Tag Archives: passion

13

Apr. ’13

Excuses = Fuel

excuses

I went for a 4-mile run this morning.  This was only my second run since my accident a few weeks ago.  I’m trying to take it slow and ease back in.  But after today’s run, I have realized something.

I’m ready.

My half marathon is 3 weeks from today.  This wreck did slow me down, I’ll give it that.  But it’s not going to stop me.  I’m still going to do what I had planned to do.  No excuses.

While running, I was thinking of all this and this random phrase entered my mind:

Turn your excuses into fuel.

At first, I’m not sure where that phrase came from or even if it made any sense.  But as I thought about it more, it started making perfect sense.  I started thinking of all of the excuses I’ve used in regards to running and all of the ways that I’ve turned those excuses from hindrances to motivators.  And if you’re a runner – or even if you’re just a living breathing human and have considered doing anything ever and have let excuses stop you – you might relate to some of these.  Here are  some examples of the excuses I have used in the past, and the responses I found to give myself:

I can’t run because I am overweight.  Oh yeah?  Well awesome.  Running will help you lose weight.  Go run.

I can’t run because I don’t have the energy.  Oh yeah?  No energy?  Awesome.  Running will help you find that energy.  The feeling after a run is hard to beat.  You’re energized for the day.  Now go run.

I can’t run because I’m too tired.  Awesome.  See above.  Running energizes you.  That tired feeling will be gone before you know it.  Run.

I can’t run because I have kids.  Really?  You have kids?  Awesome.  Teach them that staying active and healthy is important.  Show them that if you can do it, they can do it.  And you might even get to the point where you do it together.  So go get started.  Go run.

I can’t run because it’s taking too much time away from my kids.  No, it’s not.  It’s taking some time away from your kids – not too much time.  And you know you need some time alone.  And besides, you’re teaching your kids that time alone is important too and they’ll know to make it a priority one day themselves.  And that’s something that they really need to learn.  Go run.

I can’t run because I don’t have time.  Yes, you do.  I used to say the same thing and, believe me, I am extremely busy.  I live over an hour from where I work and I have two active teenagers.  I found the time.  You will too.  You make time for what’s important.  Run.

I can’t run because it’s raining outside or it’s cold or there’s a tornado or a hailstorm or whatever.  Awesome.  Good reason to finally join the gym.  And you can do more than run there.  There are weights and machines and everything.  And if you try hard enough you can even figure out how to use them.  True story.

I don’t have the money to join the gym.  You don’t?  Awesome.  That will make you cut your expenses in other places like you know you needed to do anyway.  It’s amazing how much you can save when you turn those lunchtime McDonald’s runs into lunchtime gym runs.

 I’m going through a relationship breakup.  Yeah, I know.  That sucks.  And it makes you sad.  But guess what?  Now you’re going to have even more time to run.  Taking time to spend with just yourself is more important now than ever.  Take this new time and use it.  You’ll amaze yourself with how strong you are.  Now go run.

And now we got back together.  Oh yeah?  Awesome.  Now you have your running buddy and cheerleader back.  And he understands and supports you training for this half marathon.  Don’t worry about taking the time you need to train.  He gets it.  And he’ll be there at the finish line.  How awesome is that?  Now go run.

Now I have all these man-hating songs on my running playlist…  Awesome.  Replace all the dude references with references to your old self instead.  It’s amazing how motivating those songs can be when you dedicate them to the old excuse maker that used to be you.  Show that chick who’s the boss and who’s going to rise above it all.  Go run.

And finally…

I can’t run because I had a wreck.  Yes, you did.  And it was scary and it sucked.  And you got hurt.  But it won’t last forever.  It took a little out of your training schedule plans, but that’s ok.  There’s nothing written in stone that says you had to follow every single step of that training plan.  Two days before you got in that accident, you ran 10 miles.  TEN MILES!  Girlfriend, you got this.  That wreck did nothing but make you stronger than you were before.  Because it served to show you that NOTHING is going to stop you.

So, yep.

Turn your excuses into fuel.

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?  Glad I thought of it.

Now, go run.

***

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people;
to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.”
– William Arthur Ward

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10

Apr. ’13

Sing Anyway

auditionblog

This idea has been on my mind pretty heavy for the past few days.

I was just at auditions for a play.  There are many people – mostly kids – who auditioned and will not get a role.  And that makes me sad, but it’s just the way it is.  When there are parts for 12 kids and 30+ show up for auditions, it’s inevitable that there will be some that won’t get roles.  And here’s what I wish I could tell the ones who didn’t get a role this time:

Don’t give up.  Try again.

And if you don’t get a role during the next show, try again the next time.  And the time after that.

Auditions remind me of the tests the kids have to take in school.  It’s one standardized test that every student has to take, regardless of their test-taking skills.  I have always been one of those kids that was an excellent test-taker.  I could cram that stuff in my brain just before time for the test, and then I would shine under pressure.  And my grades reflected that.  But there’s a problem with that.  Once the test was over, so was the knowledge.  I retained very, very little.

Now, on the other hand, you have the students who freeze when it’s time to take a test.  When it’s time to actually transfer the knowledge that they actually have in their brain to little filled-in circles on a test sheet, they panic.  It’s just too much pressure. Unlike the ones like me who crammed the knowledge in there 20 minutes prior to test time, these kids actually know this stuff.  And will probably be able to apply it better later in life than the excellent test takers like myself.  And yet – they are the ones who are deemed “failures” because of a score on a test.  So unfair.  But what’s the solution?  What’s the answer to this problem?  You got me.

Which brings me back to these auditions.

I know there were kids who were probably phenomenal singers and actors, but being up there trying to present yourself in front of a room full of people and beg them to like you…that’s some seriously scary stuff.  Your best self may not exactly show through the fear.  But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.  It is.  You just have to keep trying.  Try, try, try.  Over and over again.  Eventually, who you are will bust through the fear and everyone will be able to see what was in there all along.  If you want something – truly want something – you will make it happen.

And aside from that – sometimes, especially in theatre, whether or not you’re chosen for something may actually have little to do with your ability at all.  Sometimes it’s that you weren’t the right look for the part.  Maybe not the right height.  Maybe not the right hair color.  Etc. etc. etc.  There are SO many factors in choosing a role in a theatre show.  DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!  Just get up, dust yourself off, and show up again the next time.  Next time you might be exactly what they were looking for.

I’ll use my daughter as an example here.  She hesitantly auditioned for the last show at this theatre.  She was terrified, but she got up there and gave it her all anyway.  And did she get the role?  Nope.  Not because she wasn’t “good enough.”  Not by any means.  She just wasn’t the right age for the part.  But she tried anyway.  And when she didn’t get the role, she graciously offered to help backstage (and did an excellent job I might add).  She handled it with grace and didn’t take it personally.  (Yet another reason why I want to be like her when I grow up.)  And then, with that “rejection” filed away in the past, she got up and tried again.  She auditioned for Annie, hoping to get a small role somewhere, and walked away with the lead.  She’s Annie.  Just like that.  She went from not getting a role at all in the last show to getting the lead in this one.  That’s how things work, people.  It’s a fickle business, this acting stuff.

Kind of like life, ya know?

If it didn’t work this time, that doesn’t mean it will never work.  Now may just not have been the right time.  For a variety of reasons.  But don’t let it stop you!  Get up, and try again.

[I’ll interrupt here with a link to an interesting story of a theatre rejection I received once, and the director’s response years later to that rejection. Interesting stuff if you get a chance to take a look. Be sure you read the comment section too – that’s where the good stuff is.]

So back to the point.  Yes – try again.  Again and again and again.  If you want it, it will happen.  You may not be the “best” singer, the “best” actor, the “best” whatever.  There’s always going to be someone who can do something “better” than you can.  That’s just life.  But that’s not the point.  As Henry van Dyke put it, “Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”  The point is to do what you can do, and do it loud and proud.

And one day, you will be heard.  I promise.

***
You can pour your soul out singin’
A song you believe in
Then tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang.
Sing it anyway
– Martina McBride
(lyrics to Do It Anyway)

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09

Apr. ’13

Back in the Saddle

longrunpic3

Today I decided not to be a wimp.

For the past five days since my accident, I’ve been moping and whining thinking that I’m not going to be able to run again anytime soon.  Now, yes, I know running should be the last thing on my mind after what I went through.  But the fact is, it’s just not.  It’s very much in the forefront of my mind.  Running has been my best friend for a while.  Call me crazy, I don’t care.  But that’s just a fact.  When everything around me was changing, running was always there to turn to.  Friends came and went, circumstances changed sometimes at the drop of a hat, family emergencies took place, etc. etc.  But still.  There was running.  My old pal, my old confidant.  It never left me.

So, to feel like it was going to be gone for a while made me pretty sad.  Almost depressed even.

Especially given that this happened right in the middle of my half marathon training.  As most of you know (since I mention it every other breath), I have my first half marathon scheduled for May 4.  That’s 25 days away.  I mean, if I were counting.  But I’m not.  Because ya know.  It’s no biggie or anything….

MY FIRST HALF MARATHON IS 25 DAYS AWAY!  AHHH!

And here I am sitting around missing valuable training days because of a dumb ol’ accident.

Well, today, I decided I’m not having that anymore.

Now, I was careful, mind you.  I’m wasn’t going to jump back out there and run 10 miles again like I ran last week.  But I did jump back out there.  And I ran 3.5 miles.  And I’m pretty darn proud of myself, even if I do say so.  Man, it felt good.  And I even did it on my lunch break from work.  Even better.

As I ran, one of my favorite “I am woman, hear me roar” running songs came on my playlist, and the lyrics stood out to me more today than ever before.  The song is Survivor by Destiny’s Child:

I’m a survivor
I’m not gonna give up
I’m not gonna stop
I’m gonna work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’

You dang right.  This girl is a survivor.  Has been before, will be today, and will be tomorrow.  That’s just all there is to it.

Today will be known as my “back in the saddle” day.

May 4 half marathon, here I come.

***

“I run because it’s so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can’t. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”
– Arthur Blank

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05

Apr. ’13

Helpers

helpers

Well, here we are.  The dreaded day after.

Not only am I hurting (holy cow, am I sore!), but now comes the fun part.  Dealing with the car insurance, the hospital bills, worrying about how to get new transportation, worrying about missing work, worrying about driving again and not being with the kids while I’m lying around recuperating, etc. etc. etc.  If I let myself get caught up in thinking of all of that, I could get pretty depressed.  And actually almost did this morning.

But then, I remember.

As Mr. Rogers so eloquently put it in his quote above, I need to remember the ‘helpers.’  Not only the helpers that were at the scene yesterday – most of which I don’t even know their names and will most likely never see again – but also the helpers that are still here.  The ones who have called to check on me, who have read my blog, who have sent out their well wishes through the internet.  My boss and co-workers who are understanding and picking up the slack from my not being there today, my kids for calling and texting to check on me and their dad for graciously taking care of them and telling me not to worry and to stay at Richard’s and rest.  And dear, sweet, wonderful Richard.  Who has taken me in and cooked dinner for me and made sure I was comfortable and asked me how I was feeling every 10 minutes or so.  And who has offered me a vehicle to drive until everything else gets worked out.  My dad, who has called multiple times to make sure I’m still ok, my grandma, my mom, my siblings, my close friends, etc. etc. etc.

I am truly surrounded by goodness.  Sweet, kind, unselfish goodness.

Yes, it stinks that I was in a wreck and totaled my car.  And yes, the aftermath of the paperwork and tediousness may make me crazy for a while.  But I just have to remember to make myself stop and reflect.  Stop and look around and realize how truly blessed and loved that I am.  Remember that I’m not alone and never will be.

Remember the helpers.

***

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”
– John Bunyan

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02

Apr. ’13

10 Miles….

“Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you’re young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don’t let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself.”
– John Bingham

Ok. Today is the day that I’m supposed to run 10 miles.

What the crap? TEN miles??

I’m not feeling extremely positive about this right at the moment. After all, I struggled with just 3 yesterday. It’s amazing how different some running days are from others. Those runs fall into that whole “momma said there’d be days like this” category, I suppose. So, after having such a crappy running day yesterday, my mind is screaming at me that I’m just not ready for this 10-miler and maybe I should skip it. Maybe I should just wait and do a few more short runs and try the longer run later. Maybe it’s not time for me to step it up just yet and I should hold back a little. Maybe this. Maybe that. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.

But then I remember something.

I’m not a quitter.

I’m just not.  In other non-running areas of my life, I’ve always been very determined to see things through.  My mom has always told me that determination is one of my finest qualities.  (Although, I’m certain it’s also been the culprit of some of my downfalls at times…but we’re not talking about that right now…)  Point is, if I can be determined in other areas of my life, I can be determined in this one too.

I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.

Every increase in mileage in my training plan has caused this same fear in me.  I remember when I did 5 miles for the first time.  All I could think of was how I barely made it to 5, now how was I going to do 6?  Then I did 6 miles, and had the same thought about 7. And so on. And every time, I stepped up to the challenge. Every time. Today will be no different.

longrunpic2

Today, after a long, tedious workday, I am going to put my running shoes on, and I’m heading out the door.  I’m going to get my playlist ready to play the strongest, most powerful running music I can find, I’m going to bring along my nifty little water bottle that straps to my hand, I’m going to clear my mind of any of life’s annoyances that might be bothering me, and I’m going to run 10 miles.  That’s just all there is to it.

Oh, and besides, I have a fail-proof plan.  I know I can run 5 miles.  There’s no question about that.  So, I’m just going to run 5 miles away from my car.  Then I have no choice but to come 5 miles back or I can’t go home.  See?  I’m a genius.

Ok, people.  Today is the day I become a double-digit runner.  Let’s do this.

longrun4

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01

Apr. ’13

April Fool

“‘Cause I’ve seen it all come and go before
I’m sure I’ll see it all again
But if I thought for one instant it might be love
 I’d be the first one jumpin’ in…”
– Diamond Rio lyrics (“Here I Go”)

Ok.  So, a little over a month ago, I wrote a blog about how I was going to take the whole year of 2013 off from dating and relationships.  (Here’s the link if you’re interested.) Well, I figure there’s no better time than April Fool’s Day to update my readers on how that little notion has played out.  Why April Fool’s Day?  Well.  I’m pretty sure this day was designed for fools like me.  So since this is my own personal day, I figured I can confess a few things and you guys might go a little easier on me.

So with that preamble, I’m sure you know what I’m about to confess.  Turns out, I wasn’t so great at that whole idea.  But that’s ok.

And here’s why.

I heard some Alabama song lyrics again a while back and they really got to me.  It’s a song called Lady Down on Love.  Here are the lyrics:

“She’s got her freedom
But she’d rather be bound
To a man who would love her
And never let her down.”
– Alabama

That’s so me.  It really is.  Yes, I had my freedom.  And yes, I was enjoying it to an extent.  I have learned more about myself in these past three months than I may ever have before – and the only reason for that is that I just finally took the time to actually do it.  And one of the biggest things that I’ve learned, and that I’ve come to accept, is that I really am a pretty positive person.  I just am.  I’m a glass half full kinda gal.  Yes,  I do get my feelings hurt at times, I do get let down when things don’t go my way, I do cry, I do get sad – I’m not saying I’m immune to all of that.  But it’s all temporary.  Once it passes, I get back up on that horse and I know that better things are around the corner.  I really would “rather be bound,” so to speak.  So, with this being the case, I tend to remain open to any possibilities. Including the fact that if something real came along, I wasn’t going to turn it away just because I said in some blog that I would.

Well, something real did come along.  Again.

Actually, it never left.

Oh, I tried so hard to convince myself it was gone.  I told myself over and over and over again that I was moving on.  That I didn’t need “some guy” and that I was fine alone.  And I would have been too.  I know that now.  But my heart absolutely refused to shut up.  It just wouldn’t listen to me when I was trying to tell it that we didn’t love him anymore.  He was everywhere.  In the songs I heard.  In the books I read.  In the new guys I met (not that there were that many, mind you. But still.)  There he was.  Unfinished business is a tricky little fellow.  It doesn’t go away until it’s dealt with.  No matter how hard you try.

Now, being the open person I am, I would spout out all kinds of details if I sat here at this keyboard long enough and didn’t think it through.  But just because I’m an open book – that doesn’t mean that everyone else is.  So out of respect for the privacy of the people I love, I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of the hows and whys things happened the way they did.  Not even sure we know the answer to that ourselves to be honest with you.  But the long and the short of it is this – I found my way back to my best friend.  And I’m certain that he found his way back to his too.  It has been a long road, and we’re still walking it, but we finally decided to try walking it together for a change.  No more rushing ahead, no more falling behind…just walking together.  Figuring it out as we go.

We like it better this way.

So, back to the original blog entry.  Honestly – nothing has changed.  I’m still on this “quest for me,” so to speak.  That won’t be changing.  I’m still going to be writing this blog.  I’m still training for my half marathon.  I’m still going to continue acting.  I’m still going to be me.  A stronger, healthier, more self-aware version of me, yes – but still me.  Being in a relationship is not going to change that.  Finally.  I think maybe I’m finally learning to find that balance – that thin line that lies between giving your heart to someone, while at the same time still remembering to retain a big portion for yourself.

This:

saveme

Yeah.  That.

So, there’s my update.  I didn’t exactly do what I set out to do in the way that I set out to do it.  But did I fail?  Heck no.  I’m in love and I’m trying.  There’s definitely no failure in that.

Let’s go find out what the future holds…

***

“To lose balance for love is part of living a balanced life.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert

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27

Mar. ’13

Divisiveness

gayrightsblog

Wow.

Just wow.

Every so often, another huge battle comes along in our society.  Here we are again.

If you’ve been living under a rock, let me explain the above picture.  The first is the symbol of ‘equality’ in reference to marriage.  (I refuse to call it “gay marriage,” because that goes completely against what the “equal” sign advocates.  Marriage is marriage.)  The second is the symbol of believing that marriage should remain between one man and one woman.  Using a “not equal” sign seems pretty self-explanatory – if you want anything other than a man/woman marriage, then you are not equal.

If you’re on facebook, you’ve seen these symbols floating around everywhere.  I’m no exception.  I’m not going to keep this unbiased.  I am proudly supporting my equal sign and do not care who knows it.  But something was recently brought to my attention about all this, and I want to address it.

I was told (as I’m sure many of you other “loudmouths” were – which term I use in the nicest way possible because I’m grouping myself with you) that Facebook is not the “place” for such displays and that some things just need to be kept silent.  That in standing for my beliefs, I am actually creating the divisiveness, not helping to amend it.

Hmm.  Fair point.  It definitely caused me to think.  And even caused me to blog about it.  (Oh, who am I kidding?  I blog about everything.  I want to blog when I see an ant eating a bread crumb.  But aren’t they just so darn cute?  They’re little bitty legs trying to tote this massive piece of bread back to their little bitty wives and little bitty families….  Ahhhem.  I digress.)

So, yeah.  Am I creating divisiveness by stating my point?  I think the answer to that lies in how we choose to state our point.  I’m not trying to argue.  Contrary to what many people might believe, I’m really not.  I know people have serious strongholds when it comes to their mindset on this issue.  I’m not delusional enough to believe that my own little voice (ok, my one HUGE voice) is enough to change anyone’s mind.  And I’m not trying to.  But what I am trying to do is this – (1) I want other people who feel the way I do to realize that there are others out there who feel the same and that they don’t need to be hesitant to voice an opinion that may or may not be the “popular” one.  And, (2) I want those people who are actually being affected by this decision that is to be handed down by the Supreme Court to know that they have allies.  That I don’t have to be gay to support their cause.  That they have support – and not only in people who share their same lifestyle.

And that’s it.

I’m fully aware that there are people who will disagree with me.  That’s cool.  Whatevs.  I’m willing to be an adult about it.  Are you?  Yesterday I was involved in a somewhat heated debate back and forth with someone who feels very different about this issue than I do – and yet we were simultaneously sending messages back and forth in another forum trying to plan a date to get together to catch up over dinner and a movie.  We’re still friends.  Our differing views aren’t going to change that.  And if it did – then I would be going against everything that I’m trying to stand for here.  That everyone – regardless of their belief system, or lack thereof – is equal.

In other words, can’t we just all get along?  Agree to disagree?  Live and let live?

Isn’t that what this is all about after all?

So, am I causing devisiveness?  I don’t mean to.  If I am, I’m sorry.  But as I have taught my children, and as I hope they’ll teach their children in years to come, you absolutely have to stand for what you believe in.  And in doing so, you are showing the world that you are unique, that you have the capacity to feel, and that you have the strength and the courage to be you.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never shut up.

Never ever ever shut up.

***

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.”
– Albert Einstein

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26

Mar. ’13

Still Small Voice

naysayerblog1

Sounds so easy, doesn’t it?  Someone belittles you, tells you that you can’t do something or that you won’t succeed…just kick ’em to the curb.  Be done with them!

Yeah, well.  Sometimes it’s not that easy.

Sometimes the person who does that to you is someone that is fully involved in your life.  Someone that you can’t just leave.  Maybe it’s a member of your family.  Maybe it’s a boss at a job that you desperately need.  Maybe it’s an ex-spouse who is the mother/father of your children and has to remain in your life.  Maybe it’s an abusive relationship that you’re not able to get out of just yet for reasons only you know.

And oftentimes, because those are the people that may be around us the most, we think they are the people who know us best.  And we put a lot of weight into what they have to say.  As Kelly Clarkson puts it in her Mr. Know It All song lyrics:

“When somebody tells you something ’bout you
They think that they know you more than you do
So you take it down, another pill to swallow…”

Well, guess what?

They’re WRONG.

That’s it.  Plain and simple.  They are wrong.  No need to ‘swallow that pill.’  Because they are human just like you and I are.  And being human, that means that they are apt to being mistaken.  (Pretty often actually.)   And those times that they are belittling you and telling you what you can and can’t do?  Those are those times.

They don’t know you better than you do.  No one does.  You know your heart.  You know what’s in there – what you feel and don’t feel.  Who are you and aren’t, what you can and can’t do.  You know the you that no one else sees.  The one that you might keep hidden for fear of not being accepted by the people in your life who are impossible to please.  But you know it.  It’s there.  You may keep it hidden well (I’m sure you’ve had years and years of practice), but it’s still there.  No matter how much you allow their words to pile up and form a barrier to hide it behind, the true ‘you’ is still there.  It won’t be defeated.  The still small part of you that still loves yourself keeps it under lock and key where no one can touch it.  And you know that.  Don’t you?

I have recently crossed paths with an abused woman.  It has weighed very heavily on my mind.  I’m haunted by the way her eyes look.  So dead, so full of regret and sadness.  And I’m so very very sorry for her.  It’s so easy for people to tell her to leave – to tell her to get out of that situation.  But I don’t know her life.  No one does.  Only she does.  I hope that one day she finds her way out.  In fact, I’m somewhat consumed with hoping for that.  It amazes me that humans can be so cruel to one another.  But in the meantime, until she finds her way, I wish I could tell her this.  I wish I could tell her that I know it’s not easy.  That you can read Mark Twain quotes until you’re blue in the face, but they aren’t going to pave the path out the door.  They just aren’t.  Things just aren’t as easy as they appear from the outside looking in.

But there is something that she can do.  Something that you can do if you’re seeing yourself in what I’m saying.  You can alter that Mark Twain quote a little.  I don’t think he’d mind.  Rather than saying to “keep away” from those people, why don’t we say to “keep YOUR HEART away” from them.  Don’t let what they’re saying penetrate your heart.

As I said, you can’t always keep away from those people.  Life just doesn’t always allow for an easy out.  Sometimes it’s next to impossible.  So do your best to keep that guard on your heart and don’t let those negative words through.  You are your own best friend, ya know.  If you’re not there for you, no one else is going to be.  Stick up for yourself.  Even if it’s just that small little voice inside, let yourself hear it.  Don’t shut it up.  Don’t let them win.  Listen to what it’s saying.  Do you hear that?  Do you hear what it’s trying to tell them?

“You’re wrong.”

“You’re wrong.  You’re wrong.  You’re wrong.”

Keep listening.  Practice hearing it over and over and over again.  Eventually that voice will get louder and louder if you let it.  And before you know it, it will sound almost just as loud as the negative voices coming from the outside.  And then finally, when you’ve practiced enough and you’re fully ready, you’ll see that something amazing has happened.

That voice will be so loud that it drowns out the others.

It can happen.  You just have to let it.

***

“It is the still small voice that the soul heeds,
Not the deafening blasts of doom.”
– William Dean Howells

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25

Mar. ’13

“Failure”

failblog

I saw the above picture when I was scrolling through Facebook earlier.  And immediately, something in particular popped into my mind.  I’m willing to bet that when you saw it, something popped into your mind too.  Am I right?  Doesn’t matter what it is.  Doesn’t matter what mine is.  We’re not going to talk specifics here.  Just take that thing that just popped into your mind and visualize it for a second.  Here’s what I want you to concentrate on:

What’s the worst that could happen?

Really.  Think about that.  Whatever this thing is that you’re thinking of doing that scares you to death – if you try it, and you “fail” (although the definition of fail might need to be examined a little more, but I digress…), what’s going to happen?  Is someone going to die?  Are you going to die?  Is someone going to be hurt beyond repair?  Are you going to be hurt beyond repair?  Will the world stop turning on its axis because you didn’t get the result you were hoping for?

I’m guessing not.

“I don’t believe in failure.  It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.” – Oprah Winfrey

I like that quote.  Think about that.  When you decide to take the chance on whatever it is (and notice I said when, not if), don’t you think you’re going to be pretty proud to know that you tried?  Aren’t you going to enjoy the process?  The process of knowing that you got off your butt, put your big girl panties on (or big boy boxers for my dude readers.  Well, unless you want to wear big girl panties – hey, I’m not judging…), and took a chance.  You took a chance.  Where’s the failure in that?

“They who have conquered doubt and fear have conquered failure.” – James Allen

Yeah.  That.

Go out there and conquer some failure.  Show failure that it doesn’t even exist.  Trying is succeeding.

And that’s just all there is to it.

***

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live life in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

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21

Mar. ’13

Life With Father

“Choosing to be in the theatre was a way to put my roots down somewhere with other people. It was a way to choose a new family.”
– Juliette Binoche

theatrepic

My next show, Life With Father, opens tomorrow night at Ashe Civic Center in West Jefferson, North Carolina.  And, as usual, the end of this two-month-long process is bittersweet.

In theatre, when the show finally arrives, everyone involved is absolutely exhausted.  If you’re not in theatre, you probably have no clue what goes into creating a show.  There are so many people involved – sometimes twice as many people as you see on the stage are involved off the stage.  Or sometimes even more.  Each person has their “role” to play, so to speak.  And each role is vital. My daughter has been involved with this show as a ‘techie’ and last night backstage at rehearsal, she said, “Wow.  I think I’m learning that the people back here work even harder than the people out there.” 

It’s definitely exhausting, that’s for sure.

But you know what else it is?  Absolutely amazing.

I don’t even know how to describe it to you.  There is just such a ‘bond’ that forms between people when they are working together to create a piece of art.  Because that’s what we’re doing.  Creating art.  And in the process of creating this work of art, we become a family.  Now, this particular piece of artwork may not be a sculpture or a painting, but it’s a work of art nonetheless.  And the difference in our work of art from a sculpture or painting?  Ours disappears.  Yep.  Just like that.  All of our months of hard work and dedication just disappear on the last day of the run.

“We build statues out of snow, and weep to see them melt.”  – Sir Walter Scott

So why do it?  Why put all of your time and energy into something that’s just going to disappear on you?

Because there are some things that come from all that hard work that do not disappear.

As Oscar Wilde puts it, “I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”  What more can I say than that?  Maybe, just maybe, we might reach someone in that audience.  If one person out there is able to see that something they’ve felt, said, dreamed, or imagined isn’t unique to them, then our job here is done.  That’s what this human experience is all about to me.  Just letting each other know that we’re not alone.  That deep down, we’re all pretty close to being the same.  And what better way to do that, than to get up on a stage and allow someone else’s life to play out before their eyes, and hope that something in what they see might mirror their own?

And on that same line of thinking – we also reach each other on the stage.  We are surrounded by other actors, other tech workers, the director, etc., who are all doing exactly what we’re doing.  All putting their heart and soul into creating something that means something to all of us.  We develop trust, camaraderie, patience…and most importantly, love for each other.  It’s a strange paradox – while pretending to be someone else, we manage to deeply get to know each other’s true selves.  Funny how that happens.  And this particular show is even about a family.  The joys, stresses, daily routine, and ins and outs of family life.

While pretending to be a family, we end up becoming one.

So, if you’re local, come out and see what we’ve been working on for the past two months.  (And hey – if you’re not local, come anyway.  It’s worth the drive!)  Without you, there’s not much point in us being up there on that stage.  Come be a part of the show.  Come be a part of our family.

See you there!

***

The following are some links to learn more about the show:
Life With Father article in the Jefferson Post: http://jeffersonpost.com/bookmark/22014480
My MTN interview with Jane Lonon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgkZoP_f7TU&feature=youtu.be

***

“I love acting. It’s so much more real than life.”
– Oscar Wilde

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