Tag Archives: accident

Back in the Saddle

longrunpic3

Today I decided not to be a wimp.

For the past five days since my accident, I’ve been moping and whining thinking that I’m not going to be able to run again anytime soon.  Now, yes, I know running should be the last thing on my mind after what I went through.  But the fact is, it’s just not.  It’s very much in the forefront of my mind.  Running has been my best friend for a while.  Call me crazy, I don’t care.  But that’s just a fact.  When everything around me was changing, running was always there to turn to.  Friends came and went, circumstances changed sometimes at the drop of a hat, family emergencies took place, etc. etc.  But still.  There was running.  My old pal, my old confidant.  It never left me.

So, to feel like it was going to be gone for a while made me pretty sad.  Almost depressed even.

Especially given that this happened right in the middle of my half marathon training.  As most of you know (since I mention it every other breath), I have my first half marathon scheduled for May 4.  That’s 25 days away.  I mean, if I were counting.  But I’m not.  Because ya know.  It’s no biggie or anything….

MY FIRST HALF MARATHON IS 25 DAYS AWAY!  AHHH!

And here I am sitting around missing valuable training days because of a dumb ol’ accident.

Well, today, I decided I’m not having that anymore.

Now, I was careful, mind you.  I’m wasn’t going to jump back out there and run 10 miles again like I ran last week.  But I did jump back out there.  And I ran 3.5 miles.  And I’m pretty darn proud of myself, even if I do say so.  Man, it felt good.  And I even did it on my lunch break from work.  Even better.

As I ran, one of my favorite “I am woman, hear me roar” running songs came on my playlist, and the lyrics stood out to me more today than ever before.  The song is Survivor by Destiny’s Child:

I’m a survivor
I’m not gonna give up
I’m not gonna stop
I’m gonna work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’

You dang right.  This girl is a survivor.  Has been before, will be today, and will be tomorrow.  That’s just all there is to it.

Today will be known as my “back in the saddle” day.

May 4 half marathon, here I come.

***

“I run because it’s so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can’t. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”
– Arthur Blank

Reflection

mirrorfind

My daughter took this picture of me on Friday, the day after I wrecked and totaled my car on this bank.  We were looking through some of the rubble that was left behind.  Among the broken glass, car parts, and general debris, I found something interesting.  My mirror.  My unbroken, completely intact mirror.  She took the picture just as I found it and was looking into it.

So, most people might stop here with, “Cool. Mirror didn’t break. Awesome,” and move along.  But nope. Not me.  Not deep-thinking, over-analytical me.  I have to blog about it.

It’s a mirror.  Ya know?  How symbolic is that?! Among everything else that was shattered and destroyed, two things remained unharmed.  This mirror.  And me.

Something tells me that’s not a coincidence.

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever that answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
Steve Jobs

Life can definitely knock you for a loop sometimes.  In this case – quite literally.  Walking away from an accident that very likely could have killed me has had a pretty profound affect on me.  It’s hard not to question why I’m still here.  Is there something left for me to do?  Is there a difference I’m supposed to make?  Is there something I need to be doing differently in my life?  In my heart?  In my mind?

I honestly have no clue.  Not yet.

But what I do have is a mirror.  And I intend to keep it as a reminder.  I’m putting it up beside my bed and I intend to look into it every morning before I start each day.  I want it to serve as a reminder that I’m still here.  And as long as I see my reflection staring back at me, my job here is not done.

***

“Here is the test to find out if your mission on Earth is finished:  If you’re alive, it isn’t.”
– Richard Bach

Helpers

helpers

Well, here we are.  The dreaded day after.

Not only am I hurting (holy cow, am I sore!), but now comes the fun part.  Dealing with the car insurance, the hospital bills, worrying about how to get new transportation, worrying about missing work, worrying about driving again and not being with the kids while I’m lying around recuperating, etc. etc. etc.  If I let myself get caught up in thinking of all of that, I could get pretty depressed.  And actually almost did this morning.

But then, I remember.

As Mr. Rogers so eloquently put it in his quote above, I need to remember the ‘helpers.’  Not only the helpers that were at the scene yesterday – most of which I don’t even know their names and will most likely never see again – but also the helpers that are still here.  The ones who have called to check on me, who have read my blog, who have sent out their well wishes through the internet.  My boss and co-workers who are understanding and picking up the slack from my not being there today, my kids for calling and texting to check on me and their dad for graciously taking care of them and telling me not to worry and to stay at Richard’s and rest.  And dear, sweet, wonderful Richard.  Who has taken me in and cooked dinner for me and made sure I was comfortable and asked me how I was feeling every 10 minutes or so.  And who has offered me a vehicle to drive until everything else gets worked out.  My dad, who has called multiple times to make sure I’m still ok, my grandma, my mom, my siblings, my close friends, etc. etc. etc.

I am truly surrounded by goodness.  Sweet, kind, unselfish goodness.

Yes, it stinks that I was in a wreck and totaled my car.  And yes, the aftermath of the paperwork and tediousness may make me crazy for a while.  But I just have to remember to make myself stop and reflect.  Stop and look around and realize how truly blessed and loved that I am.  Remember that I’m not alone and never will be.

Remember the helpers.

***

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”
– John Bunyan

Just Like That…Again

A few weeks ago, I was the first to arrive at an accident.  Click here to read the blog I wrote about it.

And then today, on my way home from work in the ice and snow, this happened to me:

carbooboocollage

These pictures were taken at the place where the car was towed, not at the scene.  Had they been taken at the scene, the car wouldn’t be sitting right side up.  And it wouldn’t be on level ground.  It would be down over a bank.

But let me back up a little.

If you haven’t read my old blog entry, what I’m about to say probably won’t have as much of an effect.  As for me, the one who was there – the effect is surreal.  I still can’t quite wrap my mind around it.

So, I was on my way home from work today.  I left early so that I could take my son to a doctor’s appointment (which ended up being canceled due to the weather – go figure).  The weather was getting pretty rough, but I’ve driven in this stuff a million times.  When you live an hour one-way from where you work, traveling is not a big deal.  I’ve driven through it all.  I’m not saying I’m careless…I know when to slow down and when to take it easy.  But I’ve never been one to shy away from driving somewhere because of road conditions.  So, off I went.

The roads were horrible.  I hadn’t seen them like this in a while.  It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly.  I hadn’t heard anything forecasted like this and wasn’t really ready for how quickly the road conditions changed.   And – just like that – I lost control.

Everything is really a blur to tell you the truth.  The EMT workers explained to me (like I heard them to do the woman in my previous blog a few weeks ago) that it’s not uncommon for you to lose your memory temporarily after something like this.  All I remember is losing control of the car.  I vaguely remember being upside down more than once (I’m told now that the car probably flipped twice on the way down the bank), and I remember opening my eyes after it was all over.  I remember looking around the car and realizing that everything was everywhere.  Stuff I didn’t even know I had in the car was now laying on the seat beside me, in the floorboard, in my lap, etc.  I began to frantically search for my phone.  I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do when I found it.  I just wasn’t thinking straight.  I tried to open my car door and, of course, it wouldn’t open.  The car was tilted on its side and I was stuck.  When I finally was able to find my phone in the middle of the clutter, my first call was not to 911 like any sane person would have done, but it was to Richard.  (I pause here to reflect on how different that call would have been a month ago.  Just one short month ago when Richard and I weren’t even talking and were trying to live our lives pretending the other didn’t exist.  Would he have still been the one I called?  Strangely, I’m certain he would have been.  But I digress…)  So, I called Richard and tried to frantically tell him what happened.  Before I could even get out one garbled sentence, I heard a voice from outside the car.  I turned around and realized for the first time that there was no back window anymore on my car.  An elderly man was calling to me from the outside asking if I was ok.

I was actually shocked that anyone was there.  When I lost control of the car, I was on a road where there was no traffic.  And after looking around me, I realized that I had gone down over a steep bank and could not be seen from the road.  I asked him how he knew I was there and he said he and his son were passing by and saw my tire tracks in the ice and snow and saw the broken fence.  They pulled over and looked down the bank and saw my car and didn’t hesitate to climb down the bank and come to me.  They helped me out of the car through the only door that would open – the passenger side.  Once I got out of the car, I realized that I wasn’t exactly as ok as I thought I was.  The world was spinning and I got the first sensations of a headache.  The man and his son helped me climb the bank up to the road and get into a truck (their truck?  I’m not even sure).  Eventually people started arriving and the rest is pretty much a blur.  As I began to calm down, I realized my head really really hurt.  At some point a woman got into the truck and began talking to me.  I’m still not sure who she was or why she was there…except that I think I heard her say she lived down the road.  And at one point while she was talking to me, I looked down and realized something that brought a flood of memories back to me.  I was holding her hand.  Holding her hand.  Just like the woman in my last blog held mine.

At this point, I finally started to cry.  In fact, I sobbed.  Through my incoherence and tears, I tried to explain to her how very grateful I was that she, and all of the other people were there.  I finally knew how the woman in the white car felt.  I was now the woman in the white car.  And I was the one in need of the kindness of strangers.

Richard soon arrived and I don’t remember much after that.  He took over with all the details (talking to the police officer, gathering my things, etc.) and I was whisked away in an ambulance due to the nice size knots forming on my noggin.  After a painful ambulance ride, a million questions, and a CT scan, it was deemed that my mother had always been right…I really am hard-headed.  This exceptionally thick skull of mine finally served its purpose and kept everything inside safe.  I was going to be ok.

Now, ready for the good part?

As they were rolling me into the hospital, all I could think about was “Denise.”  The woman in the wreck a few weeks ago. I was pretty sure her name was Denise.  And I remembered her saying she worked at this hospital.  This hospital.  So, I asked for her.  The technician who was working on me at the time said that yes, he did know her, and was she a friend of mine?  I didn’t really know how to answer that or explain why I was asking about her.  So I didn’t.  I just said, “this happened to her.”

And a few minutes later, there she was.

It was surreal.  There I lay on the stretcher, the same way she laid just a few short weeks ago, and now it was her by my side.  She remembered me – of course she remembered me – and again, she held my hand.  We talked and talked.  She told me how she was doing (oh how many times I wondered that) and told me that she thought of me many times and wondered who I was and why I had stopped for her that day.  I told her how much I now realized what she had went through and how grateful I was that our paths had crossed again in this fateful, ironic way.  While the doctors and nurses swirled around us, we just talked.  Just like old friends.  Old friends whose paths had crossed at a time when they needed to.  And were now crossing again – for the same reason.

I’m not even sure how to put into words what I’m trying to say here with this blog.  The girl who is always so full of words is finally somewhat speechless.  There’s a lesson to be learned here and I’m grasping trying to figure out what it is.  Perhaps my head will be a little clearer tomorrow when it doesn’t hurt quite so much.  But for tonight, through the pain, this is all I know to tell you.  Everything – everything – happens for a reason.  What you sow, you will reap.  Reach out and help someone when you can, because next time it might be you that needs the help.

Next time, you might be the woman in the white car.

***

“There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…”
– John Lennon

Just Like That

wreckblog

This is how my day started.

I was on my way to work this morning and I rounded a curve and this is what I saw on the side of the road.  Myself and one other person coming the opposite direction were the first (and only) people to arrive and stop.  Both of us pulled over and got out of our vehicles and started jogging to the scene.  I could see the look on his face and assumed it probably mirrored mine.  We both thought that we were the first ones to arrive at a fatality.

But thank God, we were wrong.

I saw movement in the front seat and got down to look in what was left of the passenger side window.  She was shaken, but she was alive.  And not only was she alive – but she was just fine.  Really.

Just fine.

She was just stuck.  So, working together, the man and I were able to get the back door open and crawl in to get her free from the seatbelt and help her crawl out.  Once she was out, we called for help.  After realizing that she was a little unsteady on her feet, we brought her back to my car and put her in the passenger seat.  With her there, myself in the driver’s seat, and the other man kneeling on the ground at the passenger side, three strangers spent the next 45 minutes together.

Soon, that number rose to four.  The next to arrive was an elderly man who was a retired local volunteer EMT.  He didn’t have any equipment with him (he was just called because he was close by) so he proceeded to climb in the back seat and just hold the woman’s head with his hands to keep her stable.  He did that for about 15 minutes before more help arrived.  All in all, we were there close to an hour.

But it’s those first 30 minutes that I’m going to remember for a while.

Without knowing each other at all, we all sat in the car and just talked.  We exchanged stories about who we were, why were driving on this road at this particular time, what kind of jobs we had (a nurse, a preacher, a retired EMT, and a paralegal), our kids, our marriages – or lack thereof, etc.

We just sat there and chatted.  And at one point, I looked down and realized that this woman had been holding my hand the entire time and I wasn’t even aware.  I held a stranger’s hand for 30 minutes.   I can assure you that when I woke up this morning, if someone would have asked me to make a list of things I would be doing today, that sure wouldn’t have been on it.

So there we were.  Just four strangers chatting in my car after having just witnessed a miracle.  Yes, a miracle.  And you can’t tell me otherwise.

She was fine! 

Now, did you see that picture?  Really?  Did you look at it?  And I was there.  I saw that car.  I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that the person inside the vehicle would not have made it.  I was astonished that all she had was a pretty nasty bump on her head.  That’s it.

I don’t even know why I’m blogging about this really.  I’m not sure exactly what I wanted to take from this situation, but sitting here still shook up almost 5 hours later, I know that this interaction today meant something to me.

There’s a video that I remember to watch periodically.  It’s the song Hello World by Lady Antebellum.  The song is about rolling through life with burdens on your mind, and then something happening – some unplanned event – that makes you stop in your tracks and look around.  The video (which I posted at the end of the blog) makes that ‘unplanned event’ a car accident.  This man sees this, sees the humanity that surrounds the event, and realizes things just might not be that bad after all.  In other words, he wakes up.

Maybe that’s what happened there this morning?  Maybe I started to wake up?

This woman was about one minute ahead of me on this road.  That could have been me.  It could have been anyone.  It could have been you.  And it could have ended so so differently.  Everything could change.  Just like that.

You know?  Just like that.

Maybe it’s time to wake up?

***

“Hello world, how you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
Broken like I’m never gonna heal
Then I see a light,
a little grace,
a little faith unfurl
 Hello world”
– Lady Antebellum, “Hello World” lyrics

Video: http://youtu.be/al2DFQEZl4M