Tag Archives: family

My Veteran

“The willingness of American’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.”
– Jeff Miller

So, it’s Veterans’ Day. And in honor of Veterans’ Day, I want to take the time to talk about one of them. My favorite one, actually.

My step-dad.

(And just for the record, that’s the last time I’ll refer to him as that for the rest of the blog. Just wanted you to know that he is my step-father for informational purposes. As you will see from the story I’m about to tell you, I have dropped the “step-” part of his name because that is no longer necessary. He is my dad.)

So, when I was about 5 years old, my mom met this great guy named David. I thought he was pretty cool, to be honest. It was kind of nice having someone else around when it had only been myself and my mom for all those years. My mom and real dad had divorced when I was a baby and though my dad was definitely in my life, I only saw him on the occasional weekend. I lived primarily with my mom. Just the two of us. Suddenly, this new guy was around quite a bit. I remember him taking me along with them when they went places and such. One particular early memory that sticks out in my mind is the time I got to go to the movies with them. There’s a Brad Paisley song called “He Didn’t Have to Be” and in it there’s a line that says, “he took my mom out to the movies and, for once, I got to go.” Yep. That line gets me every time. Because that was me – the new guy was just as happy to have me along as he was my mom.

And then came the day when I was about 6 years old. I came home from school and my mom and David were sitting in the living room and said they wanted to tell me something. I was young, so the memory is somewhat hazy, but there are two things that really stand out. One – I remember sitting on David’s lap. They told me that they were getting married (I don’t remember the exact words – just have that memory of sitting on his lap) and apparently I was pretty happy about the news. All was well. A new person to join our family. Yay!

But then comes the second memory.

My new room.

Now, mind you, my mom and I had lived alone all of these years in a small two-bedroom apartment. And with it being just the two of us, I had sort of decided that my mom’s bed was my bed too. And she had allowed that. So that “extra” bedroom back there was just that. Extra. A place for storage and my toys and whatnot. Not a place where I actually slept. Duh. I slept with my mommy.

Until now.

They walked me back to the room and opened the door. There was a new bed, a few new toys, and (I distinctly remember this) some new little workbooks on my bed. I LOVED those workbooks. They were the kind that taught you how to write in cursive by tracing the little dots. I was such a nerd – writing was my favorite thing in the world to do (not much has changed actually). So, with them knowing how much I liked those little workbooks, what was wrong with a little bribe to sweeten the deal, right? Well, it worked. I loved my new room!

Until bedtime, that is.

Bedtime rolled around, and I wanted to sleep with my mom. Like always. But, alas, that was a no-go.

Now, I’m no psychologist. But I’m willing to bet that that bedroom moment was the one that planted the seed. This man that I really did secretly like, was now to become the enemy. He took my mommy! Thus, began the years of the “you’re not my real dad”s and the “I don’t have to listen to you”s and the “I hate you”s. Oh, my poor poor mom. The hell I must have put her through. (Funny how that becomes so clear once you have children of your own.)

Eventually, my dad joined the Army and that’s when the new brothers and sisters started to arrive. I went from being an only child at age 7, to being the oldest of five by age 13. Now, that part was pretty cool. I adored being a big sister. The part that wasn’t cool, however? The moving. The endless, ENDLESS, moving. The girl who had lived in the same small town her whole life was now being uprooted and sent to God only knows where. Yep, I was to become a “brat” – in every sense of the word. I made sure the whole world knew how I felt about that, too.

Well, let’s fast forward a bit. To age 17.

Not much had changed in all those years. I still fought with my dad every chance we got – and I’m sure my mom still cried silent tears over each and every one. Not once had I stopped to think about what he was doing with his life – serving his country each and every time he donned that uniform. Not once had I realized that he was supporting and providing for this large family each time he laced up those big black boots. Nope – I couldn’t see past myself and my own “misery.” And at this point, that misery had reached it’s peak. Not only had he moved us yet again, but this time we were in a whole different country. He had taken us all the way to Germany…the big doo-doo head. Oh, I was never going to forgive him for this one, you could mark my word.

So, the summer I turned 17, I was flying back to Germany from having spent the summer back in the states. (I would fly home each year for about 6 weeks to see my real dad and that side of the family.) This particular summer, I was on my flight back to Germany and had a short layover in Paris. Talk about feeling like a big shot! I mean, granted, I never actually left the airport during my four-hour Paris stay, but still. I was sitting in an airport in Paris on my 17th birthday – alone! Check me out! After wandering around feeling like a grown-up for a while, I finally decided to make my way to my boarding gate and sit at a table while I waited for my flight. I went to rest my head on my hand and…there it was again. The lump I had felt while back in the states and had hardly mentioned to anyone now felt a little larger. It was this strange growth in my neck that I couldn’t quite explain. I felt fine – wasn’t sick or anything. But still there it was.

My flight made it back to Germany and I stepped into a world that was to be drastically different than the one I had left a few months before. Suddenly, everything would change. No more everyday teenage school life filled with volleyball and basketball games and who’s dating who drama. No, my life was now hospital stays and doctor’s visits. Hodgkin’s lymphoma saw to that. Suddenly all I knew were surgeons, oncologists, IVs and pills. Oh, the pills. Sooooo many pills. Nineteen pills a day, to be exact. When I wasn’t in the hospital, I was to take all of these pills at home at certain times throughout the day. I had one of those pill sorters that didn’t divide the pills by day, but by time. And each morning when I woke up, there they were – all sorted and set out and ready for me for the day.

Now, naturally, I assumed my mom was doing this – all this required “pill sorting” – but I hadn’t given it much thought really. Until one morning when I woke up and headed to the kitchen for something to drink. It must have been about 4:30 in the morning. I assumed no one was awake in the house yet, but I saw a light on in the kitchen as I made my way down the hall. I knew my dad got up early to go in for PT prior to his work day, but this early? Really? I walked into the kitchen, and I saw something that was to change me from that moment on.

There, sitting alone at the kitchen table, with bottles and bottles of pills set out before him, was my dad. Complete in his BDUs, with only a little light on so he wouldn’t disturb the rest of the house, counting out each and every one of my nineteen pills and placing them in the slots where they belonged. This man, who I was nothing but cruel and nasty to, spent every morning literally making sure that I was going to survive the day.

That changed everything.

Suddenly, my eyes were open to so much that I had not taken the time to see. For one thing, he was supposed to be in Bosnia at that time. He had orders to ship out weeks before, but had requested a stay to help my mom through the worst part of my treatments. He did end up having to go, but was allowed to postpone until my chemo was over. (I still had to have radiation after that, but at least he was able to help mom through the first part – remember, she had four other kids besides myself). Also, my best friend Erica and her little sister were being sent back to the states to live with family members they barely knew because their single-mom soldier was also being sent to Bosnia (she was in the same company with my dad). Seeing the anguish I was going through losing my best friend during the hardest time of my life, my dad petitioned the Army to allow he and my mom temporary custody of the two girls so that they didn’t have to leave. I still don’t understand what all was involved with all of that, but I know that for about 6 months, I had two new sisters, thanks to my dad and mom. And a best friend’s hand to hold through the hardest thing I would ever go through.

Somehow, none of these things had registered with me. Until I saw those pills scattered all over that table.

Have I ever told him this? Honestly, I don’t know. But I know that he saw the difference in how I treated him from that day on. Cancer will make you grow up, that’s for sure. It’s amazing how it will shine a light on the things you hadn’t taken the time to notice before. And in my case, that light was shone on my dad. The dad who loved me and took care of me all of those years, when he certainly didn’t have to.

I’m so proud today to call him my dad. I can’t remember a time he has ever called me his “step-daughter.” I have always just been his daughter. When you ask him how many kids he has – his answer is never four. It’s always, always, five. I have never been anything other than a daughter to him in his eyes, even when I most certainly didn’t deserve that distinction.

So, on this Veteran’s Day, I want to give the biggest shout out I can muster to my favorite veteran on the planet. My dad. Thank you for not only sacrificing for our country, but also for your mean little redheaded step-child. You will always be a soldier in my eyes – in every sense of the word.

I love you, Dad.

***

“We never know the love of a parent, until we become parents ourselves.”
– Henry Ward Beecher

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: army, blog, brat, changed, dad, family, father, heart, inspiration, inspirational, love, loyalty, memories, military, photos, Quotes, relationships, service, step-dad, veteran, veterans day, writing. 5 Comments

Nov. ’13

November 1

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
– Eckhart Tolle

Ok. I think I’m gonna do it this year.

So, I know you’ve all seen the November challenge on Facebook, right? No, not the no-shave November thing. (My boyfriend would probably not be too thrilled if I participated in that. And besides, I’d have to buy larger shirts to fit my arms in if I didn’t shave for 30 days. That pit hair is comparable to a Chia Pet when it gets out of control. Seriously. Ok, TMI, moving on….)

And no, not the “write a novel in a month” November thing (NaNoWriMo). Ha! Like that’s going to happen. I haven’t written a novel in 35 years so far, so I doubt it’s going to happen in the month of November.

No, what I’m talking about is the 30 Days of Gratitude. Each day, your status is supposed to be about whatever you’re thankful for that day. Every November, I see it roll around, and every November, I just read everyone else’s status messages and go about my business without participating. Well, today, I asked myself a question. “Self,” I said, (that’s what I like to call myself)…

“What the heck is wrong with you??”

Come on, chick. You have a bajillion patrillion things to be thankful for. Why not dedicate a month of blogs to them?

So, here I am.

Now, I’m going to do my best to not make them generic. No “today I’m thankful for my family” crap. No, that’s too easy. These things are going to be specific. Not just “family,” but which member of the family? And why? You know, stuff like that.

So, there’s no time like today to put my money where my mouth is.

Today, November 1, would have been my grandfather, Greene Halsey’s, 86th birthday.

So, today, I’m thankful for him. Thankful that he existed. Thankful for the family name that he passed down. Thankful for the red hair that my kids got because of him. Thankful for the quiet, honorable man that he was. Thankful for his insistence that my shoes remain spotless (oh, the memories of seeing him endlessly shining all of our shoes until they practically sparkled). Thankful for the funny things that he would say on the random times that he did decide to speak up. Thankful for the money he’d always slip me when he thought no one was looking…and thankful for watching him do the same thing with my kids as they got older. Thankful for the lesson that you don’t have to be loud and obnoxious to make your mark on the world. This quiet man managed to leave behind a legacy with very few words, only actions. The many non-dramatic, sometimes non-noticed, small tokens of the love that he didn’t quite know how to verbalize remain in all of our memories.

He left this world in February of 2012, but in the ways that matter, he still remains.

So, for my November month of gratitude, I hereby officially nominate Greene Halsey as the first addition to the list. Welcome, Pa-paw.

And thank you.

And to the rest of you – here’s my challenge to you. This year, why don’t you join me? There’s no reason not to. If you don’t want to write it, don’t. No status is needed. No blog entry is required. Just force yourself, every day for this one little month in your life, to dedicate each and every day to one specific thing for which you’re thankful. By the end of this month, I’m betting that you’ll be surprised at just how blessed you really are. And maybe, just maybe, you won’t stop on November 30.

See you tomorrow.

***

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray Love

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, family, grandpa, gratitude, inspiration, inspirational, love, memories, motivation, motivational, November, photos, Quotes, thankful, writing. 2 Comments

Oct. ’13

Braggin’ on the Hun

“Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.”
~ Jean Anouilh

Ok, I need to brag on my honey. [I know, I never do that, right??]

Here he is. Ain’t he purdy?

*sigh*

Ok. This blog is not just about how cute the little booger is, so I’ll get to the point.

Let me just start this out with a simple little 100% true and accurate statement. I am NOT an easy person to love. Oh, it’s true. When I’m mad, I’m FURIOUS. When I’m upset, I’m DISTRAUGHT. When I’m a little irked, I’m FULLY ANNOYED. You get the picture, right? No little responses to anything – everything is temporarily grandiose. And, as you might guess, this little teeny tiny eensy weensy flaw sometimes leads to some turbulence in the relationship. Now, it’s not all me, mind you. My boyfriend Richard has a teeny tiny little flaw too. He despises conflict. (I know, right? *WEIRDO!*) And when said conflict arises, his fight or flight response is always…always…’flight.’ Well, for this ‘fighter’ that he’s in love with, that crap just don’t fly.

You can imagine how our disagreements go.

1. Something happens (Richard’s fault, of course).
2. I get IRATE.
3. I fling accusations and demand responses.
4. Richard runs.
5. I get MORE mad.
6. Richard stays quiet.
7. I get even more dramatic because of the lack of response.
8. He gets even more quiet because of my increased level of crazy.
9. Time passes.
10. I get tired and chill out.
11. He comes out of hiding and remembers that sometimes I’m not crazy.
12. We talk. We kiss. We make up.
13. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Get the picture? Here, let me give you a literal picture in case my words weren’t clear.

Yep. That’s us. Well, sometimes.

(And honestly, it’s really not all that often. And heck, while we’re being totally honest here, that dude and chick in the picture need to be switched….)

(Ok, one more parenthetical. If our relationship sounds a little too familiar to you, you may be in a turtle/hailstorm relationship too. What the heck did she just say? Here ya go. Read about it here. We’re a textbook case, and you may be too. Pretty fascinating stuff.)

Ok, let’s get back to the bragging I promised at the beginning of this story.

Nope, our relationship is not always sunshine and roses, that’s for sure. But then again, there are times like the past few days.

As some of you may have read in my last blog, my Alzheimer’s-ridden grandmother had a little mishap at the nursing home, and was found on the floor. What they thought to be a broken hip from an initial x-ray, ended up being an old injury from before (poor little lady) and she didn’t end up having to have surgery after all, thank goodness. But before we knew that for sure, we were just told that she was being transported to the medical center in Bristol, Tennessee, and was being prepped for surgery on her frail little 85-year-old hip. So, naturally, my mom dropped everything and traveled here to come be with her momma. And, also naturally, I dropped everything to go be with my momma. I worked it out to miss work on Tuesday, and I left Monday after work to go stay in a hotel with her, at least for the first night, so she wouldn’t have to be alone.

And what did Richard do?

He dropped everything to come be there for me.

He drove me there, stayed with us, drove us everywhere we needed to go while we were there (that’s one thing my mom and I definitely have in common – we hate driving in areas that are unfamiliar to us). He went and got drinks and coffee for the family as we waited, and sat right there with us as the hours drug on while we waited for news, and listened to my poor little grandma as she moaned in confusion and/or discomfort (it was hard to know which was which). Without technically being “blood” family, Richard played a role in this just like the rest of us did. He did everything he could to be there for the one that he loved. Me.

And boy, did I notice.

My little Richard sure can be hard on himself sometimes. Maybe it’s because he has a fiery redhead fussing at him all the time? Naaaah. Surely, that doesn’t have much to do with it…. But, seriously. I think it’s important to remind him every now and then how very much I notice and appreciate these little things that he does for me. The past few days would have been a whole different story if I, and my mom, hadn’t had Richard along for the ride. These “small” things will one day be the big things as we look back over these years we spent together. I hope that we will be one of the lucky couples that make it to the very end. And, if (when) we do, I hope we look back on our life and see the moments like yesterday. Not the fights, not the nights in the ‘doghouse…,’ but the moments like these. The ones where we sacrificed ourselves to each other during our times of need. Because that is what love is all about.

This is the “us” that I’ll remember most.

I sure am in love with a great guy. Thanks for letting me tell you about him.

***

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.”
– Benjamin Disraeli

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, conflict, dating, family, fights, friendship, grandma, health, hospital, inspiration, inspirational, love, motivational, photos, problems, Quotes, relationships, turle/hailstorm, writing. 3 Comments

Oct. ’13

Maw-Maw’s Smile

”Those with dementia are still people and they still have stories and they still have character and they’re all individuals and they’re all unique. And they just need to be interacted with on a human level.”
– Carey Mulligan

My family has just been introduced to the world of Alzheimer’s/dementia for the first time. My sweet grandmother – a mother of nine and grandmother and great-grandmother to so many that we have lost count – has forgotten who she is.

But we haven’t.

My sister gave birth to twin baby girls earlier this year. The babies were premature and were very close to not surviving. But after months of intensive care at the hospital and even more intensive, above-par care from their mommy, they were able to come home. This past weekend, they made their first trip to see their Great- “Maw-Maw” in her new home in a nursing care facility.

And, let me tell you – it was nothing short of magic.

Some of us in the family had almost forgotten what it felt like to see Maw-Maw truly happy. Surrounded by new faces in a new environment, anyone would be a little confused at first. But poor little Maw-Maw can’t seem to break out of the confusion that is plaguing her. Every few minutes she again asks where she is and why she is there. She has witnessed many family tragedies in her life, including the most recent loss of her husband, and can’t seem to remember any of them. Watching her face as she re-learns the family’s sad news over and over again has been very hard on our family, to say the least. As she hears, yet again, about the losses we’ve suffered for what seems to her to be the ‘first’ time, we too feel the sting all over again. Her inability to remember translates to our inability to forget. This sweet little lady who has always managed to see the bright side of things, now seems to have fallen into a darkness that none of the rest of us can understand. Sadly, this is the truth to Alzheimer’s.

But.

Then, there are moments like this past weekend.

This weekend, the darkness cleared even if just for a few moments. As Maw-Maw took both of those beautiful twin miracles into her arms, her face lit up. And there before us was the infamous smile that we had all come to miss so much. For a few moments, she was yet again our mother. Our grandmother. And now, as evidenced by the love in her eyes as she stared down at the new additions to the family, our great-grandmother. She was back.

And it was beautiful.

I guess that’s the key to dealing with these situations. Yes, the family is suffering. Yes, we are going through a hard time and we feel like we’ve lost a loved one, even though she sits right there in front of us. And yes, most of the time, the circumstances are going to be sad ones. But there will be silver linings. There will. And those are the moments that you have to hold on to with all of your might. Take snapshots – literally and figuratively. Remember these moments and cherish the fact that the person you love is still there. They are still with you. And for a few brief, shining moments, they are still themselves. And those moments will be the ones that will serve to help heal you both.

So grateful for one more glimpse of Maw-Maw’s smile.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: Alzheimer's, blog, blogging, dementia, family, grandmother, health, inspiration, love, memory, mother, motivation, photos, Quotes, twins, writing. 4 Comments

Oct. ’13

Love Language

“The giving of love is an education in itself.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

So, I noticed something interesting about my daughter this week. I suppose I had noticed it before, but this week it seemed to really catch my attention more than usual.

Kelly experienced a pretty big disappointment a few days ago. I won’t get into the details (that’s her story to tell, not mine), but just know that it was a pretty tough blow for my super strong daughter. She handled it with grace, as she always does, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she was temporarily heartbroken.

So, I did what I always do. What comes natural to me when I see someone I love in pain. I reached out to hug her.

Whoooooa, Nelly.

Not cool.

See, I completely forgot who my daughter is. That hugging thing? Nuh uh. When she is upset, she wants to be left alone. She doesn’t mean to be cruel about it – she’s not trying to hurt anyone – she just needs to be left alone. A hug does not help. Not for her. She’d rather deal with it on her own. Now, talking – she’s fine with that. Saying I understand how she feels? I think that helped some. Showing her one of my old writings about disappointment to remind her that it’s not the end of the world and that her time to shine will come again soon? Yep. She appreciated that.

But a hug? No way. Not cool.

And see, I know that. I do. I just forget. She’s different than me. When I’m upset, I want to be hugged. I want you to wallow in the misery with me. “Come on over here and snuggle and feel my pain, people. FEEL IT!” But her? Nope. “I got this. I don’t want your sympathy, I’ll be fine.”

This little incident this week reminded me of a class I took once. Well, a class I was sent to through my job at the time.

I was having trouble getting along with one of the attorneys I worked for at a large law firm. She was only a year older than me and the two of us just seemed to butt heads non-stop. Although neither of us “told on” each other or anything, the fact that we didn’t get along was pretty well-known. Well, occasionally the firm would send the employees to various seminars here and there, and I was chosen by the human resources department to go to one entitled, “How to Get Along With Difficult People.” Ha! In your face, boss lady. See? Seeeeeee? Everyone knows how hard you are to deal with.

So, I took my smug self to the seminar and guess what I found out?

I was the difficult person.

Heh. Oops.

But no, seriously, this seminar was awesome. We were all paired into groups and did surveys to figure out what our personality types were, and which certain personality types were the most non-compatible. Lo and behold, my personality type and boss lady’s personality type? Exact opposites. And the great thing about the seminar is that it showed the pros and cons of every single personality type and the “whys” behind the head-butting with the certain types. As I listened, I heard so many examples of scenarios that my boss and I had been through and it became glaringly apparent why we weren’t getting along. We just didn’t know how to treat each other. What she needed was a foreign concept to me because it was nothing like what I needed. And vice versa.

And the solution?

Well, it was pretty simple actually. They bent the golden rule a little. (Please don’t tell my Grandma I just said that – she’ll disown me.) They said instead of the old standard, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” maybe it needs to be tweaked a little. Maybe that’s not what you need to do at all. Maybe you need to get to know that person’s personality, know how they operate and know what they prefer and what they don’t, and then…”Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”

Make sense?

Yes, I like to be hugged when I’m upset, but Kelly doesn’t. I shouldn’t impose my personality onto her. It’s not what she needs.

I know I’m not saying anything new here. Most of you know about the “love languages” idea by Gary Chapman (read about it here if you don’t). This kind of thing has already been discussed in depth. You can answer a bunch of questions on the website (or in the book if you have a copy) and through a scoring guide based on your answers, you can find out exactly what “love language” you speak. What things make you feel the most loved.

And although I think it’s fascinating, and super cool, maybe…just maybe….it doesn’t have to be quite so complicated as that. No scoring system, no survey, no quiz. Maybe it’s as simple as what I just learned with my daughter. Don’t give them the kind of love that you know how to give. Learn who they are, what they need, and then give them the love they want to receive.

And hey, you know what? It’ll probably end up working both ways.

Take Kelly for instance. Although she’s not the huggy/kissy type, she knows that her mom is. And so, she’s been known to concede every now and then…

And that sure does make for a happy momma.

Learn how to love each other, people. It’s worth the time it takes, and makes everyone just a little happier. And isn’t that what we’re all here for?

***

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”
– Mother Teresa

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, comfort, daughter, disappointment, family, hug, inspiration, inspirational, love, love languages, mother, motivation, motivational, photos, Quotes, relationships, writing. 3 Comments

Oct. ’13

Being Ignored

(Poor wittle ducky…)

I don’t know about you, but I can TOTALLY relate with that duck. Been there, done that, did not, however, buy the t-shirt. (I mean, seriously, who wants a souvenir from that crap?)

You feel me?

Well, check out this fascinating excerpt from an article about ostracism that I happened to stumble across:

“Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn’t leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact….Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating…When a person is ostracized, the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury.”
– Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences

Well, how about that. Being left out or excluded or…the word I absolutely despise…IGNORED, can actually cause physical damage. It makes your ‘dorsal anterior blah-blah-blah’ hurt. Seriously – it makes you feel like you are experiencing pain. Real, legit pain. And further in the article is another observation by Dr. Williams that I think is an even more interesting tidbit. After a study of 5,000 participants, it was noted that:

“The effect [of ostracism] is consistent even though individuals’ personalities vary.”

Well, there ya go.

If you’re like me, being ignored can make you feel like you are a Class A bona fide crazy person. You probably feel like there is something wrong with you – that you’re weak or needy or clingy – and that must be why it’s bothering you so much. Well, guess what? You’re not. No matter what kind of person you are – whether you are tough as nails or cry at infomercials – your brain is still going to have the exact same physical reaction to having someone turn their back on you as the next guy. You’re not a freak. You’re HUMAN.

So, stop feeling so bad about yourself.

And hey – if you’re reading this and you’ve never experienced this? Then maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re the giver of this kind of the treatment rather than the recipient. And check this out. I’ve got news for you, too.

It works both ways.

“[To] exclude another person leads most people to feel shame and guilt, along with a diminished sense of autonomy, explains Nicole Legate, lead author of the Psychological Science paper and a doctoral candidate at the University of Rochester. The results also showed that inflicting social pain makes people feel less connected to others. “We are social animals at heart,” says Legate. “We typically are empathetic and avoid harming others unless we feel threatened.”
– From Science Daily (Read full article here.)

So, let’s cut all the scientific mumbo jumbo down into layman’s terms, shall we?

Stop that shit. It hurts.

There. Seems pretty darn simple, doesn’t it?

Seriously. Stop it. No one wins. Don’t you see that? Analyze why you’re doing what you’re doing and find another way. Is it a family problem that you’re avoiding facing because of the discomfort? Well, stop it. Find out what it is that makes you uncomfortable and tell them so. Start there and see where it goes. Is it a friend that you don’t want to be friends with anymore so you just ignore them rather than telling them so? Well, stop it. You’re hurting both yourself and them even worse by just ignoring them. If the friendship isn’t working, say so. Is it a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore? Same idea. Stop it. The pain inflicted by ignoring someone far exceeds the pain from knowing the truth. Do you both a favor and stop playing games. Life is just too short for that junk.

Stop it.

And hey – is it maybe that it’s just a little time and space that you’re needing to sort things out? Well, here’s a wild and crazy thought. SAY SO.

(I know, right? I’m a psychological genius.)

Nothing is more painful than feeling like you’re unimportant and forgotten. No, I don’t have an article to post or a resource to quote to back up that statement. It’s just a Melissa-ism. And it’s 100% accurate. Why am I so sure about that? Because I say so. That’s why. (See above psychological genius reference.)

Good grief, people. This life is hard. It’s so tough to figure out how to interact with all of these fellow human beings that float around us at any given time. We’re such a beautiful, assorted, mixed array of personalities that it’s amazing that we are able to co-exist at all. But we do. And we can. And we sure can make it a lot easier to do if we just learn who we are, what we want, and stop the passive aggressive B.S. As John Meyer puts it, “Say what you need to say.” Do it. Just say it. If they don’t understand, then fine. That’s their problem. But do your part and don’t be a bully.

Is that really so much to ask?

And back to you receivers. If you find yourself feeling like the little ducky in the picture, just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Don’t make yourself feel worse by trying to stifle it or by telling yourself you’re weak or that you need to be tougher or stronger. You’re going through pain. And pain hurts. It’s ok. It’s life. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just a human being. Just like me. Just like everyone else around you. And, most importantly, just like the person who is ignoring you. (The big ole jerkface….)

*Sigh*

Hang in there, my friends.

If we could all just do our part to get along with each other, this world sure would be a nicer place, don’t ya think?

Hey, a girl can dream…

***

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help other. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
-Dalai Lama

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: being ignored, blog, blogging, change, dating, family, friendship, heartbreak, hurt, inspirational, motivational, pain, passion, problems, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Oct. ’13

Roles

“Actors do tend to get pigeonholed. People want to know who you are so they can put you in a box. It’s lovely to be known for such diametrically opposite roles.”
– Tom Hiddleston

I was just sitting here reflecting over last weekend at Oz (read that blog here if you missed it) and something dawned on me.

This has been a year of some awesome roles for me. (And quite diverse ones, at that!)

I’ve been an actor for a long time, and it just occurred to me that most of my very favorite roles and on-stage moments have happened in 2013. This has been quite a year!

Here are a few examples:

Started the year off as Elvis. Yep, you read that right. Elvis.

Ok, so I was a country hick trailer park chick dressed up as Elvis for the “Elvis and Jesus: A Tribute to the Kings” nativity scene. In July. In Florida. (Did ya get all that?) Oh yeah, you have to check this play out if you’ve never heard of it. Radio T.B.S. It’s a hoot. And, incidentally, this was the first time I’ve ever received an ovation mid-show. My Heartbreak Hotel was apparently awesome. Or….hilariously bad. Eh, either way, they clapped. Booyah.

Next?

“Mother” in the show Life With Father.

Pretty awesome role. Even got to do a TV interview for it. (Read that blog here if you’re interested.) Yep, very cool stuff.

Then, I got to play a flooz.

You just can’t beat that. (Gloria Rasputin in Bye, Bye, Birdie.) Even had to tap dance and do a split. Well. Sort of…

And then last weekend, as my regular readers know, I got to be both the Wicked Witch and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina.

Yep. As you can see, this has been a year that I have stepped “out of the box” somewhat. I have been blessed with these varied roles and have enjoyed every minute of becoming someone completely different each and every time I’ve donned a new costume. And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve actually enjoyed watching myself blossom as an actress as I’ve stepped into these roles. I wasn’t so sure I had it in me, but apparently I do. I’ve been kinda proud of myself. How about that?

Pretty cool stuff.

But you know what’s even cooler? Knowing that at the end of the day, after the costumes are neatly put away and silence drowns out the applause, I get to step into a few even better roles.

This one, for example:

“Of all the roles I’ve played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.”
– Annette Funicello

I get to be these awesome teenagers’ mom. How freakin’ cool is that? Just like all of the other roles I’ve been blessed with, this is another one that I wasn’t sure I would know how to play. And sometimes I still falter, sometimes I don’t always follow the script or get my lines right, but all-in-all I think I’ve managed to do a pretty darn good job. I sure have some awesome little co-stars, that’s for sure.

All it takes is to turn on the radio or the TV and within minutes you are hearing some new horror story about the awful things teenagers are into these days. Each time this happens, I say a silent little prayer and thank my lucky stars that I have the kids I have. Now, I’m not saying they’re perfect – far from it – but the problems that we have are just normal, everyday problems. Nothing drastic and severe like some poor parents have to go through. I hope my kids know how proud I am of who they are, and who they are becoming. And I hope the role I’ve played in their lives has had a little something to do with that. I like to think it does.

Another role I’m pretty blessed with?

Being the one this guy loves.

“If you age with somebody, you go through so many roles – you’re lovers, friends, enemies, colleagues, strangers; you’re brother and sister. That’s what intimacy is, if you’re with your soul mate.”
– Cate Blanchett

My gosh, I sure do love this dude. We have been through many phases in our relationship – and I think that’s why the above quote speaks to me so much. We’ve been all of those to each other at some point, and we just keep going strong.

When it comes to love, I’ve tried out quite a few roles. I tried being the submissive wife. I’ve tried being the girlfriend who gives up everything she really loves to try to keep the peace. I’ve tried sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy. None of these roles seemed to fit.

And now I know why.

“I’ve had disappointments and heartbreaks and setbacks and roles I didn’t get, but something always came along that either made me better or was an even better role.”
– Lee Majors

Finally, I get to play the best role I’ve ever played.

Myself.

It has taken me a long, long time to finally get to enjoy this role. Took some trial and error, I admit. But finally, finally, I think I’ve figured out this role pretty well. And it sure is nice to be allowed to play it.

I think I’m right where I belong.

This is the role I’ve been waiting for.

Are you playing the role you’re meant to play? Make sure you are. Life is just too short for anything else. Trust me.

***

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: acting, blog, blogging, change, dating, family, friendship, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, love, mother, motivation, motivational, parenting, passion, performance, plays, problems, Quotes, relationships, roles, theatre, writing. 3 Comments

Oct. ’13

No Place Like Home

I’m baaaack!

Ok, so actually I’ve been back for four days already. And each and every one of those days, I have started to sit down and write about my weekend in Oz, only to find myself at a loss. There’s so much I want to say, yet no words have managed to break the surface that would be adequate enough to accurately do this experience justice.

If you’re just joining me, I wrote last week about an awesome gig that I stumbled upon – I was asked to play both the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina. (Read that blog here if you missed it!)

While I enjoyed every minute of my one day as the wicked witch…

(Photo credit: Angela D. Bowles)

… nothing compared to the thrill I got from playing the role of Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, for the rest of the festival.

(Photo credit: Jeremy Halsey)

I had no idea how much I would fall in love with that role. And this was not your run-of-the-mill stage acting. This was interaction. Talking to the kids. Getting down on their level. Stepping into their imaginations and letting yourself get transported back to that time when you yourself believed in that land “behind the moon, beyond the rain…”

(Photo credits – Left: Jeremy Halsey, Top Right: Vanessa Schilling, Bottom Right: Megan Wrappe)

I have never felt myself come alive more than I did when I waddled down that yellow brick road in that massive pile of tulle. I’ve asked myself what it was about it that got to me so much. Was it being a ‘princess for a day’? Was it getting to feel pretty? Was it regaining that feeling of innocence for a short while? Was it just the overall feeling of being transported into a world where anything is possible, fairy tales really exist, and good always trumps evil in the end?

Yep. Probably all of that.

But mostly – it was the kids. Oh my gosh, those kids!

I saw some of the cutest sights I’ve ever seen in my life this past weekend. So many adorable little kids came dressed as their favorite Oz characters. We saw everything from little tinmen, scarecrows and cowardly lions to wicked witch wannabes and little Dorothys to…my favorite…little mini-Glindas. (And not to mention quite a few adults dressed as their favorite Oz characters as well – there is definitely no age limit to the love of all things Oz.) I so wish Glinda could have whipped out her camera and snapped pictures of all of this, but something tells me it wouldn’t have seemed very natural to have a cell phone stashed in her pretty pink bubble. (I was already called out once for my non-authenticity when a sweet, precious little girl came up to me and asked, “Glinda, is your wand real? Does it really do magic?” To which I responded, “Of course!” Same sweet, precious child then threw that little hand on that little hip and with a voice about 10 decibels lower than before, stated, “Show me.” Yikes. What’s a good witch to do, ya know??) So, yeah, Glinda with a cell phone? That was a no go.

Thanks to Facebook, though, and one of my co-Glindas (there were more than one of us working the weekend shifts), I was able to snag a cute one of the Lollipop Gang kids that showed up…

(Photo credit: Terrilynn Bell Collins)

Is that not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? We should have hired them on the spot!

Unfortunately, these little cuties showed up on the one day (Saturday) that I was dressed as the wicked witch, and therefore, I didn’t get to have much interaction with them. Although I think I did a pretty good job of being ‘evil,’ it definitely didn’t last for very long periods of time. As soon as one of the kids expressed any fear whatsoever, I immediately broke character and explained that “it was all pretend and I wasn’t going to hurt them…” (To which one adorable little boy responded, bottom lip poofed out and all, “Y-y-y-you’re not gonna hurt me? Pwomise?”) *sigh*

So, contrary to what the men in my past will tell you, being an evil witch did not, in fact, come natural to me. Who knew!?

Heck, even Toto wasn’t scared of me….

(Photo credit: Wendi Wagers)

The weekend ended with three performances for school groups on Monday morning. With these groups, rather than just walking through the park in character, one full cast performed a shortened version of the movie for the guests. A wonderful review of our performance can be found by clicking on this link. Katie Hodges did an excellent job of describing the process and was very complimentary to our acting abilities as well. You’ll see some great photos of the show as well in her review. I know each and every one of us were thrilled to read this and very humbled at her kind words.

All in all, I’ll have to say this was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Like Dorothy, I made some wonderful friends along my trip down the yellow brick road, and it is a time in my life that I won’t soon forget. Hopefully, we’ll all keep in touch and maybe even be able to do this again next year. If you missed it this year, and want to come see what all the fuss was about, keep your eye on the website for Autumn in Oz. Tickets sold out fast this year, so bookmark this site and start checking back in August 2014 to get your tickets for next time!

It’ll put a smile on your face, just like it did mine…

(Photo credit: Becky Miller Zaragoza)

So blessed to have been a member of such a fantastic cast.

(Above photos by Megan Wrappe)

(Above photos by Jeremy Halsey)

(Above photos by Becky Miller Zaragoza)

(Photo by yours truly)

Whew. Tired of pictures yet? If you’ll notice, that Glinda sure is a diva. She was even taking selfies in the bathroom…

(Photo by: Oh heck, you know….)

Shameful.

Well. Now it’s time to go.

While it definitely was fun pretending for a while, and even helped me discover a side to me that I may not have even known had ever existed (especially that selfie diva side…sheeesh), it still always comes back to the same ol’ lesson that Dorothy learned.

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” – Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

No matter how much fun it is to temporarily escape once in a while, and even though you may meet some wonderful friends along the way, you always end up finding your way back to where you belong. With memories tucked away, pictures to remember it all by, and … finally … a blog written about my experience, I am back home. Back where I belong.

There truly is no place like home.

***

“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: acting, autumn at oz, beech mountain, experience, family, friends, glinda, good witch, home, land of oz, north carolina, theatre, wicked witch, wizard of oz, yellow brick road. 8 Comments

Sep. ’13

A Thousand Words

“A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away.”
– Eudora Welty

I have a friend who is a photographer. And a great one, too.

(Hey, wanna check out her stuff? Her name is Iman Woods. Click here for her new family photography Facebook page, and here for her pin-up photograph website. You can also click here to check out her blog. Her stuff kicks butt.)

So, yeah. Photography is her thing. And that’s awesome. She uses photos to capture a story. And each one does just that. And quite beautifully, I might add. After all, she’s an artist.

Me, on the other hand? While I love photos, and never hesitate to snap them whenever I can, my ‘art’ is a little different. We’re all artists, you know. All of us. We just have to find our medium. My medium? Words. Without the talent to capture photographs or to paint or to draw, etc. etc., I fall back on the art that I think I have discovered that I’m somewhat good at. And that is creating an image in people’s minds using the written word.

This weekend, however? This weekend was a different story.

This weekend I have discovered a new appreciation for Iman’s work. Because sometimes, it’s the picture that tells the story all by itself…and no words are able to do it justice. Sometimes you just have to show people what your words cannot seem to adequately express.

A few of you regular readers may remember a blog I posted a while back about my premature twin nieces entitled Week-Old Miracles. Well, this weekend, I got to spend a few days with those now six-month-old miracles. And while I’m no photographer by any means, please take a look with me at the mixture of humorous and touching moments that have touched my heart over the past few days with these little angels. And check out some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way as well.

Photo Lesson #1:

Watching this:

…turn to this:

is a very beautiful thing. Wow.

Photo Lesson #2

Not many things in this ol’ world will fill your heart with as much love as filling your arms with twin babies.

Photo Lesson #3

Watching a teenager bond with a baby makes your heart smile.

Photo Lesson #4

Ditto.

Photo Lesson #5

Sleeping with a baby in your arms is a very peaceful feeling. (And having your teenage daughter think to take a picture of it is a pretty sweet deal in and of itself.)

Photo Lesson #6

Not many things in this world are as sweet or as enduring as a mommy’s love.

Six months ago:

Now:

Photo Lesson #7

Watching grandma dress a baby after a bath is so darn cute.

Photo Lesson #8

Babies haven’t quite yet learned to mask their facial expressions. When it’s the first time they’ve ever met someone, you’re gonna know it.

Photo Lesson #9

It sure doesn’t take a baby long to decide you’re pretty cool…

(And p.s.: Hearing your boyfriend refer to himself as “Uncle Richard” to your niece, gives you a feeling of “rightness” that words can’t begin to express.)

Photo Lesson #10

Duck face pictures are stupid. Unless they’re done with a 6-month-old. Then, they rock.

Photo Lesson #11

If you’re an adult, you should live your life in such a way that you’re caught in the background of a picture playing at a playground all by yourself.

(*giggle* That’s Richard back there. Bless him.)

Photo Lesson #12

It’s impossible to look at this and not smile.

See? Smiled, didn’t ya?

Photo Lesson #13

The smile on your face while holding a baby can’t possibly be faked.

Photo Lesson #14

Witnessing your Alzheimer’s-ridden grandmother meeting her twin great-granddaughters for the first time is a moment that makes your heart climb into your throat.

Photo Lesson #15

Seeing that grandmother with a smile on her face again, after what seems like forever since you’ve seen it, is a moment that makes you know that some things never change. My grandmother is beautiful.

My aunt Joyce commented on one of my photos on Facebook with, “Thanks for letting us live your day in pictures!” I hope this blog allowed you to do that – and hopefully helped you to see what I saw. To feel what I felt. Maybe it might even make you turn around and look at your own family, your own little miraculous works of art in your life. And maybe it will make you get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars that you’re alive. You’re alive. You know? Get out there and capture these moments. before they slip by.

After all, you only get one shot.

***

““The Earth is Art, The Photographer is only a Witness ”
– Yann Arthus-Bertrand

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: babies, blog, family, inspiration, inspirational, motivation, motivational, photographer, photography, photos, pictures, Quotes, relationships, snapshots, teenagers, twins, words, writing. 5 Comments

Sep. ’13

Fix Your Face

“She was not one for emptying her face of expression. ”
– J. D. Salinger

I have a pretty bad habit.

My face shows everything I’m feeling. Everything.

And you know what else it does? It shows everything everyone else is feeling too.

My daughter Kelly has often made fun of me for this. We’ll be watching a movie and I’ll catch her looking at me instead of the screen. When I turn to see what she’s looking at, she breaks out in hysterical giggles and says, “You’re doing it again.” Apparently, whatever the person I’m watching is feeling, I display it on my face. They’re laughing? I’m smiling. They’re crying? My face is all scrunched up. They’re singing? (Oh, Kelly loooooves this one….) My forehead is creased and I’m straining to reach the high notes just like they are.

Well, that last example happened at church Sunday. The choir was singing one of the most beautiful songs ever, and I was feeling it to the core of my being. My face was singing right along with them, when I feel a little elbow go into my side and I hear,

“Mom. Fix your face.”

Fix my face?? What the…. [wait, I’m in church]…crap is she talking about…?

Oh. Oh yeah. That again. Grrrr.

Ever since she said that, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. While, no, I don’t want to look like an idiot, and yes, maybe I do need to work on ‘fixing my face’ sometimes to avoid just that – the deeper meaning behind why I do that maybe isn’t such a bad thing at all.

See this quote?

“All that is in the heart is written on the face.”
– Ritu Ghatourey

Well, I believe that. And I think that the fact that my face reflects what others are feeling is a pretty good sign. I think that shows that I’m empathetic. That I don’t just look around at my fellow members of humanity, I actually take the time to really see them. I feel them. I put myself right in their place and go right along with them on their journey, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

That’s kinda cool, right?

Even if I do look like a complete idiot in the process.

There are a lot of things that we teach our kids when we don’t even realize we’re doing it. I’m sure I have some habits that I’d like for Kelly to overlook (which I’m sure are the ones that she’ll remember best, unfortunately), but this in particular is one of them that I’m not too sorry to pass along to her. Feel for each other. You know? Feel your fellow man’s pain, his happiness, his struggle, his triumph. Anything that happens to another member of humanity, is also happening to you. We’re all in this thing together. Recognize that.

Wouldn’t this world be a much better place if we all did that? All the time?

Well, it would also be a much funnier place if everyone showed that on their face all the time like I do. Kelly sure would get a kick out of it. So, maybe you could just be that way and try to hide it a little better than I do. That might be a better idea.

So, note to self: Yes, listen to your daughter. Fix your face. But your heart? Yeah, that heart is probably right where it needs to be.

No worries.

***

When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.
– Susan Sarandon