Tag Archives: inspirational

07

Aug. ’13

One-Sided

“This is the hardest of all: to close the open hand of love, and keep modest as a giver.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

onesided

I want to talk about something that has caught my attention lately.

Givers.

And I don’t just mean givers in general – those who give their slightly used products to Goodwill instead of throwing them away; those who give an extra dollar every time the cashier asks if you want to donate to this or that charity; those who graciously give little presents here and there whenever and wherever they can.  Yes, those people are awesome (go team!), but no – that’s not what this blog is about.  I want to be a little more specific.  I want to talk about the givers in relationships.

To be even more specific, I want to talk about the givers in one-sided relationships.

[Now in this blog only (and I do apologize for this because I don’t usually do this kind of thing), I want to specifically talk about the woman in this kind of relationship.  Yes, I know that one-sided relationships can go either way – sometimes it’s the man giving their all while the woman does next to nothing to contribute (and sometimes it can happen within a same sex couple, which really throws a wrench into my theory here) – but as the author of this blog, I can only talk about what I know.   And what I know is what I’ve witnessed and what I’ve experienced.  In that experience, limited though it may be, I have seen that the giver is usually the woman.  I promise I’ll explain why I think that is soon.]

So.  One-sided relationships.  Oh boy, have I been there.  I also know a few friends who have been there, and I know some friends who are there now.  Not following what I mean exactly by one-sided relationships?  Ok, let me set the stage for you.

You’re with this guy and you just absolutely adore him.  He’s cute, he’s charming, he’s loving (well, most of the time)…man, you think you’ve hit the jackpot with this one.  So, you’re going to make absolute certain that you don’t screw this one up.  You’ve been known to screw things up in the past, so this time is going to be different.  First order of business?  Make sure he knows that you’re not one of those “needy” chicks that expects the man to pay for things when you go out.  Oh no siree, not you, Miss Woman of the 21st Century.  You are independent and self-sufficient and he needs to know it.  So, on the first couple of dates, you pay for yourself.  Nothing wrong with that, right?  You feel good about it – he seems impressed – win/win.  But then, as time goes by, you start paying for a few more things here and there – you start buying both of your meals.  You not only want to show that you’re independent, but you want to show him how much you care.  And we know how much a man loves food, so let’s buy him some.  Well, eventually, that doesn’t seem to be enough.  You don’t feel like he knows that you care.  And if he doesn’t know, then he might not stick around, right?  Better do a little bit more.  Let’s start buying him gifts.  Yeah – that’ll do the trick.  First, a little gift here and there.  No biggie – it’s sweet, right?  Then, those gifts start getting a little larger…he’s into cars?  Let’s buy him some car accessory we saw him ogling.  He likes a certain movie?  Let’s find the special collector’s edition DVD of it and give it to him for no good reason.  He likes a certain book?  Ok, never mind…I’ve went too far.  We all know men don’t read books….

(KIDDING, fellas!)

So, you catch my drift, right?  Eventually, somewhere along the line, the idea has entered your head that you can earn this man’s love.  Now, I don’t mean to emphasize monetary gifts, per se.  Sometimes it may just be cooking him dinner, or making him something, or writing him notes…whatever.  The point is, you are doing a heck of a lot more than he is.

Why is that?

Ok, well, I can hypothesize on this all day, but I’ll try to narrow it down.  There are so many possible reasons why women feel the need to do this, but first and foremost is this: we were raised this way.  Now, I know that times are changing and women are much more independent than they were in times gone by.  But at the heart of who we are is the need to nurture.  We are the ones who bear the children, we are the ones whose bodies produce the milk to feed our young, we are the ones who are taught from an early age to keep the peace, to keep our loved ones happy.  It’s just the way it is, like it or not.  And honestly, I’m cool with that.  The role we women play is a pretty important one, a necessary one, and we should be proud.

But here’s the problem with that.  We sometimes may tend to transfer that over to our romantic relationships. And then when the relationship doesn’t work out, we think we didn’t play our role correctly, so we try harder the next time.  And if that one doesn’t work out?  Try even harder the next time.

You following me?

Because of our nature, we think that we have to give, give, give in order to be loved.  Check out these snippets of lyrics from the song “Little Miss” by Sugarland:

“Little miss checkered dress
Little miss, one big mess
Little miss, I’ll take less when I always give so much more…
Little miss, do your best
Little miss, never rest
Little miss, be my guest, I’ll make more anytime that it runs out…”

See?  It’s who we are.  There are even songs about it.  And don’t get me wrong – like I said before, being this way is a good thing.  It really, really is.  But the problem is that sometimes we end up with men who take advantage of that.  Now, am I blaming them for that?  No, not really.  As much as I like to blame men for everything, I’m not sure I can put this one on them.  Much like we were raised the way we were, they were also raised the way they were – as the recipient of this nurturing.  Why wouldn’t they accept it?  It’s natural to them.  They’re thrilled with it – who wouldn’t be?

Well, I’ll tell you who ends up not thrilled.  Us.

Women.

Over time, we start feeling like we are the only one doing anything in the relationship.  Like we are the only ones keeping it going – we are the only ones busting our butts to make sure the relationship is happy and fulfilling, while the man just reaps the benefits.  We give, they take.  My coworker Tina, who is always filled with words of wisdom, has said this phrase to me many times:

“You teach people how to treat you.”

We have taught them that this is the way it is.  That the relationship will continue without any effort on their part, because we have it covered.  No worries, Mr. Man, we got this.  We’re women, we’ll take care of everything.

But you know what?  That’s really not cool.

And when we start realizing it’s not cool, and start realizing that things are one-sided, we start to feel resentful towards the man.  We start hoping that he will change.  But guess what?  He’s not going to.

You know who has to change?  You.

Again, like I’ve said many times in my blogs, I certainly don’t have all the answers.  I’ve been through my share of failed relationships, and I’m sure I played a huge personal role in those failings at times.  I’m no different than you are.  The only thing I’m hoping to do here is shine a light on something that might be wrong in your life that you have the power to right.  Don’t stop being a giver altogether, I’m not saying that.  But maybe you could just try not to give quite so much.  Maybe you can try not to control so much and have a little faith.  Let things happen on their own, without so much forced effort.  I don’t know – just try it for a while.  See what happens.

Hey, you never know – the man in your life may just be waiting for the chance to show you he cares, if you’ll just leave him a little room to do it.

And if he doesn’t?  If he doesn’t rise to the challenge and the relationship falls apart because you are no longer in the driver’s seat?  Well, then I guess you know that little instinct you’ve been ignoring has been trying to tell you something, hasn’t it?

Relationships, man.  This crap ain’t for the faint of heart, I’m tellin ya….

***

“Yeah, I’m a giver.  I’ve learned to be selective of the people in my world, because if I love someone, I will give them my blood, whatever they need.  In doing so, one can end up with little left for themselves.”
-Brittany Murphy

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

01

Aug. ’13

34

“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.”
– Voltaire

Today, August 1, 2013, is the last day that I will ever be 34 years old.

As you get older, birthdays don’t seem to hold the same significance that they did when you were younger. Have you noticed that? You don’t really “look forward” to them anymore. In fact, at some point, they become something that you even somewhat dread. (Another year older!? Really??) But I have decided that, starting this year, I’m going to put a stop to that nonsense.

As I prepare to turn the page to 35, I’m going to take a moment to look back over the year I was 34. The good, the bad – everything notable that took place during my time on this earth as a 34-year-old. Each year holds special moments that are gone in the blink of an eye – moments that we will never get back and can only be relived through memories. They should be cherished and appreciated and yes, even celebrated – the bad, along with the good. But most important of all, they should be noticed.  For these are the moments that make us who we are – the moments that shape and mold us into the awesome, unique individuals that comprise humanity, and that give each of us our own story to tell.

So, here’s mine.

Please join me as I look back over the 34 most notable events of my 34th year (in no particular order):

1. I started a blog.  I had toyed with the idea for years, but I finally got up the courage to do it this year.  And it has been AMAZING!  If you’re reading this, you’re one of the reasons why.  I’m blown away by how many people read this thing and by all the responses I have gotten from it.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

2. I got my first writing award (and check!).  I got up the nerve to enter a local writing contest and was shocked to get a letter in the mail saying that I had won first place in the essay category.  Woohoo!
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3. I got my first rejection letter. Yep.  A real-life “your stuff isn’t what we’re looking for” letter.  And you know what?  I actually thought it was kind of cool.  Really.  You’re not a real writer until you get a rejection.  Initiation complete.

4. I saw Niagara Falls.  And it was AWESOME!
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5. I saw my first marathon.  A group of us traveled to New York for the Wineglass Marathon.  Many in the group were running the marathon, some running the half marathon, and some, like myself, were just there to watch.  There was NOTHING like it.  One of my favorite running-related quotes of all time: “If you lose faith in humanity, go watch a marathon.” – Kathrine Switzer.  There is so much truth to that.  The feeling of camaraderie and “oneness” between the runners and spectators alike was something that I don’t even know how to put into words.  This was definitely one of the highlights of my 34th year, hands down.
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6. I ran a 5K in New York, and got my personal best time of 30:55.  The day before the marathon, there was a 5k as part of the festivities surrounding the event.  I decided to run it in, and ended up getting my best personal 5K time.  My boyfriend captured this picture at the very moment that I looked up and saw the time clock at the finish line.  I just love it.  The picture says it all.  It was nice to feel so proud of myself.
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7. My son joined the cross country team at school.  This was such great news to me.  I was so proud of him, and felt like my running had made an influence on that decision.  Since joining the team, he has gone on to race in a few races with me, and place in many of them (including a 3rd place overall finish for one of them!).  I’m such a proud mom.
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8. I ran my first 10k.  Shortly after returning from the New York trip, I knew that I couldn’t stop at 5Ks.  It was time to start training for longer distances.  My first 10K was a trail run, and I ran it with my son.  I wasn’t fast, but I was very proud.  And it was the first time that the thought entered my mind that I might even be able to go further than that.  Which brings me to #9..

9. I ran my first half-marathon.   Wow.  All of my hard work paid off and I crossed that finish line with possibly more pride in myself than I had ever felt before.  Not too shabby for a 34-year-old, if I don’t say so myself.
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(Here’s the blog entry about the half marathon if you’d like to read more: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/04/i-did-it/)

10. I watched my boyfriend Richard be inducted as the Master of the Ashe Masonic Lodge #594.  This was actually very, very cool.  I had never seen anything like this ceremony (I’m a chick – we’re not allowed, ya know), and I admit that I went into it thinking that the rituals and secrecy were somewhat silly.  But I came away with a deeper understanding of how much this fellowship means to those men, and what good, kind, noble men each and every one of them are.  I was so incredibly proud to be Richard’s girlfriend that day.  I won’t forget it anytime soon.
Master Mason Ceremony

11. I started attending a new church. My boyfriend and I, along with our kids, have started attending Bethany United Methodist Church.  It has been nice to feel like a part of a church family again.  I needed that.

12. I moved. I finally took the plunge and moved out of a place that I was unhappy at.  It has made all the difference in the world.  It’s such a great feeling to actually look forward to going home for a change.  Definitely a noteworthy event from my 34th year.

13. We lost our pet, Chicago.  Little Chicago was something else.  While just a kitten, my daughter found him in an old trash can outside our home.  He had been hurt badly (we still don’t know by what – or whom), and could not move his hind legs.  Kelly carried him around like a baby for weeks, feeding him milk from a tiny measuring spoon and giving him little kitty pain pills that an animal-loving friend of ours had provided.  I just knew the little guy wasn’t going to make it, but alas – he surprised us all.  He was with us for four years.  I pretended like I didn’t like the little guy (he had THE MOST annoying meow in the world), but I feel his loss more than I ever thought I would have.  We miss you, annoying little Chicago.  You were loved.
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14. I saw my grandma turn 83. Such a spry, spunky little Grandma she is too.
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15. I lost another grandparent. My grandpa, Paul Pridemore (who we all referred to as “Mr. P.”) passed away during my 34th year.  Mr. P. lived a long, happy, healthy 96 years on this earth and will be missed by everyone who knew him.  I’ll bet he wasn’t the type to dread another birthday.  He served as a good example to live life to the fullest while we’re here.  I hope I’ll live to make him proud.
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16. I ran the path that my other grandpa, Greene Halsey, had walked to school.  This is something that I had wanted to do for a long time, and finally did it during my 34th year.  I’ll post the link to the blog if you’d like to read more about it.  I was very proud to have finally done this.   https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/uphill-both-ways/

17. I sang in public for the first time (sort of).  Ok, so technically, I had done this before in musicals.  And at karaoke.  But getting up and singing with my boyfriend at one of his gigs was SO nerve-wracking.  I couldn’t believe I had the courage to get up there.  It was hard – and I was shaking like a leaf – but I did it.  And have done it a few more times since.  Definitely a noteworthy moment from age 34.
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18. I lost Richard. Definitely not one of the happiest moments of age 34, but noteworthy nonetheless.  Richard and I split up for 2 months.  We both tried to move on, but we found our way back (thank God).  I think we both grew up more during those 2 months than we had in a long time.  Sometimes you just have to travel alone for a while (whether you want to or not) to find out what’s really important.  And I definitely found out what was important.  Him.  I’m so glad he’s back.

19. I witnessed two little miracles.  I saw the tiniest babies I had ever seen in my life – and they belonged to my sister.  Her twins were born 10 weeks too early.  Not many things have affected my life like seeing those tiny little healthy human beings.  I’m so amazed at the technology that we have now that allowed for these two to survive.

Here they were then:
twins

And here they are now:
twins2
(Again, if you’d like to check out the blog post about these little angels, here’s the link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/week-old-miracles/)

If the 33-year-old Melissa didn’t believe in miracles, this 34-year-old Melissa sure as heck does.

20. I was the subject of a blog. My boyfriend and I were interviewed for a very public blog that was read by tons of people.  How cool is that?!  Definitely the first time that has ever happened.  I was famous for a day!

Links:  (Here’s the link to the actual blog: http://www.8womendream.com/55851/improve-womens-self-esteem / And here’s the link to my own blog post about the blog: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/self-image-part-2/)

21. I was on TV. Yep.  My first TV appearance.  I was interviewed for an art segment of a local channel regarding the role I was playing in an upcoming production.  Awesomeness.  Another first occurring in year 34.  (blog link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/03/12/fear/)

22. I starred in my first lead female role with Ashe County Little Theatre.  I was so proud to have been cast as Mother in the show Life With Father.  It took me a long time to become a part of this theatre, and this was such a monumental moment for me.  I will remember it always.  (Plus, my boyfriend’s son Riley got to play as one of my sons. Added bonus.)
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23. My daughter starred in her first lead role ever.  I have been involved in theatre for pretty much my whole life, but I never knew the meaning of “nervous” until I felt what I felt just before the curtain rose on opening night of Annie.  Watching my baby girl stepping on to the stage in the title role was beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.  I was so incredibly proud of her.  Not only for her ability, but for her poise and humility throughout the production.  This kid is going to go places.  Mark my word.
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(Related blog post: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/tomorrow/)

24. Lost a friend.  Although I don’t count this as one of the highlights of my 34th year, I had a falling out with a very close friend.  Looking back, I’m not so sure the problem was worth ending a friendship over (is it ever?), but it happened nonetheless.  And it should be noted in this list.  Perhaps I can come back with an update in year 35 that this has been mended?  Perhaps.  Either way.  Friendship lost – duly noted on the list – moving along…

25. Mended a friendship.  While we’re on the topic, I might as well mention that I regained a friend in my 34th year.  This is a story that I hope to tell in a future blog, but for now, I’ll just say that it’s nice to have found my old friend again.  And to know all is well.  Everything always works out ok in the end, right?  Chris, I’m glad you’re back.
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26. Ran my first obstacle race. The Warrior Dash.  *sigh*  I don’t even have the energy to talk about this one anymore.  If you want to read about it, I’ll post the link.  You probably don’t though.  It was NOT the best experience.  But good or bad, it made the “34” list, so I guess it was notable.
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(Blog link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/warrior-dash-or-as-i-like-to-call-it-hell/)

27. Richard and I introduced each other to the fam. That’s a big deal.  We were each thrown into the big, loud, happy mix at each other’s family get-togethers over the holidays, and then in a few events (some sad, some happy) since then.  Nothing makes you feel like a “real” couple more than getting included in the family (dis)functions. 😉
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28. We took our first ‘family’ trip to the beach.  Richard’s family has this super cool tradition that spans the years (starting even before he was born) of all getting together to go to Myrtle Beach once a year.  It’s a glorified family reunion, if you will.  And this year, my kids and I were included.  And that’s awesome.  It meant so much to me to be included in something so special, and is definitely noteworthy in my 34 list.
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29. Made it through a cancer scare. I was a basket case during the fall of my 34th year.  We found a lump on my son’s neck that wouldn’t go away.  17 years ago, the same thing had happened to me when I was just a few years older than he was.  And I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  After excruciating weeks of waiting and worrying, a surgery was finally scheduled to remove the lump from his neck and have it tested.  And – thank God – it was benign.  There is no worry like that of a mother for her child.  I gained a new appreciation and understanding for my own mother through this ordeal, and I hope to never have to go through anything like it again.
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30. Got a standing ovation – mid-show.  Now, THAT was cool.  Of course, I was playing Elvis (sort of).  And I sang Heartbreak Hotel.  And I looked like this:
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But still.  Standing ovations mid-show just don’t happen.  That was definitely one for the 34 list.  Hands down.

31. Went to an AWESOME wedding. Now, you know if a wedding made the list, it must have kicked butt.  Well…it did.  That was the most fun I have had in a while.  It was theatre-themed and full of people I love – how could you go wrong?  I even blogged about it. (https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/completion/)
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Thanks Jim & Rebecca for giving us these memories to cherish.

32. Visited the house Richard lived in when he was born.  We took a little detour on the way back while we were in New York for the marathon, and swung by to take a look at the house that Richard lived in for the first six months of his life.  It was the first time he had seen it since.  That was a pretty cool moment.  Very sentimental.  I was proud to be able to tag along for that moment.  That was a good “age 34” memory.
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33. 4-mile Abingdon race with my son.  Now, why did this make my list?  Sure, I’ve run plenty of races by now – and quite a few of them with my son.  But there was just something about this one.  Most notably, when my son finished the race (well ahead of me, of course), he turned around and came back on the track to find me, and finished with me.  It would be pretty difficult to leave that moment off of the top 34 list.  Have I mentioned that I’m a proud momma??  (Blog post: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/favorite-race-so-far/)
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And finally.  We’ve reached #34.  I saved what I felt was the most notable event for last.  (And incidentally, if you’ve made it this far – I’m impressed.)

34. I was in a car accident.  In April of my 34th year, I was in a pretty bad car accident.  I totaled my car but, miraculously, walked away with only a few scratches.  You don’t come away from something like that without some sort of “indention” on your life.  It leaves a mark.  The only thing that remained intact from my accident, besides myself, was my drivers side mirror.  I found the mirror at the accident site days later, and took it home as a reminder.  True to my word (as I mentioned in a blog post shortly after –  https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/reflection/), I keep this mirror beside my bed on my nightstand.  I feel like it serves a reminder that I’m still here.  I’m still here.  Life didn’t stop at 34.  And there’s probably a reason for that.

And I fully intend to spend the rest of my time here on earth figuring out exactly what that is.

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So, thank you.  Thank you, reader, for taking this trip down memory lane with me.  You know – you would think that it would be hard to come up with 34 things over a year that were notable, wouldn’t you?  But I actually found myself having to weed some out. Isn’t that crazy?  It’s amazing how much you realize actually happens in your world when you sit down and take the time to pull each event out and shine a light of remembrance on it.  We should do this more often, shouldn’t we?

Goodbye, 34.  You were awesome.

Hello, 35.  You ready?  We’ve got a lot of work to do. Let’s get started.

***

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
– Oprah Winfrey

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments

31

Jul. ’13

Burnout

“Take a rest.  A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”
– Ovid

I just remembered something.

I’m a runner.

Did you remember that?  Because I didn’t.  I’m tellin’ ya – I seriously think I forgot about that for a while.

I have these little ‘categories’ set up on my blog.  Not sure if anyone ever notices that you can search for writings under the categories, but I thought it was a cool option when I was designing this thing, so I went with it.  I set up four categories – Freestyle Writings, Poetic Musings, Running, and Songs.  When I first started out, I was afraid that the “running” category would be jam packed, and that my readers who were non-runners would be bored senseless.  I was at the peak of my running ‘career’ at that point – training my tail off for my first half-marathon (which I successfully completed in May, by the way).  I was full of wit and wisdom for new runners and amateur runners like myself – hoping to show everyone that anyone can do this running thing and that you just have to push through and believe in yourself and persevere through the obstacles…..yada yada.  So on and so forth.

But then – well, I don’t know.

I just kinda just stopped that.

I just clicked on my own “Running” tab to see the last thing I had written about running.  It was this:  https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/time-to-chill/  Oh.  An article called “Time to Chill.”  Well, that explains it.

At that time, I was all prepared to purchase this t-shirt and hang up my running shoes:

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Yep.  I was done for a while.

In other words, I had been….

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Hehe.  Get it?  Running on empty?  Oh, the wit.

But I digress.

So, yeah.  I had achieved what many of us have achieved in many different areas of our lives at some point.   Anytime you’re passionate about something; you spend all your time doing said something; you dedicate your heart and soul and spirit to the something – there exists the risk of running into that little devil who is always waiting just around the corner to put a stop to it all.  What is this little devil, you ask?

Burnout.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions – your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker.”
– Sam Keen

That’s just it.  I had become a sleepwalker.

So, you know what I did?  I took a break.  And I think that’s the smartest thing I could have done for myself.

In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that I’ve started feeling the pull again.  I started with a few short runs – a mile or two here and there.  And slowly, I find myself inching my way back up.  A 4-miler here.  A 5-miler there.  And yesterday – I did my own little 10K just to prove I could.  Little by little,  I’m making my way back.  I saw a post yesterday for a 7-mile run up and down a mountain road here locally.  Hmmmm.  I have two months to train….

My point is this.  Burnout is real.  No matter how much you love something, no matter how much a part of your life it becomes, overdoing it can be problematic.  It really can.  It’s ok to take a break.  You know?  Chill out a little bit.  Let things settle.  Let yourself remember why you love this thing so much and why you ever started it in the first place.

Are you a runner?  Well, there.  Apply this lesson literally.  But if you’re not?  Well then, I’m sure there’s something you can apply it to.

Maybe even someone?  Now, there’s some food for thought.

But see, here’s the thing.  When you want it bad enough, when it has become a part of you, it won’t disappear.  I promise.  Taking a break is not going to un-do any progress you made.  This thing you love is not going to go away.  Not when it’s real.

Rest easy.  Stop worrying.  It will be back.  You’ll see.

***

“”Sometimes in sports there are times when it is best to wait for another day and try again, at least for me. I see life as the race and I see no honor in reaching the finish and passing out or crawling across the finishing line. In Costa Rica, we have a saying: It’s not about being the first to finish, it’s about how you get there.”
-Roman Urbina

Posted by . Categories: Running. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

23

Jul. ’13

Facebook

facebook

It has been on my mind for a while to do a blog about Facebook.  I attempted to deactivate my account recently due to…well, I don’t know what really.  I guess I just got sick of it.  A lot of my problems lately have seemed to somehow stem from something Facebook related, so I was ready to be done with the whole thing.  But my attempt was short-lived.  I came crawling back.  Like we all do.  Don’t lie, you know you’ve done it too.  This whole process got me thinking that I should blog about Facebook.  You know – the good, the bad, the ugly, the whole nine yards.

Now, let me explain how this whole “blog” process works for me.  First: something happens in my life, or I see something significant that strikes a chord, or an interesting thought pops into my mind…whatever the case may be…and I decide that I’m going to write a blog about it.  Once the decision is made, the next step is to look for quotes.  If you’re a regular reader, I’m sure you’ve noticed that there are very few (if any?) of my blogs that don’t end with a quote.  Some also start with one, and most have them interspersed throughout the blog as well.  I absolutely adore quotes.  I am a lover of conversation and, to me, quotes are just noteworthy snippets of conversation between other humans who were going through something similar to what I was going through.  Quotes make us feel connected to each other.

And I think that’s pretty cool.

So, back to Facebook.  Once I decided to do a blog about this topic, I went about my usual method.  I started searching for quotes.  And here is what I’ve decided.  Rather than droning on and on about the pros and cons of Facebook, like I had originally intended to do, I’m just going to let the quotes speak for themselves.   People have already said it better than I have, so I’ll let them do the talking this time.  Ready?

Here we go.

First, one that I think pretty much sums up the whole topic in a nutshell:

“I didn’t know what Facebook was, and now that I do know what it is, I have to say, it sounds like a huge waste of time.”
– Betty White

Right on, little Betty.

Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s throw in another cute one from Betty just for our comedic pleasure:

“People have told me ‘Betty, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with old friends…’ At my age, if I wanted to keep in touch with old friends, I’d need a Ouija board.”
– Betty White

Hehe.  Oh, Betty, girl you cray cray.

Ok, moving along.

On a more somber note, here’s a notable one that really struck a chord with me:

“I feel like I’m part of a generation of people who are stuck in the past and are really self-absorbed.  I mean, we’re actually taking pictures of ourselves and posting them on Facebook, and keeping in touch with people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago.”
– Diablo Cody

That one touched right on the whole reason I wanted to write this blog in the first place.  My recent disdain with Facebook began when I started having troubles with someone from my past giving me a hard time on Facebook.  It took me much too long to realize that just because someone was a part of your past, that was no reason to carry them into your future solely due to their presence on some silly social network.  *BLOCK*

Ok, I promised I wouldn’t talk much in this blog, so back to the quotes.

While we’re on the topic of not letting go of the past, here’s an interesting one:

“America’s Facebook generation shows a submission to standardization that I haven’t seen before.  The American adventure has always been about people forgetting their former selves – Samuel Clemens became Mark Twain, Jack Kerouac went on the road.  If they had a Facebook page, they wouldn’t have been able to forget their former selves.”
– Jaron Lanier

Wow.  Again, I’ll try not to comment.  Just let that sink in for a minute.

(And if you had to look up Jack Kerouac, don’t feel bad.  I did too.  Unless I’m the only one who didn’t know who that was.  And if that’s the case, then I’m just kidding.)

Moving on…

What do you think about this one?

“I would argue heavily that the time that has been allocated to social networking used to come from television, and people are benefitting from it.  People who are saying, ‘Aw, you’re spending all your time on Facebook…,’ well, I’d like to understand what that person used to do with that time.”
– Gary Vaynerchuk

I think this Gary dude might be on to something.  I know I rarely watch TV anymore.  Good thing?  Bad thing?  Eh, who knows.  It’s not my turn to talk anyway, so I won’t hypothesize.  I promised to shut up.

Moving along.

Ahhh, here we go:

facebook2

I couldn’t find an actual person to attribute this quote to (and I HATE that), but it was too good not to post.  Made me giggle.  (Because, hey – I’m the QUEEN of posting pics on Facebook.  Just ask some of my haters, they’ll tell you.)

Now, how about this one for you voyeurs out there (you know who you are):

“I am a Facebook voyeur.  I feel bad about it because I never put anything on there, but I find it fun to sit there and watch peoples’ lives go by.  Or whatever lives they’re presenting.”
– Eddie Kaye Thomas

Hmmm.  That last part is a zinger, wouldn’t you say?

On that same note:

facebook6

Yup.

And again:

“There is something decidedly faux about the camaraderie of Facebook.”
– Bill Keller

Hmmmm.  Would you agree?

Let’s dig a little deeper.  This one combines Facebook with one of my passions…acting:

“When playing a role, I would feel more comfortable, as you’re given a prescribed way of behaving.  So, both Facebook and theatre provide contrived settings that provide the illusion of social interaction.”
– Jesse Eisenberg

Ouch.  Ok, anyone else feel their toes being stepped on, or is that just me?

facebook

Yes.  Here’s to hoping for that.

Or, how about this one in the “food for thought” category:

“With Facebook, you’re not really allowed to be unhappy.  Think about it: There’s only a ‘like’ button.  Yes, you can be angry, but it’s only lighthearted rage.  On Reddit, perhaps because you can be anonymous, people are willing to be openly sad or angry.  They are more honest.”
– Yishan Wong

(Let me break my “I promise I’ll shut up” rule here for a second with a loud, “DING DING DING.”  Ok, I’m quiet again…)

Now, let’s explore the word “friend” on Facebook, shall we?

“I don’t need to go onto Facebook and pretend to have friends I’ve never even met.  To my mind, that kind of destroys the meaning of the word ‘friend.’ I take exception to that.  Because I value and respect friendship.”
– Stefanie Powers

Hmmm.  What do you say to that?  Do you consider all of your Facebook friends as “real” friends?  Interesting.  But I’m shutting up, remember?

[Wait, one more thing before I shut up.  I think it’s interesting that there is a “close friends” list option.  I think this should be renamed “people that are actually important in your everyday life.”  At least that’s what mine should be named.  How about yours?]

Ok, I am fully aware that these quotes and tidbits are all teetering on the ‘negative’ side.  I’ll throw a few positive ones in for good measure, don’t worry.

But not yet.

facebook4

Hehe.  Ok, sorry.

Ok, positive.  Positive.  Hmmmm.  Let’s see.  Oh, ok, let’s see what Mr. Zuckerberg himself has to say about it:

” The thing that we are trying to do at Facebook is just help people connect and communicate more efficiently.”
– Mark Zuckerberg

Ok, Mark.  I hear ya.  Hey, Facebook is what gets my blog out there, right?  I think you may be right.  Or how about this one:

“No one has done a study on this, as far as I can tell, but I think Facebook might be the first place where a large number of people have come out.  We didn’t create that – society was generally ready for that.  I think this is just part of the general trend that we talked about, about society being more open.  And I think that’s good.”
– Mark Zuckerberg

What do you think?  Ok, I know I promised to shut up, but one quick thing here.  You may not agree with me on the gay rights issue, and hey – that’s your conscience you have to live with, my friend – but I can tell you that more than one of my homosexual friends over the years has contacted me privately and thanked me for loving them and publicly supporting them with my Facebook posts and for not treating them like they were any different than I am.  Think what you want about that, but as far as I’m concerned – if I’ve made even one person feel less alone with a Facebook post, then it’s all been worth it.  I’m proud of that.

*Sigh*

Ok, I don’t know where else I can go with this blog after that.  Yes, I tried to “run away” for a few days, but I came back.  I guess it was a little something like this:

facebook5

I don’t know that I was exactly ‘looking for attention’ (honestly, I was trying to hide from it), but I do get the ‘running away from home’ reference.  Do I consider Facebook to be “home?”  Well, I hope not.  Not to that extent anyway.  But you know what I do consider it?

Life.

Facebook is life.  It’s a mixture of things that make you smile, make you sad, make you laugh, make you cry, and sometimes things that make you so angry that you try to run away for a while.  But that’s just it.  You can’t escape life.  You can try not to look at it for a while, you can even try to pretend it’s not there and it’s not still going on if you’re not around to see it, but you know what?  It is.  Like Dolly Parton says,

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with a little rain.”

You gotta take the bad with the good, people.  It’s all there for the taking.  And whether you jump in there and show off, or whether you choose to just sit back and watch – either way, it’s life.  It’s there and it’s not going anywhere.

And you’re a part of it.

Kinda cool in a way.  Don’t you think?

Thanks for reading.  I know I didn’t say much in this one – just sat here quiet as a little churchmouse (*giggle*), but I appreciate you coming along for the ride anyway.

(And hey – I’m willing to bet you clicked on a link on Facebook to get here, didn’t you?)

😉

***

“If you don’t take the chance to live life, what can you say at the end of it?”
– Naveen Andrews

***

[Footnote:  Before I close out, I wanted to mention something I thought was interesting about this blog.  I went back to edit before posting, as I always do, and I noticed that I alternated between capitalizing “Facebook” and not capitalizing “facebook.”  I’m still not sure what the “correct” thing is to do, but I thought it was a little poetic that I didn’t know whether to attribute the importance of a capital letter to the name.  Kinda what this whole blog is about, wouldn’t you say?  Interestingly enough, I chose to capitalize.  Deduce what you will….]

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

12

Jul. ’13

Toes

I’m going to tell you a story about my toes.

(Yep.  She’s seriously blogging about her toes…)

You know how some people have a second toe that is longer than their big toe?  Well, holy llamas, this girl right here has a second toe that could eat her big toe for breakfast.  And still be hungry.  Oh yes, I was cursed with the longest second toe known to man.  In fact, all of my toes are pretty long.  As my boyfriend’s son recently told me, “You could play piano with those things.”

(I’m thinking of actually looking into that, by the way…)

Or another of my favorite toe stories…I once had a few actor friends crash at my house for a night when I lived the closest to a venue we had travelled to for a performance.  When everyone awoke the next morning, I asked them how they slept.  There were the obligatory “fine” responses, of course, but then…..sigh.  Then there was Evan.  Dramatic little Evan’s response?  “Well, I slept okay, but I had this nightmare.  It was awful.  I dreamed I was lying in bed sleeping and suddenly I felt something wrapped around my neck trying to choke me.  I opened my eyes, and it was your toes, Melissa!”

Ha ha.  Veeeeery funny.

So, yeah.  I’m kinda known for my horrendous toes.  And you know what I used to do?  I used to hide them.  I dreaded summer.  All the girls would pull out their cutesy little flip flops and sandals, but not this girl.  Nope, I was sporting tennis shoes no matter what time of year it was.  There was no way I was going to show the world my hideous toes.  Some things you just want to keep hidden.

But one day, that changed.  And I don’t mean that in a generic sense of the term “one day.”  I mean, I remember the exact day.

It was a particularly hot summer day and there I was sporting my tennis shoes, as usual.  I was standing in line at a gas station to pay and was looking down at the ground while I waited.  While looking down, I happened to notice the feet in front of me.  They were some chick’s cutesy little toes in a pair of cutesy little flip flops.  Of course.  I’m not gonna lie…the green-eyed monster in me started rearing its ugly head right then and there.  Why, oh why, couldn’t I have feet like that?  Why couldn’t I have the cutesy little toes and wear the cutesy little shoes?  Why did this chick get the cute toes and not me?  What a lucky, lucky girl she is.

And then I looked up.

Along with the cutesy feet, you know what else this girl had?

A bald head. 

She was a cancer patient.

Suddenly, a million memories came flooding back to me.  A few years prior to this, I too had been a bald cancer patient.  And, at the time, I was absolutely mortified by the fact that I was a 17-year-old girl with no hair.  I didn’t have the maturity yet to realize that being bald was such a small price to pay for the medicine that was saving my life.  No, I was too self-conscious and insecure for that.  I was just worried about how I looked.  I wouldn’t let anyone take any pictures of me without my wig on, so I have no documentation whatsoever of that time in my life.  Once I was finally able to return to school to finish my senior year, I remember a lot of the kids telling me to just take my hot, itchy wig off and wear scarves or something to make myself more comfortable.  But nope.  Silly me.  I wasn’t ready to uncover something that I felt was a flaw, even though I knew that I would be loved and embraced  regardless.

I have often looked back on that time over the years and wished that I would have just taken that thing off.  It was silly to hide behind it.  It was hot; it was uncomfortable; and I would have felt soooo much better if I would have just stopped worrying about how I looked, and just let my bald head shine for all the world to see.  It was nothing to be ashamed of.  I couldn’t help it.  I was beautiful – not in spite of my bald head, but because of it.

And now, here I was, hiding something else.  My stupid toes.

Psssh.

I silently applauded pretty-toe-girl for her confidence and strength and went home and took those uncomfortable, stupid tennis shoes off and started wearing flip-flops and sandals from that day forward.

True story.

So, why am I telling you this?

Well, first of all, I’m just warning you that – ugly toes and all – you are all about to see a whole big bunch of those annoying “toes in the sand” pictures from my beach trip next week.  My boyfriend Richard’s family does a big family beach trip every year in July and this year I’ve been upgraded from “the girl who feeds his animals while he’s away” to the girl who actually gets to GO on the trip.  Woohoo!  I’m always jealous of those pretty toe pictures at the beach that you see floating around, so I’m fully prepared to add my monstrosities to the mix.

But aside from that ugly toe warning to the general public, the real reason I’m telling you this story is that I hope maybe you’ll take something from it.  Do you have something you’re hiding?  Well, stop that.  Maybe it’s something physical like ugly toes, or maybe it’s something a little deeper.  Some part of you that you think people wouldn’t accept if they ‘saw’ it.  Either way – stop it right now.  There is no logical reason to hide something that makes you who you are.  Whatever it is, own it.  One day you’ll look back and wish you had.

Be comfortable.  Be confident.  Be you.

Show your toes. 

Got it?

Oh.  And I just don’t have the heart to make you read all this and not actually get to see my ugly toes.  So, here ya go…

toesblog

***

“I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.”
– Zac Brown Band lyrics

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 9 Comments

26

Jun. ’13

Tomorrow

Well, it’s here!

annie2

Tomorrow night is finally opening night for ANNIE!  And I couldn’t let this day go by without a blog shout-out to my daughter, Kelly.  Tomorrow night, she will walk out onto a stage in front of a room full of people and say her first spoken line in a show ever.

Her first spoken line.  And she’s Annie!

I am blown away by the transformation I’ve seen in my little girl over the past few months of Annie rehearsals.  This is the girl who only showed up for auditions in hopes of possibly being one of the orphans (hopefully with no spoken lines), or maybe even just to help backstage like she has done in a few shows in the past.  When she was cast as Annie, she was almost in tears.  And not the happy kind either.  I’m talking more along the lines of the “Oh-my-gosh-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into-help-momma-get-me-out-of-this” kind.

And I’ll be honest with you.  I wasn’t so sure she could do it either.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I absolutely knew she was capable of it.  The girl has got a beautiful singing voice and can dance like nobody’s business.  And she looks the part, without a doubt.  But to have the courage to get up in front of all of these people and act?  I just wasn’t so sure.  She’s always been a “behind the scenes” kind of kid when it came to theatre.  I was the actor and she was the kid who would tag along with her mom to watch.

I remember taking her to her first professional theatre show (which was Annie, no less – at Barter Theatre in Abingdon, Virginia).  At one point, after being mesmerized myself by the phenomenal performance taking place in front of me, I glanced over to see Kelly’s reaction to the show.  And what was she doing?  The little thing was turned around backwards in her seat staring up at the lighting booth and the spotlight operator.  She was so much more interested in how they were making the show, rather than the show itself.  Yep, she loved theatre – but in a much different way than her momma did.  She wasn’t just interested in the acting.  She fell in love with the process.

And now here she is – the lead role in the summer musical.

It still seems so surreal to me.  It has been amazing watching her come out of her shell.  She didn’t just peep her head out from the shadows to see what was happening on the stage.  She made a huge, flying leap right into the spotlight.  And let me tell you – this is where she belongs.  And I think she’s starting to see that too.  All she needed was a little confidence.

And this brings me to the point I’m really trying to make with all of this.

print3I’m so incredibly proud of my daughter.  I mean, what mom wouldn’t be?  But that pride doesn’t come from the fact that she’s Annie.  Yes, she has learned to control her beautiful voice and sing songs that she thought she couldn’t manage just a few short months ago.  Yes, she has studied hard and learned her lines and rarely misses a beat.  Yes, she has done all of the things that make her a great little actress and has come a very long way since that scared little girl was given the news that she was going to be Annie.  But none of that is what makes me the most proud.

What makes me the most proud is watching as her confidence and ability soars to new heights, and yet her ego and humility have not budged.

She is the most gracious, most appreciative kid I think I’ve ever seen.  She takes compliments from people with a shy sweetness that does not indicate one little ounce of arrogance.  She sent out a mass email to the cast and crew last night thanking everyone for their hard work – from the make-up ladies to the costume maker and everyone in between.  She has learned first hand how much work it takes to create something this spectacular, and she appreciates each and every minute detail that has been put into making the show a success.  That’s something a lot of actors never take the time to see.  (I know I’ve been guilty of it myself at times.  Too often, actually.)

To excel at something, even attain a bit of greatness at it, and yet still maintain a humble heart?  That is something that is very hard to do.  It takes a special kind of person for that.  I think we could all learn a lesson or two from my little Annie.

And, in closing, I want to mention one more proud momma moment.

I too am in the show.  And last night – our second-to-last dress rehearsal before opening night – I felt completely miserable.  What is probably an ear and sinus infection (who has time or money to go to the doctor?) hit its peak last night and my body refused to cooperate any further.  For the first time in my career as an actor, I had to miss a dress rehearsal.  I couldn’t leave, of course, since I was little Annie’s ride home – so someone suggested that I go lie down on a couch in the lobby.  So, I did.  I took my feverish self to the lobby and crashed.  And no sooner did I lie down, than I was out like a light.  I only woke up about three times during the entire performance.  And you know why?

Once was when Kelly was bringing me a drink of water.

Another time was when she brought a blanket she found in the dressing room to put over me.

And the final time was when she came to tell me the show was over and that it was time to go home.

There she was in one of her final dress performances in her first starring role, and yet she took every down moment she had between her many costume changes and stage appearances, to come check on her sick mom.

Have I mentioned how proud I am of my daughter?  I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I know every mom is supposed to brag on our kids.  It’s our job.  But in my case?  In my case, I’ve got someone pretty special here that calls me Mommy.  She is definitely a star – on and off the stage.

So, break a leg, sweet girl!  It’s your turn to shine.

***

“It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
You were content to let me shine, that’s your way
You always walked a step behind
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain
Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
You’re everything I wish I could be
I can fly higher than an eagle
Because you are the wind beneath my wings.”
– Bette Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings

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25

Jun. ’13

Writing Pays Off

So, Friday, June 21, 2013, I received my first-ever award for writing.  I won first place in the essay division of the Chautauqua Creative Writing Festival in Wytheville, Virginia.  Here is a picture of me with the guest speakers at the event, authors Mary Lin Brewer and Rosa Lee Jude.  (They are co-authors for a new historical fiction book series entitled The Legends of Graham Mansion.)  My sweet boyfriend Richard who came along took this picture for us.  I’m shown with the certificate that was presented to me for my “meritorious writing abilities.”  It really says that right there on the certificate.

Meritorious writing abilities.

Awesome.

award

But you know what’s even more awesome?  Here’s the picture I really wanted to take while I was there, but was too chicken and decided to wait for a more tactful setting.  Safe at home.

checkpic

Cha-ching!

Oh yeah, baby.  That’s a check.  A real live check for my writing.  MY WRITING.  A check.  Holy cow!

It’s such an awesome feeling to get a check for doing something that you just love to do for fun.  I think back to the day I wrote the particular entry that won this contest, and I am blown away that that feeling of insecurity that overcame me at the time managed to lead to such an awesome thing.  Isn’t that crazy?

There I was, sitting in the middle of an uncomfortable “woe is me” situation, and then fast forward a few months and I’m holding a check in my hand because of it.  Interesting.

Kind of makes you think a little, doesn’t it?

Who’s to say that whatever crap you’re dealing with right now at this very moment isn’t going to lead to something as awesome as that?  It’s worth considering, wouldn’t you say?

Hang in there.  It all happens for a reason, my friends.

***

“Everything happens for a reason.  That reason causes change.  Sometimes the change hurts.  Sometimes the change is hard.  But in the end, it’s all for the best.”
– Rita Ghatourey

Links if you’re interested:

Entry that won the contest: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/fully-dressed/

Info on the Legends of Graham Mansion as referenced above: http://www.legendsofgrahammansion.com/

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

19

Jun. ’13

Here and Now

“Yes, sometimes it’s tempting to think of what could’ve been. But what you really need to think of is what ‘would’ve‘ been. And that’s when you realize you’re exactly where you need to be.”
– Richard Edmondson

For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you probably already saw this quote that I posted over the weekend.  These words were spoken by my boyfriend, Richard.  As soon as I heard them, I knew they were quotable.  And as soon as I quoted him, I knew there was a blog here waiting to happen.

So, I sat down at a computer and I started to write.  I typed the quote at the top of the page and then….well.  Nothing happened.  Nothing.  Not one single sentence popped into my mind.  So much wisdom and meaning lying behind those words he said, and yet I – the one who can type for days about any given subject at any given time – can’t think of a single thing to say?  Not one more thing to add?  What’s up with that?

Hmmm.  Maybe the quote is so profound that it stands alone on its own.

Yep.  I think that’s it.

What else needs to be said really?

I mean, think about it.  How much of what you think you miss about something – whether it be a relationship from the past, an old home or an old job, a lost friendship, whatever the case may be – how much of that is actual memories and not just what you hoped it would become?  I’m betting not too much of it is real.  Be honest with yourself.  Take that thing that you can’t let go of and examine it through honest eyes for a minute.  Would it really be gone if it was as great as you thought it was?

Yes, it could’ve been great.  But would it have been?

Richard and I are not young.  We both had quite a few failed relationships in our past before we ever laid eyes on each other.  We have mountains of memories behind us, and each of us has our own share of regret that we carry along into this relationship from the ones prior.  Sometimes the past sneaks up on us and taps us on the shoulder.  It’s inevitable.  It happens.  It happens to us, and it’s going to happen to you.  It’s just how life works.  The key is knowing what to do when it happens.

Do you let it cause insecurities and chip away at your present situation?  Do you let it cause you doubt and make you second-guess your choices?  Do you let the fantasy steal the reality?

Or…?

Or do you do what my Richard does? Do you take a long, slow look around, see the beauty and the blessing in everything that your path has led you to, and wish the past a silent, thoughtful, heartfelt goodbye as you grab on tight to what you have now, safe in the knowledge that you’re exactly where you are meant to be?

I don’t know about you, but that second choice sure sounds a whole lot better to me.

usaww

This is what it’s all about.  This is where we belong.  Not in all of the many yesterdays before us, and not in the vast span of tomorrows to come.  But right here.  Right now.  Right where we were meant to be.

Thanks for the reminder, sweetheart.

***

“I thought about one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now.  I was never not coming here.  This was never not going to happen.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert

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14

Jun. ’13

Writing Scared

writing

A few months ago, I decided to enter a writing contest.  It was my first ever.  At the time, I was unsure which of my writings to enter, but I knew I wanted it to be one of the blog entries I had written since starting this public blog in February.  So, I put out a “feeler” on Facebook.  I got a lot of replies (thank you if you were one of them!), and it ended up being a resounding vote for an entry I wrote entitled “Scars.”  (See link below.  I’ll post links to each of the blogs I mention at the end of this article if you’d like to check them out.)

Now, I like “Scars,” too.  It’s personal.  It’s about overcoming the bad times and coming out victorious in the end.  What’s not to like about that concept, right?  It’s one of those “feel-good” pieces that I like to write sometimes.  I hope they help others, and sometimes I even go back and read them to help myself too.  I think those kinds of writings are important.  A vast majority of people could probably relate, so I thought I might have a good chance of appealing to what I assumed were probably “scarred” judges overseeing the contest.

So, “Scars” it was.

I had it all printed out and ready to send in to the contest.  Even had it in the envelope and sealed.  Very first writing contest, here I come.

And then, at the last minute, I did what I’m best known for in my life.

I changed my mind.

Just before mailing it out, I made what I assumed would end up being a bad judgment call on my part.  I pulled “Scars” out of the envelope, and I replaced it with “Fully Dressed.”

“Fully Dressed” is something I struggled with writing.  In it, I basically shine a spotlight on my insecurities.  One insecurity in particular.  And do you have any idea how hard that is to do?  I mean, it’s hard to admit your insecurities even to yourself, but to broadcast them to the public??  I’m always nervous just before I hit the little “Publish” button on my blog page, but I remember that one vividly.  It was a special kind of nervous.  My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Now, reading it, you might not see all of that.  You might not think it’s all that big of a deal at all.  But trust me, to me it was.  I was verbalizing something that I don’t like to let show.  I was admitting a fault in myself.  Admitting that I let something get to me.  Really get to me.  And through the writing, I managed to process those feelings, and come to something that resembled a conclusion.  The thoughts I had about the issue flowed through my fingers in a way that I didn’t even know they could.  Suddenly, as I wrote, I started to stand up to myself.  I defended myself, to myself. 

And that felt good.

Remembering all those emotions that flowed through me as I wrote and posted that entry, I decided to take a deep breath and send my writing even further out in the world.  I entered it into the contest, hoping that maybe someone somewhere might see herself in my writing and know that she isn’t the only one who has ever felt that way.  Would it win?  Eh, probably not.  But the courage it took to send it was gratification enough.

So.  Fast forward to yesterday.

I got home last night and checked my mail.  Inside was an envelope from the writing committee overseeing the contest.

“Dear Melissa,

Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that your entry entitled “Fully Dressed” in the Creative Writing Contest of the 2013 Wytheville Chautauqua Festival has won First Place in the Adult Essay category…”

Wow.  Just wow.

It went on to give specifics about the date and time of the awards ceremony and explained that I am to read the entry in front of all who attend(Yikes!), and asked me to provide a brief biography about who I am and why I like to write.

Why I like to write?  Well, that’s easy.

This.

This is why.

Not because I get an award.  Not because I get recognition.  Not because I get to get in front of a room full of people and read my winning piece out loud.  (Oh no, definitely not because of that – just the thought terrifies me!)  No, it’s not for any of those reasons.

It’s because someone somewhere understood.

Someone gets it.

Someone gets me.

***

“Writing is painting your deepest thoughts, fears, insecurities, sadness, happiness, and everything else in between, onto a canvas of words – and then, turning it around to face the world, hoping someone sees that canvas as a mirror.”
– Melissa Caudill

***

Referenced Blog Links

Scars:  https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/scars/

Fully Dressed: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/fully-dressed/

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 5 Comments

04

Jun. ’13

Time to Chill

takeabreak

I’m about to do something that I have never done so far in my “career” as a runner.

I’m backing out of a race.

I was scheduled to run the Bear in July.  For those who missed my blog about it, this is a 5-mile race straight up a mountain.  When I signed up for this thing back in February, I knew it was going to be quite a challenge.  I was prepared to put in the training and do what it took to be able to run this bear of a race and be able to say that I did it.  Nothing was going to stop me.

Well.  February was four months ago.  A lot has happened since then.

I don’t want to sound like I’m making excuses.  But frankly, I am.  Since February, I have

  • trained for and ran a half marathon.  (Go me!)
  • My daughter has been cast as the lead in a local theatre production (and I have been cast as a chorus member), which means the theatre is our second home.  It takes a great deal of our time and attention.
  • I have made the decision to move into a new home and have had to tackle the stresses that come along with any move.
  • I have hurt my foot in some phantom way (no clue how it happened – but it’s definitely getting better!), which has slowed my running down a great deal.

Oh, I could keep listing things, but honestly, it doesn’t matter.  Because basically?

Well.  Basically, I’m just tired.

I’ve noticed that ever since my half marathon has been over, my thoughts keep going back to this dreaded Bear race in July.  It has been a constant worry in the back of my mind.  Through everything else I’m doing in my life, there’s the undercurrent of, “I should be training for the Bear.  I should be training for the Bear. I should be training for the Bear.”  To be quite honest, it has become a nuisance.  So, after some soul searching, I have decided to back out of the race.

For a while, I struggled with that decision.  I called myself a quitter.  Told myself that, whether I realize it or not, other people are watching me through this process because of my blog articles and my Facebook posts.  By quitting, I am sending a message to my readers that giving up is ok.  That running is not the awesome thing that it is and that you shouldn’t push yourself to try bigger and better things.  I didn’t want this to be the message I conveyed.

But finally, I just decided to stop beating myself up.

I decided to look at it a different way.

Here’s what I want this decision to show you.  No one is perfect.  NO ONE.  If you’re a beginner runner (or maybe even just someone thinking about running), I know how intimidating it is to see these “experienced” runners do all the things they’re doing – the half marathons, the 5Ks, the 10Ks, the mountain-climbs.  Believe me, I know.  I was you just a little over a year ago.  I didn’t think that these runners were human.  I thought they weren’t like me – they didn’t have life stresses that get in the way, or days when they just felt too tired to run.  They were machines, not a flawed, tired human being like me.  Well, guess what?  I was wrong.  They were just like me.  And I’m just like you.  We all need a break sometimes.  We all need to go easy on ourselves and not push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion.

I mean, after all, when it ceases to be fun – then what’s the point?

I enjoy running.  I enjoy appreciating the new, healthier person that I have become because of it.  Nothing will ever stop me from being a runner.  But for a little while, I think I might hold off on pushing myself to the next limit.  I’m just going to enjoy where I am now, maybe enter a few local 5Ks here and there, and just relax for a while.  No pressure, no training, no pushing – just running.

I’m taking a little break from the stress.

And that’s perfectly okay.

***

“It was being a runner that mattered, not how fast or how far I could run. The joy was in the act of running and in the journey, not in the destination. We have a better chance of seeing where we are when we stop trying to get somewhere else. We can enjoy every moment of movement, as long as where we are is as good as where we’d like to be. That’s not to say that you need to be satisfied  forever with where you are today. But you need to honor what you’ve accomplished, rather than thinking of what’s left to be done.”
– John Bingham

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings, Running. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments