Category Archives: Freestyle Writings/Musings

18

Oct. ’13

Being Ignored

ignored2

(Poor wittle ducky…)

I don’t know about you, but I can TOTALLY relate with that duck.  Been there, done that, did not, however, buy the t-shirt.   (I mean, seriously, who wants a souvenir from that crap?)

You feel me?

Well, check out this fascinating excerpt from an article about ostracism that I happened to stumble across:

“Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn’t leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact….Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating…When a person is ostracized, the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury.”
– Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences

Well, how about that.  Being left out or excluded or…the word I absolutely despise…IGNORED, can actually cause physical damage.  It makes your ‘dorsal anterior blah-blah-blah’ hurt.  Seriously – it makes you feel like you are experiencing pain.  Real, legit pain.  And further in the article is another observation by Dr. Williams that I think is an even more interesting tidbit.  After a study of 5,000 participants, it was noted that:

“The effect [of ostracism] is consistent even though individuals’ personalities vary.”

Well, there ya go.

If you’re like me, being ignored can make you feel like you are a Class A bona fide crazy person.  You probably feel like there is something wrong with you – that you’re weak or needy or clingy – and that must be why it’s bothering you so much.  Well, guess what?  You’re not.  No matter what kind of person you are – whether you are tough as nails or cry at infomercials – your brain is still going to have the exact same physical reaction to having someone turn their back on you as the next guy.  You’re not a freak.  You’re HUMAN.

So, stop feeling so bad about yourself.

And hey – if you’re reading this and you’ve never experienced this?  Then maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re the giver of this kind of the treatment rather than the recipient.  And check this out.  I’ve got news for you, too.

It works both ways.

“[To] exclude another person leads most people to feel shame and guilt, along with a diminished sense of autonomy, explains Nicole Legate, lead author of the Psychological Science paper and a doctoral candidate at the University of Rochester. The results also showed that inflicting social pain makes people feel less connected to others. “We are social animals at heart,” says Legate. “We typically are empathetic and avoid harming others unless we feel threatened.”
– From Science Daily (Read full article here.)

So, let’s cut all the scientific mumbo jumbo down into layman’s terms, shall we?

Stop that shit.  It hurts.

There.  Seems pretty darn simple, doesn’t it?

Seriously.  Stop it.  No one wins.  Don’t you see that?  Analyze why you’re doing what you’re doing and find another way.  Is it a family problem that you’re avoiding facing because of the discomfort?  Well, stop it.  Find out what it is that makes you uncomfortable and tell them so.  Start there and see where it goes.  Is it a friend that you don’t want to be friends with anymore so you just ignore them rather than telling them so?  Well, stop it.  You’re hurting both yourself and them even worse by just ignoring them.  If the friendship isn’t working, say so.  Is it a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore?  Same idea.  Stop it.  The pain inflicted by ignoring someone far exceeds the pain from knowing the truth.  Do you both a favor and stop playing games.  Life is just too short for that junk.

Stop it.

And hey – is it maybe that it’s just a little time and space that you’re needing to sort things out?  Well, here’s a wild and crazy thought.  SAY SO.

(I know, right?  I’m a psychological genius.)

Nothing is more painful than feeling like you’re unimportant and forgotten.  No, I don’t have an article to post or a resource to quote to back up that statement.  It’s just a Melissa-ism.  And it’s 100% accurate.   Why am I so sure about that?  Because I say so.  That’s why.  (See above psychological genius reference.)

Good grief, people.  This life is hard.  It’s so tough to figure out how to interact with all of these fellow human beings that float around us at any given time.  We’re such a beautiful, assorted, mixed array of personalities that it’s amazing that we are able to co-exist at all.  But we do.  And we can.  And we sure can make it a lot easier to do if we just learn who we are, what we want, and stop the passive aggressive B.S.  As John Meyer puts it, “Say what you need to say.”  Do it.  Just say it.  If they don’t understand, then fine.  That’s their problem.  But do your part and don’t be a bully.

Is that really so much to ask?

And back to you receivers.  If you find yourself feeling like the little ducky in the picture, just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling.  Don’t make yourself feel worse by trying to stifle it or by telling yourself you’re weak or that you need to be tougher or stronger.  You’re going through pain.  And pain hurts.  It’s ok.  It’s life.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You’re just a human being.  Just like me.  Just like everyone else around you.  And, most importantly, just like the person who is ignoring you.  (The big ole jerkface….)

*Sigh*

Hang in there, my friends.

If we could all just do our part to get along with each other, this world sure would be a nicer place, don’t ya think?

Hey, a girl can dream…

***

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help other.  And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” 
-Dalai Lama

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

13

Oct. ’13

Roles

“Actors do tend to get pigeonholed.  People want to know who you are so they can put you in a box.  It’s lovely to be known for such diametrically opposite roles.”
– Tom Hiddleston

I was just sitting here reflecting over last weekend at Oz (read that blog here if you missed it) and something dawned on me.

This has been a year of some awesome roles for me.  (And quite diverse ones, at that!)

I’ve been an actor for a long time, and it just occurred to me that most of my very favorite roles and on-stage moments have happened in 2013. This has been quite a year!

Here are a few examples:

Started the year off as Elvis.  Yep, you read that right.  Elvis.

Ok, so I was a country hick trailer park chick dressed up as Elvis for the “Elvis and Jesus: A Tribute to the Kings” nativity scene.  In July.  In Florida.  (Did ya get all that?)  Oh yeah, you have to check this play out if you’ve never heard of it.  Radio T.B.S.  It’s a hoot.  And, incidentally, this was the first time I’ve ever received an ovation mid-show.  My Heartbreak Hotel was apparently awesome.  Or….hilariously bad.  Eh, either way, they clapped.  Booyah.

Next?

“Mother” in the show Life With Father.

Pretty awesome role.  Even got to do a TV interview for it.  (Read that blog here if you’re interested.)  Yep, very cool stuff.

Then, I got to play a flooz.

You just can’t beat that.  (Gloria Rasputin in Bye, Bye, Birdie.)  Even had to tap dance and do a split.  Well.  Sort of…

And then last weekend, as my regular readers know, I got to be both the Wicked Witch and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina.

Yep.  As you can see, this has been a year that I have stepped “out of the box” somewhat.  I have been blessed with these varied roles and have enjoyed every minute of becoming someone completely different each and every time I’ve donned a new costume.   And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve actually enjoyed watching myself blossom as an actress as I’ve stepped into these roles.  I wasn’t so sure I had it in me, but apparently I do.  I’ve been kinda proud of myself.  How about that?

Pretty cool stuff.

But you know what’s even cooler?  Knowing that at the end of the day, after the costumes are neatly put away and silence drowns out the applause, I get to step into a few even better roles.

This one, for example:

“Of all the roles I’ve played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.” 
– Annette Funicello

I get to be these awesome teenagers’ mom.  How freakin’ cool is that?  Just like all of the other roles I’ve been blessed with, this is another one that I wasn’t sure I would know how to play.  And sometimes I still falter, sometimes I don’t always follow the script or get my lines right, but all-in-all I think I’ve managed to do a pretty darn good job.  I sure have some awesome little co-stars, that’s for sure.

All it takes is to turn on the radio or the TV and within minutes you are hearing some new horror story about the awful things teenagers are into these days.  Each time this happens, I say a silent little prayer and thank my lucky stars that I have the kids I have.  Now, I’m not saying they’re perfect – far from it – but the problems that we have are just normal, everyday problems.  Nothing drastic and severe like some poor parents have to go through.  I hope my kids know how proud I am of who they are, and who they are becoming.  And I hope the role I’ve played in their lives has had a little something to do with that.  I like to think it does.

Another role I’m pretty blessed with?

Being the one this guy loves.

“If you age with somebody, you go through so many roles – you’re lovers, friends, enemies, colleagues, strangers; you’re brother and sister. That’s what intimacy is, if you’re with your soul mate.” 
– Cate Blanchett

My gosh, I sure do love this dude.  We have been through many phases in our relationship – and I think that’s why the above quote speaks to me so much.  We’ve been all of those to each other at some point, and we just keep going strong.

When it comes to love, I’ve tried out quite a few roles.  I tried being the submissive wife.  I’ve tried being the girlfriend who gives up everything she really loves to try to keep the peace.  I’ve tried sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy.  None of these roles seemed to fit.

And now I know why.

“I’ve had disappointments and heartbreaks and setbacks and roles I didn’t get, but something always came along that either made me better or was an even better role.” 
– Lee Majors

Finally, I get to play the best role I’ve ever played.

Myself.

It has taken me a long, long time to finally get to enjoy this role.  Took some trial and error, I admit.  But finally, finally, I think I’ve figured out this role pretty well.  And it sure is nice to be allowed to play it.

I think I’m right where I belong.

This is the role I’ve been waiting for.

Are you playing the role you’re meant to play?  Make sure you are.  Life is just too short for anything else.  Trust me.

***

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”  
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

10

Oct. ’13

No Place Like Home

 

oz

I’m baaaack!

Ok, so actually I’ve been back for four days already. And each and every one of those days, I have started to sit down and write about my weekend in Oz, only to find myself at a loss. There’s so much I want to say, yet no words have managed to break the surface that would be adequate enough to accurately do this experience justice.

If you’re just joining me, I wrote last week about an awesome gig that I stumbled upon – I was asked to play both the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina. (Read that blog here if you missed it!)

While I enjoyed every minute of my one day as the wicked witch…

AngelaDBowles   (Photo credit: Angela D. Bowles)

… nothing compared to the thrill I got from playing the role of Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, for the rest of the festival.

JeremyMaxHalsey (Photo credit: Jeremy Halsey)

I had no idea how much I would fall in love with that role.  And this was not your run-of-the-mill stage acting.  This was interaction.  Talking to the kids.  Getting down on their level.  Stepping into their imaginations and letting yourself get transported back to that time when you yourself believed in that land “behind the moon, beyond the rain…”

kidcollage(Photo credits – Left: Jeremy Halsey, Top Right: Vanessa Schilling, Bottom Right: Megan Wrappe)

I have never felt myself come alive more than I did when I waddled down that yellow brick road in that massive pile of tulle.  I’ve asked myself what it was about it that got to me so much.  Was it being a ‘princess for a day’?  Was it getting to feel pretty?  Was it regaining that feeling of innocence for a short while?  Was it just the overall feeling of being transported into a world where anything is possible, fairy tales really exist, and good always trumps evil in the end?

Yep.  Probably all of that.

But mostly – it was the kids.  Oh my gosh, those kids!

I saw some of the cutest sights I’ve ever seen in my life this past weekend.  So many adorable little kids came dressed as their favorite Oz characters.  We saw everything from little tinmen, scarecrows and cowardly lions to wicked witch wannabes and little Dorothys to…my favorite…little mini-Glindas.  (And not to mention quite a few adults dressed as their favorite Oz characters as well – there is definitely no age limit to the love of all things Oz.)  I so wish Glinda could have whipped out her camera and snapped pictures of all of this, but something tells me it wouldn’t have seemed very natural to have a cell phone stashed in her pretty pink bubble.  (I was already called out once for my non-authenticity when a sweet, precious little girl came up to me and asked, “Glinda, is your wand real?  Does it really do magic?”  To which I responded, “Of course!” Same sweet, precious child then threw that little hand on that little hip and with a voice about 10 decibels lower than before, stated, “Show me.”  Yikes.  What’s a good witch to do, ya know??)  So, yeah, Glinda with a cell phone?  That was a no go.

Thanks to Facebook, though, and one of my co-Glindas (there were more than one of us working the weekend shifts), I was able to snag a cute one of the Lollipop Gang kids that showed up…

TerrilynnBellCollins (Photo credit: Terrilynn Bell Collins)

Is that not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? We should have hired them on the spot!

Unfortunately, these little cuties showed up on the one day (Saturday) that I was dressed as the wicked witch, and therefore, I didn’t get to have much interaction with them. Although I think I did a pretty good job of being ‘evil,’ it definitely didn’t last for very long periods of time. As soon as one of the kids expressed any fear whatsoever, I immediately broke character and explained that “it was all pretend and I wasn’t going to hurt them…” (To which one adorable little boy responded, bottom lip poofed out and all, “Y-y-y-you’re not gonna hurt me? Pwomise?”) *sigh*

So, contrary to what the men in my past will tell you, being an evil witch did not, in fact, come natural to me.  Who knew!?

Heck, even Toto wasn’t scared of me….

WendiWagers (Photo credit: Wendi Wagers)

The weekend ended with three performances for school groups on Monday morning.  With these groups, rather than just walking through the park in character, one full cast performed a shortened version of the movie for the guests.  A wonderful review of our performance can be found by clicking on this link.  Katie Hodges did an excellent job of describing the process and was very complimentary to our acting abilities as well.  You’ll see some great photos of the show as well in her review.  I know each and every one of us were thrilled to read this and very humbled at her kind words.

All in all, I’ll have to say this was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.  Like Dorothy, I made some wonderful friends along my trip down the yellow brick road, and it is a time in my life that I won’t soon forget.  Hopefully, we’ll all keep in touch and maybe even be able to do this again next year.  If you missed it this year, and want to come see what all the fuss was about, keep your eye on the website for Autumn in Oz.  Tickets sold out fast this year, so bookmark this site and start checking back in August 2014 to get your tickets for next time!

It’ll put a smile on your face, just like it did mine…

BeckyMillerZaragoza (Photo credit: Becky Miller Zaragoza)

So blessed to have been a member of such a fantastic cast.

cast

meganwrappe2

dual (Above photos by Megan Wrappe)

JeremyMaxHalsey1

oz1

JeremyMaxHalsey2 (Above photos by Jeremy Halsey)

MeganWrappe

MeganWrappe3 (Above photos by Becky Miller Zaragoza)

castfour (Photo by yours truly)

Whew.  Tired of pictures yet?  If you’ll notice, that Glinda sure is a diva.  She was even taking selfies in the bathroom…

me (Photo by:  Oh heck, you know….)

Shameful.

Well.  Now it’s time to go.

While it definitely was fun pretending for a while, and even helped me discover a side to me that I may not have even known had ever existed (especially that selfie diva side…sheeesh), it still always comes back to the same ol’ lesson that Dorothy learned.

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” – Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

No matter how much fun it is to temporarily escape once in a while, and even though you may meet some wonderful friends along the way, you always end up finding your way back to where you belong.  With memories tucked away, pictures to remember it all by, and … finally … a blog written about my experience, I am back home.  Back where I belong.

There truly is no place like home.

***

“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 8 Comments

03

Oct. ’13

Off to See the Wizard

good-bad

“Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?”
– Glinda, the Good Witch of the North

Well.  I guess my answer is, “both.”

A few weeks ago, I was asked to play Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, for the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina, coming up this weekend, October 5-6.  And then, a few days later, I was asked if I could also double as the Wicked Witch for a few shifts.

Um.  Ok?

At first, I had no clue what any of this meant.  I mean, yeah, I had heard about this festival way up on top of the mountain near where I work.  But I really had no idea what all the hoopla was about.  Now, I was pretty sure that I could pull off the split personality required to be able to switch between good and evil (heck, I do that all the time in my daily life…easy peasy…), but what did all of this really mean?  This isn’t your typical ‘play’ that I’m used to performing in.  No weeks and weeks of rehearsals, no constant run-throughs, not even a stage.  What was this festival all about?  I didn’t have a clue.

Well, now I do.

In my two-week crash course in learning about the festival, I have come to find out that this is actually kind of a big deal.  Back in the festival’s heyday (early 1970s), this thing was evidently a sight to behold.  The land of Oz has been recreated high atop a mountain in Beech Mountain, North Carolina, complete with a yellow brick road, Dorothy’s house (pre- and post-tornado), the Emerald City, and everything in between.  There were even ‘balloon rides’ like Dorothy takes at the end of the movie (which, for this ski-resort area was a modified ski lift).  Unfortunately, the combination of the owner’s death just prior to the park’s grand opening, and a mysterious fire only five years later, worked together to shut the park down in 1980.   (Click here to read an article that I’m not too crazy about, but that does give some back story.)  In 1993, the park re-opened, on a much smaller scale, and is now open to the public only one weekend a year with the name, “Autumn at Oz.”

oz6

And boy, is it popular!

This year, 6,000 tickets have been sold.  SIX THOUSAND TICKETS!  And they are completely sold out.  Apparently this is something you want to get tickets for well in advance.  (Click here to ‘like’ Autumn at Oz on Facebook and stay up-to-date with the information for next year if you’re interested in taking your own little stroll down the yellow brick road!)

oz2

As for my part in it – well, this is how it works.

On Friday, I get to leave work early (woot! woot!) and travel up to Beech Mountain.  A few of us will have a photo shoot for promotional purposes (upcoming brochures and whatnot).  For this, I’m Glinda.  (Yay! Somebody has to make me all purty and whatnot.)  Then, we all get settled into our condo for the weekend.  Saturday and Sunday, I will be the wicked witch working in 2 hours on/1 hour off shifts.  There are three of us (shhhh….don’t tell the kiddos that….) that alternate shifts as the wicked witch.  There are two places along the yellow brick road where the witch is situated – her ‘lair’ and the poppy field – so two of us are working at all times, with one getting an hour break.

Now, this is the part that scares me.

As an actress, improv has never really been my ‘thing’.  Give me a script, and I can be whoever you want me to be.  But tell me to do stuff on my own, and I freeze.  Well, guess what Saturday and Sunday is?  Improv.  Lots and lots and lots of it.  For two hours at a time, I have to “be” the wicked witch.  No script, no lines, no blocking.  Just be the witch.  Now, everyone who knows me well will probably say that shouldn’t be a problem for me.  I mean, come on.  Helllo?  It’s Melissa.  Mean Ol’ Witch?  Duhhhh.  Perfect casting.  But nonetheless, here I am.  Terrified.  What if I mess up?   What if I’m not scary enough?  What if I’m too scary?  What if a kid kicks me?  (Hey – it has happened in the past, so I hear.)

Well, I guess I just have to put my big-girl witchy britches on and just wait and see.

So, as of Sunday night, the public festival is over.  But not for us.  A full cast of characters (just one each this time) will remain behind and do two performances on Monday for a few school groups that will be coming through in two waves.

Now we’re talking.

This is when I’m Glinda.  And this is when I have a script.  Woohoo!  A script!  The kids will come through the park, stopping at the places along the yellow brick road that Dorothy stops at in the movie and the scenes will be reenacted for them.  How cool is that!?  After a few groups come through and our two performances are complete, there will be one more on-site photo shoot, and then it’s time to click our heels and head home.

Holy crap, I’m excited! 🙂

oz4

Check back here for a complete update when I get back.  Can’t wait to post pics of myself in all this garb (oh yeah, selfies shall abound…) and experience something like I’ve never experienced before.  New friends, new experiences, new memories….this is the stuff life is made of.

It’s time to head to Oz!

ozme

***

“What a world, what a world!”
– Wicked Witch of the West

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

30

Sep. ’13

A Thousand Words

“A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away.”  
– Eudora Welty

I have a friend who is a photographer.  And a great one, too.

(Hey, wanna check out her stuff?   Her name is Iman Woods.  Click here for her new family photography Facebook page, and here for her pin-up photograph website.  You can also click here to check out her blog.  Her stuff kicks butt.)

So, yeah.  Photography is her thing.  And that’s awesome.  She uses photos to capture a story.  And each one does just that.  And quite beautifully, I might add.  After all, she’s an artist.

Me, on the other hand?  While I love photos, and never hesitate to snap them whenever I can, my ‘art’ is a little different.  We’re all artists, you know.  All of us.  We just have to find our medium.  My medium?  Words.  Without the talent to capture photographs or to paint or to draw, etc. etc., I fall back on the art that I think I have discovered that I’m somewhat good at.  And that is creating an image in people’s minds using the written word.

This weekend, however?  This weekend was a different story.

This weekend I have discovered a new appreciation for Iman’s work.  Because sometimes, it’s the picture that tells the story all by itself…and no words are able to do it justice.  Sometimes you just have to show people what your words cannot seem to adequately express.

A few of you regular readers may remember a blog I posted a while back about my premature twin nieces entitled Week-Old Miracles.  Well, this weekend, I got to spend a few days with those now six-month-old miracles.  And while I’m no photographer by any means, please take a look with me at the mixture of humorous and touching moments that have touched my heart over the past few days with these little angels.  And check out some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way as well.

Photo Lesson #1:

Watching this:

Twins

…turn to this:

599765_10200784979569638_687828413_n

is a very beautiful thing.  Wow.

Photo Lesson #2

Not many things in this ol’ world will fill your heart with as much love as filling your arms with twin babies.

1375877_10200783380449661_9467066_n

Photo Lesson #3

Watching a teenager bond with a baby makes your heart smile.

602083_10200784977609589_86433601_n

Photo Lesson #4

Ditto.

970534_10200784957049075_875243756_n

Photo Lesson #5

Sleeping with a baby in your arms is a very peaceful feeling.  (And having your teenage daughter think to take a picture of it is a pretty sweet deal in and of itself.)

1379908_210220959151649_1036559280_n

Photo Lesson #6

Not many things in this world are as sweet or as enduring as a mommy’s love.

Six months ago:

jenfeeding

Now:

1379303_10200790416065547_908733515_n

Photo Lesson #7

Watching grandma dress a baby after a bath is so darn cute.

1234111_10200790420825666_2138451199_n

Photo Lesson #8

Babies haven’t quite yet learned to mask their facial expressions. When it’s the first time they’ve ever met someone, you’re gonna know it.

1378519_10200788911627937_871563482_n

Photo Lesson #9

It sure doesn’t take a baby long to decide you’re pretty cool…

1384016_10200790419265627_1780929553_n

(And p.s.: Hearing your boyfriend refer to himself as “Uncle Richard” to your niece, gives you a feeling of “rightness” that words can’t begin to express.)

Photo Lesson #10

Duck face pictures are stupid.  Unless they’re done with a 6-month-old.  Then, they rock.

1380557_10200784380074651_1286853053_n

Photo Lesson #11

If you’re an adult, you should live your life in such a way that you’re caught in the background of a picture playing at a playground all by yourself.

886097_10200790417025571_768188860_o

(*giggle*  That’s Richard back there.  Bless him.)

Photo Lesson #12

It’s impossible to look at this and not smile.

554148_10200784976609564_1487678219_n

See?  Smiled, didn’t ya?

Photo Lesson #13

The smile on your face while holding a baby can’t possibly be faked. 

1376643_10200784981809694_1250379062_n

Photo Lesson #14

Witnessing your Alzheimer’s-ridden grandmother meeting her twin great-granddaughters for the first time is a moment that makes your heart climb into your throat.

1381805_10200784980329657_1935683288_n

Photo Lesson #15

Seeing that grandmother with a smile on her face again, after what seems like forever since you’ve seen it, is a moment that makes you know that some things never change.  My grandmother is beautiful.

1380012_10200784970169403_993371192_n

My aunt Joyce commented on one of my photos on Facebook with, “Thanks for letting us live your day in pictures!”  I hope this blog allowed you to do that – and hopefully helped you to see what I saw.  To feel what I felt.  Maybe it might even make you turn around and look at your own family, your own little miraculous works of art in your life.  And maybe it will make you get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars that you’re alive.  You’re alive.  You know?  Get out there and capture these moments. before they slip by.

After all, you only get one shot.

1383754_10200790417545584_1643597733_n

***

““The Earth is Art, The Photographer is only a Witness ”  
– Yann Arthus-Bertrand

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 5 Comments

26

Sep. ’13

Fix Your Face

face

“She was not one for emptying her face of expression. ”
– J. D. Salinger

I have a pretty bad habit.

My face shows everything I’m feeling.  Everything.

And you know what else it does?  It shows everything everyone else is feeling too.

My daughter Kelly has often made fun of me for this.  We’ll be watching a movie and I’ll catch her looking at me instead of the screen.  When I turn to see what she’s looking at, she breaks out in hysterical giggles and says, “You’re doing it again.”  Apparently, whatever the person I’m watching is feeling, I display it on my face.  They’re laughing?  I’m smiling.  They’re crying?  My face is all scrunched up.  They’re singing?  (Oh, Kelly loooooves this one….) My forehead is creased and I’m straining to reach the high notes just like they are.

Well, that last example happened at church Sunday.  The choir was singing one of the most beautiful songs ever, and I was feeling it to the core of my being.  My face was singing right along with them, when I feel a little elbow go into my side and I hear,

“Mom.  Fix  your face.”

Fix my face??  What the…. [wait, I’m in church]…crap is she talking about…?

Oh.  Oh yeah.  That again.  Grrrr.

Ever since she said that, I’ve been thinking a lot about it.  While, no, I don’t want to look like an idiot, and yes, maybe I do need to work on ‘fixing my face’ sometimes to avoid just that – the deeper meaning behind why I do that maybe isn’t such a bad thing at all.

See this quote?

“All that is in the heart is written on the face.”
– Ritu Ghatourey

Well, I believe that.  And I think that the fact that my face reflects what others are feeling is a pretty good sign.  I think that shows that I’m empathetic.  That I don’t just look around at my fellow members of humanity, I actually take the time to really see them.  I feel them.  I put myself right in their place and go right along with them on their journey, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

That’s kinda cool, right?

Even if I do look like a complete idiot in the process.

There are a lot of things that we teach our kids when we don’t even realize we’re doing it.  I’m sure I have some habits that I’d like for Kelly to overlook (which I’m sure are the ones that she’ll remember best, unfortunately), but this in particular is one of them that I’m not too sorry to pass along to her.  Feel for each other.  You know?  Feel your fellow man’s pain, his happiness, his struggle, his triumph.  Anything that happens to another member of humanity, is also happening to you.  We’re all in this thing together.  Recognize that.

Wouldn’t this world be a much better place if we all did that?  All the time?

Well, it would also be a much funnier place if everyone showed that on their face all the time like I do.  Kelly sure would get a kick out of it.  So, maybe you could just be that way and try to hide it a little better than I do.  That might be a better idea.

So, note to self:  Yes, listen to your daughter.  Fix your face.  But your heart?  Yeah, that heart is probably right where it needs to be.

No worries.

***

When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.
– Susan Sarandon

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

25

Sep. ’13

Luck

“Any fool can have bad luck; the art consists in knowing how to exploit it.”
– Frank Wedekind

Luck.

Ok, so you know those people, right?  The ones who seem to have everything going for them.  Who seem to skate through life with no noteworthy negativity [How do you like that alliteration??].  Everything just seems to go their way without them even having to lift a finger.  *sigh*  Must be nice.  As some of my graceful, elegant family members used to describe it, “They walk around like they have a horseshoe stuck up their butt.”

(Ok, maybe “butt” wasn’t exactly their choice of words…but I digress…)

Well, me?  Yeah, I am NOT one of those people.  Especially when it comes to vehicles.  While those people get to have horseshoes stuck up there, I apparently have an albatross that climbs up mine every time I get behind the wheel of a vehicle.

Now, maybe blaming it on luck isn’t exactly fair.  I’m sure some of it may have to do with my own carelessness.  Maybe.  But seriously, a lot of it just really isn’t my fault.  Really.

Let’s look at the past five months, shall we?

Some of my regular followers may remember that I had an accident back in April.  I totaled my car.  (Missed that blog?  Want the gruesome details?  Click here.)

[Ugh…ok, I’m lying.  There aren’t any ‘gruesome’ details.  That was just a shameless plug of an old blog to get you to read it.  I’m a jerk…]

Anyhoozle…

So, I totaled my car.  And that sucked.  Yes, I guess you could say that was my ‘fault’ (at least my new insurance premium screams that loud and clear), but in my defense, a freak, unexpected winter storm hit us out of the blue while I was on the road.  A new layer of snow on a curvy road doesn’t make for the most favorable road conditions.  So, fault or no fault, I guess you could say a little bad luck was at play.  That is, if you believe in that kind of thing.  I call my boyfriend Richard and he comes and picks my car-less self up and takes me home to take care of me.  (Awww.)

So, fast forward a few days.  I finally feel able to drive again.  (Now, nothing was all that wrong physically, mind you, other than my slight concussion – it was more of a mental barrier to wanting to drive again after flipping down a rocky bank…)  That sweet, wonderful boyfriend of mine and his generous mom offer me a spare family vehicle to drive until I get the insurance stuff straightened out and get another car of my own, and I gratefully accept their offer.

So, here we go.  Vehicle #2.

The *first* day I get behind the wheel of this borrowed car to drive to work, I’m about ten miles from home and out of nowhere comes a turkey.  Yes, a turkey.

A TURKEY.

A-turkey-007

[**Note.  This is not the actual turkey.  But this is an accurate portrayal of the look that was on the little jerk’s face as he barreled towards me.]

He side swipes me and…rips off the driver’s side mirror.

Are you freakin kidding me??

Yep.  A turkey just tore up my borrowed vehicle.  So, of course I make what I feel like is the hardest call I’ve ever had to make to Richard and, through my tears, ‘fess up.  And what does he do?  Laughs.  A lot.  It’s not funny!!  I borrow a vehicle and break it in the first ten minutes!  How is that funny??  Still.  He laughs.

Oh, he thinks that’s funny, huh?  Let’s fast forward another two weeks.  Really.  Two tiny little weeks later, I’m driving along in the same borrowed car, now complete with a brand new driver’s side mirror, and what happens?  I turn the wheel to the left going around a curve and…ready for this?…it FALLS OFF.  I’m not exaggerating!!  Ok, I’m exaggerating a little bit.  It didn’t completely come off.  But it fell over.  Apparently this is known as a tie rod end breaking.  Call it what you want, but I call it “Oh crap!”  (And again, maybe crap wasn’t the actual word being used, but no point in digressing yet again…)

So, here comes call #3 to Richard.  (If you’re keeping track, call #1 was totaling my own car.  Call #2 was the turkey.  And now call #3 is telling him his wheel fell off.  And this is all within a matter of 2-3 weeks.  *sigh*)  He didn’t laugh as much this time.  But he did have to come get me.  Again.

Well, after some pretty hefty repair work and Richard driving me to work every day in the interim, I manage to drive his car for a few more weeks without anything else falling off.  And eventually I am even finally able to get the insurance mess worked out and get a car of my very own.  Yay!  After the first few days of a random ‘check engine’ light malfunction (don’t EVEN tell me there’s no such thing as bad luck…), the dealership got everything taken care of and all was well.  Smooth sailing with Vehicle #3…

Until today.

Trash pickup day.

Now, most of you know I am a runner.  I just ran 8+ miles yesterday while working my way up to my second half marathon in November.  You read that, right?  I ran EIGHT miles yesterday.  But you know what I apparently can’t do?  Walk my trash down to the end of my driveway.  Ugh.  It’s sooooo far.  (Read that with your internal whiny voice, because that’s exactly how I just said it.)  Nope.  That 100-foot walk to the end of my driveway is apparently too much for this chick.  Instead, I feel the need to drive it down and drop it off as I leave for work.  And, well, it’s a bag.  Of trash.  I don’t want to put that nasty thing in my cute little car.  Gross.  So, what do I do?

I leave my driver’s side door propped open and back down the driveway holding the bag of trash out of the car.  You with me?  You got the mental image?  You see me backing down a slight declined driveway holding a bag of trash out of my door?  Ok, now picture a huge mound of dirt that I forgot was there.  And then picture my drivers side door catching on that mound of dirt.  Picture me not noticing and continuing to back down the driveway…and picture my door bending BACKWARDS and practically breaking completely off.

Seriously??  SERIOUSLY?

Call #4.  “Richard?  Um.  I just broke my door off of my car…”

*sigh*

Goodbye, Goldie Sue.  (It’s a gold Subaru.  Isn’t that name clever?  Yeah, like that matters to this story…)

IMG_20130924_184206 (2)

So, here we are again.  Richard had to come and get me and take me to the same borrowed vehicle from before and once again save the day by giving me something to drive to work until I get mine repaired.

Story should end there, huh?

Oh no.  Not for Melissa.

On the way home today, the passenger side mirror on the borrowed vehicle that had been just a tad loose all along, decided to go ahead and snap all the way off.  Of course it happens while I’m driving it.

Call #5.  “Um, Richard?  You know that mirror that was loose?  It just broke off.  But it’s NOT MY FAULT….”

Wow.

I’m betting not many of you are going to want to ride with me after reading this blog, huh?  Well, join the club.

Hey, at least I have one living creature that will still come along for the ride…

IMG_20130924_162736 (2)

Bless her heart.

Well, there you have it.  Confessions of a Bad Driver, Volume One.  I’m sure there will be plenty more to come….

Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself, what can you do?  You know?  Yes, I have some seriously bad luck when it comes to vehicles.  That albatross has apparently found a nice comfy home.

But you know what?  That bad luck only applies to vehicles.  Because look at the rest of my life.  Look at this story alone.  I have a wonderful, patient man who is always there to help me pick up the crazy pieces of my chaotic life and calmly put them all back together.  I walked away from a totaled car with barely a scratch, I have a cute little dog (ok, it’s the neighbor’s but she doesn’t realize that) who loves to go along on car rides with me, and I have wonderful readers who read this blog and come along on this crazy ride and laugh right along with the silly happenings of my never-a-dull-moment life.

Hmmm.

Maybe I’m actually a pretty lucky lady after all.

Well.  That is, if you believe in that kind of thing…

***

“Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either.”
– Tig Notaro

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 6 Comments

20

Sep. ’13

Liebster Award

“You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you.”
– Stephen King

So, I got a notification earlier this week that I had been nominated for the Liebster Award.  Woohoo!  The Liebster Award!  Awesome!

Ok, um, the what?  I have no idea what that is.

Having my German heritage that I do (ok, I just lived there for three years as a military brat.  But still…), I recognized the word “liebster.”  I always thought it meant ‘loved one’ or ‘beloved’ or something like that.  So, I did a little research, and it turns out that I was right.  The Liebster Award is given by fellow bloggers to up and coming blogs in order to call them out and recognize them for their merit.  In other words, to show them that their blog is a ‘loved one.’  And get them a little recognition in the process.

How cool is that?

Dave Cenker is the awesome person who nominated me.  (If you’d like to read the post where I was nominated and where he so eloquently describes the Liebster Award process, click here.)  Dave, thank you so much for this. And I’ll be honest with you – when I first did the research and realized what was involved, I didn’t think I wanted to participate.  Being in the ‘blah’ mood that I’ve been in lately, I didn’t feel like putting forth the effort involved in accepting this award.  I know that sounds awful, but I just haven’t been myself lately.  I didn’t feel ready to “pay it forward” because I wasn’t even sure that I deserved it myself.  And besides all that, I wasn’t really ready to answer all those personal questions about myself.  (As you will see, part of accepting the award involves answering the questions that the presenter poses to you.)  So, at first, I had the idea to just silently thank Dave for the sweet gesture, but sweep it under the rug and hope it was soon forgotten about.

Well, that didn’t last long.

As my mood started to improve, so did my attitude.  As I started thinking about the award (and realizing what a true honor it really is to be recognized by a fellow blogger – especially one whose work I so highly respect), I started thinking about who I would nominate as well.  And in the process, I went and checked out their blogs again and realized how little I have appreciated the works of my fellow bloggers.  I am honored and humbled to be among such talented writers in the blog world and am proud to pass their blogs along to my readers.  Check them out when you get a chance.  You won’t be disappointed.   I hope they know how grateful I am to be considered a part of them.

So, without further adieu, the following is my list of nominees.  (The “rules” vary on this award and I’ve seen differing figures regarding how many blogs to nominate.  I’m going with five.  Once you’ve been nominated, should you choose to accept the nomination, the requirements are to 1) Link back to the author who nominated you; 2) Answer the questions presented by the author who nominated you; 3) Nominate five other authors for the award (or whatever number you choose); and 4) Ask ten questions of those you nominate.  Clear as mud?)

liebster award

Blog Nominees

1. Rampant and Golden – This is a wonderful blog full of beautiful poetry that never fails to inspire me.

2. Victorious Val – My fellow “Chicken Soup for the Soul” contributor who blogs about her victory over breast cancer.

3. Jenna Reinvented – A wonderful blog that I stumbled across full of wit and humor that never ceases to amuse me.

4. Beth Runs in RI – One of my favorite running bloggers whose unique “sign offs” on each blog always give me a chuckle.

5. Perpetual Ramblings – I love her “confession Thursdays” and creative use of “lists” to convey her subject matter.  Very intriguing.

(** And an honorable mention goes to Jill Haymaker.  Jill just had her work published for the second time in Chicken Soup for the Soul.  I’m always proud to find fellow Chicken Soup contributor blogs!)

Questions

And now for my answers to Dave’s ten questions.

1. If you could choose one mode of preferred transportation, what would it be?  Easy.  Boat.  If I could get everywhere I had to go in a boat, I’d be a happy woman.

2. You have the opportunity to lead any corporation, organization, or charity. Which one would you choose and why?  Oooh.  That’s hard.  I’m not sure I’m the “leader” type, but if I had to choose, I think I would like to be involved with the Muscular Dystrophy association.  My children’s father has Becker Muscular Dystrophy and my daughter is a carrier of the disease.  It would make my heart happy to see a cure found before it’s time for my daughter to start having children of her own.

3. You have a $20 bill in your pocket. What do you do with it?  Hmmm.  If I didn’t have to worry about anything ‘practical,’ I’d probably go buy some frozen yogurt and a book.

4. You may live your childhood during any era since the dawn of human civilization. Which one would you choose?  I’m pretty happy with the era I was born in.  Things are a little too crazy now, and I’m not crazy about the stereotypes that went along with the woman’s role in the home prior to my era.  So, I’m fine right where I am.

5. What is the most played piece of music on your digital player of choice?  Well, I listen to music when I’m running, so I’d say the most played song on my list is “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child.  There’s just something about that song that gets me moving.  When I’m not running, I always turn to the Matchbox 20 Pandora station.

6. You are able to ask one question about anything and know that you will get a truthful answer. What question do you ask? I would ask what people think of me.  And in most cases, I’d probably be sorry I asked that.  But I deeply believe in open honesty and would really like to know what I’m doing right and wrong.  Some things maybe could not be changed, but some things could.  And I’d like to know what they are.

7. If you could invoke any one law that society is required to follow, what would it be?  No bullying.  Period.  Just be nice to one another and accept each other exactly the way we are.  Differences are beautiful.

8. What is the one thing that you do each and every day that has the biggest impact on the quality of your life? I can’t say that I do this “each and every day,” but I would say writing has a huge impact on my life.  I express myself in ways that I might not otherwise do, and that release is extremely important for someone with my personality.  I can’t hold things in.  Ever.

9. What book are you reading now, or are planning on reading next?  I just finished Bel Canto by Ann Patchett (LOVED it!), and am currently reading Kill Alex Cross by James Patterson.  Next up: The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh at the suggestion of my dear book buddy, Connie.  I always have at least one book going at any given time – sometimes two.  Even three on occasion.

10. What inspirational quote best defines you?  Wow, what a hard one!  I ADORE quotes, as can be seen by my blogs.  Hardly any of my writings are not centered around the words of a quote.  But if I had to choose, I suppose I’d say it’s the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote about success.  It is what I strive for, even when I don’t consciously realize I’m doing it.  It’s why we’re here.

“Success: to laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Questions to the Nominees

And here’s my ten questions for any of my nominees that choose to accept their award:

1.  How old were you when you first realized that you were a writer?

2.  If you had to choose one person in your life who was your biggest inspiration – good or bad – who would that person be?

3.  What do you consider your biggest vice?

4.  Your biggest virtue?

5.  What do you consider your biggest passion (non-human passion, that is.  If you’re a parent, the standard answer is your children, I get it.  But I mean, what is your biggest passion)?

6.  What’s your favorite quote?  And why?

7.  What’s your favorite book?  And why?

8.  What’s your fondest childhood memory?

9.  Have you ever been published?  Do you want to be?

10.  How often do you write?  Do you wish you had time to write more, or do you feel like you spend too much time writing as it is?

Thanks for ‘playing’!  And thank you all for the inspiration you continue to provide through your words.  Keep writing – never stop.  It’s a gift that you were blessed with.  Even when you feel like no one is listening, they are.  I promise.  And your words will resonate in ways you can hardly imagine.

***

“I must write it all out, at any cost.  Writing is thinking, it is more than living, for it is being conscious of living.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . 5 Comments

19

Sep. ’13

Writer’s Block

writersblock

“Writing about a writer’s block is better than not writing at all.”
– Charles Bukowski

So, here it is.

I suppose I knew it would happen eventually.  Apparently, it’s finally my turn to get to experience it.  The thing that all writers dread.  The looming creativity sucker that waits patiently to strike your pen when you least expect it.  The ever-dreaded writer’s block.

Crap.

Honestly, I’m not sure it’s ever happened to me before.  My problem has never been not being able to write – it has always been not having time to write.  Give me a few uninterrupted seconds and a keyboard, and this girl will hammer something out in a jiffy.  It may not be something good, mind you.  But at least it would be something.  And to a writer, most days ‘something’ is enough.

Lately, though?  Nothing.

Just nothing.

*sigh*

To be honest, though, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.  Nothing major has gone wrong really, but a lot of little things had started adding up and I got to the point where I was just overstressed and tired.  So very tired.  My passion was on hiatus.

I was talking to my friend Zoe about this and while I don’t exactly agree with her deeming me ‘amazing’ (but hey, that’s what friends are for, right?), I have given a lot of thought to something that she said.  She told me,

“Being so amazing has its down side.  There has to be periods of recovery… it’s not sustainable otherwise.”

Hmmm.

Again – not calling myself amazing.  But you know what?  I do a lot of stuff.  Or, I did a lot of stuff.  I have been putting forth great effort lately to cut back on the amount of things I have put on my life plate.  And while I know that will be a good choice in the long run, you know what I’ve noticed?  This transition has not been as easy as I thought it would be. This ‘period of recovery’ wasn’t feeling so great.

Before, I had been running on all cylinders.  Full steam ahead, no time to stop and think, just go, go, go.  But then when I consciously forced myself to just stop that – I think I got a little confused.  Suddenly, everything was different.  I was no longer ‘needed’ in all the areas of my life that I thought couldn’t function without me.

Here. Maya Angelou said it better than I ever could:

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”

Well, Ms. Angelou, that’s what I did.  I withdrew.  And suddenly I realized that what she said was right – everyone could exist eternally in my absence.

Ouch.

I’ll be honest, that first realization hit me hard.  There I lay on my couch at home and life was continuing all around me.   Races were taking place without my name on the roster.  The next theatre show’s rehearsals continued without my being a part of the cast.  Blogs were still being published without my name on the byline of any of them.  And so on and so forth.  I felt like a face in the crowd.  Just a tiny, unimportant blip in the history of humanity.  What was my purpose?  If my active participation didn’t affect these events, then why had I ever done any of them to start with?

But then.

Well, I don’t know.  Slowly, I think I started to realize something.

Maybe this is not such a bad thing.

We all want to feel important.  We’re lying if we say we don’t.  But I think I spend my life searching for importance in places I didn’t need to be searching.  Yes, it’s fun to be a part of things – to have hobbies and groups that we’re a part of.  But when it comes down to it, you really, truly aren’t going to be missed if you bow out every now and then.  And as someone who tends to lean a little too far to the ‘control freak’ side, it’s actually somewhat freeing to realize that.  I don’t have to do everything.  I really don’t.

Wow.  Who knew!?

So, here I am again.  Climbing my way out of my misguided pit of self-pity and back into my life.  Only this time, that life isn’t going to be quite so cluttered.  And that’s a good thing.

I’m still not exactly sure what I want to write about now that life isn’t filled with so much chaos.  Chaos definitely inspires creativity, that’s for sure.  But I guess this blog entry was a start, right?  Writing about the absence of clutter.  Writing about writer’s block.  Writing about newfound simplicity.

Hmmm.  Well, that wasn’t so hard.

“Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.”
– Ray Bradbury

Ok, Ray.  I hear ya.  I’m gettin’, I’m gettin’….

***

“Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
“Fool!” said my muse to me, “look in thy heart, and write.”
– Philip Sidney

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

06

Sep. ’13

Instigator

in·sti·ga·tor: a person who brings about or initiates something.

instigator

I’m an instigator.

Now, I know that the first thought that pops into your head when you hear that word is a negative one.  And it’s true – that word can be, and usually is, seen in a negative light.  I’m well aware that I probably fit a lot of the characteristics of the negative aspects of this word (as many people in my life will tell you – well, assuming those people are still in my life at all after this blog….), but I don’t really want to concentrate on the negative connotation of the word right now.

Look at the definition I posted above.  An instigator is not necessarily someone who starts “problems” per se.  No, it’s someone who ‘brings about something.’  While yes, that can be something negative, I don’t think that’s all that it means.  It just means the person who gets the ball rolling.  Who makes things start.  Not just bad things – any ‘things.’

Well, by golly, that’s me.

As the oldest of six (yes, six) kids, it has always sort of fallen on my shoulders to be the ‘leader,’ so to speak.  I was substantially older than my next sibling, so I was always somewhat of a second mom to them more than just an older sister.  There was no one to baby me, or do things for me – I was the one doing things for everyone else.  Unfortunately, that trait has followed me into adulthood.  As a mother, of course, that trait is necessary.  You have to do things for others – it’s your job.  But as my kids are starting to get older, I have a confession to make.

I’m sick of this.

I am.  I’m just flat out sick of it.  I no longer “have” to do things for them anymore, but I still do.  Because it’s ingrained in my brain.  And sadly, it doesn’t just stay at home in the areas of motherhood.  It spills out into all of my life.

A friend get-together?  You betcha I’m the one who arranged it.  A family outing with the boyfriend and kids?  Yep, my idea.  An email checking on a friend you hadn’t heard from in a while?  Never the recipient, always the sender.

I picture in my mind all of the little spirits or souls or whatever you call them, all standing in line waiting to be placed into bodies.  God (or whoever) calls out, “Ok, listen up!  All of you who want to be ‘go getters’ stay where you are. If you want to be the one who is always in control of everything – who always does all the work as far as emotional relationships are concerned – and who never gets to just relax and let someone else take the reigns – you’re in the right line.  Now, the rest of you – the ones who want to just kick back and relax all through life and know that someone else will take care of everything and you won’t have to lift a finger to make it happen – yeah, you guys move over into a line to the left.  But, hurry – spaces are limited.”  You know what happened to my little spirit/soul thingy?  It had every intention of running over the line at the left, but someone behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Did you hear that?  I wasn’t listening.”  And while I took the time to explain to the little irresponsible soul thingy what had been said, I missed my spot in line.  And you know who got it?  The little twerp who wasn’t listening.

Story. Of. My. Life.

So, here I am.  The one who does everything.

Am I feeling sorry for myself by writing this blog?  Am I whining?  Am I complaining?

You bet your ass I am.

Why?  Because I’m tired.  So incredibly tired.

How late is too late to switch teams?  Can I get a do-over?  Hey, keeper of the soul thingies, can we go back and try again??  Can I have another chance?

I know, without a doubt, that there are relationships in my life (I can count a bunch of them right now) that would fizzle and disappear if I stopped making them happen.  If I just decided that I’m going to kick back and let someone else do all the work with regards to communication and plans for get-togethers and all of that other relationship ‘maintenance,’ those people would disappear from my life completely.  There’s not a doubt in my mind.

I was speaking to someone about this very topic and they commented with an interesting story.  She said she had a friend that would fall in this category I just described.  Once, they had somewhat of a disagreement.  After the disagreement, she decided that for just this once, she was going to let the friend be the one to make the call to try to mend things.  And you know what?

Seven years later, she’s still waiting on that call.

I don’t want to play this game anymore.  I’m so tired of making things happen.  I need a change.

Yes, I know I generally try to keep these blogs positive.  But someone forgot to put her Happy Pants on today.  Sorry about that.  It’s just that sometimes – you really need to step back and take stock.  Realize that all of this one-sidedness isn’t fair.

Realize that enough is enough.

That time has come.  I need a break.

***

“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.”
– Anonymous

Posted by . Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: , , , , , , , . 4 Comments