Tag Archives: mother

Out of the Mouths of Babes

“I don’t give a shit if kids take too many selfies or listen to bands I don’t like. They’re smarter, braver and care more than we give them credit for, and that’s pretty much always been the case.”
– Zack Foley

(I hope you’ll pardon my French with that quote above, but censoring it just wouldn’t have packed the same punch.)

I had been toying with a blog idea in my head for a while when I scrolled through Facebook and the above quote caught my attention. A friend of mine was quoting a friend of his and what he had to say fit right along with the blog I had in my head. So, I asked permission to share it and there you have it. And here’s why I liked it so much.

My brilliant little Kelly in all her selfie glory

It’s true.

So incredibly true.

Case in point: my daughter, Kelly. Those kids Mr. Foley refers to in his quote? Oh yeah, my kiddo fits it to a tee. That little selfie-taking, weird-music-loving teenager of mine is everything that quote describes. Especially that last part.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend Richard and I were…um, let’s say…having some “issues.” Okay, let’s just call it what it was. We were fighting. And it was bad. Now, if you haven’t heard me mention this before, Richard is a very quiet man. VERY quiet. So, when I say “fighting,” what I mean is…we weren’t speaking to each other. (Even I get tired of yelling when no one yells back.) These non-communication fights have a tendency to drag on forever, as I’m sure you can imagine, since nothing ever gets talked about or worked on, and this particular fight was no exception. And while we try to hide our arguments from the kids, they aren’t dummies. We go from being the happiest, cuddliest couple in the world to not wanting to be in the same room? Yeah, they kinda figure something is up.

Well, this time, Kelly wasn’t having it.

She sent both of us a group Facebook message. And I want to show it to you. Now, I’m editing it a bit to keep out the details of the argument (I’d hate to broadcast publicly how WRONG Richard was, ya know…bless his heart…), but I’ll put enough here for you to get the gist. Check this out:

“Okay. Y’all are getting on my nerves again. Fighting over really stupid stuff…..To be honest, you both are acting like middle schoolers. You guys get in a fight, don’t try to fix it or don’t want to talk about it, and just act like you don’t care. You do. I know I’m only 14 but I have sense….I know you both love each other and I know you care about each other, so start acting like it…Suck it up and be the couple all of us know you are.”

Okay, so I’m aware that I could be mad that she spoke to adults like that. The whole “ya’ll are getting on my nerves” and “suck it up” parts aren’t the most respectful terms she could’ve used, of course. But you know what? She was absolutely right. Absolutely 100% right.

She didn’t know every detail of the argument we were having, but it really didn’t matter. The details aren’t the point. The point is that, even at 14, she could see that we weren’t handling things the way we were supposed to. She could see the love that he and I were forgetting during our anger. She could see that we needed a reminder to “be the couple that everyone knows we are.”

Now, I’m not sure how Richard immediately felt when he read this (after all – we weren’t speaking), but me? I instantly felt the tears coming to my eyes. Not only because I knew she was right…I so love that big doofus-head boyfriend of mine with every ounce of my being…but because she cared enough to stick her nose in and try to get us back on track. That took guts. And a heart.

And I’m so proud of her.

(By the way, Richard’s written response to her message? “No fair – why do you get to be the smartest one in the family?”) Heh.

Now, with all this said, I just want to clarify: I’m not saying the kid knows everything. (Although if you ask her, she’d probably disagree with that statement.) She still has lots and lots to learn yet. (Don’t we all?) But what I am saying is this: sometimes it sure does help to look at things through the simple, caring, knowing eyes of a child. They see a lot more than we give them credit for, and they have a lot to tell us if we’ll take the time to listen.

Sometimes the details just don’t matter. Sometimes, you just have to get back to the heart of the matter…the love that lies dormant underneath all the chaos. And sometimes…a lot of times, actually…it takes a child to help you do that.

***
“In youth men are apt to write more wisely than they really know or feel; and the remainder of life may be not idly spent in realizing and convincing themselves of the wisdom which they uttered long ago.”
– Nathaniel Hawthorne

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, children, dating, daughter, family, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, lessons, love, loyalty, mother, motivation, motivational, problems, Quotes, relationships, sharing, wisdom, writer, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’14

Laughter

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
– e. e. cummings

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about our dog, Lucy, and a lesson I learned from her one day. Well, apparently, Lucy hasn’t hung up her teaching hat just yet – she had yet another tutorial for me this week.

If I didn’t describe Lucy well enough in my last blog, let me give you a few more details. Lucy is one seriously happy dog. I mean…seriously. That girl LOVES everything. She loves me, she loves my boyfriend Richard, she loves our kids, she loves squirrels, birds, the mailman, the UPS guy, the cats….(ok, that may be pushing it a little – she loves torturing them, does that count?)

But I noticed something else about her the other day that made me smile. Apparently, Lucy’s happiness isn’t just dependent upon someone or something else being around. I was walking through the house and just happened to glance out the window and there stood Lucy in the middle of the yard – not looking at anything in particular, not doing anything noteworthy, just standing there – and that tail of hers was just wagging to beat the band. No one else around, and Lucy was just as happy as she could be. Just because.

I told Richard about it later and said, “I want to be just like Lucy. I want to be so happy that I wag my tail even when nobody’s looking, don’t you?”

He laughed and agreed, the subject was dropped, and we went on about our business. Situation forgotten.

Until a few days later. I was driving along in my car listening to the audio books that I always listen to when I’m traveling anywhere, and I realized that I wasn’t retaining much of what I was hearing. I was just stressed and distracted and not in the mood to try to follow along with a book. So, I ejected the audio book CD and started looking for something else to pop in, when I came across a CD that my ex-husband bought me the other day. Yes, you read that right – my ex-husband bought me a CD. Ok, it was a $1 CD that he saw at Goodwill, but still. It was nice of him to think of me. What was the CD, you ask? New Kids on the Block’s greatest hits. Yup. He remembered that I used to be an NKOTB freak (their last known fan actually – I have a tendency to hold on a little too long), and he thought I’d like it. Up to this point, I hadn’t listened to it yet, but I just decided to go ahead and throw it in the player and see what they sounded like after all these years. And boy, was I glad I did. I was immediately transformed back to the late 80s/early 90s and I still remembered just about every word to every song. Before long, I was signing at the top of my lungs like nobody’s business – and with a goofy smile on my face to boot.

That’s when I noticed the car that had pulled up beside me at the red light.

And what did I do? *sigh* I turned the music down, wiped the smile off my face, and sat staring straight ahead until the light changed.

Now, what the heck did I do that for?

Isn’t that dumb? What’s wrong with wagging my tail when I thought no one was looking, you know? I was just so darn afraid of how I looked to someone else. Why are people like that? It’s just plain silly. I don’t even think I gave it much thought at the time – I think it was just instinct to pull it together and look like a decent, non-crazy, non-NKOTB fan girl and make myself ‘presentable’ once I knew I had an audience.

I so need to stop that.

I’m like that with pictures too. I am the queen of “Wait – don’t take the picture yet, I’m not ready.” Or, “Ew, that one looks like crap, let’s take another one.” My family just loooooves that too, let me tell ya. And my boyfriend Richard and I couldn’t be more different when it comes to that kind of thing. He is crazy about the candid photos – the ones that no one knew were coming or that we weren’t exactly ‘ready’ for. Me? I think I look like a doofus. Especially the pictures where I’m laughing.

See this picture? For some dumb reason, I never posted this picture on Facebook or had it framed. I wasn’t “ready” when the picture was taken. Instead, I posted the version where we were standing up straight, both looking at the camera, smiling, with just one arm around each other. I even have it framed and sitting on my bookshelf at home. But this one? This one was just sitting on my phone as one of the ‘mess ups.’ I ask myself now, “What the heck were you thinking, woman!?” I mean, look at that picture. My daughter is all snuggled up to me and I’m laughing. I think I had told her to stand closer just before the picture was snapped, so she bear hugged me being silly.

Good grief, Me. Get it together. *These* are the memories you want to hold on to.

Or, how about this one? We were trying to take a ‘selfie’ just before we had gotten all dressed up to go to the theatre together. It took about 30 shots before we finally got the ‘right’ one – you know, the one where we’re both smiling sweetly and looking straight the camera. This funny, goofy one where I was laughing so hard my eyes disappeared was never posted. This shows so much more of our personalities than the one that I did deem ‘post-able.’ Kelly being silly, me laughing like a dork – this is ‘us.’

But I was just so afraid of it not looking ‘right.’ Not looking good enough. Not being posed and ‘perfect.’

Silly, silly me.

So, today, I ask you this – are you like me? Do you make sure the picture looks ‘just right’ before you take it? Do you hold back on laughing so that you don’t like an open-mouthed hyena? Do you stifle your happiness so that you look decent and presentable to strangers that don’t even matter? Do you only publicly post the pictures where you’re smiling perfectly and everything is in order?

Or are you like Lucy? Do you express your joy, no matter the circumstances…laugh until you cry when you see the ones you love…stay so happy that you wag your tail even when you’re alone? And for Heaven’s sakes, not stop just because someone is looking?

Well, here’s my advice. Be like Lucy.

We only get one go-around, you know? Just one. Don’t waste it. Wag your tail, people. Just wag it.

Life sure is a heck of a lot better that way.

Thanks for yet another lesson learned, Lucy dear.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: appearance, blog, blogging, daughter, family, happiness, inspiration, inspirational, memories, mother, motivational, photos, pictures, Quotes, sharing, writer, writing. 2 Comments

Nov. ’13

Family Tree

“I find the family the most mysterious and fascinating institution in the world.”
– Amos Oz

My family tree is a little lop-sided.

Okay, I guess I should explain what I mean by that.

I come from two completely opposite families. On one side – my mother’s side – you have the big, boisterous family. My mom is one of 9 biological brothers and sisters and then, later in life, added so many step-siblings to that total that I’ve lost count. And then she herself ended up having five children, of which I’m the oldest, so you can imagine that there weren’t many moments of quiet and solitude in my life while growing up. When I think of that side of the family – the siblings, the cousins, the aunts, the uncles, etc. – I think of laughter and loudness. Of drama and emotion. Of lots and lots of outspoken love and endless support. Variety. Open-mindedness. Freedom.

And then. Well, then there’s my father’s side.

My father is an only child. His mother, my grandmother, is also an only child. There are no aunts. No uncles. No cousins. It’s always been…well, just us. And when I think of that side of the family, the thoughts that pop into my mind couldn’t be more different than when I think of the other. No, with this side, I think of calm. Of quiet. Of dotting your i’s and crossing your t’s. Of keeping emotion and drama locked up tight and making sure you don’t stand out. Blending. Conforming. Behaving.

Now, I understand that I have just painted this side in a more negative light, but I really don’t mean to do that. There are pros and cons of both sides. For instance, on my mom’s side, it’s a little easy to get lost in the crowd. No one notices everything you do because they have their eyes on so many others. There will be weeks, months even, without phone calls. (But that’s okay, because we all know we’ll pick right back up where we left off whenever we do cross paths again.)

But on my dad’s side? No, there is no getting lost in the crowd. You are always thought of. Missed. Examined under a microscope. Expected to pick up the phone and make contact in regular intervals. You are definitely remembered, never forgotten about, and constantly noticed.

Well, as you can imagine, being someone that comes from such different ends of the spectrum has managed to play with my head a little. The other day, at the insistence of a bored friend, I took an unofficial online personality test. As I went through the test answering questions about such things as my preference of being alone or in a crowd, and where I stand when I walk into a crowded room (middle or edge?), I noticed that some of my answers were contradicting each other. And that seemed odd to me. Do I like crowds or don’t I? Do I like being the center of attention or don’t I? Taking this test made me think of another odd inconsistency I’ve noticed in my life. Any time I’m headed to a large get-together, I dread it and think I’d rather be doing anything else – and then, I get there, and I have a blast. What the heck is up with that?!

Now that I think about it, I can’t help but realize that these inconsistencies in my personality most likely stem from the two opposing influences I had growing up. Yeah, yeah, I know – everybody blames everything on their parents [cue the mental image of me lying on a couch in a psychiatrist’s office telling him all about my crazy childhood…]. But seriously, in this case, I think I’m probably on to something. We are influenced by our family, whether we like it or not.

Which brings me to the real reason I’m writing this blog.

Some of you may have seen the post I wrote about my Grandma a few blogs ago. Thinking that I had done a good thing by writing it, I sent her a copy. Now, think back to what I just told you about my two families. This Grandma? Well, this is the grandma from my father’s side of the family. The ‘keep what you think to yourself’ side. The ‘don’t go airing our business for all the world to see’ side. The ‘can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?’ side. And, well, as you can probably guess, Grandma was none too happy with what I wrote about her.

Now, I knew this was a possibility. I did. I haven’t been completely blind for the last 35 years. But I thought that since I was telling about this wonderful thing that she was doing, I hoped that maybe she could see that and realize that others reading her story might actually do some good in the world. And honestly, I thought that it showed how proud I am of her. Being that we’re the ‘shhhh…don’t talk about important stuff’ family, I thought this would be a way to show her that I think she’s pretty darn cool. But, alas. Nope. That’s not how she saw it apparently. She thinks I made her look “mean” and that I shouldn’t be talking about private things in such a public way.

*sigh*

Now, I could pretend that it didn’t bother me. And I did. For a while. But as soon as I hung up the phone, the pretending stopped. The part of me that is like the other side of the family started to peek through, and immediately the tears started falling. My boyfriend Richard had overheard the whole thing and immediately came and wrapped me in his big ‘everything’s gonna be okay’ arms and told me how proud he was of me for writing it. Of course, I was upset and told him that I felt like ‘never writing again,’ etc. etc. So he suggested an alternative. Rather than not writing, maybe I should just go write another blog, only this time write it just for myself. Go back to the private blog world for a bit and write the things that I really feel. Just vent, get it over with, and then delete it and move on. No missyspublicjunk this time. Just write some private junk all for myself and get all that crap out on paper. (Heh…little did he know, he suggested the very thing that I already do about him all the time! Shhhh.) So, thinking that was some pretty good advice, I headed to the computer to do just that.

And here I am.

I struggled in my brain with not posting this publicly, but suddenly it occurred to me that I was fighting those opposing forces in my head. Yes, I could write this privately and make that side of the family (i.e. that side of my personality) happy, or I could stay true to the real me and just go ahead and post it. And if there’s something I’m learning as I get older, it’s to do that “staying true to the real me” thing a heck of a lot more often than I used to. And, so far, it’s made for a much happier me in the process. So, I think I’m going to stick to it.

But, oddly, a funny thing happened as I started writing. The anger and bitterness that I thought I felt towards my Grandma suddenly started giving way to something else. Rather than concentrating on the fact that she was upset, I concentrated on the why part. She said that she thought I made her look ‘mean.’ Mean? Really? I went back and reread my blog and I didn’t see that at all. What I see is not ‘mean.’ What I see is ‘strength.’ At first I thought maybe my writing didn’t convey what I had intended. But as I read, and reread, I realized that it does. It doesn’t make her look mean, it makes her look strong.

And suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head. Maybe ‘strong,’ in her mind, equates to ‘mean’? My grandmother grew up in a very different time than I did. She grew up in a time where women were to play their appointed ‘roles’ and nothing more. She was a wife. A mother. A cook. A housekeeper. A caregiver. She played the role of her time perfectly. She was subservient to her husband. She never got a drivers license (even though she worked for years) because it was not a woman’s place to drive. She kept her opinions to herself if they didn’t match the man’s opinion, because it wasn’t her place to speak up. She was a woman.

Well, this woman is now a widow. She now has no man to take care of her and is forced to do things on her own. And now, more than ever, I see her spunk shining through. She is the woman who has to kill snakes when they get too close to the house (see previous blog). She is the woman who has to fix the plumbing problems when they pop up. She is the woman who has to be ready, no matter the circumstances, to fend for herself. She is alone. And in this loneliness, whether she likes it or not, a strength has developed. She is tougher. And that strength, that toughness, is what I was trying to convey in my blog. And, as evidenced by her discomfort with it, I think I must have succeeded.

So am I sorry I wrote it? No. Not one bit. I meant every word of it. And will I continue writing what’s on my mind? You bet I will. Of course there are some things that will still remain private (I’m not an idiot), but the things like this – this blog that has been stirring inside my mind for the past 24 hours begging to get out – these words will be posted. They just have to be. I’m a writer. I have no choice but to get it out.

I have no choice but to be true to me.

Why? Because I’m strong. Just like my grandmother.

(Oh, and P.S. – you can bet your patooty that I won’t be sending this one to her. Rebel? Maybe. But death wish? Nope.)

***

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
– George Bernard Shaw

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, blogging, drama, family, grandma, grandmother, heart, love, mother, motivation, personality, Quotes, relationships, sharing, writing. 2 Comments

Oct. ’13

Maw-Maw’s Smile

”Those with dementia are still people and they still have stories and they still have character and they’re all individuals and they’re all unique. And they just need to be interacted with on a human level.”
– Carey Mulligan

My family has just been introduced to the world of Alzheimer’s/dementia for the first time. My sweet grandmother – a mother of nine and grandmother and great-grandmother to so many that we have lost count – has forgotten who she is.

But we haven’t.

My sister gave birth to twin baby girls earlier this year. The babies were premature and were very close to not surviving. But after months of intensive care at the hospital and even more intensive, above-par care from their mommy, they were able to come home. This past weekend, they made their first trip to see their Great- “Maw-Maw” in her new home in a nursing care facility.

And, let me tell you – it was nothing short of magic.

Some of us in the family had almost forgotten what it felt like to see Maw-Maw truly happy. Surrounded by new faces in a new environment, anyone would be a little confused at first. But poor little Maw-Maw can’t seem to break out of the confusion that is plaguing her. Every few minutes she again asks where she is and why she is there. She has witnessed many family tragedies in her life, including the most recent loss of her husband, and can’t seem to remember any of them. Watching her face as she re-learns the family’s sad news over and over again has been very hard on our family, to say the least. As she hears, yet again, about the losses we’ve suffered for what seems to her to be the ‘first’ time, we too feel the sting all over again. Her inability to remember translates to our inability to forget. This sweet little lady who has always managed to see the bright side of things, now seems to have fallen into a darkness that none of the rest of us can understand. Sadly, this is the truth to Alzheimer’s.

But.

Then, there are moments like this past weekend.

This weekend, the darkness cleared even if just for a few moments. As Maw-Maw took both of those beautiful twin miracles into her arms, her face lit up. And there before us was the infamous smile that we had all come to miss so much. For a few moments, she was yet again our mother. Our grandmother. And now, as evidenced by the love in her eyes as she stared down at the new additions to the family, our great-grandmother. She was back.

And it was beautiful.

I guess that’s the key to dealing with these situations. Yes, the family is suffering. Yes, we are going through a hard time and we feel like we’ve lost a loved one, even though she sits right there in front of us. And yes, most of the time, the circumstances are going to be sad ones. But there will be silver linings. There will. And those are the moments that you have to hold on to with all of your might. Take snapshots – literally and figuratively. Remember these moments and cherish the fact that the person you love is still there. They are still with you. And for a few brief, shining moments, they are still themselves. And those moments will be the ones that will serve to help heal you both.

So grateful for one more glimpse of Maw-Maw’s smile.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: Alzheimer's, blog, blogging, dementia, family, grandmother, health, inspiration, love, memory, mother, motivation, photos, Quotes, twins, writing. 4 Comments

Oct. ’13

Love Language

“The giving of love is an education in itself.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

So, I noticed something interesting about my daughter this week. I suppose I had noticed it before, but this week it seemed to really catch my attention more than usual.

Kelly experienced a pretty big disappointment a few days ago. I won’t get into the details (that’s her story to tell, not mine), but just know that it was a pretty tough blow for my super strong daughter. She handled it with grace, as she always does, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she was temporarily heartbroken.

So, I did what I always do. What comes natural to me when I see someone I love in pain. I reached out to hug her.

Whoooooa, Nelly.

Not cool.

See, I completely forgot who my daughter is. That hugging thing? Nuh uh. When she is upset, she wants to be left alone. She doesn’t mean to be cruel about it – she’s not trying to hurt anyone – she just needs to be left alone. A hug does not help. Not for her. She’d rather deal with it on her own. Now, talking – she’s fine with that. Saying I understand how she feels? I think that helped some. Showing her one of my old writings about disappointment to remind her that it’s not the end of the world and that her time to shine will come again soon? Yep. She appreciated that.

But a hug? No way. Not cool.

And see, I know that. I do. I just forget. She’s different than me. When I’m upset, I want to be hugged. I want you to wallow in the misery with me. “Come on over here and snuggle and feel my pain, people. FEEL IT!” But her? Nope. “I got this. I don’t want your sympathy, I’ll be fine.”

This little incident this week reminded me of a class I took once. Well, a class I was sent to through my job at the time.

I was having trouble getting along with one of the attorneys I worked for at a large law firm. She was only a year older than me and the two of us just seemed to butt heads non-stop. Although neither of us “told on” each other or anything, the fact that we didn’t get along was pretty well-known. Well, occasionally the firm would send the employees to various seminars here and there, and I was chosen by the human resources department to go to one entitled, “How to Get Along With Difficult People.” Ha! In your face, boss lady. See? Seeeeeee? Everyone knows how hard you are to deal with.

So, I took my smug self to the seminar and guess what I found out?

I was the difficult person.

Heh. Oops.

But no, seriously, this seminar was awesome. We were all paired into groups and did surveys to figure out what our personality types were, and which certain personality types were the most non-compatible. Lo and behold, my personality type and boss lady’s personality type? Exact opposites. And the great thing about the seminar is that it showed the pros and cons of every single personality type and the “whys” behind the head-butting with the certain types. As I listened, I heard so many examples of scenarios that my boss and I had been through and it became glaringly apparent why we weren’t getting along. We just didn’t know how to treat each other. What she needed was a foreign concept to me because it was nothing like what I needed. And vice versa.

And the solution?

Well, it was pretty simple actually. They bent the golden rule a little. (Please don’t tell my Grandma I just said that – she’ll disown me.) They said instead of the old standard, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” maybe it needs to be tweaked a little. Maybe that’s not what you need to do at all. Maybe you need to get to know that person’s personality, know how they operate and know what they prefer and what they don’t, and then…”Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”

Make sense?

Yes, I like to be hugged when I’m upset, but Kelly doesn’t. I shouldn’t impose my personality onto her. It’s not what she needs.

I know I’m not saying anything new here. Most of you know about the “love languages” idea by Gary Chapman (read about it here if you don’t). This kind of thing has already been discussed in depth. You can answer a bunch of questions on the website (or in the book if you have a copy) and through a scoring guide based on your answers, you can find out exactly what “love language” you speak. What things make you feel the most loved.

And although I think it’s fascinating, and super cool, maybe…just maybe….it doesn’t have to be quite so complicated as that. No scoring system, no survey, no quiz. Maybe it’s as simple as what I just learned with my daughter. Don’t give them the kind of love that you know how to give. Learn who they are, what they need, and then give them the love they want to receive.

And hey, you know what? It’ll probably end up working both ways.

Take Kelly for instance. Although she’s not the huggy/kissy type, she knows that her mom is. And so, she’s been known to concede every now and then…

And that sure does make for a happy momma.

Learn how to love each other, people. It’s worth the time it takes, and makes everyone just a little happier. And isn’t that what we’re all here for?

***

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”
– Mother Teresa

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, comfort, daughter, disappointment, family, hug, inspiration, inspirational, love, love languages, mother, motivation, motivational, photos, Quotes, relationships, writing. 3 Comments

Oct. ’13

Roles

“Actors do tend to get pigeonholed. People want to know who you are so they can put you in a box. It’s lovely to be known for such diametrically opposite roles.”
– Tom Hiddleston

I was just sitting here reflecting over last weekend at Oz (read that blog here if you missed it) and something dawned on me.

This has been a year of some awesome roles for me. (And quite diverse ones, at that!)

I’ve been an actor for a long time, and it just occurred to me that most of my very favorite roles and on-stage moments have happened in 2013. This has been quite a year!

Here are a few examples:

Started the year off as Elvis. Yep, you read that right. Elvis.

Ok, so I was a country hick trailer park chick dressed up as Elvis for the “Elvis and Jesus: A Tribute to the Kings” nativity scene. In July. In Florida. (Did ya get all that?) Oh yeah, you have to check this play out if you’ve never heard of it. Radio T.B.S. It’s a hoot. And, incidentally, this was the first time I’ve ever received an ovation mid-show. My Heartbreak Hotel was apparently awesome. Or….hilariously bad. Eh, either way, they clapped. Booyah.

Next?

“Mother” in the show Life With Father.

Pretty awesome role. Even got to do a TV interview for it. (Read that blog here if you’re interested.) Yep, very cool stuff.

Then, I got to play a flooz.

You just can’t beat that. (Gloria Rasputin in Bye, Bye, Birdie.) Even had to tap dance and do a split. Well. Sort of…

And then last weekend, as my regular readers know, I got to be both the Wicked Witch and Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, at the Autumn at Oz festival in Beech Mountain, North Carolina.

Yep. As you can see, this has been a year that I have stepped “out of the box” somewhat. I have been blessed with these varied roles and have enjoyed every minute of becoming someone completely different each and every time I’ve donned a new costume. And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve actually enjoyed watching myself blossom as an actress as I’ve stepped into these roles. I wasn’t so sure I had it in me, but apparently I do. I’ve been kinda proud of myself. How about that?

Pretty cool stuff.

But you know what’s even cooler? Knowing that at the end of the day, after the costumes are neatly put away and silence drowns out the applause, I get to step into a few even better roles.

This one, for example:

“Of all the roles I’ve played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.”
– Annette Funicello

I get to be these awesome teenagers’ mom. How freakin’ cool is that? Just like all of the other roles I’ve been blessed with, this is another one that I wasn’t sure I would know how to play. And sometimes I still falter, sometimes I don’t always follow the script or get my lines right, but all-in-all I think I’ve managed to do a pretty darn good job. I sure have some awesome little co-stars, that’s for sure.

All it takes is to turn on the radio or the TV and within minutes you are hearing some new horror story about the awful things teenagers are into these days. Each time this happens, I say a silent little prayer and thank my lucky stars that I have the kids I have. Now, I’m not saying they’re perfect – far from it – but the problems that we have are just normal, everyday problems. Nothing drastic and severe like some poor parents have to go through. I hope my kids know how proud I am of who they are, and who they are becoming. And I hope the role I’ve played in their lives has had a little something to do with that. I like to think it does.

Another role I’m pretty blessed with?

Being the one this guy loves.

“If you age with somebody, you go through so many roles – you’re lovers, friends, enemies, colleagues, strangers; you’re brother and sister. That’s what intimacy is, if you’re with your soul mate.”
– Cate Blanchett

My gosh, I sure do love this dude. We have been through many phases in our relationship – and I think that’s why the above quote speaks to me so much. We’ve been all of those to each other at some point, and we just keep going strong.

When it comes to love, I’ve tried out quite a few roles. I tried being the submissive wife. I’ve tried being the girlfriend who gives up everything she really loves to try to keep the peace. I’ve tried sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy. None of these roles seemed to fit.

And now I know why.

“I’ve had disappointments and heartbreaks and setbacks and roles I didn’t get, but something always came along that either made me better or was an even better role.”
– Lee Majors

Finally, I get to play the best role I’ve ever played.

Myself.

It has taken me a long, long time to finally get to enjoy this role. Took some trial and error, I admit. But finally, finally, I think I’ve figured out this role pretty well. And it sure is nice to be allowed to play it.

I think I’m right where I belong.

This is the role I’ve been waiting for.

Are you playing the role you’re meant to play? Make sure you are. Life is just too short for anything else. Trust me.

***

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: acting, blog, blogging, change, dating, family, friendship, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, love, mother, motivation, motivational, parenting, passion, performance, plays, problems, Quotes, relationships, roles, theatre, writing. 3 Comments

May. ’13

Dress the Part

I noticed something interesting the other day.

This is my daughter, Kelly.

This picture was taken on the day of her 7th grade graduation. We curled her hair, she had a little makeup on, wore a cute little dress…she was looking pretty darn spiffy. Well, later that evening, she and I had to be at theatre rehearsal. (She was cast as Annie in our local theatre’s upcoming production – if you haven’t already heard me mention that about 3,000 times. I’m just a little bit proud.) She still had her hair curled, still had the little dress on, etc. And something interesting happened. When she stepped on that stage that night, she did the best she had ever done.

Now, granted, my daughter is capable of playing this role. She is beyond capable. But with this being her first large role (first speaking role, even), she’s a bit nervous and a little reserved. Up to this point, she hadn’t found her ‘sea legs,’ so to speak. But by golly, she was swimming that night. That girl was spot on. I saw more spunk and confidence than I had seen thus far.

After rehearsal, I told her what a great job she had done and asked what made her come alive like she did. She said, “I don’t know. I had my hair all curly and a dress on…I guess I just felt like Annie.”

“I guess I just felt like Annie.”

Kinda profound when you think about it. She dressed the part, so she felt like the part. Simple as that.

So, how does that apply to the rest of us?

Granted, I know we’re not all title characters in a musical. Most of us are just out here floating about in our regular everyday lives trying to make it through the day without any major catastrophes. But I think I just learned a pretty good lesson from my 13-year-old daughter. Whatever I want (need?) to be, I just have to “dress the part.”

Let’s take my running for example. Now, I’ve heard a lot of runners have mentioned this before so I’m not alone in this thought process. Sometimes I just don’t feel like running. I just don’t. I know I need to, I know I’ll feel good when it’s over, but none of that matters. I’m just tired and I don’t feel like it. But as soon as I put on my running clothes and running shoes…suddenly, I’m transformed. I went from a lazy bum on the couch who didn’t feel like doing anything at all, to an all-out runner who is raring to go. It’s that simple. I dress like a runner, so I feel like a runner.

Now, that’s a literal example. But maybe this can be applied in a not-so-literal way. Maybe it’s not always an outfit.

Maybe if you want to be a certain thing, you just have to pretend like you are that thing. You know?

You want to be happy? Dress the part. Slap on a smile and be happy. The first time you do it, you may just feel dumb…smiling for no reason like that like a big dummy. But the second time you do it, who knows? You might actually start to feel a little better. The third? Maybe even better. Eventually your smiles will not only fool other people into thinking that you’re actually happy…you might even start to fool yourself. How about that?

Dress the part.

You want to forgive someone who hurt you? Act like you have. Seriously. Just act like that. When those negative thoughts pop into your mind, tell yourself that that person is forgiven. You don’t have to mean it. Just say it. Again – at first, it will feel silly. You’ll feel like a liar. But the next time? Maybe it will feel like a little less of a lie. The next time? Even less. Eventually, maybe it just might not be a lie. Maybe it’ll even become the truth.

Maybe you can put on that little imaginary cloak of forgiveness and finally – finally – just move on.

Dress the part.

Fill in the blank with whatever you need to fill it in with. You want to be a more positive person? Act like you’re a positive person. You want to be a better friend? Be a better friend. You want to trust someone? Trust them.

You want to love someone? Love them.

Dress the part.

Start with baby steps. Then bigger steps. Then keep increasing your stride until you’re moving at full speed.

YOU alone have the power to change everything.

***

“Endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”
– Socrates

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: acting, Annie, blog, change, daughter, dress, family, inspiration, inspirational, love, mother, motivation, motivational, performance, photos, Quotes, run, runner, running, self-fulfilling, theatre, writing. 1 Comment

May. ’13

Winds of Change

The winds of change. *Sigh* They sure do seem to be blowing quite a bit in my world here lately. Am I building walls or windmills? Good question.

So, here are some examples of a few of the changes.

Example #1

Yesterday, I watched my beautiful little daughter ‘graduate’ the 7th grade. See? Isn’t she gorgeous?

Where we live, high school starts in 8th grade. So as of today, I’m officially the mother of two high school students. Wow. Talk about change. Where has the time gone? That little freckled-face kid is a beautiful young woman. How did that happen??

Example #2

I’m moving. Ugh. Moving is a big fat giant pain the butt, even when it’s for the best. I’ve done it a million times in my life for various reasons, but it just never gets any easier. Packing up your life and moving it somewhere else is just plain difficult. Especially when you’re like me. I don’t just throw things in a box – I go through them. Each and every single thing, one by one. And sometimes that can be a little painful. Those things that are collecting dust in a box in the corner are there for a reason. Stirring them up is not always the best idea. But there are times that it has to be done, and unfortunately, this is one of them.

So…me and my feather duster have some work to do.

Example #3

This is a picture of my beautiful little grandparents taken just a few months ago at my aunt’s house where they were staying for a while until decisions were made about their care.

And this is the picture my daughter took this past weekend of my mom and I at my grandpa’s bedside in the nursing home.

Between pneumonia, dementia, and advanced age, changes have hit them and our family in what seems like the drop of a hat. Walking through their empty house this past weekend (cleared out in preparation to sell for their care), I couldn’t help but feel the change all around me. And watching my mother and her sisters as they took care of all the details, my heart just broke for them.

Change, man. It can be rough. I’m tellin’ ya.

I could go on and on listing various little life changes, but I won’t. Not all are as poignant as aging grandparents and lost childhood, but they’re everywhere. Life is all about change. That’s no secret. We all know that. And knowing it doesn’t really make it any easier, does it?

But maybe we need to look at that just a little differently.

Yes, life is all about change. But isn’t change also all about life?

Think about it. As long as things are changing, then you’re still alive. You’re still on this crazy ride. Your heart is still beating. You’re still laughing, crying, living, losing, loving. While change can be difficult, it’s so important to remember that it’s happening for a reason.

Yes, my baby girl is growing up. That’s a good thing. She’ll never crawl into my lap with her baby dolls again, but she’ll go on to have her own little girl to crawl into her lap. It’s life. And it’s beautiful.

Yes, I’m digging through old memories during the stress of a move. But in doing so, I’m also getting rid of some of the old baggage that might have been weighing me down. And I’m deciding what needs to remain and packing it up for another day. I’m simplifying my life and moving on to better things, a little lighter in the process.

Yes, my grandparents are in a different phase of their life. And it’s very, very hard on the rest of us. But it is strengthening bonds in the ones left behind. Some of the family is banding together and taking care of what needs to be taken care of. They are sharing their sorrows, helping each other through. Coming together at a time when they need each other. Showing their strengths in the midst of others’ weakness. And when the inevitable time comes that my grandparents pass on, they will do so knowing that the ones who truly loved them took care of them in the end.

Yes, change sure is hard sometimes. But – if things are changing, you’re still breathing. See it for what it is, embrace it, do the best you can with what life is handing you, and just keep moving forward.

Let’s build some windmills, shall we?

***

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
-Lao Tzu

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, dating, daughter, family, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, memories, mother, photos, Quotes, relationships, winds of change, writing. 1 Comment

Apr. ’13

Week-old Miracles

“Hearts entwined
Twenty fingers, twenty toes,
two sweet babies with cheeks of rose.
Born on the same day, two gifts from above,
lives entwined, two babies to love.”
– Author Unknown

A week ago today, my beautiful sister Jenny gave birth to the little identical angels you see above. She was only 30 weeks pregnant.

I live about eight hours away from her, and when I got the call that she was going into labor this early, I knew there was no way I would make it in time for the birth. And given that she was so early in her pregnancy, I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect, but I’ll admit that my expectations were not good ones. It was so early in the pregnancy – and there were going to be two babies. Both of those factors led me to fear the worst. I was so afraid for my sister.

But – less than an hour after the news that she had arrived at the hospital, I got the call that the babies were here. Big sister Trinity arrived first by c-section weighing in at a whopping 2 pounds, 10 ounces, followed by “little” sister Serenity weighing 3 pounds, 2 ounces. Mommy and babies were all doing wonderful! Of course, since the little ones were so tiny – they were going to have to be transferred to the neonatal intensive care unit at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville, TN. This is about an hour from where their Mommy had to stay for a few more days. I can’t even imagine what my sister went through during the interim while she waited to see her babies. She’s a tough one, I know that.

My car didn’t seem to be able to go fast enough to get me there to see those sweet little babies. I honestly had no idea what to expect as far as how they would look. But when I saw them for the first time, I was absolutely amazed. I knew they’d be small…but that small?? Was that even possible? And they just looked like…well, like babies. Teeny tiny little babies. I guess I expected there to be something “different” about them since they were so early. But nope. They were just perfect little ten-fingered, ten-toed, crying little angels.

It’s hard to put into words how much I felt during those days I was able to visit them in that hospital. First of all, I was simply amazed at the marvels of modern medical equipment. Thank goodness Jenny had those babies during this day and time when all of these medicines and machines are available to us. Thanks to incubators, feeding tubes, IVs, etc., my little nieces slept peacefully in their little isolated shelters. And the nurses were incredible. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I’ll let this picture of little Serenity’s nurse’s “uniform” speak for itself:

So, in addition to the amazing medical care my nieces are getting – I was also blown away by the sheer miracle of their existence. Standing there looking down at these little 2-pound humans had a profound affect on me. As I said to my brother, “It’s amazing that these teeny tiny little babies are going to be screwed-up adults like us one day.” (Yeah, I’m known for my deep philosophical quotes in serious moments such as this one.) But think about it – isn’t that crazy!? We were all tiny babies once. Maybe not quite as tiny as my little nieces, but still. Something about that just amazed me when I took the time to think about it. Everything they are going through right now will not even register in their memory one day. They’ll go on to be adults and have babies of their own and live, laugh, love, make mistakes, make amends…just like the rest of us. What a miracle life is, isn’t it? And watching my sister take care of them – wow. That too touched my heart. I remember when Jenny herself was just a tiny little baby (she’s 11 years younger than me). That little tiny person is now the mom of these little tiny persons. Crazy, man. Just crazy.

Here’s a pic I got of her “feeding” little Trinity for the first time (she’s fed breast milk through a feeding tube):

Oh, I could just go on and on and on with this blog, but I guess I better wrap it up. I just wanted to give a shout out to my beautiful new twin nieces and welcome them to this world; to pay tribute to my amazingly strong sister Jenny for being exactly the mommy those two babies needed; and to just make a general observation that life truly is a pretty awesome thing.

Welcome to this crazy ride, Trinity and Serenity.

***

“A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.”
– Carl Sandburg

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: babies, birth, blog, daughter, family, inspiration, inspirational, love, mother, motivation, motivational, photos, premature, Quotes, twins, writing. 9 Comments

Mar. ’13

Ounce of Strength

I got the sweetest text from my mom yesterday. It was in response to the latest batch of blogs I had mailed to her. If you missed it, in one of my previous entries I mentioned that my mom doesn’t have a computer, so I print out and mail all of my blog entries to her. She’s my biggest fan. (Maybe my only fan?? “A blog only a mother could love?…” But I digress…)

So, this is what her text said: “You are one strong woman! I wish I only had a portion of your strength.”

I read that, and then went back and re-read it again. First, because my mom is just awesome. Who doesn’t need to hear stuff like that? I’m so lucky to have her support. But secondly, I re-read it because it sounded so familiar to me. And I couldn’t quite place why.

Then, it dawned on me.

When my daughter was only 2 years old (she’s 13 now), I could already see the fiery strength of her personality. I remember watching her one day and just being able to visualize with such clarity what a strong woman she was going to become one day. I saw in her the person I wish I could be – strong, determined, feisty. And when I saw those things in her, I wrote this poem:

***

Ounce of Strength
Look at you.
I’m amazed at your abilities,
At your determination,
At your strong will.
Nothing can stop you!
I watch you in awe.
You adapt to change so quickly.
You remain steady
Even when the world around you changes.
You amaze me.
You inspire me.
You are my constant.
What I wouldn’t give to have just a little of your ability –
Just one iota of your determination –
Just one ounce of your strength.
Thank you.

***

Turns out I was right. She’s still a little superwoman. Full of an unending energy, wit, and strength that astounds me at times. Nothing gets to that girl. She is who she is and that’s just all there is to it. Stubborn, dedicated, determined little Kelly.

And after getting that text from my mom, it finally hit me. All of that is also how my mom sees me.

Wow. I’m not sure if I ever realized that before. That’s pretty awesome.

And you know what? I’m willing to bet that her mom sees her exactly the same way. Which makes me realize something else. Maybe, just maybe, I just might have had a little something to do with Kelly’s personality. And you know what else? My mom had a little something to do with mine. And her mom had a little something to do with hers. And so on, and so on.

Hmmm. Well, how about that!?

We need to remember that more often. Really let this thought sink in:

Who we are will manifest in our kids.

And you know what? If we’re careful – those manifestations may just end up being some really great things.

***

And thou shalt in thy daughter see,
This picture, once, resembled thee.
– Ambrose Philips