Tag Archives: heartbreak

Kindness

Something happened at work a few weeks ago that I still can’t seem to shake from my mind. It wasn’t anything earth-shattering. It wasn’t something that would normally make any kind of long-lasting impression. And yet – for some reason – it has stuck with me. And for a writer like myself, that means I probably better sit down and let my fingers and the keyboard figure it out for me. So here goes.

First of all, I’m a real estate paralegal. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned that in this blog before, but there ya go. That’s what I do in my real life. You know, so I won’t starve. Basically, I do the legal paperwork for people as they buy, sell, or refinance their homes. Now, I’ve always worked for attorneys, but I haven’t always specialized in real estate. My first job right out of the gate was for an attorney who handled a variety of practices, including domestic relations. That was the department I worked in. I would sit in and listen to the depositions of people who were going through divorces. I would field the phone calls of irate exes who wanted this, that and the other and wanted it no later than yesterday. I would see tears fall as people came by to pick up their final divorce decrees.

In other words, it was depressing as crap.

So, as soon as I started working more in real estate, I decided that was the way I wanted to go. There were MUCH less tears shed over the transfer of ownership of a building than there was over the transfer of people’s children and marital statuses. So, a real estate paralegal I became.

Now, for the most part, I made the right decision. There was definitely less drama here in this side of the legal field. People selling a house were usually happy. They got money. People buying a house were usually happy. They got a house. People refinancing a house were usually happy. They lowered their payments and got a better rate. So yes, the real estate field was a relatively calm and happy place to be.

But then? *sigh* Then, there was the real estate crash a few years ago. And things just aren’t quite so black and white anymore.

Refinances? A nightmare. To get a loan to go through, people have to give everything shy of a pint of blood from their oldest offspring. I’m not exaggerating much, trust me. And sales? A lot of times we have sellers who are actually bringing money to closing in order to get their property sold. Yep, you read that right – they have to pay to sell their house. We see that way more often than you’d think. And don’t even get me started on the foreclosures… Just take my word for it, this real estate stuff is not all sunshine and lollipops anymore.

Why am I telling you this? Well, here’s why.

In the course of a normal business day, I try my absolute best to maintain a friendly demeanor. I really do. (Well, with clients, that is. Not with my co-workers…I’m not that good of an actress…) But sometimes? Well, sometimes it’s just hard not to slightly snap back when I’m on the phone with people who are getting snippy with me. Especially when the person on the other end of the line happens to not even be our client. When doing a purchase transaction, oftentimes the buyers and sellers will retain separate attorneys to represent their interests in the sale. Most of the time, I’m handling the buyer’s side of things since I’m doing the closing paperwork (the buyer’s attorney is the settlement agent – meaning we conduct the closing). Now, I’m telling you all this boring mumbo jumbo because it’s important info for you to know in order to understand this particular incident that won’t leave my mind.

So, here I am, in the midst of working on a closing that is scheduled for later the same day. As is par for the course these days, I’m down to the last minute working on the stressful details to try to wrap things up so the closing can be completed. I’m waiting on a signed document from a seller who, like I explained above, is not our client, when an email pops up from the realtor representing said seller. The email states: “Melissa, there may be a delay in receiving the settlement statement from the seller today. Her husband just passed away this morning. She will get you what you need as quickly as she can.”

Wow. Her husband just died? What a tragedy. Knowing the circumstances now, of course, we are very understanding and will accommodate in anyway possible. A delay in receiving her signature? No problem at all. Totally understandable.

And then, the phone rings.

No sooner had I clicked off of the email than I heard the seller’s voice on the on the other end of the line asking for me. Now, although she introduced herself, she did not once mention what had happened to her this morning, and probably didn’t realize I knew. She just immediately started…how do I put this?…complaining. Every single thing on the settlement statement that she needed to sign was wrong. I didn’t do this right. I didn’t do that right. Her property taxes were already paid and I was showing that they weren’t. (FYI – They weren’t paid.) She went on a tirade about all the things that was wrong and that I needed to fix IMMEDIATELY.

Whoa.

So, let me tell you how the Melissa who had not just received that email might have responded.

“Ma’am. Your taxes are NOT paid. I called the county tax office to confirm and they told me so themselves. Would you like their number? I’ll be glad to give it to you. Any and all other concerns will need to go directly through your realtor or your attorney – we do not represent you.”

The end. (And you can rest assured that there would probably be a little snip to my tone of voice as well.)

But the Melissa who had just read that email? The Melissa who now knows that this poor woman has just lost her husband this very morning? Well, here’s how she responded.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry there are so many problems. Let’s deal with them one at a time. As for your property taxes, I understand you’re from Florida and the way Florida and North Carolina pay their taxes differs and may be what is causing the confusion….” And so on, and so forth.

Because I knew what she was going through, I softened my tone (and my attitude) and helped her to understand what was wrong. Together, we went through each issue item by item and came to an understanding and an agreement. By the time we hung up the phone, she sounded much more pleasant and even somewhat relieved to now understand what she had perceived as issues. She never told me what had happened to her that morning. Not once. She provided no explanation whatsoever. She was just a somewhat frantic, understandably distraught woman trying to take care of necessary business that had to be attended to in the midst of unthinkable sorrow. And I knew that because I had received that email just prior to her call.

But what if I hadn’t?

And how many times have I spoken to people just like her without receiving an explanatory email beforehand?

Yep. Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?

Now, believe me, I’m preaching to the choir with this one. I need this lesson as much as you do, probably more. But I’m asking you to do what I’m going to try to do from now on…treat everyone as if they’re fragile. You know? Sure, maybe the hateful person you’re dealing with has no excuse whatsoever to be acting the way they’re acting. Maybe they’re just a jerk. Maybe there’s no sad, heartbreaking explanation for their horrible attitude.

But, then again. Maybe there is.

Maybe there’s more to the story than you know. Maybe they’re under a stress that you can’t even begin to imagine. Maybe they’re hanging on by a thread.

Maybe they just lost a loved one right before speaking to you.

We just never know, do we?

Something to think about.

***

If we knew each others secrets, what comforts we should find.”
– John Churton Collins

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, friendship, heart, heartbreak, humanity, inspiration, inspirational, kindness, loss, love, motivation, motivational, photos, problems, Quotes, relationships, sharing, writing. 2 Comments

Dec. ’13

Vanessa

“I have never felt more beautiful in a dress and I was denied the opportunity to wear it. Instead of leaving it to hang alone and dejected in my closet, I took it out and wore it. I wore the hell out of it.”
– Vanessa Schilling

I spend a lot of time using this blog to tell my stories. Today, with her permission, I want to tell you someone else’s.

As some of you may remember from a previous blog, I got an awesome opportunity a few months back to play Glinda the Good Witch at a weekend festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina. I could fill this blog for a year with stories from that experience. It was just so friggin cool. And, truth be told, I will probably reference various tidbits about it for the rest of my life. Therefore, allow me to go ahead and issue my formal apology right now for that and just get it over with. In fact, may I suggest a drinking game? Every time I say the word “Oz” or “Glinda” or “good witch” or “Darn it, I miss being a pretty pretty princess!!!,” just go ahead and chug. Hey, everybody wins! I get to talk about Oz [DRINK!] and you get to put yourself in the mindset to put up with reading the rest of my blog. Ok, wait. Maybe I’m the only that wins? Eh. Either way…drink up!

Whew. This blog girl sure knows how to digress….

So, back to the point. One of the first experiences I had after just arriving at Oz [you paying attention? DRINK!] was meeting a lady named Vanessa. In fact, I have a photo from about 5 seconds after meeting her. Wanna see it?

There you have it folks. I kid you not. It went pretty much like this, “Hi, I’m Vanessa, and I seriously have to get under that dress. Hold still….” Now, granted, that might not be the first time I’ve ever heard that in my life after just meeting someone, but I can honestly say it was the first time I’d ever heard it from a woman…

But in all seriousness, that story right there pretty much described Vanessa – a funny, charming, risk-taking breath of fresh air who quickly became my friend. She ended up being one of my roomies for the weekend and I found myself looking forward to just being around her. No pretension, no formalities – you could just be yourself around Vanessa because she brought that out in you. She was ‘real.’ And I liked that.

And along with being real, you wanna know what else she was? About 8 months pregnant. Yep, there were actually two people under that dress in that picture up there. (And room for plenty more, to be quite honest…) Vanessa, who usually played the wicked witch for this Oz weekend, was just along for the ride this time since it might look a little odd to have the wicked witch of the west with child. Didn’t want to confuse the kiddies, ya know.

So, Oz weekend came and went and we all discarded our costumes (Darn it! I miss being a pretty pretty princess…[DRINK!]) and went back to our lives. Thanks to good ole Facebook, however, we were all able to keep in touch. I eagerly awaited the updates from my new friend Vanessa’s pregnancy and was excited to see that bouncing baby boy bundle of joy arrive a few weeks later. Her military husband had just arrived from his tour in Afghanistan and her happy little family was complete.

And boy do I wish this story could end here.

Unfortunately, however, as often is the case, Life has a way of stepping in and not letting stories end all tied up in the pretty red bow like we wish they would. And this time is no exception to that sucky rule. Just a few short weeks after Vanessa’s baby was born, her husband dropped the bomb. He told her he wanted to end their marriage.

I sat and watched, helpless, as my friend’s world was falling apart. I watched her go through the motions. Sadness. Defeat. Confusion. Fear. Anger. Anguish. I could list vocabulary words for days and none of them could adequately describe the pain. And I, like so many of her other friends, had no idea what to do to help her. So, we watched helplessly from afar, hoping that our empathy could somehow reach through the technology waves to let her know that she wasn’t alone. What else could we do?

I found myself thinking of Vanessa so often throughout the day. This vibrant ball of energy had lost her spark. And though I had only known her for a short time, it truly affected me to know that her spirit had been crushed. And one of the posts in particular that she had on Facebook especially tugged at my heartstrings.

Vanessa had just gone shopping for a new dress to wear to her husband’s formal military ball. And, as a lot of us who have been mommies know, your body is barely your own after you’ve just given birth. We can all imagine just how thrilled she was when she found the perfect dress, post-baby body and all. A sweet little red number that accentuated her curves to a tee. She had found THE dress. The one that was going to make her the belle of the ball.

Well. There went that.

All dressed up, and no place to go.

As the date for the military ball drew closer, Vanessa’s hurt and pain increased. This was supposed to have been her night. Much like the feeling I had as Glinda during our Oz weekend – now it was Vanessa’s turn to be the princess. To don the dress and watch the heads turn as she walked arm-in-arm with her prince. She was supposed to feel beautiful again. This was going to be night that fairy tales were made of.

Only the prince didn’t hold up his end of the deal.

And there you have it. This sad story could have ended right there. No ball, no dress, no fairy tale. The end.

But no way. Not a chance.

This was Vanessa.

Vanessa had a decision to make. Now, most of us would understand if that decision involved sitting around the house eating a large tub of ice cream and staring at the beautiful dress hanging on a hanger in the closet, right? Of course we would. Heck, that’s probably exactly where I would have been if I was her. But oh no.

Not her.

Tucked underneath all that hurt and pain and anguish was the same girl that had climbed underneath all that tulle only seconds after meeting me. That risk-taker. That fun-loving breath of fresh air. That beautiful tower of strength. And for a few hours, Vanessa made a decision that took the last bit of courage she could muster.

She pried open the heavy door of pain, and let the real Vanessa run free.

Armed with the combination of her incredibly talented photographer friend, Van Roldan, a gorgeous white horse, a sexy red dress, and an enormous well of strength that I don’t think she even knew she had, my friend Vanessa decided that she didn’t need the prince in order to be a princess.

Channeling all of that pain into something beautiful, Vanessa got that dress out of the closet and created her own memories. And then she decided to share the result with the rest of us.

I looked through these pictures this morning with tears streaming down my face. This was it. That display of human strength and resilience that I am constantly striving to put into words in this blog? These pictures did it. Vanessa did it.

This girl is a survivor. We are all survivors. No matter what life throws our way – no matter how many times we are left sobbing on the floor feeling the world crash in around us – we always, always find a way to drag our sorry selves up off the ground, brush the dust off, and put one foot right back in front of the other and keep moving forward. Even when we think the world should stop spinning, by God, it just doesn’t. It just doesn’t.

So, we might as well just do what my friend Vanessa just did. Hop right back on that horse and see what’s waiting around the next bend. And hey – why not look sexy as hell while we’re doing it?

Thank you for letting me tell your story, Vanessa. I am certain that someone out there somewhere needed to hear it. I know I did.

Welcome to your new role as an inspiration.

***

Four things greater than all things are, –
Women and Horses and Power and War.
– Rudyard Kipling, “The Ballad of the King’s Jest”

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, divorce, friendship, heart, heartbreak, horses, inspiration, inspirational, life, loss, love, motivation, motivational, moving on, photographer, photography, photos, Quotes, relationships, Van Roldan, Vanessa Schilling, writing. 18 Comments

Dec. ’13

Seasons

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.”
– Hal Borland

Ahh. ‘Tis the season.

The holidays. The time for joy. The time for sharing. The time to look around and appreciate the ones you love – hold them close to you and thank your lucky stars that they are in your life. You know, all that warm fuzzy stuff. Awwww.

And boy, it sure would be nice if that were all the holidays were about. But unfortunately, it’s not. Because, you know what else this time is?

It’s the time of year that makes it painfully obvious when one of those “people that you love”…is missing. And you know what especially stings? When that person who is missing during this happy holiday season, is missing by choice.

I talk about my happy relationship a lot on this blog. And it is very much that…a happy relationship. Yes, we have our ‘down’ times just like any relationship does. But, even during those times, we both know how very lucky we are to have each other. We are in a loving, committed, and most importantly, an equal relationship that makes us both feel fulfilled and excited and hopeful for a long future together. And I wonder sometimes how other people see these things I say about our life together, especially those who are recently single or who are just generally ‘unattached’ for whatever the reason. I’m sure they look at what I say the same way I used to look at it when other people would say it. Which was, “Well yeah, that’s great that this happening for you, lady, but it’s not like that for all of us. You’re just one of the lucky ones. Every story doesn’t have a cute little ending, Miss Happy Pants.”

Well, guess what? I’m with ya, sista. (Or brotha, as the case may be.) I am – I completely hear what you’re saying. And you know why?

Because it certainly hasn’t always been this way.

I was just looking through some old pictures from Christmases in the not-so-distant past, and I came across this picture of my kids and me from the Christmas season of 2009, just four short years ago. We sure do look happy, don’t we? But I’m gonna tell you a secret. See that smile on my face?

It’s fake.

Yep. It sure is. It’s about as fake as a smile can get. Now, I’m not saying being there with my kids didn’t make me happy. It did. But as you can tell from the way I have my hands placed on them, I was holding on to them for dear life. They were my anchors in the storm that my life was going through. Behind that smile, there was so much hurt. So much pain. So much uncertainty and confusion. And most of all, so much sadness. I was going through a time that I sometimes thought I was not going to make it through.

What was happening, you ask? Well, it’s simple.

My heart was broken.

In one of my previous blogs, I referenced what I like to call my “breakup bible.” It’s the book, It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt and his wife Amiira. (If you’re hurting over the end of a relationship, go read it. Like, now. Trust me on this.) So, in this breakup bible of mine, there is the following quote:

“Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts.”

Holy crap, is there so much truth to that. It’s hard to function in any of your day-to-day activities when you can’t even take a breath without pain. And that’s how I felt. People can minimalize the pain of a breakup all day long, but I’ll be the first to call “BS” on that nonsense. Heartbreak friggin hurts. Bad. And that’s how I was feeling during the Christmas of 2009. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this on this blog before, but I’ve been divorced twice. Yep, you read that right. Twice. My first marriage was to my children’s father, and that ended years ago, back when my babies were just little. We were both young and got swept up in the family life before we were ready. That kind of thing happens, ya know.

But my second marriage? Yeah, I can’t blame youth on that one. And I can’t blame getting married out of some sort of ‘necessity.’ No baby was on the way or anything along those lines. Nothing was ‘forcing’ us to get married. I also can’t blame it on poor planning. We dated for over three years before finally deciding to get married. To be honest, I can’t blame my choice to get married to him on anything other than the fact that I loved him. I did. I loved him, he loved me, and we thought we were going to build a life together, regardless of the statistical odds that we were facing.

Well. We were wrong.

After all that planning, after those years of dating, and after all of the conversations about how we weren’t going to be one of the statistics, we became just that. Another statistic. And it hurt.

No, that’s putting it too mildly. It didn’t just hurt. It was excruciating. This wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill relationship breakup. This was the breakup of a marriage. The breakup of a newly-formed family (we both had kids from our previous marriages). This was a decision that affected us all to the core of our beings. And that picture up there that I showed you? That picture was taken about a month after I had moved out of the home we shared and into my own little trailer. It was the only thing I could find that I could afford. I was starting from scratch. Again. I sure didn’t see that coming on the day I took those vows. (Do we ever?)

But now, let’s skip to Christmas 2013. Four years later.

Here we are. Richard and I and our kids. All together. All healed and happy and ready to face the future. Here I am doing exactly what I swore I’d never do. Not only was I not going to fall in love again, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to fall in love with a man with kids. You can read all the self-help books in the world about how it feels to lose a relationship or a marriage, but I can guarantee you that there isn’t much out there to help you through the pain of losing step-kids. Once my marriage ended, so did my ties to his children. And I was going to make certain I would never fall in love with a man’s kids again like I fell in love with them.

But I was wrong.

I think I fell in love with Richard’s kids before I fell in love with him, to tell you the truth. And I’m not so sure it didn’t happen the same way for Richard with my kids. And Richard had the same reservations I did. He was hurting from a previous loss as well. Even if he hadn’t told me, I could see it on his face. He was just like me…he had made all the same promises to himself that I had made. No more relationships. No more commitments. No more love. It’s just too darn painful.

Ha! Well, look how that turned out.

I don’t know you, and I don’t know your specific situation. My readers are as diverse as any set group of individuals always are. But if you’re one of the ones who is getting ready to face this holiday season alone after the end of a relationship, this blog is for you. All I want you to know is this.

Pain ends.

It really truly does. The future that you think you won’t have with anyone else? You’re wrong. It’s there. That relationship bliss that you think is reserved for big-mouth redheads with their own blog? You’re wrong there too. It’s waiting for YOU. Yes, you. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day down the line, it’s going to be your turn. If someone would have told me that back during the Christmas of 2009, I would have said the same thing to them that you’re thinking right now. That kind of thing is for other people, not for me. And I would have been just as wrong as you are.

Just as wrong.

I am writing this blog with one particular person in mind, but as I have seen from many of the other things that I have written, we are never ever alone in our struggles. For this one person’s pain, there are millions more who are feeling it too. We are all connected and that pain that you feel is reserved for only you, isn’t. The pain isn’t yours alone, and the happiness isn’t mine alone. These are just seasons. We all get a turn. The world keeps spinning, even when you feel like it shouldn’t.

So keep on keepin’ on, my friends. Your happy may be just around the corner.

Merry Christmas.

***

“Nothing lasts forever – not even your troubles.”
– Arnold H. Glasow

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, changed, dating, divorce, family, Greg Behrendt, heart, heartache, heartbreak, history, inspiration, inspirational, It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken, loss, love, marriage, motivation, motivational, moving on, pain, photos, problems, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Nov. ’13

Movie Night

“You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”
– Steve Martin

So, last night, I made my honey watch a movie with me.

Ok, I didn’t “make” him. That’s a total lie. But it made me sound powerful, right? Like I’m one of those “I am woman, hear me roar!” types. I figured that sounded better for the blog than the actual truth. You know – to help with my whole ‘online persona’ thing I got goin on. Because honestly? Well, honestly, it went a little more like this…

Me: “Honey, is there a game on tonight or anything?”
Him: “Well…”
Me: “Oh, ok, never mind. It’s fine.”
Him: “What were you going to say?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. It’s fine. Really.”
Him: (*sigh*) “Melissa. What. Were. You. Going. To. Say?”
Me: “Welllll….I have this movie I was wanting to watch…”
Him: “Ok, that’s cool.”
Me: “Are you sure? We can watch the game if you want. It’s fine.”
Him: “No, let’s watch the movie.”
Me: “But it’s kind of a chick movie…are you sure?”
Him: “Yep. Let’s watch the movie.”
Me: “If you were really wanting to watch the game….”
Him: “Melissa. Go. Get. The. Movie.”

(See how this works? I laid down the law, right? I’m badass.)

Ok, so anyway, back to the topic.

So, we watch the movie and something about it just resonates in me. I can’t really explain it. I’m sitting there watching what is supposed to be a comedy (which it was, with some laugh-out-loud moments that you may not want to have your kids around for…), but yet somehow the underlying meaning of the whole thing was just hitting me like a ton of bricks. And so what do I do?

I cry.

No, I don’t just cry. I SOB. The waterworks would. not. stop. I mean it. The tears, the hiccups, the snot….we’re talking the whole nine yards, people. I mean, what the heck was up with that?! And poor Richard….

Him: “Why are you crying?”
Me: “I’m fine.”
Him: “Is something wrong?”
Me: “No…” *hysterical sob* “…really, I’m fine…” *hiccup*
Him: “Melissa, what is wrong?”
Me: “Nothing!” *sniff* “I’m fine!”

(Thank God I don’t date women. That crap would drive me crazy.)

Ok, so for poor Richard’s sake (and for mine too, I suppose), care to join me as I try to figure out what the heck was going on with me? (This should be interesting…)

So, the movie is “The Five-Year Engagement.” Heard of it? Seen it? From what I’ve read, the reviews weren’t all that great, but I don’t really understand why. I thought it was a great, real look at a couple trying to figure out what the heck they’re doing together. What was supposed to be a quick wedding after a short one-year relationship, ends up turning into a five-year long “planning” session that just can’t quite seem to come together. You know – that pesky little thing called life just kept getting in the way of their plans. (Pssssh. That never happens, right??) What was supposed to be a happy time, ended up turning into a real, gut-wrenching look at the question, “Who the heck are we and is this really what we want?”

Yikes.

Over time, the two are starting to discover that life is taking them in somewhat different directions. Their best-laid plans of what they thought their future would be aren’t exactly working out like they had hoped. And as new things enter their lives (job switches, location changes, new ‘acquaintances,’ etc.), they start to feel like they’re no longer compatible. Like they are totally different people.

Hmmmm. (Ok, maybe now this is starting to make sense to me….)

So, not to give anything away if you haven’t seen it (which I’m sure it won’t take you long to figure this out as you’re watching it anyway), the two decide the differences are too much and they decide to take a break. During this break, “Tom” (the main dude) has a somewhat uncomfortable, hilarious discussion with his parents as they divulge tidbits of their relationship from over the years that no child ever wants to hear. But during the hilarity, a little snippet of wisdom spills out from his mother: “Your father and I weren’t 100% compatible, heck we weren’t even 60% compatible. But he’s the love of my life.”

*sniff*

Ok. I think I’m on to something now. Let me share with you one of my favorite writing quotes of all time.

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.”
– Flannery O’Connor

This is so incredibly true for me. Sometimes I’ll just sit down at the computer with a random idea in my head and just let my fingers do the talking. I’m often just as surprised at what it is here as the readers are. Somewhere inside of me there is a knowledge that I only know how to tap into while I’m writing. This time is no exception. As I sit here and describe this movie to you, this relationship to you, I realize why it touched me so deeply.

It hit home.

Richard and I are very, very much in love. But buddy, let me tell you something. We are about as different as night and day. This second year together has been a trying one for us. New jobs, moves, you name it…we’ve faced it. And sometimes, we haven’t done such a great job of dealing with it. Sometimes we get frustrated and feel like what we want in life and who we are as people are so far apart that they stand no chance of being on the same page. But then.

Oh, but then.

He looks at me. I look at him. And my heart melts. It really does. I’m not kidding. This isn’t one of those sappy love stories (you people know me by now – I tell it like it is, no sugarcoating). This is a real relationship, filled with hard times left and right, and yet – still. We look at each other, and those butterflies are still there. After all this time. This man is the one I want. He is truly the one I want. And you know how that makes me feel?

Friggin scared to death.

Thus, the tears. The sobs. The hiccups. The emotions.

Like the couple in the movie, we don’t know what the heck we’re doing either. I mean, we are absolutely CLUELESS, people. Picture someone handing a rare, precious, fragile object to two people – telling them to hold it in their hands and keep it from breaking – and then strapping them into an open-air Jeep and sending them on a 100-mile-an-hour cross country trek across boulders and ravines. Yeah. That.

That’s us trying to keep our relationship going in this crazy world. And if I were a betting woman, I’d say that probably pretty aptly describes each and every one of your relationships too. Am I right? This crap ain’t easy, man. Trying to blend your life with another person – another person who has their own thoughts, their own habits, their own ways of doing things – just can’t be expected to be easy. But you figure it out. Why?

Love. That’s why.

Another quote from the movie:

“I don’t think we can figure out all of our problems before we get married, but I promise you that I will just love you every step of the way.”

That’s all we can do, right? Just love each other through the mess. Cry when we have to. Scream when we need to. And then…

Hold on tight and laugh and smile through all those great times that remind you why you’re still hanging on. They are worth it.

So very very worth it.

***

“I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.”
– Julia Roberts

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, changed, five-year engagement, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, life, love, motivation, motivational, movie, passion, photos, pictures, Quotes, relationships, writing. 7 Comments

Oct. ’13

Being Ignored

(Poor wittle ducky…)

I don’t know about you, but I can TOTALLY relate with that duck. Been there, done that, did not, however, buy the t-shirt. (I mean, seriously, who wants a souvenir from that crap?)

You feel me?

Well, check out this fascinating excerpt from an article about ostracism that I happened to stumble across:

“Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn’t leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact….Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating…When a person is ostracized, the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury.”
– Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences

Well, how about that. Being left out or excluded or…the word I absolutely despise…IGNORED, can actually cause physical damage. It makes your ‘dorsal anterior blah-blah-blah’ hurt. Seriously – it makes you feel like you are experiencing pain. Real, legit pain. And further in the article is another observation by Dr. Williams that I think is an even more interesting tidbit. After a study of 5,000 participants, it was noted that:

“The effect [of ostracism] is consistent even though individuals’ personalities vary.”

Well, there ya go.

If you’re like me, being ignored can make you feel like you are a Class A bona fide crazy person. You probably feel like there is something wrong with you – that you’re weak or needy or clingy – and that must be why it’s bothering you so much. Well, guess what? You’re not. No matter what kind of person you are – whether you are tough as nails or cry at infomercials – your brain is still going to have the exact same physical reaction to having someone turn their back on you as the next guy. You’re not a freak. You’re HUMAN.

So, stop feeling so bad about yourself.

And hey – if you’re reading this and you’ve never experienced this? Then maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re the giver of this kind of the treatment rather than the recipient. And check this out. I’ve got news for you, too.

It works both ways.

“[To] exclude another person leads most people to feel shame and guilt, along with a diminished sense of autonomy, explains Nicole Legate, lead author of the Psychological Science paper and a doctoral candidate at the University of Rochester. The results also showed that inflicting social pain makes people feel less connected to others. “We are social animals at heart,” says Legate. “We typically are empathetic and avoid harming others unless we feel threatened.”
– From Science Daily (Read full article here.)

So, let’s cut all the scientific mumbo jumbo down into layman’s terms, shall we?

Stop that shit. It hurts.

There. Seems pretty darn simple, doesn’t it?

Seriously. Stop it. No one wins. Don’t you see that? Analyze why you’re doing what you’re doing and find another way. Is it a family problem that you’re avoiding facing because of the discomfort? Well, stop it. Find out what it is that makes you uncomfortable and tell them so. Start there and see where it goes. Is it a friend that you don’t want to be friends with anymore so you just ignore them rather than telling them so? Well, stop it. You’re hurting both yourself and them even worse by just ignoring them. If the friendship isn’t working, say so. Is it a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore? Same idea. Stop it. The pain inflicted by ignoring someone far exceeds the pain from knowing the truth. Do you both a favor and stop playing games. Life is just too short for that junk.

Stop it.

And hey – is it maybe that it’s just a little time and space that you’re needing to sort things out? Well, here’s a wild and crazy thought. SAY SO.

(I know, right? I’m a psychological genius.)

Nothing is more painful than feeling like you’re unimportant and forgotten. No, I don’t have an article to post or a resource to quote to back up that statement. It’s just a Melissa-ism. And it’s 100% accurate. Why am I so sure about that? Because I say so. That’s why. (See above psychological genius reference.)

Good grief, people. This life is hard. It’s so tough to figure out how to interact with all of these fellow human beings that float around us at any given time. We’re such a beautiful, assorted, mixed array of personalities that it’s amazing that we are able to co-exist at all. But we do. And we can. And we sure can make it a lot easier to do if we just learn who we are, what we want, and stop the passive aggressive B.S. As John Meyer puts it, “Say what you need to say.” Do it. Just say it. If they don’t understand, then fine. That’s their problem. But do your part and don’t be a bully.

Is that really so much to ask?

And back to you receivers. If you find yourself feeling like the little ducky in the picture, just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Don’t make yourself feel worse by trying to stifle it or by telling yourself you’re weak or that you need to be tougher or stronger. You’re going through pain. And pain hurts. It’s ok. It’s life. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just a human being. Just like me. Just like everyone else around you. And, most importantly, just like the person who is ignoring you. (The big ole jerkface….)

*Sigh*

Hang in there, my friends.

If we could all just do our part to get along with each other, this world sure would be a nicer place, don’t ya think?

Hey, a girl can dream…

***

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help other. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
-Dalai Lama

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: being ignored, blog, blogging, change, dating, family, friendship, heartbreak, hurt, inspirational, motivational, pain, passion, problems, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Oct. ’13

Chasm

Chasm

And then, just like that,
It happens.
Up ahead, you see it.
The path is splitting.
Your companion takes no notice.
They follow on their path as if nothing has changed.
As if nothing looms ahead.
But you.
No. You’re different.
You’ve always been different.
You see what others do not.
What they will not.
Your paths are not the same.
You know the other path is not the one for you.
The things that please others do not please you.
You find your contentment among books, words,
Children, footsteps on pavement.
But not there.
Not where that path leads.
The loudness, the chaos, the fake laughter, the mornings after.
No. No, those aren’t for you.
You have stepped over to that path in the past,
This is true.
But it was fake. Not the real you.
You hurriedly made your way back to the path where you belong.
Where you felt safe.
Where you are content.
Where your footsteps make sense.
Where your smiles are genuine
And there is no pretending.
But now.
The distance between the paths is getting wide.
The chasm is no longer traversable.
Reaching out to hold the hand of your companion
No longer seems possible.
The path is splitting.
You hold on for as long as you can.
Until fingertips are all that connect you.
You stretch. You reach. You strain.
It’s no use.
The distance is too evident.
Too much.

Someone must step across.

Or let go.

***

“Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask yourself this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn’t, it is of no use.”
– Carlos Castaneda

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Poetic Musings. Tags: blog, change, chasm, death, friendship, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, letting go, loss, motivation, motivational, paths, poetry, problems, Quotes, writing. 3 Comments

Oct. ’13

Roles

“Actors do tend to get pigeonholed. People want to know who you are so they can put you in a box. It’s lovely to be known for such diametrically opposite roles.”
– Tom Hiddleston

I was just sitting here reflecting over last weekend at Oz (read that blog here if you missed it) and something dawned on me.

This has been a year of some awesome roles for me. (And quite diverse ones, at that!)

I’ve been an actor for a long time, and it just occurred to me that most of my very favorite roles and on-stage moments have happened in 2013. This has been quite a year!

Here are a few examples:

Started the year off as Elvis. Yep, you read that right. Elvis.

Ok, so I was a country hick trailer park chick dressed up as Elvis for the “Elvis and Jesus: A Tribute to the Kings” nativity scene. In July. In Florida. (Did ya get all that?) Oh yeah, you have to check this play out if you’ve never heard of it. Radio T.B.S. It’s a hoot. And, incidentally, this was the first time I’ve ever received an ovation mid-show. My Heartbreak Hotel was apparently awesome. Or….hilariously bad. Eh, either way, they clapped. Booyah.

Next?

“Mother” in the show Life With Father.

Pretty awesome role. Even got to do a TV interview for it. (Read that blog here if you’re interested.) Yep, very cool stuff.

Then, I got to play a flooz.

You just can’t beat that. (Gloria Rasputin in Bye, Bye, Birdie.) Even had to tap dance and do a split. Well. Sort of…

And then last weekend, as my regular readers know, I got to be both the Wicked Witch and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina.

Yep. As you can see, this has been a year that I have stepped “out of the box” somewhat. I have been blessed with these varied roles and have enjoyed every minute of becoming someone completely different each and every time I’ve donned a new costume. And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve actually enjoyed watching myself blossom as an actress as I’ve stepped into these roles. I wasn’t so sure I had it in me, but apparently I do. I’ve been kinda proud of myself. How about that?

Pretty cool stuff.

But you know what’s even cooler? Knowing that at the end of the day, after the costumes are neatly put away and silence drowns out the applause, I get to step into a few even better roles.

This one, for example:

“Of all the roles I’ve played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.”
– Annette Funicello

I get to be these awesome teenagers’ mom. How freakin’ cool is that? Just like all of the other roles I’ve been blessed with, this is another one that I wasn’t sure I would know how to play. And sometimes I still falter, sometimes I don’t always follow the script or get my lines right, but all-in-all I think I’ve managed to do a pretty darn good job. I sure have some awesome little co-stars, that’s for sure.

All it takes is to turn on the radio or the TV and within minutes you are hearing some new horror story about the awful things teenagers are into these days. Each time this happens, I say a silent little prayer and thank my lucky stars that I have the kids I have. Now, I’m not saying they’re perfect – far from it – but the problems that we have are just normal, everyday problems. Nothing drastic and severe like some poor parents have to go through. I hope my kids know how proud I am of who they are, and who they are becoming. And I hope the role I’ve played in their lives has had a little something to do with that. I like to think it does.

Another role I’m pretty blessed with?

Being the one this guy loves.

“If you age with somebody, you go through so many roles – you’re lovers, friends, enemies, colleagues, strangers; you’re brother and sister. That’s what intimacy is, if you’re with your soul mate.”
– Cate Blanchett

My gosh, I sure do love this dude. We have been through many phases in our relationship – and I think that’s why the above quote speaks to me so much. We’ve been all of those to each other at some point, and we just keep going strong.

When it comes to love, I’ve tried out quite a few roles. I tried being the submissive wife. I’ve tried being the girlfriend who gives up everything she really loves to try to keep the peace. I’ve tried sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy. None of these roles seemed to fit.

And now I know why.

“I’ve had disappointments and heartbreaks and setbacks and roles I didn’t get, but something always came along that either made me better or was an even better role.”
– Lee Majors

Finally, I get to play the best role I’ve ever played.

Myself.

It has taken me a long, long time to finally get to enjoy this role. Took some trial and error, I admit. But finally, finally, I think I’ve figured out this role pretty well. And it sure is nice to be allowed to play it.

I think I’m right where I belong.

This is the role I’ve been waiting for.

Are you playing the role you’re meant to play? Make sure you are. Life is just too short for anything else. Trust me.

***

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: acting, blog, blogging, change, dating, family, friendship, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, love, mother, motivation, motivational, parenting, passion, performance, plays, problems, Quotes, relationships, roles, theatre, writing. 3 Comments

Aug. ’13

One-Sided

“This is the hardest of all: to close the open hand of love, and keep modest as a giver.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

I want to talk about something that has caught my attention lately.

Givers.

And I don’t just mean givers in general – those who give their slightly used products to Goodwill instead of throwing them away; those who give an extra dollar every time the cashier asks if you want to donate to this or that charity; those who graciously give little presents here and there whenever and wherever they can. Yes, those people are awesome (go team!), but no – that’s not what this blog is about. I want to be a little more specific. I want to talk about the givers in relationships.

To be even more specific, I want to talk about the givers in one-sided relationships.

[Now in this blog only (and I do apologize for this because I don’t usually do this kind of thing), I want to specifically talk about the woman in this kind of relationship. Yes, I know that one-sided relationships can go either way – sometimes it’s the man giving their all while the woman does next to nothing to contribute (and sometimes it can happen within a same sex couple, which really throws a wrench into my theory here) – but as the author of this blog, I can only talk about what I know. And what I know is what I’ve witnessed and what I’ve experienced. In that experience, limited though it may be, I have seen that the giver is usually the woman. I promise I’ll explain why I think that is soon.]

So. One-sided relationships. Oh boy, have I been there. I also know a few friends who have been there, and I know some friends who are there now. Not following what I mean exactly by one-sided relationships? Ok, let me set the stage for you.

You’re with this guy and you just absolutely adore him. He’s cute, he’s charming, he’s loving (well, most of the time)…man, you think you’ve hit the jackpot with this one. So, you’re going to make absolute certain that you don’t screw this one up. You’ve been known to screw things up in the past, so this time is going to be different. First order of business? Make sure he knows that you’re not one of those “needy” chicks that expects the man to pay for things when you go out. Oh no siree, not you, Miss Woman of the 21st Century. You are independent and self-sufficient and he needs to know it. So, on the first couple of dates, you pay for yourself. Nothing wrong with that, right? You feel good about it – he seems impressed – win/win. But then, as time goes by, you start paying for a few more things here and there – you start buying both of your meals. You not only want to show that you’re independent, but you want to show him how much you care. And we know how much a man loves food, so let’s buy him some. Well, eventually, that doesn’t seem to be enough. You don’t feel like he knows that you care. And if he doesn’t know, then he might not stick around, right? Better do a little bit more. Let’s start buying him gifts. Yeah – that’ll do the trick. First, a little gift here and there. No biggie – it’s sweet, right? Then, those gifts start getting a little larger…he’s into cars? Let’s buy him some car accessory we saw him ogling. He likes a certain movie? Let’s find the special collector’s edition DVD of it and give it to him for no good reason. He likes a certain book? Ok, never mind…I’ve went too far. We all know men don’t read books….

(KIDDING, fellas!)

So, you catch my drift, right? Eventually, somewhere along the line, the idea has entered your head that you can earn this man’s love. Now, I don’t mean to emphasize monetary gifts, per se. Sometimes it may just be cooking him dinner, or making him something, or writing him notes…whatever. The point is, you are doing a heck of a lot more than he is.

Why is that?

Ok, well, I can hypothesize on this all day, but I’ll try to narrow it down. There are so many possible reasons why women feel the need to do this, but first and foremost is this: we were raised this way. Now, I know that times are changing and women are much more independent than they were in times gone by. But at the heart of who we are is the need to nurture. We are the ones who bear the children, we are the ones whose bodies produce the milk to feed our young, we are the ones who are taught from an early age to keep the peace, to keep our loved ones happy. It’s just the way it is, like it or not. And honestly, I’m cool with that. The role we women play is a pretty important one, a necessary one, and we should be proud.

But here’s the problem with that. We sometimes may tend to transfer that over to our romantic relationships. And then when the relationship doesn’t work out, we think we didn’t play our role correctly, so we try harder the next time. And if that one doesn’t work out? Try even harder the next time.

You following me?

Because of our nature, we think that we have to give, give, give in order to be loved. Check out these snippets of lyrics from the song “Little Miss” by Sugarland:

“Little miss checkered dress
Little miss, one big mess
Little miss, I’ll take less when I always give so much more…
Little miss, do your best
Little miss, never rest
Little miss, be my guest, I’ll make more anytime that it runs out…”

See? It’s who we are. There are even songs about it. And don’t get me wrong – like I said before, being this way is a good thing. It really, really is. But the problem is that sometimes we end up with men who take advantage of that. Now, am I blaming them for that? No, not really. As much as I like to blame men for everything, I’m not sure I can put this one on them. Much like we were raised the way we were, they were also raised the way they were – as the recipient of this nurturing. Why wouldn’t they accept it? It’s natural to them. They’re thrilled with it – who wouldn’t be?

Well, I’ll tell you who ends up not thrilled. Us.

Women.

Over time, we start feeling like we are the only one doing anything in the relationship. Like we are the only ones keeping it going – we are the only ones busting our butts to make sure the relationship is happy and fulfilling, while the man just reaps the benefits. We give, they take. My coworker Tina, who is always filled with words of wisdom, has said this phrase to me many times:

“You teach people how to treat you.”

We have taught them that this is the way it is. That the relationship will continue without any effort on their part, because we have it covered. No worries, Mr. Man, we got this. We’re women, we’ll take care of everything.

But you know what? That’s really not cool.

And when we start realizing it’s not cool, and start realizing that things are one-sided, we start to feel resentful towards the man. We start hoping that he will change. But guess what? He’s not going to.

You know who has to change? You.

Again, like I’ve said many times in my blogs, I certainly don’t have all the answers. I’ve been through my share of failed relationships, and I’m sure I played a huge personal role in those failings at times. I’m no different than you are. The only thing I’m hoping to do here is shine a light on something that might be wrong in your life that you have the power to right. Don’t stop being a giver altogether, I’m not saying that. But maybe you could just try not to give quite so much. Maybe you can try not to control so much and have a little faith. Let things happen on their own, without so much forced effort. I don’t know – just try it for a while. See what happens.

Hey, you never know – the man in your life may just be waiting for the chance to show you he cares, if you’ll just leave him a little room to do it.

And if he doesn’t? If he doesn’t rise to the challenge and the relationship falls apart because you are no longer in the driver’s seat? Well, then I guess you know that little instinct you’ve been ignoring has been trying to tell you something, hasn’t it?

Relationships, man. This crap ain’t for the faint of heart, I’m tellin ya….

***

“Yeah, I’m a giver. I’ve learned to be selective of the people in my world, because if I love someone, I will give them my blood, whatever they need. In doing so, one can end up with little left for themselves.”
-Brittany Murphy

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, dating, givers, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, love, motivational, one-sided, Quotes, relationships, unrequited, writing. 3 Comments

Aug. ’13

The Kiss

“Love is when you like someone so much that when you look at them, you just want to kiss their face.”
– Riley, age 12

My boyfriend’s son and I were having a conversation a while back (we do that a lot actually – there’s just something about that kid…) and the topic of “love” came up. I can’t really remember the details of what was said, but I remember asking him what his definition was, and his answer was what I quoted above. You just want to kiss their face. I jotted it down (that’s what we writers do) and knew that I wanted to use it one day, but just wasn’t sure how. I mean, it wasn’t exactly “deep” or “meaningful” or anything – but there was just something about it that struck a chord in me and I didn’t really know why.

Until now.

I think I may have just figured it out.

In the past few weeks, I have seen two of my friends go through heartbreaks. And in both of these circumstances, the men that were supposed to have loved them, have hurt them. Deeply. As I have listened to their stories (feeling my own heart break right along with them), I have come to realize something. Something that humbles and moves me with a feeling that it is hard to even put into words.

I will truly never know what that feels like, ever again.

I mean, I’m the chick that blogs about hurt and pain all the time. About rising from your circumstances and about forgiveness and about moving on, and blah, blah, blah. But as I have listened to what has happened to them at the hands of the men they loved, I know, deep in my heart, that I will never be using that kind of pain as my motivation for future writings. Why is that? Because I know, without a doubt, that Richard will never hurt me like they’ve been hurt.

I know what you’re thinking...yeah, right. We ALL think that about the person we love, and then we find out something later on that shatters our illusions. Everyone is going to hurt you, no one is perfect. Get your head out of the clouds, stupid blogger girl.

Ok, I get that. Richard and I are going to hurt each other at times, there’s no doubt about that. I hear what you’re saying. But here’s the difference.

Richard would never intentionally hurt me. Nor I him.

That’s the difference.

Let me explain. Any problems that he and I have had over the time we have been together (and there have been plenty) all seem to have this underlying theme to them. If we took each and every one of our disagreements and misunderstandings and dissected and examined them, you would see that at the heart of each and every single one lies one common denominator: trying not to hurt one another. In trying not to hurt one another, we have made some stupid mistakes. We have withheld information, withheld communication, withheld necessary information at times – all just to try to avoid hurting the other. And then, when this information is unearthed, it causes a problem. Now, I’m not saying that this is exactly healthy, per se. We need to work on that, I know. Hey, we’re just as screwed up as the rest of the couples out there in the world are, I know this. I’m not trying to say we’re not. We don’t know what the heck we’re doing either. But the major difference that exists here is this. We never ever try to hurt one another. You know?

And that is what I’ve seen my friends going through.

With both words and actions, these men have shown their women things that have crushed them. Sure, the men think they have excuses for what they’ve done (don’t we all?), but the cold, hard fact is this – they have done something on purpose that they knew, without a doubt, would break another person’s heart. And that really, really, sucks.

Which brings me back to where I started this blog. 12-year-old Riley’s quote.

“Love is when you like someone so much that when you look at them, you just want to kiss their face.”

Look at the relationship that you’re in. Right now – take stock and look around. Assess your partnership. Get rid of all the stupid little details that don’t matter at all – throw out the things that just annoy you about him/her, or vice versa. Throw out anything that has happened in their past before you ever came along. Throw out any of the daily minutiae of money issues, work stresses, kid struggles…forget all of that for just a minute. Just look at your partner with the simplicity of that 12-year-old and ask yourself this.

When I look at him/her, do I just want to kiss their face?

And maybe more importantly, do I think that when they look at me, they want to do the same?

There’s something so tender and gentle about kissing someone’s face. It’s not like a full-fledged kiss on the lips. For one, you don’t really get anything in return – the kiss is just for them. It’s not selfish, it’s not passionate, it’s not greedy. It’s just a simple show of love towards the person that has captured your heart. Whether it be a kiss on the cheek or a kiss on the forehead, either way it’s a kiss that is full of giving, not receiving. And I think that’s so important to pay attention to.

Ask yourself if you are giving this kind of selfless love to the person in your life. And then, if you’re in the circumstances that my sweet, heartbroken friends are in, ask yourself this same question as the recipient. Are you receiving this kind of love?

Are you?

Turns out, this 12-year-old may have known what he was talking about. Love is selfless. It’s tender and gentle and would never ever hurt you on purpose. Love is a gift.

Real love is a kiss on the face.

Do you have it? Don’t settle for anything else until you do. Trust me on this one.

***

“A man’s kiss is his signature.”
– Mae West

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, children, heartache, heartbreak, inspiration, kiss, loss, love, motivation, passion, pictures, Quotes, relationships, write, writing. 3 Comments

Aug. ’13

34

“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.”
– Voltaire

Today, August 1, 2013, is the last day that I will ever be 34 years old.

As you get older, birthdays don’t seem to hold the same significance that they did when you were younger. Have you noticed that? You don’t really “look forward” to them anymore. In fact, at some point, they become something that you even somewhat dread. (Another year older!? Really??) But I have decided that, starting this year, I’m going to put a stop to that nonsense.

As I prepare to turn the page to 35, I’m going to take a moment to look back over the year I was 34. The good, the bad – everything notable that took place during my time on this earth as a 34-year-old. Each year holds special moments that are gone in the blink of an eye – moments that we will never get back and can only be relived through memories. They should be cherished and appreciated and yes, even celebrated – the bad, along with the good. But most important of all, they should be noticed. For these are the moments that make us who we are – the moments that shape and mold us into the awesome, unique individuals that comprise humanity, and that give each of us our own story to tell.

So, here’s mine.

Please join me as I look back over the 34 most notable events of my 34th year (in no particular order):

1. I started a blog. I had toyed with the idea for years, but I finally got up the courage to do it this year. And it has been AMAZING! If you’re reading this, you’re one of the reasons why. I’m blown away by how many people read this thing and by all the responses I have gotten from it. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

2. I got my first writing award (and check!). I got up the nerve to enter a local writing contest and was shocked to get a letter in the mail saying that I had won first place in the essay category. Woohoo!

3. I got my first rejection letter. Yep. A real-life “your stuff isn’t what we’re looking for” letter. And you know what? I actually thought it was kind of cool. Really. You’re not a real writer until you get a rejection. Initiation complete.

4. I saw Niagara Falls. And it was AWESOME!

5. I saw my first marathon. A group of us traveled to New York for the Wineglass Marathon. Many in the group were running the marathon, some running the half marathon, and some, like myself, were just there to watch. There was NOTHING like it. One of my favorite running-related quotes of all time: “If you lose faith in humanity, go watch a marathon.” – Kathrine Switzer. There is so much truth to that. The feeling of camaraderie and “oneness” between the runners and spectators alike was something that I don’t even know how to put into words. This was definitely one of the highlights of my 34th year, hands down.

6. I ran a 5K in New York, and got my personal best time of 30:55. The day before the marathon, there was a 5k as part of the festivities surrounding the event. I decided to run it in, and ended up getting my best personal 5K time. My boyfriend captured this picture at the very moment that I looked up and saw the time clock at the finish line. I just love it. The picture says it all. It was nice to feel so proud of myself.

7. My son joined the cross country team at school. This was such great news to me. I was so proud of him, and felt like my running had made an influence on that decision. Since joining the team, he has gone on to race in a few races with me, and place in many of them (including a 3rd place overall finish for one of them!). I’m such a proud mom.

8. I ran my first 10k. Shortly after returning from the New York trip, I knew that I couldn’t stop at 5Ks. It was time to start training for longer distances. My first 10K was a trail run, and I ran it with my son. I wasn’t fast, but I was very proud. And it was the first time that the thought entered my mind that I might even be able to go further than that. Which brings me to #9..

9. I ran my first half-marathon. Wow. All of my hard work paid off and I crossed that finish line with possibly more pride in myself than I had ever felt before. Not too shabby for a 34-year-old, if I don’t say so myself.

(Here’s the blog entry about the half marathon if you’d like to read more: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/04/i-did-it/)

10. I watched my boyfriend Richard be inducted as the Master of the Ashe Masonic Lodge #594. This was actually very, very cool. I had never seen anything like this ceremony (I’m a chick – we’re not allowed, ya know), and I admit that I went into it thinking that the rituals and secrecy were somewhat silly. But I came away with a deeper understanding of how much this fellowship means to those men, and what good, kind, noble men each and every one of them are. I was so incredibly proud to be Richard’s girlfriend that day. I won’t forget it anytime soon.

11. I started attending a new church. My boyfriend and I, along with our kids, have started attending Bethany United Methodist Church. It has been nice to feel like a part of a church family again. I needed that.

12. I moved. I finally took the plunge and moved out of a place that I was unhappy at. It has made all the difference in the world. It’s such a great feeling to actually look forward to going home for a change. Definitely a noteworthy event from my 34th year.

13. We lost our pet, Chicago. Little Chicago was something else. While just a kitten, my daughter found him in an old trash can outside our home. He had been hurt badly (we still don’t know by what – or whom), and could not move his hind legs. Kelly carried him around like a baby for weeks, feeding him milk from a tiny measuring spoon and giving him little kitty pain pills that an animal-loving friend of ours had provided. I just knew the little guy wasn’t going to make it, but alas – he surprised us all. He was with us for four years. I pretended like I didn’t like the little guy (he had THE MOST annoying meow in the world), but I feel his loss more than I ever thought I would have. We miss you, annoying little Chicago. You were loved.

14. I saw my grandma turn 83. Such a spry, spunky little Grandma she is too.

15. I lost another grandparent. My grandpa, Paul Pridemore (who we all referred to as “Mr. P.”) passed away during my 34th year. Mr. P. lived a long, happy, healthy 96 years on this earth and will be missed by everyone who knew him. I’ll bet he wasn’t the type to dread another birthday. He served as a good example to live life to the fullest while we’re here. I hope I’ll live to make him proud.

16. I ran the path that my other grandpa, Greene Halsey, had walked to school. This is something that I had wanted to do for a long time, and finally did it during my 34th year. I’ll post the link to the blog if you’d like to read more about it. I was very proud to have finally done this. https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/uphill-both-ways/

17. I sang in public for the first time (sort of). Ok, so technically, I had done this before in musicals. And at karaoke. But getting up and singing with my boyfriend at one of his gigs was SO nerve-wracking. I couldn’t believe I had the courage to get up there. It was hard – and I was shaking like a leaf – but I did it. And have done it a few more times since. Definitely a noteworthy moment from age 34.

18. I lost Richard. Definitely not one of the happiest moments of age 34, but noteworthy nonetheless. Richard and I split up for 2 months. We both tried to move on, but we found our way back (thank God). I think we both grew up more during those 2 months than we had in a long time. Sometimes you just have to travel alone for a while (whether you want to or not) to find out what’s really important. And I definitely found out what was important. Him. I’m so glad he’s back.

19. I witnessed two little miracles. I saw the tiniest babies I had ever seen in my life – and they belonged to my sister. Her twins were born 10 weeks too early. Not many things have affected my life like seeing those tiny little healthy human beings. I’m so amazed at the technology that we have now that allowed for these two to survive.

Here they were then:

And here they are now:

(Again, if you’d like to check out the blog post about these little angels, here’s the link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/week-old-miracles/)

If the 33-year-old Melissa didn’t believe in miracles, this 34-year-old Melissa sure as heck does.

20. I was the subject of a blog. My boyfriend and I were interviewed for a very public blog that was read by tons of people. How cool is that?! Definitely the first time that has ever happened. I was famous for a day!

Links: (Here’s the link to the actual blog: http://www.8womendream.com/55851/improve-womens-self-esteem / And here’s the link to my own blog post about the blog: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/self-image-part-2/)

21. I was on TV. Yep. My first TV appearance. I was interviewed for an art segment of a local channel regarding the role I was playing in an upcoming production. Awesomeness. Another first occurring in year 34. (blog link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/03/12/fear/)

22. I starred in my first lead female role with Ashe County Little Theatre. I was so proud to have been cast as Mother in the show Life With Father. It took me a long time to become a part of this theatre, and this was such a monumental moment for me. I will remember it always. (Plus, my boyfriend’s son Riley got to play as one of my sons. Added bonus.)

23. My daughter starred in her first lead role ever. I have been involved in theatre for pretty much my whole life, but I never knew the meaning of “nervous” until I felt what I felt just before the curtain rose on opening night of Annie. Watching my baby girl stepping on to the stage in the title role was beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. I was so incredibly proud of her. Not only for her ability, but for her poise and humility throughout the production. This kid is going to go places. Mark my word.

(Related blog post: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/tomorrow/)

24. Lost a friend. Although I don’t count this as one of the highlights of my 34th year, I had a falling out with a very close friend. Looking back, I’m not so sure the problem was worth ending a friendship over (is it ever?), but it happened nonetheless. And it should be noted in this list. Perhaps I can come back with an update in year 35 that this has been mended? Perhaps. Either way. Friendship lost – duly noted on the list – moving along…

25. Mended a friendship. While we’re on the topic, I might as well mention that I regained a friend in my 34th year. This is a story that I hope to tell in a future blog, but for now, I’ll just say that it’s nice to have found my old friend again. And to know all is well. Everything always works out ok in the end, right? Chris, I’m glad you’re back.

26. Ran my first obstacle race. The Warrior Dash. *sigh* I don’t even have the energy to talk about this one anymore. If you want to read about it, I’ll post the link. You probably don’t though. It was NOT the best experience. But good or bad, it made the “34” list, so I guess it was notable.

(Blog link: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/warrior-dash-or-as-i-like-to-call-it-hell/)

27. Richard and I introduced each other to the fam. That’s a big deal. We were each thrown into the big, loud, happy mix at each other’s family get-togethers over the holidays, and then in a few events (some sad, some happy) since then. Nothing makes you feel like a “real” couple more than getting included in the family (dis)functions. 😉

28. We took our first ‘family’ trip to the beach. Richard’s family has this super cool tradition that spans the years (starting even before he was born) of all getting together to go to Myrtle Beach once a year. It’s a glorified family reunion, if you will. And this year, my kids and I were included. And that’s awesome. It meant so much to me to be included in something so special, and is definitely noteworthy in my 34 list.

29. Made it through a cancer scare. I was a basket case during the fall of my 34th year. We found a lump on my son’s neck that wouldn’t go away. 17 years ago, the same thing had happened to me when I was just a few years older than he was. And I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma. After excruciating weeks of waiting and worrying, a surgery was finally scheduled to remove the lump from his neck and have it tested. And – thank God – it was benign. There is no worry like that of a mother for her child. I gained a new appreciation and understanding for my own mother through this ordeal, and I hope to never have to go through anything like it again.

30. Got a standing ovation – mid-show. Now, THAT was cool. Of course, I was playing Elvis (sort of). And I sang Heartbreak Hotel. And I looked like this:

But still. Standing ovations mid-show just don’t happen. That was definitely one for the 34 list. Hands down.

31. Went to an AWESOME wedding. Now, you know if a wedding made the list, it must have kicked butt. Well…it did. That was the most fun I have had in a while. It was theatre-themed and full of people I love – how could you go wrong? I even blogged about it. (https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/completion/)

Thanks Jim & Rebecca for giving us these memories to cherish.

32. Visited the house Richard lived in when he was born. We took a little detour on the way back while we were in New York for the marathon, and swung by to take a look at the house that Richard lived in for the first six months of his life. It was the first time he had seen it since. That was a pretty cool moment. Very sentimental. I was proud to be able to tag along for that moment. That was a good “age 34” memory.

33. 4-mile Abingdon race with my son. Now, why did this make my list? Sure, I’ve run plenty of races by now – and quite a few of them with my son. But there was just something about this one. Most notably, when my son finished the race (well ahead of me, of course), he turned around and came back on the track to find me, and finished with me. It would be pretty difficult to leave that moment off of the top 34 list. Have I mentioned that I’m a proud momma?? (Blog post: https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/favorite-race-so-far/)

And finally. We’ve reached #34. I saved what I felt was the most notable event for last. (And incidentally, if you’ve made it this far – I’m impressed.)

34. I was in a car accident. In April of my 34th year, I was in a pretty bad car accident. I totaled my car but, miraculously, walked away with only a few scratches. You don’t come away from something like that without some sort of “indention” on your life. It leaves a mark. The only thing that remained intact from my accident, besides myself, was my drivers side mirror. I found the mirror at the accident site days later, and took it home as a reminder. True to my word (as I mentioned in a blog post shortly after – https://missyspublicjunk.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/reflection/), I keep this mirror beside my bed on my nightstand. I feel like it serves a reminder that I’m still here. I’m still here. Life didn’t stop at 34. And there’s probably a reason for that.

And I fully intend to spend the rest of my time here on earth figuring out exactly what that is.

So, thank you. Thank you, reader, for taking this trip down memory lane with me. You know – you would think that it would be hard to come up with 34 things over a year that were notable, wouldn’t you? But I actually found myself having to weed some out. Isn’t that crazy? It’s amazing how much you realize actually happens in your world when you sit down and take the time to pull each event out and shine a light of remembrance on it. We should do this more often, shouldn’t we?

Goodbye, 34. You were awesome.

Hello, 35. You ready? We’ve got a lot of work to do. Let’s get started.

***

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
– Oprah Winfrey