not sure what I believe at all, so I’m sure as heck not going to tell you what to believe. I just want to tell you about something that caught my attention yesterday. And maybe, just maybe, it might mean something to you, too.

First, a little background.

I was raised in a Baptist church. Southern Baptist at that. For most of you, no further explanation is needed here. For the rest of you: let’s just say that it is thoroughly ingrained in my brain that pretty much everything I do is going to send me straight to Hell. And with that being the case, it’s also ingrained in my brain that I better have my heathen butt in church every Sunday morning in order to atone for everything I’ve done throughout the week, and to plead and beg for the Big Man to reach down his big, scary, arm of fear to alter my Hell-destined course at least long enough for me to make it back to church the next Sunday to start the process all over again.

You follow me?

Ok. So, as you can probably tell from my veiled bitterness in that last paragraph, I’m sure it’s needless of me to say that some of that ‘teaching’ is starting to fade a little as my adult mind starts to mature somewhat past all this (somewhat). In fact, I have turned into what some (read: my grandma) may refer to as ‘rebellious.’ Pssssh. Innocent lil ol’ me? Rebellious? But alas, ’tis true.

And yet.

Yet, rebellious little heathen mind and all, I still feel that incessant pull to go to church. And, most of the time, I still heed to that pull. Why is that, I wonder? Eh, that’s a topic for another blog, I suppose. The point is this: even though I don’t do the “resolution” thing per se, the New Year still comes tapping on my shoulder every year reminding me that it’s time to reassess and maybe work on a few things here and there. And, in this case, 2014 seemed to be reminding me that it was time to get back to attending church.

Now, as luck would have it, Richard and I finally found a church that felt like ‘home’ to us a little over a year ago. Even though we’re not the most regular attenders there ever were (see above: I’m working on that), we still both feel like we’ve found a place that feels a little more comfortable to us than most. They just seem to be focused on that whole “love thy neighbor” stuff, rather than hell fire and brimstone, and we both seem to like that. We like that a lot actually. And, since our kids loved going to Sunday school, we even managed to find our way into our own adult Sunday school class. After a somewhat prolonged absence, we all trudged back yesterday to work on this ‘regular attendance’ thing, and were greeted with hugs and a genuine collective “welcome back” that made us realize how much we had missed it. (And, incidentally, there were no “Where have you been?”s at all. Imagine that.)

So, there we sat in our Sunday school class, studying the book of James, when something seemed to absolutely jump out of the Bible at me. (Me! Heathen rebel and all!) Sitting right there in the second chapter was this phrase:

“…mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13, NIV

Wait…what? Did I just read that right? Mercy? You mean that whole “It’s ok, I understand that you’re human and you’re going to make mistakes” thing? THAT is going to win over “You messed up chick, pack your bags for your trip to Hell?” Surely not.

Yet there it was, people. Right there in black and white.

Now, granted, these weren’t actually Jesus’ words. But they came from James, who was Jesus’ brother. And by brother, I don’t mean “brother in Christ” or whatever. I mean, brother. Brother as in, “Moooom! Jesus turned my water in to wine again! Make him stop!” That kind of brother. James actually grew up with Jesus. Physically grew up in the same house with the guy. So, if I were a betting woman (which I’m not, betting is a sin…), I’d say that James probably knew where Jesus stood on things. Wouldn’t you say? And according to James, that’s how it works – mercy TRIUMPHS over judgment.

So, why did that affect me so much? Here’s why.

Most of you who know me, know that part of my…um…issue with church, the Bible, religion, etc., lies in the fact that some people tend use this book as their weapon when suppressing the rights of some of the people I love most in this world. Who am I referring to, you ask? Oh, I’m so glad you brought up that question. [*drags out soapbox*] My gay friends, that’s who. I’m not sure why gay rights is such an issue to me…I mean, I’m not gay. As far as I know, my children aren’t gay. No one in my immediate family is gay. And yet, for as far back as I can remember, I have felt such a stirring in my soul that gay people are not “sinners” and therefore, should not be treated any differently than me. And yet, how could that be? The Bible says so right there in black and white that they are. How could I have been brought up the way I have, and yet still feel in my gut that something somewhere isn’t right with all of that?

Well, there you go. Maybe James just answered that for me. Maybe, just maybe, Jesus was not sent to judge us. What? No judgment? Maybe he was sent to show mercy. To ALL of us. Maybe he was sent to remind us that it is NOT our place to make rules or judgments on people based on what ‘sin’ they are or are not committing. In fact, maybe it’s not up to us to hypothesize on what is or isn’t a sin at all. Whether you are a firm believer in the Bible, or the biggest atheist that ever walked the planet, either way you HAVE to admit that there are inconsistencies in that thing. Right? Come on, don’t lie. You know they’re there. One page will say one thing as plain as day, and then you turn the page and there’s the exact opposite. And you’ll have people say that the inconsistencies just lie in differences in ‘interpretation’ and blah, blah, blah. Ok, I get that. But I don’t think James left much for interpretation, do you? Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Mercy triumphs over judgment.

To me, not only does that mean that’s how God will treat me, but that means that’s how I should treat everybody else. It is not my place to judge. It’s not your place to judge. It’s not the government’s place to judge. Why is that so hard to understand? Could someone explain that to me, please? What am I missing here?

If you still fall in the category of belief that homosexuality is a sin, then that’s fine. You believe what you believe. But let me tell you something. As for me? This girl is a Sinner with a capital “S.” I mean, I’ve sinned a BUNCH. I mean a friggin major TON of sins. I could fill this blog for YEARS with all of them. But you know what I get to do? Marry the man I love. One day (yes, maybe against his will, but whatever…), I’m going to marry Richard. And no one is going to stop me. Scarlett “S” emblazoned on my chest and all, I will still get the chance to say “I do.” And it is so incredibly unfair that my gay friends have to travel to other states to be afforded that same courtesy.

Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Man. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone lived by that part of the Bible? Oh hey – since picking and choosing which parts to go by seems to be the norm these days, is it too late to cast my vote for this verse? I’m straight so I still get a say in the matter, right?

*sigh*

I know, I know. My SPF 250 is packed and ready to go….

***

“Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake–you know, to send the right message to kids.”
– Bill Maher

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: bible, blog, change, changed, christianity, church, dating, gay rights, inspiration, inspirational, James, Jesus, motivation, motivational, passion, Quotes, relationships, writing. 10 Comments

Dec. ’13

Seasons

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.”
– Hal Borland

Ahh. ‘Tis the season.

The holidays. The time for joy. The time for sharing. The time to look around and appreciate the ones you love – hold them close to you and thank your lucky stars that they are in your life. You know, all that warm fuzzy stuff. Awwww.

And boy, it sure would be nice if that were all the holidays were about. But unfortunately, it’s not. Because, you know what else this time is?

It’s the time of year that makes it painfully obvious when one of those “people that you love”…is missing. And you know what especially stings? When that person who is missing during this happy holiday season, is missing by choice.

I talk about my happy relationship a lot on this blog. And it is very much that…a happy relationship. Yes, we have our ‘down’ times just like any relationship does. But, even during those times, we both know how very lucky we are to have each other. We are in a loving, committed, and most importantly, an equal relationship that makes us both feel fulfilled and excited and hopeful for a long future together. And I wonder sometimes how other people see these things I say about our life together, especially those who are recently single or who are just generally ‘unattached’ for whatever the reason. I’m sure they look at what I say the same way I used to look at it when other people would say it. Which was, “Well yeah, that’s great that this happening for you, lady, but it’s not like that for all of us. You’re just one of the lucky ones. Every story doesn’t have a cute little ending, Miss Happy Pants.”

Well, guess what? I’m with ya, sista. (Or brotha, as the case may be.) I am – I completely hear what you’re saying. And you know why?

Because it certainly hasn’t always been this way.

I was just looking through some old pictures from Christmases in the not-so-distant past, and I came across this picture of my kids and me from the Christmas season of 2009, just four short years ago. We sure do look happy, don’t we? But I’m gonna tell you a secret. See that smile on my face?

It’s fake.

Yep. It sure is. It’s about as fake as a smile can get. Now, I’m not saying being there with my kids didn’t make me happy. It did. But as you can tell from the way I have my hands placed on them, I was holding on to them for dear life. They were my anchors in the storm that my life was going through. Behind that smile, there was so much hurt. So much pain. So much uncertainty and confusion. And most of all, so much sadness. I was going through a time that I sometimes thought I was not going to make it through.

What was happening, you ask? Well, it’s simple.

My heart was broken.

In one of my previous blogs, I referenced what I like to call my “breakup bible.” It’s the book, It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt and his wife Amiira. (If you’re hurting over the end of a relationship, go read it. Like, now. Trust me on this.) So, in this breakup bible of mine, there is the following quote:

“Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts.”

Holy crap, is there so much truth to that. It’s hard to function in any of your day-to-day activities when you can’t even take a breath without pain. And that’s how I felt. People can minimalize the pain of a breakup all day long, but I’ll be the first to call “BS” on that nonsense. Heartbreak friggin hurts. Bad. And that’s how I was feeling during the Christmas of 2009. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this on this blog before, but I’ve been divorced twice. Yep, you read that right. Twice. My first marriage was to my children’s father, and that ended years ago, back when my babies were just little. We were both young and got swept up in the family life before we were ready. That kind of thing happens, ya know.

But my second marriage? Yeah, I can’t blame youth on that one. And I can’t blame getting married out of some sort of ‘necessity.’ No baby was on the way or anything along those lines. Nothing was ‘forcing’ us to get married. I also can’t blame it on poor planning. We dated for over three years before finally deciding to get married. To be honest, I can’t blame my choice to get married to him on anything other than the fact that I loved him. I did. I loved him, he loved me, and we thought we were going to build a life together, regardless of the statistical odds that we were facing.

Well. We were wrong.

After all that planning, after those years of dating, and after all of the conversations about how we weren’t going to be one of the statistics, we became just that. Another statistic. And it hurt.

No, that’s putting it too mildly. It didn’t just hurt. It was excruciating. This wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill relationship breakup. This was the breakup of a marriage. The breakup of a newly-formed family (we both had kids from our previous marriages). This was a decision that affected us all to the core of our beings. And that picture up there that I showed you? That picture was taken about a month after I had moved out of the home we shared and into my own little trailer. It was the only thing I could find that I could afford. I was starting from scratch. Again. I sure didn’t see that coming on the day I took those vows. (Do we ever?)

But now, let’s skip to Christmas 2013. Four years later.

Here we are. Richard and I and our kids. All together. All healed and happy and ready to face the future. Here I am doing exactly what I swore I’d never do. Not only was I not going to fall in love again, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to fall in love with a man with kids. You can read all the self-help books in the world about how it feels to lose a relationship or a marriage, but I can guarantee you that there isn’t much out there to help you through the pain of losing step-kids. Once my marriage ended, so did my ties to his children. And I was going to make certain I would never fall in love with a man’s kids again like I fell in love with them.

But I was wrong.

I think I fell in love with Richard’s kids before I fell in love with him, to tell you the truth. And I’m not so sure it didn’t happen the same way for Richard with my kids. And Richard had the same reservations I did. He was hurting from a previous loss as well. Even if he hadn’t told me, I could see it on his face. He was just like me…he had made all the same promises to himself that I had made. No more relationships. No more commitments. No more love. It’s just too darn painful.

Ha! Well, look how that turned out.

I don’t know you, and I don’t know your specific situation. My readers are as diverse as any set group of individuals always are. But if you’re one of the ones who is getting ready to face this holiday season alone after the end of a relationship, this blog is for you. All I want you to know is this.

Pain ends.

It really truly does. The future that you think you won’t have with anyone else? You’re wrong. It’s there. That relationship bliss that you think is reserved for big-mouth redheads with their own blog? You’re wrong there too. It’s waiting for YOU. Yes, you. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day down the line, it’s going to be your turn. If someone would have told me that back during the Christmas of 2009, I would have said the same thing to them that you’re thinking right now. That kind of thing is for other people, not for me. And I would have been just as wrong as you are.

Just as wrong.

I am writing this blog with one particular person in mind, but as I have seen from many of the other things that I have written, we are never ever alone in our struggles. For this one person’s pain, there are millions more who are feeling it too. We are all connected and that pain that you feel is reserved for only you, isn’t. The pain isn’t yours alone, and the happiness isn’t mine alone. These are just seasons. We all get a turn. The world keeps spinning, even when you feel like it shouldn’t.

So keep on keepin’ on, my friends. Your happy may be just around the corner.

Merry Christmas.

***

“Nothing lasts forever – not even your troubles.”
– Arnold H. Glasow