Tag Archives: heartbreak

…You Lose Some

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”
– Robert Green Ingersoll

I’m a Loser.

That’s right. Capital “L” and all. La-hooooo-za-heeer. (Said in my best Jim Carrey/Ace Ventura voice.)

I often blog about my writing successes on here. Last year, I wrote about winning first place in the essay category at the Chautauqua Festival Creative Writing Competition. Then, I went on to tell you about my first published work appearing in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, and now I have a second story appearing in another Chicken Soup for the Soul book, which will be available in August of this year. Pretty awesome stuff, huh?

But you know what I don’t often blog about? All the other submissions I’ve sent in. Or better yet, all the rejections I’ve received. And trust me, there are PLENTY of them.

Yesterday, in fact, I received two rejections in one day. That contest I won first place in last year? Didn’t even place this year. The next Chicken Soup for the Soul book that’s coming out after the one in August? My story wasn’t chosen. These are just two loser-ish examples (did I mention they happened in ONE DAY?) but there are many more where those came from. I sent my boyfriend Richard a message yesterday saying “Okay, I’ve received two writing rejections in one day. Tell me I’m pretty.” (Yeah, I probably won’t be winning any awards for my sense of humor anytime soon either…)

Why am I telling you this? Well, after my rejection-filled day yesterday, something dawned on me. I had some pretty good luck straight out of the gate last year. Now, mind you, I’ve written all my life – as early as I can remember I was giving poems to people as Christmas gifts (did I mention that I’m also cheap?…) But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started sharing my writing publicly- starting with this very blog site you’re looking at now. After the positive feedback I received on my blog posts, I decided to take a chance at submissions. Lo and behold, I won that essay contest (my first submission EVER!) and then it was shortly followed by a call from Chicken Soup asking to print the story I submitted to them. Whoa! Talk about your beginner’s luck! But soon after those first boosts to the ego, the rejections started coming in. Magazines didn’t want my essays. I didn’t place in other local writing contests. My blog stats started dropping. And for a brief moment, I sort of felt like giving up. But you know what?

I didn’t.

And why didn’t I? Well, I was one of the lucky ones who had been blessed with the feeling of winning. I knew that just because I “lost” a few times, that doesn’t mean that my stuff wasn’t “good.” It just didn’t get chosen this time.

I kind of have this theory. I think every life is filled with a certain pre-destined number of wins and losses. And I’m not just talking about writing submissions here. I’m talking about all that life has to offer – in your professional life, your creative life, your personal life – all of it. They’re not all going to be losses, but they’re not all going to be wins either. As far as this writing thing is concerned, I was honored with a few of those wins upfront. But in other aspects of my life? Those wins took a little while longer. I had to go through quite a few defeats before I got to the winning portion. In fact, I’m in the middle of a few defeats now. But you know what gives me hope?

I know that my time to shine is coming. I just haven’t gotten to the winning portion yet.

You get it? You buying what I’m selling here?

We don’t always get the wins up front. But that doesn’t mean they’re not coming. It’s so tempting to give up, isn’t it? It’s so hard to believe that the good stuff really is out there somewhere. But it is.

It is.

A few years ago, after my second divorce, I had pretty much decided that a “win” in the love department wasn’t possible. And then, out of the blue, I met Richard. And you know what? That wasn’t a “win” either. Oh, it is now, don’t get me wrong. But at first? Phew. Let’s just say ours isn’t your typical “their eyes met and it was love at first sight” story. (Well, it was for one of us…but I won’t get into that right now…) I could’ve given up on this too. And trust me, I wanted to. But somewhere deep down, I had a feeling that a win was coming. And you know what?

I was right.

Richard and I have what I’ve only dreamed about in the past. I honestly had no idea that a relationship could be this good. This sweet. This tender. This supportive. (WINNING!) But believe me when I tell you this – it was NOT easy. I had to take the losses before the win. Sometimes that’s just how these things work.

I’m so very glad I didn’t give up. Look at all the love I’d have missed.

Are you going through a loser phase right now? Hang in there, my friend. I have a feeling a win may be just around the corner. Just don’t give up before it gets here.

***

“Defeat doesn’t finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he’s defeated. He’s finished when he quits.”
– Richard M. Nixon

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, change, changed, chicken soup for the soul, dating, defeat, giving up, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loser, loss, love, motivation, motivational, passion, persevere, photos, rejection, relationships, wins, writer, writing. Leave a comment

May. ’14

Out of the Mouths of Babes

“I don’t give a shit if kids take too many selfies or listen to bands I don’t like. They’re smarter, braver and care more than we give them credit for, and that’s pretty much always been the case.”
– Zack Foley

(I hope you’ll pardon my French with that quote above, but censoring it just wouldn’t have packed the same punch.)

I had been toying with a blog idea in my head for a while when I scrolled through Facebook and the above quote caught my attention. A friend of mine was quoting a friend of his and what he had to say fit right along with the blog I had in my head. So, I asked permission to share it and there you have it. And here’s why I liked it so much.

My brilliant little Kelly in all her selfie glory

It’s true.

So incredibly true.

Case in point: my daughter, Kelly. Those kids Mr. Foley refers to in his quote? Oh yeah, my kiddo fits it to a tee. That little selfie-taking, weird-music-loving teenager of mine is everything that quote describes. Especially that last part.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend Richard and I were…um, let’s say…having some “issues.” Okay, let’s just call it what it was. We were fighting. And it was bad. Now, if you haven’t heard me mention this before, Richard is a very quiet man. VERY quiet. So, when I say “fighting,” what I mean is…we weren’t speaking to each other. (Even I get tired of yelling when no one yells back.) These non-communication fights have a tendency to drag on forever, as I’m sure you can imagine, since nothing ever gets talked about or worked on, and this particular fight was no exception. And while we try to hide our arguments from the kids, they aren’t dummies. We go from being the happiest, cuddliest couple in the world to not wanting to be in the same room? Yeah, they kinda figure something is up.

Well, this time, Kelly wasn’t having it.

She sent both of us a group Facebook message. And I want to show it to you. Now, I’m editing it a bit to keep out the details of the argument (I’d hate to broadcast publicly how WRONG Richard was, ya know…bless his heart…), but I’ll put enough here for you to get the gist. Check this out:

“Okay. Y’all are getting on my nerves again. Fighting over really stupid stuff…..To be honest, you both are acting like middle schoolers. You guys get in a fight, don’t try to fix it or don’t want to talk about it, and just act like you don’t care. You do. I know I’m only 14 but I have sense….I know you both love each other and I know you care about each other, so start acting like it…Suck it up and be the couple all of us know you are.”

Okay, so I’m aware that I could be mad that she spoke to adults like that. The whole “ya’ll are getting on my nerves” and “suck it up” parts aren’t the most respectful terms she could’ve used, of course. But you know what? She was absolutely right. Absolutely 100% right.

She didn’t know every detail of the argument we were having, but it really didn’t matter. The details aren’t the point. The point is that, even at 14, she could see that we weren’t handling things the way we were supposed to. She could see the love that he and I were forgetting during our anger. She could see that we needed a reminder to “be the couple that everyone knows we are.”

Now, I’m not sure how Richard immediately felt when he read this (after all – we weren’t speaking), but me? I instantly felt the tears coming to my eyes. Not only because I knew she was right…I so love that big doofus-head boyfriend of mine with every ounce of my being…but because she cared enough to stick her nose in and try to get us back on track. That took guts. And a heart.

And I’m so proud of her.

(By the way, Richard’s written response to her message? “No fair – why do you get to be the smartest one in the family?”) Heh.

Now, with all this said, I just want to clarify: I’m not saying the kid knows everything. (Although if you ask her, she’d probably disagree with that statement.) She still has lots and lots to learn yet. (Don’t we all?) But what I am saying is this: sometimes it sure does help to look at things through the simple, caring, knowing eyes of a child. They see a lot more than we give them credit for, and they have a lot to tell us if we’ll take the time to listen.

Sometimes the details just don’t matter. Sometimes, you just have to get back to the heart of the matter…the love that lies dormant underneath all the chaos. And sometimes…a lot of times, actually…it takes a child to help you do that.

***
“In youth men are apt to write more wisely than they really know or feel; and the remainder of life may be not idly spent in realizing and convincing themselves of the wisdom which they uttered long ago.”
– Nathaniel Hawthorne

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, children, dating, daughter, family, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, lessons, love, loyalty, mother, motivation, motivational, problems, Quotes, relationships, sharing, wisdom, writer, writing. Leave a comment

Apr. ’14

To the Girl at the Bar

“He’s not your prince charming if he doesn’t make sure you know that you’re his princess.”
― Demi Lovato

Dear Girl from the Bar,

I’m sure you don’t remember me. But I certainly remember you. In fact, I don’t think a day has gone by since I saw you over a month ago that you haven’t crossed my mind.

“Saw you?” Hmmm. That’s probably not the right term. “Stalked you” might be more like it. I could not stop watching you. You commanded my attention and it has taken me weeks to figure out why that is. That’s why I’m writing you this letter today.

I’m sure you didn’t notice me. I was the girl sitting with the other wives/girlfriends of the band. We weren’t typical attendees of this particular bar, so we sort of grouped together in our little corner – just there to watch the guys in our lives do what they love. But I couldn’t help but notice you. I’m not sure at what point it was that you caught my attention exactly. I just know that at some time during the night, I started watching you paying an awful lot of attention to some guy.

Now, see, I’m a people watcher. When I first noticed this attention you were giving this guy, I assumed you were a couple. Why wouldn’t I? You were draped across him, rubbing his back, standing right next to him…things like that. But the more I watched, the more I started to see that my initial assumption was incorrect.

This guy just flat out didn’t like you.

I know that may sound harsh, but I have to call it like I see it. The more you touched him, the more he pulled away. The more you asked him to dance, the more he seemed to not want to. You would practically barge your way into his line of sight, and he would physically turn his body so that he wasn’t looking at you.

Now, I know that sometimes it’s easier to see things when you’re “out of the box” so to speak. I know that maybe my vantage point called for a better view than yours, but surely you couldn’t have been entirely immune to this treatment. Could you?

I even saw you kiss him at one point, for Heaven’s sake. The guy was completely taken aback. By this point, you had become a laughing stock among he and his friends. Once you turned your back to him, he made a show of wiping the kiss off of his face and laughing with the guys about it. I don’t know how else to tell you this, other than to just come out and say it…

You made an absolute fool of yourself.

Now, why have you stayed on my mind? Why have I thought of you almost daily since that night? Why did your embarrassing scenario strike such a chord with me?

Oh, I know why.

Lord, honey, I’ve been there. I’ve soooo been there.

Now, granted, I’ve never planted a kiss on a stranger at a bar, per se. And I suppose I’ve never exactly thrown myself at a guy I barely know. But you know what I have done?

Stayed somewhere I wasn’t wanted.

I have hung around in relationships way past their expiration date. And why? Because I was idiot. Like you. (No offense.) I thought if I just tried a little harder, maybe he’d finally see me. You know? If I just did this a little better, or that a little better, maybe then he’d finally realize I was worthy of his attention. Of his affection. But you know what?

It never worked. Not once.

I wonder what happened when you got home. Did you cry? Did you wonder what you did wrong? Did you wonder what’s wrong with you? Oh yeah, been there. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror with such confusion and hatred before that it was scary. I’ve picked myself apart…my fuzzy curly hair, my flawed complexion, my crooked teeth. I’ve yelled at myself for being too outspoken, too demanding, too talkative. Too this. Too that. I’ve been more mean to me than anyone else ever has. And why did I do that?

Because some guy didn’t like me.

Some stupid, inconsequential guy. I let a stranger’s value of me replace my own value of myself. I adopted their view of me and replaced it for my own.

What an idiot I was. What an idiot you are.

Anyway. I know you won’t see this. I know you don’t remember me. But again, I just wanted to let you know that you’re on my mind. I wanted to let you know that for a moment, our lives crossed, and I saw myself in your defeat. You reminded me of how I never want to feel again. You reminded me of how ridiculous it is to place my worth in someone else’s hands.

You reminded me that when I’m loved, I’ll know it. I won’t have to chase it. It will chase me.

And better yet, you reminded me that the real love I should be worried about – is the love I have for myself.

Thank you for crossing my path. I hope you learn to love yourself one day too.

Love,

One Who Gets It

[P.S. You are waaaaay too good for that guy. He was a dork.]

***

“When your self-worth goes up, your net worth goes up with it.”
– Mark Victor Hansen

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: bar, blog, change, changed, dating, defeat, flaws, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, lonliness, loss, motivational, Quotes, rejection, relationships, sadness, sharing, writer, writing. 4 Comments

Apr. ’14

Flower Garden Theory

Flower Garden Theory

Our hearts are flower gardens.
Each morning we arise and tend to them –
Water
Soil
Fertilizer
…and out we step into the world.
People pass by.
Hurriedly, we share our garden with pride
“Look!
Isn’t it beautiful?
Here, take a flower for a while!
Just bring it back, ok?”

And what happens?

Some bring the flowers back
Beautiful and bright as ever
Well–tended
Sometimes in even better shape than before
We put them back in their rightful place –
The garden is as perfect as ever.

But sometimes.

Some bring the flowers back…not so beautiful
They haven’t taken care of them at all
They are wilted
Withered
Thirsty
We put them back in as best we can
But they no longer belong.
They are changed.

And sometimes still.

Some don’t bring the flowers back at all.
They didn’t realize they weren’t theirs to keep
They have cast them aside
Forgotten
(Or maybe they are thieves)
The garden now has an empty spot.

Our hearts are flower gardens.
Each morning we arise and tend to them –
Water
Soil
We make adjustments.
We remove the dead flowers from yesterday
(They didn’t make it through the night)
We adjust the borders to fill in the empty spots
Our garden is smaller
But still beautiful
…and out we step into the world.
People pass by.
We share our garden with pride
(Perhaps a little less pride than yesterday, however)
“Look!
Isn’t it beautiful?
Here, take a flower for a while!
Just bring it back, ok?”

The cycle repeats.

Our hearts are flower gardens.
Each morning we arise and tend to them –
Water
Soil
We make further adjustments.
We remove more dead flowers
Adjust the borders for even more empty spots.
Our garden is smaller
But still beautiful
(Sort of)
…and out we step into the world.
People pass by.
We start to share our garden…
But the pride has decreased
(Is it worth showing anymore?
Can they be trusted?)

We change our minds.
We keep our gardens to ourselves

For if we keep sharing…
They may disappear.

Our hearts are flower gardens.
Fenced-in.
Private.
Secure.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Poetic Musings. Tags: blog, friendship, garden, heartbreak, hearts, loss, love, poem, poetry, problems, relationships, sharing, trust, writer, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’14

WTF

Yep. You read that right.

W.T.F.

That sums up the weekend I just had.

You know that feeling where everything is going great and it feels like life has finally evened out for you? You’re floating along, things seem to just be working out the way they’re supposed to, all systems are go. And then suddenly…BAM! Out of left field comes a sucker punch that completely knocks you off course.

Well, that’s what happened to me this weekend. And oh no, one punch wasn’t enough. Life had to hand me TWO of them, not to mention all the aftershocks to follow. But I’m just going to concentrate on the one punch for this blog. The other one – well, who knows. You may hear about it one day. But not today.

Now, I’m going to withhold specific details. And I probably shouldn’t be blogging about it at all. A part of me thinks that talking about it publicly will just fuel the fire and makes things worse for me. But then there’s this other part of me – this slightly bigger part – that feels a little differently . You know what that part is telling me?

Screw ’em.

And that part is a heck of a lot louder than the other part so it wins today, my friends.

I live in a small town. But the difference between me and the other small town dwellers is that I have not been here long. In fact, I have never been anywhere long. I’m a nomad of sorts. The military brat in me has never really disappeared, which has caused me to float around from here to there, even as an adult, and never really put down roots. But in the past few years, I actually thought I had finally found a place to call ‘home.’ I go places and I recognize people. I walk through Walmart and invariably see someone I know and stop to chat. I start seeing people that I work with out and about in their personal lives and stop for a quick “how ya doin?” conversation. This may sound like everyday humdrum happenings to most of you, but not to me. It was new. And I loved it.

But this past weekend? This past weekend showed me the down side to this small town living. And to be quite honest – it has made me want to start dragging out the luggage.

Apparently there has been a rumor going around for the past few weeks that I tried to break up a marriage by calling the wife and telling her that the husband had been cheating on her. Apparently I “witnessed” this.

*sigh*

Now, before I go any further, let me tell you a little story. A few years ago, my coworker and I were leaving work at the same time. I was following behind her making my way through town heading home. I noticed traffic was a little slower than usual, but just went on listening to my music and singing and daydreaming like I always do. Once I finally made it through the traffic jam and got moving again, my cell phone rang. It was my coworker. I answered and she said, “Wow, that was a bad wreck back there, wasn’t it?”

Say what? A wreck?

I had driven by a friggin WRECK, people. And I hadn’t noticed a thing.

THAT is a perfect example of my attention to detail. I am clueless. A bomb could go off beside me and unless a piece of shrapnel pierced my skin, I probably wouldn’t realize it happened until I turned to walk in that direction and fell into the crater it left behind. You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. We all have our flaws, and that’s my big one. I’m self-absorbed. I have no idea what is happening around me at any given time because I’m too busy living in my own mind. That is just the way it is.

And yet…

And yet, I managed to witness some secret rendezvous between two people I barely know and actually cared enough to go out of my way and tell the wife (whom I also barely know) about what happened.

Excuse me for just a second while I turn this BS meter alarm off because that thing is BLARING.

So, here I have been, roaming around this cutesy little small town, smiling and waving at all the people that I thought were my friends and acquaintances, thinking that all was well in my happy little bubble – and all the while I was being secretly hated. Talked about. Defamed.

And sure, it’s easy to say, “Oh just shake it off. It doesn’t matter what people think.” But you know what makes it matter? What makes it matter is that the people I do care about believe it too. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I remember an old friend once telling me that the hardest thing to prove is the truth. If you’re trying to prove a lie, you can make up whatever you need to as evidence to just tangle the web a little more. But when you’re defending the truth, all you have is the truth. And apparently that just isn’t good enough these days.

So, am I going to pack my bags? I don’t know. I hate to think that one little incident could make that happen. But when that little incident stretches as far as it has and has affected the foundation of trust that I have built with the people I love, then that makes it not such a little incident anymore.

I am a good person. I just am. That’s all there is to it. And while that may sound like I’m tooting my own horn, believe me when I say I’m not. In fact, I’m sick of being a good person. I’m sick of turning the other cheek, of doing everything by the book, of looking out for other people’s feelings and considering others before I take actions. I’m SICK of it. I’d love to just take one day off from my personality and just go give everyone involved with this thing the punch in the throats that they deserve.

But I won’t. Because I am who I am.

I’ll just continue to cry behind closed doors and watch the people and the life I love slip away because of something utterly and completely beyond my control.

Sometimes people truly suck.

***

“Laws control the lesser man…Right conduct controls the greater one.”
– Mark Twain

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, heartbreak, Quotes, relationships, WTF. 7 Comments

Feb. ’14

#tbt Poetry – Silence

In keeping with my “Throwback Thursday” poetry idea from last week, here’s one from 2011. (Didn’t throwback too far with this one. Truthfully, I seem to have misplaced my old poetry folder in my recent move, so I’m still searching. I’ll get to the really old ones as I soon as I find that darn thing….)

***

Silence

Nothingness.
Quiet.
Confusion.
Silence.

Memories begin to drift back to the noise…
Back to the happiness,
the lights, the sounds,
the laughter
Spinning around at top speed on a merry-go-round
Filled with smiles and giggling children and chirping birds
“Tickets, get your tickets!”
Come ride the ride!

Then suddenly…

Silence.

Where did it go?
Was it even real?

I want my money back.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Poetic Musings. Tags: #tbt, blog, heartbreak, lonely, loss, love, poem, poet, poetry, relationships, sadness, silence, Throwback Thursday, writer, writing. 1 Comment

Feb. ’14

#tbt Poetry – Forgotten Mistress

“A poet is, before anything else, a person who is passionately in love with language.”
– W. H. Auden

I see everyone posting these “Throwback Thursday” photos on Facebook, so I have decided to do my own little blog version of it. Every Thursday, I plan to post an old poem that I wrote, together with the approximate year it was written. I used to write a lot of poetry back in the day (not great poetry, mind you) before I started writing the essay/short story style writings that I now prefer. So, let’s dig out some of this old stuff and broadcast that old undeveloped talent, shall we? 😉

First up, is Forgotten Mistress. Written in 2003.

Forgotten Mistress

I am looking in the window-
Standing on tiptoe to see-
Watching the life go on inside
The life that doesn’t include me

I see the family that loves him
Who will always welcome him home
I see the good times that abound
As I stand here all alone.

I wonder, Does he see me
Out of the corner of his eye?
Am I included in his vision
As the walls keep me outside?

Am I the secret no one mentions-
The dirty reminder of a fall?
Or have I already been forgotten
Not even thought about at all?

I know that I should turn away
From this sight I cannot bear to see
From watching the life go on inside
The life that doesn’t include me.

But yet, I stand here waiting
For that invitation I will never receive
And I’ll remain outside this window
Until I can find the strength to leave.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Poetic Musings. Tags: #tbt, blog, blogging, change, exclusion, forgotten, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, loyalty, mistress, old writings, poem, poet, poetry, Quotes, relationships, Throwback Thursday, writer, writing. Leave a comment

Feb. ’14

Story about a Dog

“We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.”
– Christian Nestell Bovee

I want to tell you a story about a dog.

And it’s not just any dog, mind you. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend Richard’s sweet little german shepherd, Lucy. Isn’t she the cutest little booger? So incredibly sweet. So lovable. So happy. And so…*ahhem*…um, how shall I say this?…unintelligent? Heh. Bless her sweet little heart, she’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the box. But she sure makes up for it in sweetness though, that’s for sure. Well, I have a story about one of Lucy’s recent…let’s just say mental lapses…that I thought was pretty interesting.

Now Lucy is a little over a year old and, all her life, has been taught that she is NOT to come in the house. She’s an outside dog, and that’s always been perfectly fine with her. Well….now here we are faced with this awful winter we’ve been having, so we decided to try to bend the rules a little. With sub-zero temps and wind chills to boot, it was time to let Lucy in the house.

Heh. WRONG.

Lucy was having NONE of that. You don’t teach a dog not to come in the house and then invite them in. No way, not Miss Lucy. Her daddy said a long time ago that she wasn’t supposed to be in the house and that was that, by gosh. We cajoled, we pushed, we pulled, we begged…but she wasn’t budging.

So, on to Plan B.

Richard, being the sweetheart that he is, decided that he couldn’t bear knowing that all she was going to have as shelter would be a drafty garage. Yes, it would block the worst of the wind, but it still wasn’t all that toasty in there. So, he rigged up a little space heater for her right next to her dog bed. That way, she would at least feel the heat from it as long as she stayed in her bed for the night. Problem solved. We’re going on a few months of this space heater warmth for Lucy on these cold winter nights and all has been working just fine, thank you.

Until yesterday, that is.

*sigh*

Now, I mentioned that Lucy is a sweet little thing right? Sooooo sweet. Smart? Eh. Notsomuch.

I left early in the morning for work and Richard was close behind. We both had very long days yesterday, consisting of real estate work here and there and followed up by rehearsal (for me) and sound work (for him) at the theatre until late in the evening. And then, after topping the night off with a quick bite to eat and a glass of wine or two at our favorite restaurant, we finally made our way back home. And what did we find when we got there?

Lucy. In the garage.

Stuck.

And by “stuck,” let me explain. This space heater that I described to you is a long, low-to-the-ground type. It resembles a baseboard heater somewhat. Before Richard had left for the day, he went into the garage through the open door (on the opposite side of the heater) and Lucy had followed him in. As he was leaving, he shut the garage door behind him with Lucy still inside, knowing that it was ok to do so since Lucy could easily go out the side door that we always keep open for her. Well, what he didn’t realize, was that the heater (which was not on, by the way) had been pushed to the side just slightly and was now…um…”blocking” Lucy’s path to the side door.

Now, I mentioned this heater is low to the ground, right? And by low to the ground, I mean probably 6 inches. Tops. So this 6-inch tall non-functioning space heater stood between Lucy and the side door of freedom.

It took us a minute to realize what the problem was once we got home. I was the first to arrive and was shocked that Lucy didn’t come flying to me with her tail flapping as she always does. I heard her whining in the garage, but she wouldn’t come to me. I walked a little further in and saw that she was just standing there. That’s it. Just standing there looking at me. (And crying, the poor little thing.)

So, I called to her. “Come here, Lucy. Come here, girl.”

Still. Nothing.

That’s when I realized that she was refusing to step across the little heater. I walked over and simply pushed the heater a few inches to the side, and let me tell you – you would not believe the happiness that burst forth from that sweet little dog. She bolted out of that garage, went straight to the yard to ‘take care of some overdue business,’ and then came bounding back to me for her “Hello, I’m glad you’re home, I love you, I love you, I love you” kisses.

When Richard got home, we laughed about that silly dog being “stuck” in the garage, all because she refused to step across the heater. But then the more we talked about it, the more we realized that, although the heater wasn’t hot at the moment, Lucy must have learned (the hard way, I’m guessing) that that heater could be hot. So, she figured it was best to play it safe. Even if it meant imprisonment.

Now, you guys realize I’m a writer right? And one thing I’ve noticed about we writers…we simply cannot see a situation in only a literal sense. Oh no – there is always a deeper meaning to just about everything. This time was no exception.

I thought about poor sweet Lucy and wondered how many times I’ve done that myself. How many times have I chosen imprisonment and sacrificed my freedom, simply because I was afraid to attempt something that may have hurt me in the past? And how many times was that thing that I thought was going to hurt me, simply just there for my benefit and not going to hurt me at all? And how many times have I, due to being ignorant to the harmlessness of the obstacle (simply because I was not willing to test it out), therefore remained in the tiny, lonely, confined space of my own making?

And while we’re on the subject – how many times have you done that?

Pretty dumb, isn’t it?

So, yes, maybe this was just one instance of a not-so-smart doggy getting stuck in a garage behind a heater. Or…

Or.

Maybe this was one of those lessons that life puts in front of you all of the time…if you’ll just take a moment to stop and notice it.

I don’t know about you, but I sure do know that Lucy was pretty darn happy to be free. Maybe you should give freedom a try yourself.

***

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.”
– Marilyn Ferguson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, changed, confinement, dog, dog lessons, fear, heartbreak, imprisonment, inspiration, inspirational, lonliness, love, motivation, motivational, photos, Quotes, relationships, writer, writing. 3 Comments

Feb. ’14

V-Day Giveaway

“A bell is no bell ’til you ring it,
A song is no song ’til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay –
Love isn’t love
‘Til you give it away.”
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, “You Are Sixteen (Reprise)”

Ahhhh. ‘Tis the season for romance, right? Chocolate hearts, teddy bears, lovey-dovey sweet nothings….

Blech.

I know, I know…I’m very happily in love and should be happy about Valentine’s Day, right? Well, I am happy that I’m in a relationship with such a wonderful, amazing man. Don’t get me wrong. But the idea that it should all be centered around one day? Eh. Pardon my French here, but I just think that’s a bunch of BS.

And besides, I haven’t always been deliriously happy on Valentine’s Day. As some of you may remember, this wasn’t the case for me last year. Richard and I had split up. (And, believe me, Richard just loooooves when I bring this up….). I wrote a blog (a year ago today actually) about how I had attempted to see Valentine’s Day in a different light that year. And it worked for a while. It really did. But then, a few days later, you’ll see the blog I wrote on the day after Valentine’s Day. (Aptly titled “The Day After Valentine’s Day…” Man, I was creative back in the old days…) I had psyched myself to get through that day, and then felt the sadness all over again once it was over.

So, again, yes, I am much much happier this year. I’m so grateful that Richard and I made it through the hurt and sadness and found our way back to each other. But regardless of my status this or any year, I still hate the thought of the turmoil that Valentine’s Day puts people through. I know many people who are recently single who are bracing themselves for the dreaded V-Day just as I had to do last year. And why is that? Isn’t every day hard enough on the brokenhearted as it is without having to rub their faces in it once a year? And if you’re not amongst the brokenhearted and are in a loving relationship now like I am, should you really need one particular day a year to remind you to be good to the one you love? And do you really need to be pressured into buying expensive gifts to prove said love?

Well, I certainly don’t think so.

So…with that rant out of the way…let’s get to the point of this particular blog. I decided that maybe I should do a Valentine’s Day give-away of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book that my story is in. While, yes, it is a book filled with happy love stories, it’s also a book filled with real love stories. And some of them, just like real life, don’t necessarily have such happy endings. The book is divided into subject headings and one of them is entitled “Let’s Forget this Ever Happened.” Another is called “It’s Not Me, It’s You” and contains a story called “Worst Date Ever.” Anyway, you catch my drift right? These stories are real. And I think it’s important for us all to remember that there are a variety of “statuses” out there on stupid stinky ole Valentine’s Day. If you’re not one of the ones in a happy relationship, don’t sweat it. When we’re in a place of sadness, it’s easy to get it into our head that we’re the only one feeling this way. That everyone out there has a partner and we’re the only one who is alone. Well, you’re not alone. Ever. And here’s how I want to show you that.

If you read this blog, I want you to comment below. (If you’re reading this on Facebook, you’re welcome to comment there too if you can’t figure out how to comment on the actual blog site). I want you to tell me what your relationship status is, and how you plan to ‘celebrate’ Valentine’s Day. And I want all the stories. From the good to the bad to the ugly. If you’re happily in love and plan the sweetest V-Day on the planet, go ahead and tell us about it. We’ll try not to gag. And if you’re miserable and hateful and spiteful and grumpy – I want to hear your thoughts too. Really.

Why am I doing this? I want people to read the variety of answers that I hope to get. I want people to see that in the answers to this question, there probably lies someone out there in the same position you’re in…as is always the case, no matter the circumstance. We are just never ever alone. Really. We’re not. Will my plan work? Eh, I don’t know. But I’m willing to bet that if people participate, it’s at least going to be entertaining to read, don’t ya think!? And keep in mind, I don’t want an essay or anything. Just one sentence will do. Whether it’s “I’m single and I plan to curl in a ball and cry into the wee hours of the morn,” or “I’m deliriously in love and plan to chronicle ever single moment of my dinner/dancing/smooching lovefest on Facebook for all the world to see,” we want to read them all. Well. Sort of. 😉

And, then, on the dreaded V-Day, I will put all of the commenters names in a hat (or bowl or scattered all the floor, whatever) and I will draw a name at random at 3:00 p.m. and will send the winner an autographed copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Dating Game. Check back here on my blog for the winner’s name and instructions on how to claim your prize. If you’ve already purchased a book from me, enter anyway! You can give it as a gift, maybe even with a copy of this blog so they know why you’re giving it to them. Or, you may even opt to participate but not accept the prize and allow me to draw another name. Either way – you’re a winner. Right? Let’s spread the love, people. (And if I wasn’t a struggling, broke wannabe writer, I’d give you something better than a book, but hey – you can only give what ya got, right?…)

So. We good? You understand the rules? Ok, then. Let’s do this. Ready, set….comment.

Seriously. Show someone they’re not alone this Valentine’s Day. That may just be all one person out there needs to know.

***

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love.”
– Maya Angelou

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: alone, blog, change, chicken soup for the soul, dating, friendship, give-away, heart, heartbreak, inspirational, loss, love, motivation, motivational, Quotes, relationships, single, The Dating Game, Valentines Day. 7 Comments

Feb. ’14

God’s Will?

Ok, so since my Jesus post from a few weeks ago didn’t get me stoned, I’m gonna try this one out and see what happens.

I have a friend on Facebook who recently posted about the fact that he has battled and defeated many addictions throughout the course of his life, ranging from alcohol to food. He made a blanket statement about how he was surprised at the fact that he had gotten through those trials, because he doesn’t feel like he has very much willpower. So, as is par for the course with Facebook, the comments started rolling in. And amid many of the well-intentioned comments, there seemed to exist the same theme.

“That’s because it wasn’t you, it was God’s work.”

“It was God’s will that you made it through.”

“God did it.”

*sigh*

Ok. Get your stones ready.

Every single time I see comments like this, I shudder a little. I’ve never really understood why that is. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m not the most religious person on the planet. But I do believe there’s a God. I do. So, why does it bother me when I hear stuff like that? Shouldn’t it make me feel good? Strengthen my belief in the God that I believe in?

Well, this particular instance got me to thinking about this very thing. I dug a little deeper into why those statements bother me so much, and this blog is about what I came up with. Will you agree with me? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, really. When it comes to religion, politics, and all that other good controversial stuff, it’s rare to find two people who truly see eye-to-eye on it all. And that’s ok. But I’m going to share my viewpoint with you anyway.

I started this blog with a picture/quote by J. G. Holland that says “God gives every bird its food, but he does not throw it into its nest.” (And I can’t even begin to tell you how long it took to find one with the correct usage of its/it’s. Phew! I finally gave up and made my own. Sheesh! But, hey, that’s a blog for another day. Back to the story….) To be quite honest with you, I think that quote stands alone and says about all that I need to say. Thank you, Mr. Holland. But let me elaborate a little more anyway, because that’s what I do.

To me, what this quote is saying is that yes, the answers to our problems are out there. They’re available to us. God’s not gonna leave us hanging. Like He says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you…” I firmly believe that the God I believe in is not one who is going to toss some bad things our way and watch us suffer with no way out. In fact, I don’t believe He is the one who throws bad things our way at all. Life does that. But regardless, there is going to be a way out of them.

But, see, here’s the thing. It’s not going to happen until we get off our butts and do something to make it happen. It’s not going to magically appear.

So, when people make such comments as “It was God’s will,” or “God did it,” I just can’t bring myself to believe that. God may be the one who provided the answer (i.e. the “food for the birds”), but I don’t believe He is the one who made it happen (i.e. “dropped it in its mouth”). In the case of my Facebook friend here, God did not stick down his big hand and physically turn my friend away from those addictions. My friend did that. He made the choice to turn away from those addictions and do the legwork that it took to break those bad habits. And does he deserve the credit? You bet he does.

I compare this to when my own child got the chance to play the lead role in our local production of Annie. Was I proud of her? Holy crap, you bet I was. But did I take the credit for her performance? Of course not. I may have helped her along the way. I may have advised her, encouraged her, and supported her. But did I do it for her? Of course, I didn’t. And if someone claimed as much, I’d probably be offended that they were focused on me and not giving her the credit she deserved.

I don’t think God feels much differently about His children as I do about mine. Do you?

Why are we so scared of being proud of ourselves? Or of allowing someone else to feel the pride that they deserve to feel?

I know we’ve all heard the saying “Pride goeth before a fall.” Maybe that’s where this unfounded fear comes from. But what you probably didn’t know is that this term is actually a shortened version of the verse found in Proverbs 16:18 that says: “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” When you look at that term in its entirety, as it is fully stated in the proverb, the “pride” it’s referring to is not the pride that comes from feeling as if you’ve done something good. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines “pride” in two ways:

Pride: a feeling that you are more important and better than other people; and
Pride: a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc.

That first definition is what that verse is referring to. Not the second. Pride is a feeling of happiness. Don’t you think God wants us to be happy? There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself. Nothing. And, on that same token, there’s nothing wrong with encouraging people to feel that pride in themselves. They worked hard; they deserve it. And the crazy thing is that the more pride you feel in yourself, the more likely you’ll be to keep going. Whether it’s fighting an addiction, working to better yourself physically, or maybe even…oh, I don’t know…writing? When someone recognizes your abilities and your talents, it really is ok to accept that recognition and bask in the glow of a job well done. Besides, you never know who you might be inspiring in the process.

So, hey. Maybe that might be something for you to think about the next time you innocently tell someone that it was God’s will when something good happens. Don’t negate what they have done by telling them that they didn’t do it. And don’t make the others out there who haven’t had such good fortune wonder why God isn’t on their side too. It’s just silly. Recognize them for the good that they have done, and congratulate them for it. They worked hard for it, whether they realize it or not, and they deserve to feel pride in themselves for what they’ve accomplished. And if you’re one of those people who deflect the compliments in that same manner? Maybe you should work on not doing that anymore. Yes, maybe God provided support and encouragement along the way, much like I did for my daughter as she found her way to playing the role of Annie, but I certainly didn’t pick her up and place her on that stage. Recognize your own efforts and applaud them.

And you know what? I’d be willing to bet that God is pretty darn proud of you, too.

***

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”
– Channing Pollock