“A lot of people don’t want to make their own decisions. They’re too scared. It’s much easier to be told what to do.”
– Marilyn Manson
See that quote? Yeah, Mr. Manson was talking about me.
Oh my gosh, I so hate making decisions. I suck at them. Anything from where we’re going out to eat to what kind of car I’m going to buy to what pair of shoes I’m going to wear for the day – I hate them all. I want someone to walk around my life with me and tell me what to do. I want them to point it all out for me. Lead the way. Basically, I just don’t want the responsibility for determining an outcome. If the wrong choice was made and there were bad consequences, I want that to be someone else’s fault, not mine.
But apparently, this whole ‘grown-up’ crap doesn’t allow for that. I’m stuck. I have to make decisions whether I like it or not.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were signs like this along the way?
Now, see? If I knew I had road signs in my life to direct the course, I’d be in good shape. I’d have a lot less to stress over, I know that. Wrong decision? No biggie! Here’s you a little sign telling you to turn around and re-do it. Easy peasy.
Don’t I wish.
But I guess what I need to do is realize that while, yes, there may be a bad outcome if the wrong decision was made, there could also be a pretty awesome outcome if the right decision was made. You know?
I guess that’s maybe what it all comes down to. A fear of making decisions is really just a lack of confidence in yourself. I guess I never really thought of it that way.
Hmmm. I should probably stop that.
After all, I’ve made some pretty great decisions in my life at times. I can think of two wonderful decisions right off the bat. Those little decisions have bright red hair and make me laugh every single day. I think I did an excellent job there. What else? Well, I made the decision to continue with school when I wanted to quit (being 19, pregnant, and in college was a tough row to hoe, let me tell ya). I decided to continue taking various classes here and there after graduating which led me to the legal field. I made the decision to end a marriage where I wasn’t fully allowed to be myself. I made the decision to pursue my passion in theatre. I made the decision to start running.
I made the decision to start this blog.
You know, now that I think of it, maybe I’m not such a bad decision maker after all. I think I’m going to start remembering that. Starting today, I’m just going to go for it. When it’s time to make a decision, I’m going to just trust my instincts and jump. What’s the worst that could happen? You live, you learn. You may fall sometimes, sure. But there are also going to be times that you fly.
And I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather fly with a few tough landings here and there, than to never leave the ground at all.
“It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.”