“The soul is healed by being with children.”
– English proverb
Miss Lauren takes the spotlight again this week with a little dose of practicality…
"Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it." – Mary Oliver
Tag Archives: family
Controversy
“I’m not an activist; I don’t look for controversy. I’m not a political person, I’m a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights.”
– Ellen DeGeneres
So, here’s an idea. I know it might sound crazy, but hear me out.
So you’re sitting there and this crazy controversial issue pops across your radar. Let’s say it’s…oh, I don’t know…Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner’s gender transition. (Hypothetically speaking, of course.) And let’s say that your uber-Christian beliefs tell you that Bruce (not Caitlyn – because you refuse to call HIM Caitlyn) is going straight to hell as fast as the little fire-breathing demon chauffeurs can get him there. And let’s say that you think, “Hey! You know what?! I think the whole world needs to know that Bruce is going to hell” and so you decide the next logical step is to post something about that on Facebook. And let’s say you lean back, prop your crossed-legs up on your desk, place your self-righteous hands behind your self-righteous head and wait, with a “God loves only me” smile, for the ever-supportive comments and likes to roll in like the waves at high tide.
But then…wait. What is this? Oh no! You drop your feet back to the floor, sit forward and stare at your computer screen in utter disbelief. Right there, in the midst of the support you receive from your like-minded friends, suddenly a comment pops up that….*gasp!*….goes against your opinion. Whaaaaat? Oh yes, ’tis true. There it is. Right in the middle of the self-righteous (have I used that word already?) rants from you and your cronies, there is a comment that has the audacity to imply that you might just be wrong in your stance. A comment that suggests that CAITLYN Jenner is, in fact, not going to hell and that God actually loves HER just as much as He loves you.
Whoa, nelly!
So, what do you do? You pout. You and your friends gang up on the commenter and tell her how wrong she is and how “rude” she’s being by going against what you have to say. About how she and anyone who agrees with her are on the wrong path and had better turn from sin and see the light. And then…in a display of utmost maturity…you DELETE said comment so that your post remains nice and one-sided like the good Lord intended.
There. That solves that.
But wait….along come other comments that go against your beliefs. What?! There are more heathens out there!? “Delete!” Pretty soon, after tedious editing on your part, your post sits there just as you like it, with only the supportive comments accompanying it. Shew! That was a close one.
Oh, but wait. You’re not done just yet. Since you know the initial commenter’s mother, you decide you had better tell her what her teenage child did. You proceed to send the mother…let’s hypothetically name her…oh, I don’t know…”Melissa”… a private conversation you had with her daughter (where you contacted her to tell her how rude she was being by disagreeing with you) and then sit back to wait for the mother’s wrath to ensue upon the kid.
But uh oh. This didn’t quite turn out like you thought it would.
Momma Melissa doesn’t quite agree with you. In fact, Momma Melissa is actually PROUD of her daughter. Can you believe that crap? What kind of mother actually encourages her child to stand up for what she believes in and to speak out against something she feels is an injustice? The NERVE! What kind of mother has raised her children to believe that just because someone is different from you, that doesn’t make them wrong? What kind of mother would not only not punish her child for voicing her opinion, but would actually congratulate her for doing so?!
What is the world coming to?
But no worries. At least you’re not the one going to hell, right? Those poor lost souls….
So, back to my point. That crazy idea I had, remember? How about this? How about you not post controversial things unless you want a controversial response? Hmmm? How about that? How about you realize that Facebook is a public forum and, as shocking as it may be to you, there are actually people out there who think differently from you! I know, sweetie. It’s insane, it really is. But alas, ’tis true. Some people out there don’t sit at their computer pushing the little “share” button on articles knowing that they sit at the right-hand of God and that they alone are his chosen one. Seriously. Some people out there feel that we’re all created equal and that, if there is a God up there looking down on us, he wants us to love each other and save the judgment for him to take care of and decide for himself what he deems judgment-worthy.
I know, it’s weird, isn’t it? But darling, these people do exist. Sad as it may be to you…they exist.
And those Momma Melissas of the world? Sheesh. Look out, lady. You try to tell them that their kid has done something wrong, when they know good and well that they haven’t…well, be prepared to hear about it.
In fact, the really crazy Momma Melissas out there? Ha! They might even have a blog and might write about it and call you out in it. Crazy, right?
People these days, man. I tell ya….
***
“Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of ‘crackpot’ than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost.”
– Chauncey Depew
Silly Kid Quotes, Week 3: Riley
“The soul is healed by being with children.”
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky
This week’s silly kid quote comes from our Riley.
Ah, Riley. He with the quiet, gentle soul, much like his father’s. And yet, also like his father, once in a while he’ll bust out with something hilarious.
Case in point:
Silly Kid Quotes: Lauren
“My children are the reason I laugh, smile, and want to get up every morning”
– Gena Lee Nolin
This week’s installment in the Silly Kid Quotes series comes from a time a few years back when my then 11-year-old step-daughter Lauren was reading my childhood diary….
Silly Kid Quotes
“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.”
– Khalil Gibran
I have a new idea. I think I’m going to start a Silly Kid Quote series.
Once a week (hopefully!), I’m going to post a picture/quote with something silly my kids have said. They are CONSTANTLY making me laugh out loud (that’s “LOL” to you text hipsters) with their silly antics and funny conversations, so why not share them with the world?
(And besides, I love making this pic quote thingies. They’re nifty.)
Okay, enough from me. It’s time to let the kiddos do the talking. Without further adieu: Silly Kid Quote #1.
(Keep coming back for more!)
The Basic Human Rights Struggle…um, I mean The Same-Sex Marriage Struggle
“Gay rights is just one of the social issues I’m interested in. I think that people might be less tense about it if we would all accept the fact that not everyone is wired the same way.”– Charlaine Harris
Let me start this out by saying that I’m the least informed person when it comes to politics that you may ever meet in your life. Why is that? I don’t know. I just have a brain block or something when it comes to that subject. I don’t like things that don’t have a clear-cut right or wrong answer. To me, politics is just a massive pile of personal opinion being thrown around that ends up creating laws that force others into submission, regardless of how they may feel about the situation. Call me crazy, but I just don’t like that crap.
And you know another reason I stay out of it? It’s pretty simple, really.
I HATE when people don’t agree with me.
I do. Oh my gosh, do I hate it. Why are other people so darn dense? Why can’t they see that I’m always right??? Sheesh.
Which brings me to one of the current topics of political discussion these days. Same-sex marriage.
Unless you live under a rock (and hey, if you do – scootch over, I’m coming in too), you have heard that same-sex marriage is a hot topic these days. And now, it has made it to the supreme court. Hearings started yesterday and the outcome is not expected to be heard until June 30th. June friggin 30th.
So, let me get this straight. (No pun intended.) A discussion is going to start on April 28 and is going to continue throughout TWO FULL MONTHS before the final decision is made…and it’s all about whether or not two people who love each other can get married?
Excuse me while I scratch my head for the next two months straight because I don’t know what the heck is happening here.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a voracious reader. I constantly have a book going. Actually, I usually have at least three books going at any given time. I listen to audio books in the car, I carry a paper book with me wherever I go, and I have audio books on my phone so I can listen to them when I’m running. Now, for someone who reads as much as I do, there’s a massive potential for me to be supremely intelligent, wouldn’t you say? I could be reading “how to” books and history books and current events books. But nope. I just listen to novels. Made-up stories. Not anything earth-shattering or informational. Just pure old-fashioned entertainment. But every now and then, a little nugget of awesomeness slips through from one of these novels. Let me share one with you. This is from The Patron Saint of Liars by Ann Patchett.
(Young girl to a nun): “What would the church say about something like that?” (Nun’s answer): “No, the question is what would God say. And that’s between her and God. It’s none of our business.”
Now, did you catch that? It’s NONE OF OUR FRIGGIN BUSINESS. Why in this world is it going to take TWO MONTHS for a bunch of supreme court justices to sit around and decide the fate of something that is none of our business? It just blows my little novel-reading, politics-ignoring, pea-sized mind.
Am I looking at this too simply? Perhaps. But is the world making this much more complicated than it needs to be? YES. For God’s sake, YES.
I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but Christianity is not the only religion in this country. (I’ll pause here while some of you catch your bearings. Breathe. Just breathe.) Thus, that whole separation of church and state thing that everyone ignores. We are a country of diversity. Beautiful, precious diversity. Why is it any of my business what the neighbors are doing with their personal life? Why? If same-sex couples are not allowed to marry, are they all going to suddenly break up, repent, see the error of their ways, and get back in straight relationships where they belong? Puh-lease. This is a formality. Straight people are straight, gay people are gay, and there is nothing that a supreme court is going to be able to do about that. It’s nature, people.
I was recently at a conference for my job. Now, I work in real estate, mind you, and guess what topic came up at this conference? You guessed it. Same-sex marriage. A local North Carolina county register of deeds was the guest speaker and she was speaking about the changes that have been enacted in relation to same-sex marriages being filed with the court. While same-sex marriages are supposed to be recognized in the state of North Carolina now, many court workers have refused to participate in the preparation and filing of the licenses. So, how has North Carolina responded to this little problem? They have allowed the workers to refuse the work if it goes against their beliefs. Oh, same-sex couples can still be married, mind you. But they have to wait to be sure the register of deeds herself (or himself) is present because they, unlike the other workers, are not allowed to refuse. What the heck?
Scene. Okay, I’m a worker at the register of deeds office. You with me? I’m sitting there playing solitaire on my computer and in walks my ex-boyfriend. Yep, that sorry, no good ex-boyfriend of mine that broke my heart into a million pieces. And who does he have with him? The good-for-nothing little blonde that he LEFT ME FOR. And what’s he there to do? Get a marriage license. Are you kidding me? Oh HELL NO! That jerk doesn’t deserve to be married. So, nope. Not gonna do it. Why? Because my BELIEFS say that this lowlife doesn’t deserve marriage like the rest of us do. Why not? Because he’s a cheating bag of scum. So there. BAM! No marriage for you, sucker.
And guess what? I get to keep my job. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Oh, wait. That scenario is different, you say? Pray tell me how? That was me letting my personal beliefs interfere with my job. Why on earth do I get to continue working there? Shouldn’t I have to do my job or get the heck out? What is it about this that I’m not getting, people? Help me out here.
At this same conference, the register of deeds was talking about all of the new e-filing systems and how technologically advanced North Carolina is when it comes to those matters. Somewhat under her breath, she followed that up with, “North Carolina: technologically advanced, but legally backwards.”
Amen, sister.
What’s my point of this blog? Nothing really. Just a rant, I suppose. Just some rambling thoughts about an issue that affects people I love. Will what I say make a difference to anyone? Probably not. But should I keep saying it? You betcha. If one person out there knows that one other person in this world has their back, then my job here is done.
Why can’t we just love and let love? I just don’t get it….
***
“If Sue loves Joe and Tom loves Joe, Sue can marry him and Tom can’t. And the difference is based upon their different sex. Why isn’t that a straightforward question of sexual discrimination?”
– Chief Justice John Roberts, April 28, 2015
Motherpluckers
“Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me.”
– Alice Walker
This post is a short ode to the motherpluckers of the world.
I salute you.
You know who I’m talking about, right? Motherpluckers.
The women (particularly moms) who still find the time to pluck their eyebrows and stuff like that during their uber-busy lives. (Wait…what did you think I was saying? That’s the name for them, right? Motherpluckers? Well, sheesh, what do you call them? Anyway….)
Let me just say that you chicks amaze me. I don’t even have small children anymore, but Richard and I have three teenagers and one pre-teen between us and let me tell you – getting myself ready to go anywhere falls LAST on the priority list. By the time everyone is up, fed, bathed, and clothed, I’m usually standing in a towel with dripping hair while the rest of the family is wondering why I’m not ready to leave.
If I manage to get out of the house with pants on, I’m doing good.
How do you ladies do it? How do you have the manicures and the highlighted hair and the perfect makeup? TEACH ME, OH WISE ONES!
Eh, I guess I’ve made it this far with my bushy eyebrows and frizzy hair, so I suppose I’ll be alright. But still – it’s hard not to look at you guys with the adoration that my teenage daughter reserves for boy bands. I’m in awe. Mesmerized. Obsessed.
Jealous.
But, I’m guessing those same women may look at me and wonder how I find the time to run, don’t they? I’m sure they wonder how I squeeze that into the day – and sometimes I wonder that myself.
I guess all of we moms wish we had more time for the things we can’t seem to fit into our busy lives, don’t we? I suppose I should just look at it like this: If we’re all finding time to do at least something just for us – whether it be running, plucking, reading, or whatever else makes us feel better about ourselves – then I’d say we’re probably doing alright.
“Get busy living, or get busy dying.” as my buddy Stephen King says. As long as we’re living, we’re not dead. If I manage to leave my house with two daughters with French-braided hair and two sons with their bellies full, then I guess my bushy eyebrows are a small price to pay.
Hey, at least I’m wearing pants.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do… 😉
***
“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” – Jessica Lange
Drama Break
“Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.”
– Isaac Asimov
Last month was a month of many changes for me.
If any of you are regular readers, you’ll probably notice that my posts have dropped dramatically lately. In fact, I only posted one last month, which was in honor of the death of a friend. I’ve had many things to write about – too many, in fact – but I just couldn’t seem to find the words. Everything that was happening was big stuff. Big changes – some good, some bad. Lots of “blog bling” as I like to call it….but the words just weren’t rising to the occasion. And I couldn’t figure out why that was.
Meeting Elizabeth Gilbert…Squeeee!
But then I stumbled across some notes I had taken last year when I went to a talk by my favorite author, Elizabeth Gilbert. Something she said had resonated with me at the time, so I jotted it down. She said:
“I have found that I cannot write drama while I’m living drama.”
Oh. Okay, I get it now.
How right she was about that. I’m the same way. When I write, there has to be calm. The room has to be quiet, the chores have to be done, there can’t be anything pressing that needs my attention…there just needs to be calm. And my life lately? Heh. There’s not much calm going on here.
Patches – February 6, 2015
First of all, on February 7, I lost my beloved cat, Patches. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’ve probably heard about Patches a time or two. In fact, she helped me make it into Chicken Soup for the Soul for the second time with the article I wrote about her and her “step-brother” entitled Tattle Tail. Patches was my girl. She had been with me through a lot over the past six years. She was a rescue kitty and I wasn’t exactly sure how old she was when I got her – but her age had really started showing in the past few months. And on February 7, she gave up the fight…while laying in my arms.
There was so much I wanted to write about Patches. I lost my little buddy – surely she deserved a blog post, didn’t she? But I just couldn’t find the words. Me – the person who has “words” for everything, had no words for the loss of my sweet little pet.
And to add to the “drama” – see this picture?
This picture was taken literally within an hour of my losing Patches. This is Lenny – the rescue pup that we were on our way to pick up from animal control when Patches died in my arms. Talk about drama. My emotions were all over the place. I had to switch emotional gears in a way I don’t think I’ve ever had to do before. To go from such grief to such happiness within minutes…it was just too much.
Lenny and I on the car ride home
But Lenny helped me out.
See, Lenny was scared too. And confused. He had no idea what was happening. We practically had to drag him into the car because the poor little thing didn’t know what was waiting for him. Once we finally got him in, I climbed in the back with him – teary eyes and all – and he immediately just made his way into my lap and snuggled. We both needed that. No excited tail wagging or licking or any of that puppy stuff – nope. Just calm, confused, scared snuggling. Oh, how we needed each other that morning. I’m not exactly sure who saved who, to tell you the truth.
(By the way – once Lenny got home and settled, that puppy nature came out full force! He’s such a happy boy and our lives are so much happier with him here. Ain’t he a cutie?)
Lenny lovin’
So, here I was with another major life event to write about – a new little furry member of the family – and still…nothing.
And then came even more changes.
A new job.
I have had a major commute for work for most of my life. In fact, the last time that I lived and worked in the same county, I was eighteen years old. EIGHTEEN. (Now, I’m not going to tell you how long ago that was exactly, but just trust me…it was a long time ago.) And suddenly, I was faced with the opportunity to switch jobs and take a position that was only 14 miles from home. It was such a hard decision to make – I loved my old job and loved the people there. But really, work was the only thing I had in that town. When I was faced with the opportunity to do the same work (with a bit more responsibility…which, for me, is a good thing) and do it closer to home, I just had to take it.
Today was my first day.
And, again, more blog bling. Loss of a pet. A new furball to love. And now a job change. Blog bonanza, man. And what did I have to say about it all?
A big fat nothing. *sigh*
So, I return to the words of my mentor – “I cannot write drama while I’m living drama.” Writing is a way for me to process things. I see things, I feel them, and then I process them through a blinking cursor on a blank computer screen. Sometimes, that process is a quick one. And then other times…the real times…the times that shake me up a bit – well, those are the times that may take just a bit longer. And you know what?
That’s okay.
No more fussing at myself for not writing. For not running. For not reading. For not….well, whatever. Sometimes my heart just needs a little time to get back to its regular rhythm before it lets my brain in on the secret that it’s time to get back to normal. I’ll be back. Heck, I just wrote this. I guess I am back.
I just needed a little downtime, that’s all.
Thank you all for still being here. I’m just human, I suppose. Life happens. And eventually, I get back in the swing of things and start putting those happenings into words again. That’s the thing about writing. It never goes away. It’s there. It’s always there…just waiting on the green light from its human container.
Hopefully, traffic is flowing again now.
***
“I think what makes people fascinating is conflict, it’s drama, it’s the human condition. Nobody wants to watch perfection.”
– Nicholas Cage
Araina
“Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.”– Albert Camus
Meet little Araina.
Araina is the daughter of our friends James and Angel and today is her third birthday! In honor of this sweet little lady’s birthday, I’d like to ask a favor of you.
Please click here to read Araina’s story.
As you can see, precious little Araina needs our help. Let’s wish her a happy birthday by contributing to her future, shall we?
Please click on the link in the story (or just click here) to donate to her treatments. And after you do that, here’s how I’d like to thank you:
For every tax-deductible donation of $10 or more, I’d like to send you an autographed copy of my new book, Lessons Abound. This offer lasts until the end of this extra special birthday week, so you have until midnight on Sunday, February 1 to donate! (And by the way, every dollar of donation goes straight to the family. Sara’s Garden retains no fees or percentage.)
Pretty simple, huh? $10 tax-deductible donation…you get a book…and Araina starts on her way towards a bright and beautiful future.
After you’ve made a donation, send me your info at caudillmelissa78@yahoo.com and I’ll get a book headed your way. Or, you can find me on Facebook and send a message there as well.
Let’s do something beautiful today, shall we?
Happy Birthday, Araina.
***
“Obviously, you would give your life for your children, or give them the last biscuit on the plate. But to me, the trick in life is to take that sense of generosity between kin, make it apply to the extended family and to your neighbor, your village and beyond.”
– Tom Stoppard
Comments
Dear Commenters:
If some of you are wondering why your comments on my last blog are still saying that are “awaiting moderation,” I would like to explain what and why that is.
What this means is that I, as the blog site operator, can “moderate” what comments are allowed and which ones aren’t. And why are you receiving this message? Here’s why.
I’m sick of it.
I truly am. I am sick of the bashing of a CHILD.
Now, I allowed many comments to go through that are against what I’m saying. That is fine…this is a highly controversial issue and I understand that many will not agree with me. You are welcome to your opinions, just as I am welcome to mine. Childhood sports is apparently a hot topic – a much hotter topic than I myself even realized. This blog has blown up. Am I sorry for that? Absolutely not. It’s a topic that needed to be discussed. Too many people sweep things under the rug and hope it goes away. I am not one of those people.
However, the comments from the people who actually know the parties involved – those are the ones that are really upsetting me. Why is that? Because they mention my son specifically. And the knowledge they have (or think they have) is only knowledge that would come within the school. Meaning: these are comments from faculty and staff of the high school. Comments that are BASHING a student.
I have a message for you. I know you used “fake names” and “anonymous” for most of your messages. But there’s this wee little thing about the WordPress site that you might not be aware of. When I receive an anonymous message, I also receive this:
To temporarily protect whichever staff member this one happened to be, I have blackened out your info. But I have it. I have your email address. Oh, and in case it’s a fake email address, I also have your computer IP address. Don’t know what that is? It’s a little number that will track your message right back to your computer. YOUR computer.
And you know what else I have? Techie friends. They’re pretty handy…you should get some of those.
I feel certain that the Board of Education for the State of Virginia would be thrilled to know what kind of staff members it has working at Grayson County High School. I’m sure they’d love to know that the staff is calling attention to one child’s past, and threatening to list the info (some true, some not) on a public, social forum.
And I can’t wait to tell them.
For those of you who have already commented – consider yourself informed. For those who want to comment in the future in the same manner – heed my warning.
I’m sick of it.
But thank you for reminding me why this needs to be done. The corruption in this school is sickening.
***
“The fight for justice against corruption is never easy. It never has been and never will be. It exacts a toll on our self, our families, our friends, and especially our children. In the end, I believe, as in my case, the price we pay is well worth holding on to our dignity.”
– Frank Serpico
MissyRambles 