Tag Archives: family

22

Mar. ’13

Ounce of Strength

I got the sweetest text from my mom yesterday.  It was in response to the latest batch of blogs I had mailed to her.  If you missed it, in one of my previous entries I mentioned that my mom doesn’t have a computer, so I print out and mail all of my blog entries to her.  She’s my biggest fan. (Maybe my only fan??  “A blog only a mother could love?…” But I digress…)

So, this is what her text said: “You are one strong woman! I wish I only had a portion of your strength.”

I read that, and then went back and re-read it again.  First, because my mom is just awesome.  Who doesn’t need to hear stuff like that?  I’m so lucky to have her support.  But secondly, I re-read it because it sounded so familiar to me.  And I couldn’t quite place why.

Then, it dawned on me.

When my daughter was only 2 years old (she’s 13 now), I could already see the fiery strength of her personality.  I remember watching her one day and just being able to visualize with such clarity what a strong woman she was going to become one day.  I saw in her the person I wish I could be – strong, determined, feisty.  And when I saw those things in her, I wrote this poem:

***

Ounce of Strength
Look at you.
I’m amazed at your abilities,
At your determination,
At your strong will.
Nothing can stop you!
I watch you in awe.
You adapt to change so quickly.
You remain steady
Even when the world around you changes.
You amaze me.
You inspire me.
You are my constant.
What I wouldn’t give to have just a little of your ability –
Just one iota of your determination –
Just one ounce of your strength.
Thank you.

***

Turns out I was right.  She’s still a little superwoman.  Full of an unending energy, wit, and strength that astounds me at times.  Nothing gets to that girl.  She is who she is and that’s just all there is to it.  Stubborn, dedicated, determined little Kelly.

And after getting that text from my mom, it finally hit me.  All of that is also how my mom sees me.

Wow.  I’m not sure if I ever realized that before.  That’s pretty awesome.

And you know what?  I’m willing to bet that her mom sees her exactly the same way.  Which makes me realize something else.  Maybe, just maybe, I just might have had a little something to do with Kelly’s personality.  And you know what else?  My mom had a little something to do with mine.  And her mom had a little something to do with hers.  And so on, and so on.

Hmmm.  Well, how about that!?

We need to remember that more often.  Really let this thought sink in:

Who we are will manifest in our kids. 

And you know what?   If we’re careful – those manifestations may just end up being some really great things.

***

And thou shalt in thy daughter see,
This picture, once, resembled thee.
– Ambrose Philips

kellyblog1

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings, Poetic Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

21

Mar. ’13

Life With Father

“Choosing to be in the theatre was a way to put my roots down somewhere with other people. It was a way to choose a new family.”
– Juliette Binoche

theatrepic

My next show, Life With Father, opens tomorrow night at Ashe Civic Center in West Jefferson, North Carolina.  And, as usual, the end of this two-month-long process is bittersweet.

In theatre, when the show finally arrives, everyone involved is absolutely exhausted.  If you’re not in theatre, you probably have no clue what goes into creating a show.  There are so many people involved – sometimes twice as many people as you see on the stage are involved off the stage.  Or sometimes even more.  Each person has their “role” to play, so to speak.  And each role is vital. My daughter has been involved with this show as a ‘techie’ and last night backstage at rehearsal, she said, “Wow.  I think I’m learning that the people back here work even harder than the people out there.” 

It’s definitely exhausting, that’s for sure.

But you know what else it is?  Absolutely amazing.

I don’t even know how to describe it to you.  There is just such a ‘bond’ that forms between people when they are working together to create a piece of art.  Because that’s what we’re doing.  Creating art.  And in the process of creating this work of art, we become a family.  Now, this particular piece of artwork may not be a sculpture or a painting, but it’s a work of art nonetheless.  And the difference in our work of art from a sculpture or painting?  Ours disappears.  Yep.  Just like that.  All of our months of hard work and dedication just disappear on the last day of the run.

“We build statues out of snow, and weep to see them melt.”  – Sir Walter Scott

So why do it?  Why put all of your time and energy into something that’s just going to disappear on you?

Because there are some things that come from all that hard work that do not disappear.

As Oscar Wilde puts it, “I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”  What more can I say than that?  Maybe, just maybe, we might reach someone in that audience.  If one person out there is able to see that something they’ve felt, said, dreamed, or imagined isn’t unique to them, then our job here is done.  That’s what this human experience is all about to me.  Just letting each other know that we’re not alone.  That deep down, we’re all pretty close to being the same.  And what better way to do that, than to get up on a stage and allow someone else’s life to play out before their eyes, and hope that something in what they see might mirror their own?

And on that same line of thinking – we also reach each other on the stage.  We are surrounded by other actors, other tech workers, the director, etc., who are all doing exactly what we’re doing.  All putting their heart and soul into creating something that means something to all of us.  We develop trust, camaraderie, patience…and most importantly, love for each other.  It’s a strange paradox – while pretending to be someone else, we manage to deeply get to know each other’s true selves.  Funny how that happens.  And this particular show is even about a family.  The joys, stresses, daily routine, and ins and outs of family life.

While pretending to be a family, we end up becoming one.

So, if you’re local, come out and see what we’ve been working on for the past two months.  (And hey – if you’re not local, come anyway.  It’s worth the drive!)  Without you, there’s not much point in us being up there on that stage.  Come be a part of the show.  Come be a part of our family.

See you there!

***

The following are some links to learn more about the show:
Life With Father article in the Jefferson Post: http://jeffersonpost.com/bookmark/22014480
My MTN interview with Jane Lonon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgkZoP_f7TU&feature=youtu.be

***

“I love acting. It’s so much more real than life.”
– Oscar Wilde

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07

Mar. ’13

I’m a Brat

“Being raised as a military brat has a way of making things blur together, simply because of how often you have to move. Friends come and go, clothing is packed and unpacked, households are continually purged of unnecessary items, and as a result, not much sticks. It’s hard at times, but it makes a kid strong in ways that most people can’t understand. Teaches them that even though people are left behind, new ones will inevitably take their place; that every place has something good – and bad – to offer. It makes a kid grow up fast.”
– Nicholas Sparks “The Lucky One”

I’m a military brat.

Most people who know me know this about me.  But some of you who have come into my life more recently may not.  (And, oh yeah, all my new blog followers who I don’t know from Adam don’t know that either – Hi Strangers! Sometimes I still forget you’re there.  Thanks for reading!)  My step-dad was in the Army from the time I was 8 years old.  We started moving when I was in the 4th grade and never stopped.  From 4th grade through 12th grade, I attended 8 different schools located in 4 different states and 2 different countries.  I graduated high school in Giessen, Germany with a grand total of 21 other graduates.  (1996, baby. Go Griffins!  Represent!)  Ok, enough of that.

Sometimes I think I forget what a profound effect my childhood had on me.  At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to a person.  Being dragged from here to there – having to say goodbye to friends and family sometimes at the drop of a hat – never feeling ‘stability’ or ‘roots.’  Yes, if you asked my teenage self, I would have told you that I had the worst parents in the world and no one could have had a worse childhood than mine.

Well, that brat grew up.  And now she knows better.

I have something that most people don’t have.  Rather than having one set of roots in one location – I have roots everywhere.  I’ve seen this comic before and it always makes me chuckle:

militarybrat2

I honestly remember when my answer to that question used to be, “I’m from nowhere.”  But I’ve amended that as I have gotten older.  I’m not from “nowhere.”  I’m from “everywhere!”  I have friends scattered all across this world.  Not just this country – this world.  I have links and ties to so many people from so many races, cultures and walks of life that I feel like a chameleon myself at times.  And that’s awesome.

But where am I now? 

Sigh. 

Now I’m stuck in a military brat’s nightmare.  I live in a tiny small town in the middle of nowhere.  Where everyone here has lived here their whole lives and everyone knows everyone and their business and their momma’s business and their second cousin twice-removed’s business.  It’s tough.  And one day I’ll make my escape.  But in the meantime, even though I may stick out like sore thumb and feel like a fish out of water at times, I am safe in the knowledge that who I am has not changed and has not molded to fit my surroundings.  I may be different, but I’m me.  And that won’t change.  And part of being ‘me’ means that I can handle a lot of crap.  People may come and go, but I remain steady.  I remain me. 

Because of my upbringing and my ability to adapt, I have become a pro at handling change.  You want to leave my life?  Go.  I’ll cry for a while, I’m not heartless.  But I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off, and realize that when one leaves, another takes their place.  I’m not saying that some don’t hold special places in your life.  They do.  Some spots are always reserved for certain special people.  But I always know that I’m not going to be alone, and that that empty spot can be smoothed over with the laughter and love from new friends, new places, new activities, etc.  When one thing leaves, another will take its place.  Always. 

It’s the military brat creed. 

Hooah.

militarybrat

 

 

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25

Feb. ’13

Uphill Both Ways

“When I was your age, we had to walk to school uphill both ways…”
– Every Older Person There Ever Was

Yesterday I ran a route that I’ve been wanting to run ever since I started running.  There hasn’t been much of a reason why I haven’t done it yet.  At first, I wasn’t ready for it (physically or mentally); then I wanted to wait for a special occasion on the calendar (all of which came and went); then it was Winter, etc. etc. etc.  Not sure why I put it off as long as I did.  But yesterday, without even any true destination in mind, I put my running clothes on, hopped in the car, and just drove.  I ended up here:

houseedit

This is the house that is still standing in the Potato Creek community in Virginia, where my grandpa was born and raised.  He passed away in February of last year.

He wasn’t much of a talker when he was with us.  Very quiet – filled with secrets.  But my grandmother filled in the gaps.  Through her, I’ve heard about the house he grew up in and have learned about the hilly path he had to walk on to school and back and everyday.  I’ve driven this path many times, but ever since I became a runner, I have always wanted to run it.  It’s not that far to me now (a little more than four miles), but when I first started running, I knew I wasn’t ready for that distance.  And distance wasn’t really the issue anyway.  Holy crap, is that thing hilly!  But I kept telling myself that one day I would be ready to run it.  Turns out, yesterday was the day.

This may have been one of my favorite runs ever.  It may sound crazy, but a part of me felt like my Pa-Paw was actually running with me.  I’m not sure he cared for the Kelly Clarkson, Pink, and Cee Lo Green that was busting out of my headphones, but nonetheless, I think he kept up.  In fact, I think he probably passed me a few times.  Especially on those dang hills!  Did I mention there were hills?  (From now on, when an older person tells me they walked uphill to school both ways, I’m not questioning that statement. I just found out for myself!)

hilledit

But man, were those hills beautiful.  The whole route was beautiful.  For a little less than an hour, I stopped thinking, stopped feeling, stopped obsessing, and just ran with my grandpa.

The old school that he went to is no longer standing.  From what I understand, it burned down years ago (long after it was no longer used as a school and was just being used as a barn for local farmland).  After the run, I went and looked at the area a little and this was the only remnants of the school that I found:

school

Here’s a view of the whole area where the school stood:

school2

And still standing (and still in operation on occasion) just beside the old school land is the church that he attended – Potato Creek Church.  Such a beautiful old place that holds many many memories, I’m sure.

churchedit

And since I’m sharing pictures, I have to share one last one.  Now, I can’t remember – did I mention that this run was hilly?  HOLY COW, it was hilly.  And at one point, I kid you not, I saw something painted on the road that cracked me up.  I’m convinced that someone else before me tried to run this thing and happened to be carrying a can of spray paint along with them on thier run:

roadfaceedit

I feel ya, fellow runner.  That’s exactly how I felt too!

So, anyway, this blog is not going to be like most of my others.  I usually try to wrap up with some type of life lesson that I’ve learned from some experience.  But nope.  Not this time.  I just wanted to tell you about a run with my grandpa that I finally took the time to do.  A run where I cleared my mind, appreciated the scenery, traveled back in time in my mind to try to experience what it had been like for my ancestors before me.  You know – just took a break from everything else and appreciated who I was and where I came from.

Hmmm.  Maybe there’s a life lesson to be learned in this after all.

Thanks for the run, Pa-Paw.

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings, Running. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

19

Feb. ’13

Flaws

flaws4

Whew.

So, I had the idea of writing a blog about flaws.  Not sure exactly where I was headed with that, but just thought it seemed to go along with a general theme I’ve had in my life lately.  When you go through a major life change (in my case, a breakup – but it can be anything, a job change, a move, a death of a loved one, etc.), it’s actually a good time to do a little reassessing. Ya know, looking around.  Trying to figure out who you are, why you’re here, etc., and use that information to make a fresh start.  And in my particular case, it has made me take a pretty good hard long look at myself and wonder what part I may have played in getting to where I am now.  Now, I’m not saying I’m beating myself up.  On the contrary, actually.  It’s just a little self-analysis.  A little realization of who I am – the good and the bad – and deciding what might need to be worked on.

So, that was the idea.  But.  Well.  That’s not exactly what ended up happening.

I didn’t realize what a can of worms this would open up.

I reached out to some friends (and even some exes if you can believe that) to ask them to be honest with me about what they saw in me that they would consider flaws.  Let me give you some examples of the answers I got.

  • An ex-boyfriend response: You were always wondering/worrying about my thoughts/feelings even when I insisted I was telling you the truth.
  • A close friend response: I feel that you are dependent on other people’s views & feelings toward you to determine your emotional state & self-worth.
  • Another ex-boyfriend: I always loved talking to you.  More than you know.  But when I would say I didn’t want to talk about something, you wouldn’t let it go.  I would get so mad, I would just shut down completely.
  • Another close friend:  I feel like you spend too much time searching for something externally to fill the God-sized hole inside of you.  [Wow.]
  • Another ex-boyfriend: I value my life too much to answer that question.  [Haha…that’s my favorite.]
  • Another close friend: You need to recognize your own worth and awesomeness more. [Ok nevermind, maybe that’s my favorite…and I actually got this response more than once.]

(Now, I could go in all kinds of tangents with analyzing those responses, but I’m going to try not to get too deep.  Just stating the facts here, peeps. )

  • Another notable response – When mentioning that I was writing this article, someone remarked: I think you’re just venting.  It’s time to move on.

Hmmm.  Ok.  We may have to come back to that one.  But first:

In doing all this ‘research,’ a friend of mine reminded me of the Jennifer Grey nose job story.  You’ll probably remember Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing.  But I’m willing to bet you that you don’t remember her from anything else.  After Dirty Dancing, she had a nose job.  Apparently she had a ‘bump’ on her nose (news to me) that she thought she needed to have fixed.  So, she did.  She saw a “flaw” and she zapped it.  But then, you know what happened?  Her career plummeted.  She was quoted as saying, “I went in the operating room a celebrity – and came out anonymous. It was like being in a witness protection program or being invisible. I remember going to a restaurant where I had been going for years. I ran into people I knew and would say, ‘Hey.’ Nothing. I’ll always be this once-famous actress nobody recognizes… because of a nose job.”  She was no longer even recognizable.  Now, I’m not saying she had been “known” for her nose or anything – but changing something that made her who she was made her someone that people didn’t even recognize anymore.  Fixing what she thought was a flaw, ended up changing her life.  And not for the better.

Ok, so I’ve thrown this random smorgasbord of information out here.  Now, what do I do with it?

Well, here we go.

So here’s what I have decided, and it all comes down to this: I’m a hot mess.  Yes, there are definitely some things that I could work on.  There are. (Being less insistent for responses from others being the main one that jumps out at me.)  But, so what!?  I’m a little insistent.  Big fat hairy deal.  Yes, I care a little too much what people think of me.  That’s a flaw.  It’s me.  It’s who I am.  Maybe that’s why I write?  For the responses I get from others?  For the feedback?  Eh, who knows…

Which brings me back to the remark about ‘venting.’

Is that what I’m doing?  Ok.  Maybe so.  But here’s my response to that.  Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love) is one of my favorite authors of all time. She motivates me and she inspires me. If she had stopped “venting” and just moved on without writing about it, she wouldn’t be where she is today. And maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today without that influence.  So, in that same fashion, I’m not going to stop either.  Writing is therapeutic; it’s healing; it’s who I am.  I take what happens in my life and I vomit it out on paper for all the world to see.  Am I crazy?  Maybe.  Am I too transparent?  Maybe.  Am I making a fool of myself?  Maybe.  But let me tell you something.  As of my latest stat count, people have looked at this crazy transparent fool’s blog a grand total of 500 times.  500 times people have looked at what I have to say.  And if only one of those 500 times ended up being a time that touched someone’s heart and showed them that they aren’t alone in this crazy world we all live in, then it was worth it.  Unlike Jennifer Grey’s nose – this blog ain’t changing.  I’m not changing.  Flaws and all, here I am.

And on that note…I’ll leave you with a quote from Robert Porterfield, the founder of Barter Theatre in Abingdon, Virginia:

“If you like us, talk about us!
If you don’t, then keep your mouth shut.”

 

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