Tag Archives: friendship

Divisiveness

Wow.

Just wow.

Every so often, another huge battle comes along in our society. Here we are again.

If you’ve been living under a rock, let me explain the above picture. The first is the symbol of ‘equality’ in reference to marriage. (I refuse to call it “gay marriage,” because that goes completely against what the “equal” sign advocates. Marriage is marriage.) The second is the symbol of believing that marriage should remain between one man and one woman. Using a “not equal” sign seems pretty self-explanatory – if you want anything other than a man/woman marriage, then you are not equal.

If you’re on facebook, you’ve seen these symbols floating around everywhere. I’m no exception. I’m not going to keep this unbiased. I am proudly supporting my equal sign and do not care who knows it. But something was recently brought to my attention about all this, and I want to address it.

I was told (as I’m sure many of you other “loudmouths” were – which term I use in the nicest way possible because I’m grouping myself with you) that Facebook is not the “place” for such displays and that some things just need to be kept silent. That in standing for my beliefs, I am actually creating the divisiveness, not helping to amend it.

Hmm. Fair point. It definitely caused me to think. And even caused me to blog about it. (Oh, who am I kidding? I blog about everything. I want to blog when I see an ant eating a bread crumb. But aren’t they just so darn cute? They’re little bitty legs trying to tote this massive piece of bread back to their little bitty wives and little bitty families…. Ahhhem. I digress.)

So, yeah. Am I creating divisiveness by stating my point? I think the answer to that lies in how we choose to state our point. I’m not trying to argue. Contrary to what many people might believe, I’m really not. I know people have serious strongholds when it comes to their mindset on this issue. I’m not delusional enough to believe that my own little voice (ok, my one HUGE voice) is enough to change anyone’s mind. And I’m not trying to. But what I am trying to do is this – (1) I want other people who feel the way I do to realize that there are others out there who feel the same and that they don’t need to be hesitant to voice an opinion that may or may not be the “popular” one. And, (2) I want those people who are actually being affected by this decision that is to be handed down by the Supreme Court to know that they have allies. That I don’t have to be gay to support their cause. That they have support – and not only in people who share their same lifestyle.

And that’s it.

I’m fully aware that there are people who will disagree with me. That’s cool. Whatevs. I’m willing to be an adult about it. Are you? Yesterday I was involved in a somewhat heated debate back and forth with someone who feels very different about this issue than I do – and yet we were simultaneously sending messages back and forth in another forum trying to plan a date to get together to catch up over dinner and a movie. We’re still friends. Our differing views aren’t going to change that. And if it did – then I would be going against everything that I’m trying to stand for here. That everyone – regardless of their belief system, or lack thereof – is equal.

In other words, can’t we just all get along? Agree to disagree? Live and let live?

Isn’t that what this is all about after all?

So, am I causing devisiveness? I don’t mean to. If I am, I’m sorry. But as I have taught my children, and as I hope they’ll teach their children in years to come, you absolutely have to stand for what you believe in. And in doing so, you are showing the world that you are unique, that you have the capacity to feel, and that you have the strength and the courage to be you.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never shut up.

Never ever ever shut up.

***

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.”
– Albert Einstein

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: bible, blog, change, christianity, division, divisiveness, equality, friendship, gayrights, history, inspiration, inspirational, love, loyalty, motivation, motivational, passion, photos, political, prop8, Quotes, rights, sin, views, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’13

Still Small Voice

Sounds so easy, doesn’t it? Someone belittles you, tells you that you can’t do something or that you won’t succeed…just kick ’em to the curb. Be done with them!

Yeah, well. Sometimes it’s not that easy.

Sometimes the person who does that to you is someone that is fully involved in your life. Someone that you can’t just leave. Maybe it’s a member of your family. Maybe it’s a boss at a job that you desperately need. Maybe it’s an ex-spouse who is the mother/father of your children and has to remain in your life. Maybe it’s an abusive relationship that you’re not able to get out of just yet for reasons only you know.

And oftentimes, because those are the people that may be around us the most, we think they are the people who know us best. And we put a lot of weight into what they have to say. As Kelly Clarkson puts it in her Mr. Know It All song lyrics:

“When somebody tells you something ’bout you
They think that they know you more than you do
So you take it down, another pill to swallow…”

Well, guess what?

They’re WRONG.

That’s it. Plain and simple. They are wrong. No need to ‘swallow that pill.’ Because they are human just like you and I are. And being human, that means that they are apt to being mistaken. (Pretty often actually.) And those times that they are belittling you and telling you what you can and can’t do? Those are those times.

They don’t know you better than you do. No one does. You know your heart. You know what’s in there – what you feel and don’t feel. Who are you and aren’t, what you can and can’t do. You know the you that no one else sees. The one that you might keep hidden for fear of not being accepted by the people in your life who are impossible to please. But you know it. It’s there. You may keep it hidden well (I’m sure you’ve had years and years of practice), but it’s still there. No matter how much you allow their words to pile up and form a barrier to hide it behind, the true ‘you’ is still there. It won’t be defeated. The still small part of you that still loves yourself keeps it under lock and key where no one can touch it. And you know that. Don’t you?

I have recently crossed paths with an abused woman. It has weighed very heavily on my mind. I’m haunted by the way her eyes look. So dead, so full of regret and sadness. And I’m so very very sorry for her. It’s so easy for people to tell her to leave – to tell her to get out of that situation. But I don’t know her life. No one does. Only she does. I hope that one day she finds her way out. In fact, I’m somewhat consumed with hoping for that. It amazes me that humans can be so cruel to one another. But in the meantime, until she finds her way, I wish I could tell her this. I wish I could tell her that I know it’s not easy. That you can read Mark Twain quotes until you’re blue in the face, but they aren’t going to pave the path out the door. They just aren’t. Things just aren’t as easy as they appear from the outside looking in.

But there is something that she can do. Something that you can do if you’re seeing yourself in what I’m saying. You can alter that Mark Twain quote a little. I don’t think he’d mind. Rather than saying to “keep away” from those people, why don’t we say to “keep YOUR HEART away” from them. Don’t let what they’re saying penetrate your heart.

As I said, you can’t always keep away from those people. Life just doesn’t always allow for an easy out. Sometimes it’s next to impossible. So do your best to keep that guard on your heart and don’t let those negative words through. You are your own best friend, ya know. If you’re not there for you, no one else is going to be. Stick up for yourself. Even if it’s just that small little voice inside, let yourself hear it. Don’t shut it up. Don’t let them win. Listen to what it’s saying. Do you hear that? Do you hear what it’s trying to tell them?

“You’re wrong.”

“You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong.”

Keep listening. Practice hearing it over and over and over again. Eventually that voice will get louder and louder if you let it. And before you know it, it will sound almost just as loud as the negative voices coming from the outside. And then finally, when you’ve practiced enough and you’re fully ready, you’ll see that something amazing has happened.

That voice will be so loud that it drowns out the others.

It can happen. You just have to let it.

***

“It is the still small voice that the soul heeds,
Not the deafening blasts of doom.”
– William Dean Howells

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: abuse, blog, change, changed, family, friendship, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, intuition, love, motivation, motivational, passion, photos, poetry, Quotes, relationships, sharing, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’13

Just Like That

This is how my day started.

I was on my way to work this morning and I rounded a curve and this is what I saw on the side of the road. Myself and one other person coming the opposite direction were the first (and only) people to arrive and stop. Both of us pulled over and got out of our vehicles and started jogging to the scene. I could see the look on his face and assumed it probably mirrored mine. We both thought that we were the first ones to arrive at a fatality.

But thank God, we were wrong.

I saw movement in the front seat and got down to look in what was left of the passenger side window. She was shaken, but she was alive. And not only was she alive – but she was just fine. Really.

Just fine.

She was just stuck. So, working together, the man and I were able to get the back door open and crawl in to get her free from the seatbelt and help her crawl out. Once she was out, we called for help. After realizing that she was a little unsteady on her feet, we brought her back to my car and put her in the passenger seat. With her there, myself in the driver’s seat, and the other man kneeling on the ground at the passenger side, three strangers spent the next 45 minutes together.

Soon, that number rose to four. The next to arrive was an elderly man who was a retired local volunteer EMT. He didn’t have any equipment with him (he was just called because he was close by) so he proceeded to climb in the back seat and just hold the woman’s head with his hands to keep her stable. He did that for about 15 minutes before more help arrived. All in all, we were there close to an hour.

But it’s those first 30 minutes that I’m going to remember for a while.

Without knowing each other at all, we all sat in the car and just talked. We exchanged stories about who we were, why were driving on this road at this particular time, what kind of jobs we had (a nurse, a preacher, a retired EMT, and a paralegal), our kids, our marriages – or lack thereof, etc.

We just sat there and chatted. And at one point, I looked down and realized that this woman had been holding my hand the entire time and I wasn’t even aware. I held a stranger’s hand for 30 minutes. I can assure you that when I woke up this morning, if someone would have asked me to make a list of things I would be doing today, that sure wouldn’t have been on it.

So there we were. Just four strangers chatting in my car after having just witnessed a miracle. Yes, a miracle. And you can’t tell me otherwise.

She was fine!

Now, did you see that picture? Really? Did you look at it? And I was there. I saw that car. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that the person inside the vehicle would not have made it. I was astonished that all she had was a pretty nasty bump on her head. That’s it.

I don’t even know why I’m blogging about this really. I’m not sure exactly what I wanted to take from this situation, but sitting here still shook up almost 5 hours later, I know that this interaction today meant something to me.

There’s a video that I remember to watch periodically. It’s the song Hello World by Lady Antebellum. The song is about rolling through life with burdens on your mind, and then something happening – some unplanned event – that makes you stop in your tracks and look around. The video (which I posted at the end of the blog) makes that ‘unplanned event’ a car accident. This man sees this, sees the humanity that surrounds the event, and realizes things just might not be that bad after all. In other words, he wakes up.

Maybe that’s what happened there this morning? Maybe I started to wake up?

This woman was about one minute ahead of me on this road. That could have been me. It could have been anyone. It could have been you. And it could have ended so so differently. Everything could change. Just like that.

You know? Just like that.

Maybe it’s time to wake up?

***

“Hello world, how you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
Broken like I’m never gonna heal
Then I see a light,
a little grace,
a little faith unfurl
Hello world”
– Lady Antebellum, “Hello World” lyrics

Video: http://youtu.be/al2DFQEZl4M

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: accident, blog, change, changed, friendship, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, motivation, motivational, Quotes, strangers, writing. 3 Comments

Mar. ’13

Favorite Race (so far)

This is a picture I took at the Shamrock 4-miler, a St. Patrick’s Day theme race my son and I ran in Abingdon, Virginia, last night, March 15, 2013.

Now, granted, after every race I do, I seem to think that it was my favorite race. And this was no exception. But I have a feeling that this one may remain my favorite for a while. And I’ve decided to list the top 10 reasons why.

*** 10. The St. Patrick’s Day theme.
This was the first race I’d ever been a part of that had a theme. And themes are awesome. The atmosphere was completely different…everyone was in such happy spirits and seemed to be just a tad friendlier and a little more chatty than in other races. I’ll definitely be searching for theme races in the future.

*** 9. The cowbell.
Oh yes. There was a cowbell. About a half a mile in, there was a random guy standing on the side of the road with a cowbell. And, of course, the guy who was running beside me yelled, “Hey – we’re gonna need more cowbell!” as we passed. Teehee. That made me laugh all the way up the hill we had to climb right after we passed the cowbell man. I needed that.

*** 8. A pooping dog.
Yes, you read that right. A pooping dog made the top 10 list. And here’s why. One of the runners decided to run in the race with her dog. Around the 1.5 mile mark, nature called. She was standing, embarrassed, on the side of the road letting him do his business while other runners passed. Eventually, runners started high-fiving her as they passed. That was pretty awesome. Lots of laughter came from that. And laughter during a race is always awesome. So, thank you pooping dog for your contribution to my list.

*** 7. This guy:

Yeah. Meeting that guy definitely made the list. Duh.

*** 6. Being passed (yes, passed) by a man running the race while pushing his TWO kids in a stroller.
While going up a hill. Yes, I know. How did that make the list of reasons why this was my favorite race? Well, just because. People are awesome. That’s all.

*** 5. Remembering to thank the people at the water stations.
I always forget to do that. Always. This time, I remembered. There were three separate water stations and I remembered at every single station. I finally forgot my own misery during a race and just remembered that there are awesome volunteers sitting out there for long periods of time just making sure that we have the best race we can. And how cool are they? They deserve more than a simple “thank you,” but that was all I had to give at the moment. I hope hearing me say it made them feel as good as it made me feel to remember to say it.

*** 4. My time.
My MapMyRun tracking device told me that I ran 4.08 miles in just over 40 minutes. That’s less than a 10-minute pace. Best I’ve ever done. Heck yeah, baby! For this fairly new runner, that was something to be proud of.

*** 3. My kids’ dad.
Whoa. I know, right? How the heck did my ex-husband make this list? I think you’ll soon understand. Kevin (that’s his name) has Becker muscular dystrophy. He is lucky to still be walking because the prognosis long ago was that he would have been in a wheelchair before he was 30. (He’s 38.) As I was leaving for the race after picking up my son, Kevin said something that stuck with me. He said, “You guys do good. I’d run it with you if I could.” All I could think of after he said that, was this quote I saw once:

“I run because I can. When I get tired, I remember those who can’t run, what they’d give to have this simple gift I take for granted, and I run harder for them. I know they would do the same for me.”

That quote went through my mind many times during this race. And now I have a feeling it will go through my mind in many more races to come.

*** 2. Memories
I had run a 5k race on this course once before. It was last year. I was afraid that running it again would actually make me feel sad because the person I ran it with wasn’t with me this time. But you know what? It didn’t make me sad at all.

The course was filled with memories at every turn. At one point, I remembered how we both felt when we saw this dreaded hill looming ahead and realized just as we got to it that the course veered to the left and we didn’t have to actually run up it. When I saw the hill this time, I just smiled. Yep, no sadness. Just a smile.

I remembered how we stayed at each other’s pace and he refused to leave me during the brief time that I had to stop to walk, when I know he could have gone on ahead easily. When I got to the place that I had to stop and walk that time and the memory filled my mind – again, I smiled. (And went faster.)

There were many more memories throughout the race. And many more smiles that accompanied them. And that made me realize something. I think something has healed. And that’s a beautiful thing.

*** 1. And hands down, the #1 reason why this was my favorite race? This kid:

That’s my son. Now, this isn’t the first time we’ve ran a race together. But this is the first time that he finished the race well ahead of me (as usual) and instead of waiting at the finish line, he turned around and came back on the course to find me. I finished the race with my son by my side cheering me on.

So there. The list is complete.

So, see? How could this not have been my favorite race?

Oh, wait. One more notable mention.

Another reason this was my favorite race? I wrote this whole blog in my head while I was running it. Combining two of my passions is a beautiful thing.

So blessed to be a runner.

***

“Methinks that the moment my legs began to move, my thoughts began to flow.”
– Henry David Thoreau

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Running. Tags: blog, change, changed, friendship, health, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, love, motivation, motivational, passion, photos, Quotes, race, relationships, runner, running, writing. 3 Comments

Mar. ’13

My Rock

Ok, so I’m kind of silly.

A few months ago, I found this rock in a store. It was during a time when I felt like nothing – not time, not distance, not space – NOTHING was going to heal my “wounds.” But yet, ever the secret optimist, I bought it anyway. And I put it in my pocket. I’ve carried this little thing around every single day for two months. (Well, except that week or two where I lost it – but then found it in the bottom of my gym bag where it had been hiding all along, and all was right with the world again.)

I have never been one for superstition. Never believed in lucky charms or any of that mess. But this rock is awesome. Seriously. Sometimes I’ll just put my hand in my pocket to feel it and know that it’s there. I know it’s all in my mind – but that rock has worked miracles on me. No doubt. It has been my constant reminder that time really does heal. It really truly does.

But today I had a thought.

I think I’m probably more “healed” right now that I’ve been in years. I am in the process of making myself a better person. I have a new outlook on life. I’ve lost some things that needed losing; I’ve mended some things that needed mending; and I’m charging forward. Full of life and determination and spunk. I feel better than I have in a very long time.

So, here’s what I think I’m going to do.

I’m going to pass my rock on to someone who needs it more than I do. It’s time. It has served its purpose, and now I’m going to send it on and hope it does the same for the next person. And when that person heals, which I know they will, then they can do the same for someone else.

Pipe dream? Maybe. But I think it just might work.

It’s kind of like this blog. I write this stuff for me just as much as I do for anyone else. I write it; I read it; I try to let it sink in and get into my heart – and then I pass it on to someone else, hoping and praying that it somehow touches someone somewhere and they see that everything really does get better. It does. You just have to believe it. Believe it. That’s it.

So, goodbye little rock. Go do your thing. You got this.

***

“He who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones first”
– Chinese proverb

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, friendship, heart, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, motivation, motivational, photos, Quotes, relationships, rock, time, writing. 2 Comments

Mar. ’13

The Gift of Forgiveness

(This is one from my private archives. More like a journal entry. I wrote this years ago when I heard from an old love after not having heard from him in a long period of time. For some reason, I keep being drawn back to this. I have re-read it many times over the years when I found myself needing a reminder. Recently, I’ve shared it with a few friends who have found themselves in the same situation, and they have said that reading it brought them comfort as well. So, I’ve decided to share it on my blog. Maybe you might be one that needs to hear it too.)

I got a text tonight from him. He wanted to know if we could talk.

Wow.

So, I had rehearsed what I would do or what I would say when/if this ever happened. Of course, I never really thought it would happen at all. But if it did, the Melissa of my fantasies was gonna be a hard ass. She was either going to (1) not respond at all; or (2) respond with a “not a chance, a$$hole” or something equally witty and clever. But somehow, that’s not exactly how it played out. It was more like a “Really? Well, now is not a great time, but would 10:00 p.m. be ok for me to call you?” Oh yeah, hard ass. Reeeeal hard ass.

So, I called him.

I really have no idea what I was expecting to hear. But what I did hear surprised me. There was no “I’m so sorry I ever let you go.” There was no “I really want you back.” There wasn’t even a “I just thought I’d say hey” or something equally mundane.

Instead, it was “Melissa, I need your forgiveness.”

I need your forgiveness.

The tone of his voice had that phrase behind everything he said. And yes, that phrase – I need your forgiveness – may sound selfish. And I’m sure it was. But there was more to it than that. He desperately needed to know that I was ok. That he didn’t do any lasting damage to me. Maybe it was partly for his own conscience. But that wasn’t all of it. I heard that guy who knows me. Who knew me better than most guys because I let him know me. And that guy that knows me knows that he truly and deeply broke my heart. And he wanted to know if it was healing.

So, you know what I did? I gave him what he wanted. I told him that I forgive him.

But you know what? I don’t.

Now, I will. I know I will. One of these days. But not quite yet.

But he doesn’t need to know that.

Yes, it would have been easy to hurt him like he hurt me. It would have been easy to hang on to the bitterness and the pain and to lash out and remind him of how deep the wound was. But why do that? One little lie won’t kill me. I’m going to feel the same way tomorrow whether I let him off the hook and ease his conscience or whether I make him suffer more by giving him a recount of the past few months and how I cried myself to sleep many, many nights (more than I care to admit. More recently than I care to admit also). I was known for lavishing him with gifts throughout our entire relationship. And in a way, this was just another gift. Maybe my last gift. I gave him the gift of releasing him.

And you know what that said to me? That told me that when you love someone…really love them…one little sacrifice for their benefit is really not that big of a deal. And if I had it to do over again, I’d tell the same lie over and over.

***

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
-Mark Twain

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: apology, blog, change, changed, dating, forgiveness, friendship, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, motivation, motivational, Quotes, relationships, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’13

Stronger

This is the back of the shirt that my son and I got at a 5k race we ran in this morning in honor of Leigh Cooper Wallace, a local hero who passed away a few months ago from complications resulting from pneumonia. As the race director described it, this was a race “in memory of her compassion and generosity, her service to this community, her incredible strength, her support of young athletes, and her encouragement for all people to pursue a healthy lifestyle.” They put together this first annual race to honor the “incredible example she set, so that we may continue to live life as fully as she did.”

I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Leigh Cooper Wallace personally, but I can’t help but be influenced by the example she set. She went through a lot in her short lifetime (most notably being that she was a kidnap/rape survivor), and she used her story to teach others to become fighters – to not let circumstances defeat you, no matter how tempting it might be to give up.

I couldn’t help but be aware of the timing of this race for me personally.

Although I am doing great and getting tougher every day, I do still have my moments. I’ve had a rough couple of months. I’ve lost more than one friend to various circumstances, including my very best friend who I miss every single day, and that’s not something that is very easy to bounce back from. But I’ve been trying. And as part of the trying, I’ve been pushing myself harder with my running. If you’re not a runner, it’s hard to explain to you what running does to you. I know there’s something chemical to it – endorphins and whatnot. But it’s more than that. So much more. It’s a way to measure your ability to endure. To teach yourself not to give up just because things start getting a little tough – but to push through. Push through. Even when you think you can’t keep going, you can. Yes, there are going to be tough spots and yes, you may have to allow yourself to slow down a little to make it. But you will make it. Push through. Endure. Stay strong.

So, not only did I proudly run today with those thoughts in my mind, but I managed to achieve my own personal record. I’m not a fast runner, by any stretch of the imagination, but I was a lot faster today than the old me ever was. I managed to fall under the 30-minute mark and ran the race in 29:42. It has been my goal for a very long time to break 30 minutes and I did it today – on one of of the toughest 5k courses I’ve ever run.

So, how about that? Here I am. My first race in this “new life” and I’m starting off with a bang.

Turns out I really am stronger than I think. Thank you for the reminder, Leigh.

***

“As I get older I see that running has changed for me. What used to be about burning calories is now more about burning up what is false. Lies I used to tell myself about who I was and what I could do, friendships that cannot withstand hills or miles, the approval I no longer need to seek and solidarity that cannot bear silence. I run to burn up what I don’t need and ignite what I do.”
~ Kristin Armstrong

*Note: Here’s a link if you’d like to read more about what an amazing woman Leigh Cooper Wallace was:

http://www2.wataugademocrat.com/News/story/Local-runner-coach-Leigh-Wallace-dies-id-009923

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings, Running. Tags: 5k, blog, change, changed, dating, friendship, health, heartbreak, inspiration, inspirational, loss, love, motivation, motivational, passion, photos, Quotes, race, relationships, runner, running, son, writing. Leave a comment

Mar. ’13

What if?

My heart is heavy this morning.

One of my facebook friends (someone who I just had a notable interaction with last week – and who inspired one of my blogs), passed away yesterday. And from what I understand, she passed away from circumstances (possibly accidental) that resulted in her ending her own life.

(Now, let me just stop here. I do sometimes think that I shouldn’t blog about something this serious. But, as I said when I first started this blog and put in my “About My Junk” section that describes this page, this is going to be a “blog about life.” This is part of life. And that’s what this entry is going to be about. Life.)

Whether you know a person well or not, when you hear news like this it tends to stop you in your tracks. It makes you look around your own world and ‘take stock,’ so to speak. It makes you value each and every breath your body is taking in and exhaling out. It makes you want to grab everyone you love and tell them so. It makes you want to grab strangers on the street and tell them that they’re loved. It makes you want to fall down on your knees and thank your God for another day on this earth.

And if it doesn’t make you feel all those things – well, it should.

And you know what else it should make you do? It should make you be kind to people. All people.

How do you know that you wouldn’t be that one smiling face that someone would have needed to see – that you wouldn’t hold that one kind word that someone might have needed to hear?

Yesterday I got into an argument with a stranger in the middle of the street. Nope – not kidding. True story. It was over who had the right of way when we almost hit each other. Now, granted – this person started getting testy with me first (I’m not generally a ‘road rage’ kind of gal), but I could have easily just apologized profusely, smiled, and went on with my day. But nope. In typical Melissa fashion, I argued my point and both of us ‘left the scene’ in anger. And until today, it really hadn’t crossed my mind again.

But now – here it is.

I don’t even know that person! What if? You know? What if that person was just coming home from a funeral? A chemo treatment? Taking care of an aging parent? A dying relative? What if they had a drug problem? An alcohol problem? What if…

What if they were on their way home to end it all? What if I could have given the one smile – the one kind word – that would have changed that?

Dramatic? Maybe.

Maybe not.

What if you, unknowingly, have been the last person someone interacted with before they were gone? Let that sink in for a minute.

Now, I’m not saying that there should be guilt or that you could have changed anything. But what if your face – your attitude – was the last display of humanity that someone ever witnessed?

Ouch.

I’m not preaching here. By no means. These blog entries are just as much for me as they are for anyone else. I just know that I need to do better. Do you?

My heart goes out to the family and friends during this loss. I know their next few days will be filled with confusion and grief beyond anything they’ve ever known. I happen to know a little bit about the subject myself.

In closing, I want to post a poem I wrote on another sad March day a few years ago when our family went through this kind of loss.

Poem for Mike
I sat down with pen and paper
To pour out this grief I feel
To try to find the rhyme and reason
And to make this all seem real.
But I just cannot find the words
To move this useless pen
No poem or song could ever explain
Why your life had to end.
What phrase could mend these broken hearts-
What rhyme could make sense of it all?
The pain is too large to comprehend
And my words – they are too small.
I hope you have found that peace, my friend-
That illusion you were seeking to find
While the remaining trudge through the confusion
In this world you’ve left behind.

Hold on to each other tight, folks. Reach out. Know what you have. Look around you – and know it. Feel it. Appreciate it.

We truly are the lucky ones.

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, death, friendship, inspiration, inspirational, loss, motivation, motivational, poetry, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Feb. ’13

Allowed to Breathe

Oh, if I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard that lately…

Now, when I first started hearing it, I was worried. I was afraid that I was letting circumstances get to me and turn me into someone I’m not. But now that a little more time has passed, I’m starting to realize that it’s actually quite the opposite. Yes, the circumstances are getting to me. But they are actually turning me into someone I AM. And, as it turns out, some people don’t really like that. But you know what?

I do.

See, I’ve always been a people pleaser. I think a lot of us are like that really. It’s just easier to go with the flow…”Oh, it doesn’t matter where we eat – you choose” “No, it’s ok if you have other plans, I didn’t really need anyone to go with me anyway – I’ll go alone.” “Oh, there’s only one [insert item here] left? Sure, you take it, I didn’t want it anyway.” Ya know, stuff like that. And to an extent, that’s a great way to be (especially for us mommies – it’s ingrained in us.) But if you’re not careful, those little things start turning into bigger things. “Oh, you think I’m not a good person? Well, since I’m so used to deferring to your judgment, you must be right about that. So, I’m going to believe what you say.”

That, my friend, is not cool.

And sometimes, something happens in your life that shakes you up. It makes you start realizing that maybe, just maybe, you have slipped over into that mindset. And you start thinking that maybe you need to do something about that.

For me, that time is now.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand fully where my naysayers are coming from. I’ve been there myself. I’ve watched the non-people pleasers before and may have had those same thoughts – that they’re being selfish by putting themselves first.

Oooh. Now, there’s the magic word, isn’t it? Selfish. (Yep – I’ve been hearing that one a lot lately too.)

And here’s one of my favorite things I’ve seen on that topic:

Let that sink in for a minute.

What good are you to anyone else if you’re not strong enough? If you’re not allowed to breathe?

Are you really helping anyone by always staying in the background, by taking the crumbs that are left behind rather than jumping in there and getting a full piece of bread for yourself? You absolutely HAVE to find out who you are, what you want, what you like – and then DO IT. You never know who you might inspire by doing just that. And isn’t that what we’re really here for? To help each other? To let our short little wisp of time here serve as an example? How do you want to be remembered?

And on that note, to counter the naysayers, I’ve also received some compliments that have surprised me. I’ve had people that I didn’t even think ever paid any attention to me or knew me at all, send me messages that I am inspiring them with how I’ve started writing and how I’m showing others that they’re not alone through those writings. Those are the people that I’m choosing to listen to. The ones who have told me that I’ve changed probably are just the ones that aren’t benefitting from the way I used to be. And you know what? I’m not sorry about that. Not one little bit.

So, who are you choosing to please today?

Or better yet – who are you giving your oxygen mask to? Hmmm?

Become who you are. No more living in others’ shadows. Got it?

***

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: but it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg.
We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg.
We must be hatched or go bad.
– C.S. Lewis

Posted by Melissa Edmondson. Categories: Freestyle Writings/Musings. Tags: blog, change, changed, friendship, inspiration, inspirational, motivation, motivational, Quotes, relationships, writing. 2 Comments

Feb. ’13

Loyalty

Man, that is a STRONG word.

I struggled over writing this blog. I try to keep the things that I write on a general level. I don’t call out specific names of anyone I may be speaking of, etc. Of course, if you know me, you know who I’m referring to in my last breakup, who my children are when I refer to them, who my family is, things like that. But for the most part, this blog is just a general compilation of stories and life lessons that I’m trying to pick up along the line. Healing through my pen, I guess you can say.

This entry will be no different.

However, a few things in my life lately have brought up this touchy, sensitive, ever-important subject of loyalty.

Do we even know what that word means anymore? Well, here’s how MacMillan Dictionary defines it:

Loyalty (noun):
support that you always give to
someone or something because of your
feelings of duty and love towards them.

You know what stuck out to me in that definition? The word “always.”

Always.

How many people in your life can you think of that you always support simply because of your feelings of duty and love towards them? If you’re like me, you probably want to shout out a list of names and defend your own loyalty to the death. But really. I want you to think about this.

When a friend asks a favor of you, or asks you to do something because it means something to them, have you ever tried to talk them out of it because you thought they were just being silly? Be honest. Have you? Or have you refused to do it altogether because you disagreed with them, or because you may have just had your own personal reasons for just not wanting to do it? I have. I’ll admit it. I’ve let my own ego get in the way at times. We all have. Or, have you given unwarranted advice to someone? Told them that you think how they are behaving or what they are doing is “wrong.” I’m guilty of this one too. I have acted like I know better than they do and that they are just confused or being childish, and tried to ‘lead them down the right path’ and give them what I thought to be helpful advice and guidance.

But having been on the receiving end of this lately has caused me to put some serious thought into it. Is that behavior showing loyalty? Is it?

I think maybe it’s just being bossy.

I found this picture in doing my (limited) research for this loyalty blog:

Wow. Think about that. Really think about it. What’s more important to you? Being “clever” and “wise” and spouting off all of your possibly unwanted knowledge to someone about how much better they can be by behaving a different way? Or maintaining a friendship by just showing support and loyalty, and believing that they, like you, also have a brain. They may be in troubled times, may even be a little misdirected at times, but they know better than you do about what they need for their life. Before showing “tough love,” ask yourself where that tough love is coming from. Is it coming from a true place of love and concern, or is it just wanting to boost your own ego and show your own cleverness by showing how much more you know than they do?

Rather than trying to impart your own principles, morals, ethics, etc., on someone else, how about just be a friend? Ya know? Show loyalty and support. Just be there. Do whatever it takes to help them – by doing what they need, not what you think you should do. Sometimes you need to “do unto others” as they ask you to. Not as you deem fitting.

Put ego aside. That’s all I’m asking. If they ask you for help, give them what they ask for. Be loyal. And if they don’t ask for help? Just hold their hand and be quiet. Sometimes that might just be all they need.

And if you can’t do that? Then maybe, just maybe, it might be time to move along.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
– Dalai Lama