Tag Archives: loyalty

Divisiveness

Wow.

Just wow.

Every so often, another huge battle comes along in our society. Here we are again.

If you’ve been living under a rock, let me explain the above picture. The first is the symbol of ‘equality’ in reference to marriage. (I refuse to call it “gay marriage,” because that goes completely against what the “equal” sign advocates. Marriage is marriage.) The second is the symbol of believing that marriage should remain between one man and one woman. Using a “not equal” sign seems pretty self-explanatory – if you want anything other than a man/woman marriage, then you are not equal.

If you’re on facebook, you’ve seen these symbols floating around everywhere. I’m no exception. I’m not going to keep this unbiased. I am proudly supporting my equal sign and do not care who knows it. But something was recently brought to my attention about all this, and I want to address it.

I was told (as I’m sure many of you other “loudmouths” were – which term I use in the nicest way possible because I’m grouping myself with you) that Facebook is not the “place” for such displays and that some things just need to be kept silent. That in standing for my beliefs, I am actually creating the divisiveness, not helping to amend it.

Hmm. Fair point. It definitely caused me to think. And even caused me to blog about it. (Oh, who am I kidding? I blog about everything. I want to blog when I see an ant eating a bread crumb. But aren’t they just so darn cute? They’re little bitty legs trying to tote this massive piece of bread back to their little bitty wives and little bitty families…. Ahhhem. I digress.)

So, yeah. Am I creating divisiveness by stating my point? I think the answer to that lies in how we choose to state our point. I’m not trying to argue. Contrary to what many people might believe, I’m really not. I know people have serious strongholds when it comes to their mindset on this issue. I’m not delusional enough to believe that my own little voice (ok, my one HUGE voice) is enough to change anyone’s mind. And I’m not trying to. But what I am trying to do is this – (1) I want other people who feel the way I do to realize that there are others out there who feel the same and that they don’t need to be hesitant to voice an opinion that may or may not be the “popular” one. And, (2) I want those people who are actually being affected by this decision that is to be handed down by the Supreme Court to know that they have allies. That I don’t have to be gay to support their cause. That they have support – and not only in people who share their same lifestyle.

And that’s it.

I’m fully aware that there are people who will disagree with me. That’s cool. Whatevs. I’m willing to be an adult about it. Are you? Yesterday I was involved in a somewhat heated debate back and forth with someone who feels very different about this issue than I do – and yet we were simultaneously sending messages back and forth in another forum trying to plan a date to get together to catch up over dinner and a movie. We’re still friends. Our differing views aren’t going to change that. And if it did – then I would be going against everything that I’m trying to stand for here. That everyone – regardless of their belief system, or lack thereof – is equal.

In other words, can’t we just all get along? Agree to disagree? Live and let live?

Isn’t that what this is all about after all?

So, am I causing devisiveness? I don’t mean to. If I am, I’m sorry. But as I have taught my children, and as I hope they’ll teach their children in years to come, you absolutely have to stand for what you believe in. And in doing so, you are showing the world that you are unique, that you have the capacity to feel, and that you have the strength and the courage to be you.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never shut up.

Never ever ever shut up.

***

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.”
– Albert Einstein

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: bible, blog, change, christianity, division, divisiveness, equality, friendship, gayrights, history, inspiration, inspirational, love, loyalty, motivation, motivational, passion, photos, political, prop8, Quotes, rights, sin, views, writing. Leave a comment

Feb. ’13

Loyalty

Man, that is a STRONG word.

I struggled over writing this blog. I try to keep the things that I write on a general level. I don’t call out specific names of anyone I may be speaking of, etc. Of course, if you know me, you know who I’m referring to in my last breakup, who my children are when I refer to them, who my family is, things like that. But for the most part, this blog is just a general compilation of stories and life lessons that I’m trying to pick up along the line. Healing through my pen, I guess you can say.

This entry will be no different.

However, a few things in my life lately have brought up this touchy, sensitive, ever-important subject of loyalty.

Do we even know what that word means anymore? Well, here’s how MacMillan Dictionary defines it:

Loyalty (noun):
support that you always give to
someone or something because of your
feelings of duty and love towards them.

You know what stuck out to me in that definition? The word “always.”

Always.

How many people in your life can you think of that you always support simply because of your feelings of duty and love towards them? If you’re like me, you probably want to shout out a list of names and defend your own loyalty to the death. But really. I want you to think about this.

When a friend asks a favor of you, or asks you to do something because it means something to them, have you ever tried to talk them out of it because you thought they were just being silly? Be honest. Have you? Or have you refused to do it altogether because you disagreed with them, or because you may have just had your own personal reasons for just not wanting to do it? I have. I’ll admit it. I’ve let my own ego get in the way at times. We all have. Or, have you given unwarranted advice to someone? Told them that you think how they are behaving or what they are doing is “wrong.” I’m guilty of this one too. I have acted like I know better than they do and that they are just confused or being childish, and tried to ‘lead them down the right path’ and give them what I thought to be helpful advice and guidance.

But having been on the receiving end of this lately has caused me to put some serious thought into it. Is that behavior showing loyalty? Is it?

I think maybe it’s just being bossy.

I found this picture in doing my (limited) research for this loyalty blog:

Wow. Think about that. Really think about it. What’s more important to you? Being “clever” and “wise” and spouting off all of your possibly unwanted knowledge to someone about how much better they can be by behaving a different way? Or maintaining a friendship by just showing support and loyalty, and believing that they, like you, also have a brain. They may be in troubled times, may even be a little misdirected at times, but they know better than you do about what they need for their life. Before showing “tough love,” ask yourself where that tough love is coming from. Is it coming from a true place of love and concern, or is it just wanting to boost your own ego and show your own cleverness by showing how much more you know than they do?

Rather than trying to impart your own principles, morals, ethics, etc., on someone else, how about just be a friend? Ya know? Show loyalty and support. Just be there. Do whatever it takes to help them – by doing what they need, not what you think you should do. Sometimes you need to “do unto others” as they ask you to. Not as you deem fitting.

Put ego aside. That’s all I’m asking. If they ask you for help, give them what they ask for. Be loyal. And if they don’t ask for help? Just hold their hand and be quiet. Sometimes that might just be all they need.

And if you can’t do that? Then maybe, just maybe, it might be time to move along.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
– Dalai Lama

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, friendship, inspiration, love, loyalty, motivation, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Feb. ’13

Flaws

Whew.

So, I had the idea of writing a blog about flaws. Not sure exactly where I was headed with that, but just thought it seemed to go along with a general theme I’ve had in my life lately. When you go through a major life change (in my case, a breakup – but it can be anything, a job change, a move, a death of a loved one, etc.), it’s actually a good time to do a little reassessing. Ya know, looking around. Trying to figure out who you are, why you’re here, etc., and use that information to make a fresh start. And in my particular case, it has made me take a pretty good hard long look at myself and wonder what part I may have played in getting to where I am now. Now, I’m not saying I’m beating myself up. On the contrary, actually. It’s just a little self-analysis. A little realization of who I am – the good and the bad – and deciding what might need to be worked on.

So, that was the idea. But. Well. That’s not exactly what ended up happening.

I didn’t realize what a can of worms this would open up.

I reached out to some friends (and even some exes if you can believe that) to ask them to be honest with me about what they saw in me that they would consider flaws. Let me give you some examples of the answers I got.

An ex-boyfriend response: You were always wondering/worrying about my thoughts/feelings even when I insisted I was telling you the truth.
A close friend response: I feel that you are dependent on other people’s views & feelings toward you to determine your emotional state & self-worth.
Another ex-boyfriend: I always loved talking to you. More than you know. But when I would say I didn’t want to talk about something, you wouldn’t let it go. I would get so mad, I would just shut down completely.
Another close friend: I feel like you spend too much time searching for something externally to fill the God-sized hole inside of you. [Wow.]
Another ex-boyfriend: I value my life too much to answer that question. [Haha…that’s my favorite.]
Another close friend: You need to recognize your own worth and awesomeness more. [Ok nevermind, maybe that’s my favorite…and I actually got this response more than once.]

(Now, I could go in all kinds of tangents with analyzing those responses, but I’m going to try not to get too deep. Just stating the facts here, peeps. )

Another notable response – When mentioning that I was writing this article, someone remarked: I think you’re just venting. It’s time to move on.

Hmmm. Ok. We may have to come back to that one. But first:

In doing all this ‘research,’ a friend of mine reminded me of the Jennifer Grey nose job story. You’ll probably remember Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing. But I’m willing to bet you that you don’t remember her from anything else. After Dirty Dancing, she had a nose job. Apparently she had a ‘bump’ on her nose (news to me) that she thought she needed to have fixed. So, she did. She saw a “flaw” and she zapped it. But then, you know what happened? Her career plummeted. She was quoted as saying, “I went in the operating room a celebrity – and came out anonymous. It was like being in a witness protection program or being invisible. I remember going to a restaurant where I had been going for years. I ran into people I knew and would say, ‘Hey.’ Nothing. I’ll always be this once-famous actress nobody recognizes… because of a nose job.” She was no longer even recognizable. Now, I’m not saying she had been “known” for her nose or anything – but changing something that made her who she was made her someone that people didn’t even recognize anymore. Fixing what she thought was a flaw, ended up changing her life. And not for the better.

Ok, so I’ve thrown this random smorgasbord of information out here. Now, what do I do with it?

Well, here we go.

So here’s what I have decided, and it all comes down to this: I’m a hot mess. Yes, there are definitely some things that I could work on. There are. (Being less insistent for responses from others being the main one that jumps out at me.) But, so what!? I’m a little insistent. Big fat hairy deal. Yes, I care a little too much what people think of me. That’s a flaw. It’s me. It’s who I am. Maybe that’s why I write? For the responses I get from others? For the feedback? Eh, who knows…

Which brings me back to the remark about ‘venting.’

Is that what I’m doing? Ok. Maybe so. But here’s my response to that. Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love) is one of my favorite authors of all time. She motivates me and she inspires me. If she had stopped “venting” and just moved on without writing about it, she wouldn’t be where she is today. And maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today without that influence. So, in that same fashion, I’m not going to stop either. Writing is therapeutic; it’s healing; it’s who I am. I take what happens in my life and I vomit it out on paper for all the world to see. Am I crazy? Maybe. Am I too transparent? Maybe. Am I making a fool of myself? Maybe. But let me tell you something. As of my latest stat count, people have looked at this crazy transparent fool’s blog a grand total of 500 times. 500 times people have looked at what I have to say. And if only one of those 500 times ended up being a time that touched someone’s heart and showed them that they aren’t alone in this crazy world we all live in, then it was worth it. Unlike Jennifer Grey’s nose – this blog ain’t changing. I’m not changing. Flaws and all, here I am.

And on that note…I’ll leave you with a quote from Robert Porterfield, the founder of Barter Theatre in Abingdon, Virginia:

“If you like us, talk about us!
If you don’t, then keep your mouth shut.”